


Good Times

by Mi_chan



Series: Good Times, Bad Times Arc - Jimbert AU [2]
Category: Led Zeppelin
Genre: Abusive tendencies, Age Difference, Age Play, Age Regression/De-Aging, Anal Fingering, Borderline Personality Disorder, Cockwarming, Cuddling & Snuggling, Daddy Kink, Dancing, Dancing Lessons, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Happy Ending, Honeymoon, Hurt/Comfort, Iceland, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Love, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Illness, Oaths & Vows, Prostitution Roleplay, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Psychology, Relationship(s), Roleplay, Sex Work, Sexual Roleplay, Shopping, Slash, Sleepy Cuddles, Sleepy Sex, Slow Dancing, Spanking, Sugar Daddy, Suits, Sweet, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Travel, Wedding Fluff, Wedding Night, Wedding Planning, Wedding Rings, Wedding shopping, Weddings, Working it Out, jimbert - Freeform, newlyweds, wedding games, wedding vows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2019-11-08 19:28:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 174,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17987228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mi_chan/pseuds/Mi_chan
Summary: Sequel to Good Times, Bad Times! - Jimbert AUJimmy finally has everything he always wanted, everything he longed for, he's finally happy. After all the horrors he's been through, let's follow him and Robert for a while longer.They're getting married! This will be pure fluff, there'll be SOME angst, but mostly the hurt/comfort kind. They'll be happy in the end, I promise!You should have read Good Times, Bad Times if you really want to understand this story. Jimmy is younger than Robert in this one, Led Zeppelin does not exist in this AU!





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> *** Since Good Times, Bad Times was written entirely from Robert’s POV, this sequel is going to be written from Jimmy’s. :) Enjoy! ***

Sitting behind the counter in the record store, Jimmy was staring down at his sketchbook, the page as blank as his mind. Other than a few scratches, he hadn’t drawn anything yet even though there hadn’t been a customer to take care of in a while. He still couldn’t quite wrap his mind around what happened two days ago and it was all he could think about.

He was engaged. Robert had proposed to him and Jimmy... Jimmy had said yes. They were going to get married and that very fact blew the young man’s mind. It didn’t quite feel real yet, he hadn’t quite realized it just yet. He couldn’t possibly be happier right now, he wanted to jump and cheer and laugh, but first, the whole thing had to settle, he needed to understand that that was his life now. 

Absentmindedly, he doodled a little heart with an ‘R’ in it, then laughed at himself and shook his head. He wasn’t a teenager anymore, what was he doing?? 

“Jimmy? Why were these in the trash?” Monique, the owner of the record store, asked as she entered the room. She was holding a box of brand new records and raising an eyebrow at him.

“Uhm... I... don’t know? Did I put them there?” He asked, flustered. He couldn’t remember. 

“Well, I sure as hell didn’t!” She laughed, shaking her head and putting the box on the counter. “See to them, please, will you? Put them where they belong.” She told him.

“Of course. Sorry, Monique...” He sighed, embarrassed. She looked at him for a moment and her expression softened. She reached out to put a hand on his shoulder as she smiled at him. Jimmy couldn’t help but smile back. She reminded him of Robert’s mother, she was like a slightly younger, goth version of Annie, all wild black hair, lots of makeup, always wearing long flowing black gowns and corsets. 

“Are you alright, little one?” She asked and Jimmy’s smile widened. She always called him that, even though she was almost a foot shorter than him. “Maybe it wasn’t a good idea for you to get right back to work after the hearing...?” She suggested. She had been incredibly understanding and accommodating, giving him all the time off he needed during that tough time he went through even though she could have used the help in the store. 

“I’m fine... I promise I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. I’m just... distracted.” He said and looked down at his lap. His gaze fell on the ring on his left hand and his smile widened even more, he just couldn’t help it and he giggled uncharacteristically. Monique raised an eyebrow.

“Are you high?” She asked suspiciously and Jimmy’s head snapped up, then he laughed loudly. 

“What?? No! I’m not!” He said, shaking his head. “Oh, whatever, I just can’t keep it to myself any longer...” He then sighed and raised his hand, showing her the ring. She blinked at him in confusion, then grabbed his hand to get a better look at the ring. Her eyes widened.

“No way!! Oh my god!” She gasped and pulled him into a tight hug. “How, when?? Tell me everything!” She squealed excitedly and hopped on the counter to listen. 

“Two days ago... right after the hearing, when we got home from court.” Jimmy grinned. “I... kind of complained about my surname, you know, about how it’s always gonna remind me of my parents and all that... and that must have given him the idea to just... ask me. He got that look on his face and ran upstairs, to get the ring, but I didn’t know that, of course. I was so confused, I had no idea what he was up to, so I went to see what he was doing. He just took my hand and pulled me into the backyard, to where all those roses are growing, that sappy old man...” He chuckled. “Then he dropped to his knee in front of me and pulled out that box with the ring! I thought I was gonna pass out!” 

“Woah! That sounds like a picture perfect proposal!” Monique said, delighted. 

“It was. He told me that he loved me and how he couldn’t imagine his life without me anymore... then he asked me to marry him. Of course I said yes.” Jimmy smiled. “At first, I was afraid he only asked so I could take his name, but... he told me he had been thinking about it for a few weeks already. He really wants me!” 

“I’m so, so happy for you, little one, congratulations!” She said and hugged him again. “Jimmy Plant, huh?” She then grinned and the young man blushed, fumbling with his pen nervously. 

“I guess... Oh god... I still can’t quite believe it.” He groaned. “I’m sorry I’m so distracted, there’s just so much to think about and to plan and everything...” He rambled.

“It’s alright... just try not to throw away stuff that we need to sell anymore, ok?” She winked and squeezed his shoulder again. 

“Promise.” Jimmy said solemnly, then jumped when his phone buzzed next to him, notifying him of a message he had just received. He picked up the phone and grinned widely. “Oh, look at this precious man!” He sighed and showed Monique a selfie Robert had just sent him. He blushed when he realized that he was wearing the exact same suit he had worn when he walked in on Jimmy trying on his new panties for the first time, but Monique didn’t know that, of course. He was pouting into the camera with a bored look on his face and the message he’d sent with the picture read ‘I’d rather be with you.’. Jimmy knew how much Robert hated those boring meetings, but unfortunately, they were necessary.

“Aww.. I bet you’d rather be with him, too, huh?” She teased and Jimmy blushed even more.

“Uhm, well, I don’t mind being here...” He stammered, he couldn’t just tell his boss that he’d rather be elsewhere. She laughed.

“Don’t worry, I’d rather be with my husband, too, but unfortunately, we all have to make a living, right?” She said. 

“I guess. As far as jobs go, this one is awesome, though.” Jimmy answered with a grin. He took his phone back and swiped, showing her another picture Robert sent him a while ago with an ‘I’m so proud of you’. It showed a stack of brand new books. “I made the artwork for the cover.” He explained. It was a fantasy novel and Jimmy’s style was perfect for this one.

“Oh, that’s so cool! It’s beautiful! He has a good reason to be proud of you.” Monique said. 

“He’s so sweet. He’s always thinking of me, sending me random pictures all day...” Jimmy sighed happily, showing her some more things Robert had sent him. Pictures of his lunch, a random flower he thought was pretty, a rare bird he saw during his lunch break. It never failed to make him smile.

He then stopped swiping and put his phone back into his pocket. The pictures that were to follow were only for his eyes to see. The older man had been on a business trip and of course, neither of them had been able to hold back from sending each other naughty pictures, even though he’d only been gone for two days. Jimmy had neglected deleting the pictures so far, or at least putting them in a more hidden place on his phone. He’d been so excited by the whole thing that he’d spent himself within minutes after they started sexting. Of course he hadn’t told Robert that. 

“That is so sweet... my husband does that, too! He keeps sending me stuff that reminded him of me, pictures, songs, memes...” Monique smiled. 

“Yes! We do the same!” Jimmy said happily. “I always thought... I’d never have any of this. I always thought this is only for... other people. Not me.”

“Oh sweety, why? Of course you deserve all of this, too!” She said. 

“I know that, now.” The young man answered with a confident smile. 

“So, when are you going to get married? What about a honeymoon?!” She then asked excitedly. 

“Well, we want to do it as soon as possible, but we don’t know exactly when, yet. I’ll tell you as soon as I know. Robert wants to go to Iceland. The Blue Lagoon or something, he said.” He answered.

“Oh wow! Now I’m envious! We only made it to Spain.” Monique pouted. Jimmy shuffled his feet.

“I don’t know... I feel awful. He’s going to pay for all that, because I definitely can’t afford it. You know how I feel about that.” He sighed. 

“Why can’t you just enjoy it? He wants to spoil you.” Monique said gently. “You know he likes doing that.”

“I know, but it just feels... wrong.” He sighed, then shrugged. “I won’t let that ruin our honeymoon, though, no worries.” He then grinned. 

“How long will you be gone? I’ll need to find someone to fill in for you.” She then asked. 

“I’m not sure. Robert said he wants to travel some more after that.” Jimmy said. “Is... is that OK?” He asked and Monique gave him a reassuring smile.

“Of course, sweety. Your job will still be here, waiting for you, when you get back. I promise.” She said. 

“Thank you... I was worried...” He started, but then shrugged it off. “Thank you. I appreciate it.” He said and hugged her. Then went back to work, but as soon as Monique was back in the office, Jimmy pulled out his phone and took a selfie to send to his lover in reply.

\-- me too. Soon <3

He sent the text and the picture and put his phone away again as a group of teenagers entered the store, so he had to pretend to be busy. He did his best not to mess up anymore for the rest of the day until it was finally time to leave. Today, he’d be the first one to get home because Robert’s meeting took way longer than it should have, so he stopped by the chinese restaurant on his way to the underground and picked up some food to take home.

He prepared everything so when Robert finally made it home, too, they’d just haveto warm the food up in the microwave and they could sit down and watch that movie the blonde had been dying to see for a while now. He prepared drinks and snacks as well, wanting to spoil his boyfriend for a change. 

“Oh, you are *perfect*... thank you so much.” Robert sighed when he saw that everything was taken care of. Jimmy beamed at him happily. 

“I’m so glad I get to take care of you for once.” He said. “How are you?”

“Exhausted.” Robert sighed. “They just wouldn’t let me go! They just kept talking and they wouldn’t stop!” He pouted. 

“Poor baby...” Jimmy cooed and caressed his face.

“I do have good news, we have an appointment for our wedding, at the register office.” Robert said and Jimmy gasped.

“What? Really? WHEN??!” He asked, bouncing up and down slightly. Robert laughed at his antics and tried to steady him.

“The 12th of October. 11 a. m.” He said and Jimmy paused.

“That... that’s... in 3 weeks! Fuck! How are we going to plan everything until then??” He asked. “Who’s gonna be your best man? Who’s gonna be mine? What are we going to wear?? Rings? Witnesses? Cake? Where are we going to celebrate?? Will we have a ceremony? You know I’m not going anywhere near a church!” He babbled, excited. Robert laughed again.

“Calm down, baby... I have a few ideas already, don’t you worry. Let’s talk about it tomorrow, though, alright, not today. I’m exhausted.” He said gently. Jimmy took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down. Everything would be fine, it’d work out in the end.

“Alright. You’re right. Go change into something more comfortable, I’ll warm up the food and then we can watch that movie you wanted to see.” He said and pecked Robert’s lips gently. The blonde pulled him into a tight hug, picking him up from the floor briefly (Jimmy was going to deny making that squeaking sound later) before putting him back down and going to change out of his suit. Smiling, Jimmy went to the kitchen and put the takeaway on some plates and shoved them into the microwave. 

They ate as they started watching the movie. A little later, Jimmy decided to give Robert a little massage because he looked terribly tense. Of course, that massage turned into somethin else entirely (Jimmy really had to work on controlling his urges...) and they ended up missing most of the movie, but neither of them minded in the least. Robert didn’t get to see the end of the movie either. He slept away, holding Jimmy close. Exhausted, the brunette grinned to himself as he brushed a stray lock of hair from Robert’s still slightly sweaty forehead, then he snuggled up to his sleeping lover, his *fiancé*. He could definitely get used to this. He finally had the normal life he always wanted. He had a job, a purpose, a family and friends, he had a loving relationship and a home. He was happy and excited, he had a wedding to plan after all.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our lovebirds talk about what they want for their wedding ceremony!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is going to be dialogue only, I'm really sorry about that, but I guess I kinda needed them to be on the same page (hehe... the same Page... get it? Get it?... ok, I'll see myself out...). 
> 
> The real action will start in the next chapter! :D

“Sooo... what did you have in mind for our big day, hm?” Jimmy asked Robert the next morning over breakfast. They were sitting on the terrace that was overlooking the beautiful backyard (it was surprisingly warm for a September morning in London, although they still had a blanket on their lap each, just in case), sipping tea and eating toast and cereal.

“You’re gonna make fun of me...” Robert said, smiling to himself and hiding behind his cup of tea. The brunette couldn’t help but smile, he knew the other man well enough to know that he probably feared his ideas would be way too cheesy for Jimmy’s liking. 

“I might. You’ll have to risk it.” He retorted with a cheeky little grin and the blonde laughed. “Seriously, though, tell me, whatever it is. I promise I won’t laugh at you. I might tease you a little, but only because I love you.” Robert grinned back at him, then sighed.

“Alright, I was thinking we’d just go to the register office in the morning and sign all the papers we need to sign, to get all the legal crap out of the way.... and then we’d go and have our very own ceremony. Something that is just for us and the people we want to invite. It could be anything we wanna do, vows, little rituals, whatever you want. There’s this place I’d like for the ceremony. It’s called Bron-y-Aur, in Wales. It’s not too far from here.” He explained. 

“Bron-Rawr?” Jimmy tried to repeat, confused, and Robert laughed again. Jimmy pouted, he hated it when Robert made fun of him or when he thought he was ‘cute’.

“Bron-Y-Aur. It means ‘The Golden Breast’”. He explained, amused. The younger man blinked at him, then burst out laughing as well.

“You want us to get married... at the golden tit?” He asked as he held his belly, still howling with laughter. Robert rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t hold back either as he watched Jimmy laugh. 

“Yes! It’s beautiful! I’m sure you’ll love it. I can show you some pictures online...” He said as he reached for his phone to look up some pictures. Jimmy watched him as he typed away excitedly, a little smile on his face. Robert was just adorable like this, he was really excited about them getting married and Jimmy loved it. “Here, look.” Robert then said and gave him his phone, so Jimmy could look at the pictures. He took a moment, swiping and looking at them all, smiling to himself softly.

“It is gorgeous. I’m half expecting a hobbit to walk out of that house or something.” He said after a while. “It’s very *you*. I like it.” He added and Robert looked down with a sigh. Jimmy didn’t like how sad he suddenly looked.

“Right... this is what I pictured. It’s probably not what you want. I’m sorry. Would you rather we stay in town? I could rent some really fancy place or something, a hotel maybe, and a club at night, if you’d like...” He said insecurely. Jimmy melted and reached out to take Robert’s hand. 

“Robert. Don’t you dare apologize. I asked you what you wanted to do and you told me. I love it. I want to go there, I really do. I don’t want some expensive, fancy venue in town with loud music or something. I want this Bron-Rawr cottage and those rolling green hills, the little streams and forests... even if it smells like cow shit.” He grinned. Robert blinked at him, then laughed again. “Most of all, I want you happy.” He added. The other man gently squeezed his hand. 

“What did *you* picture, what did you have in mind?” He asked. Jimmy shrugged.

“Honestly? I never thought I’d ever get married. I never thought about it at all. I didn’t think I’d *get* to have a wedding, Robert. That was only ever for normal people, not people like me.” He sighed. “Now that I know I can have that, too... I don’t know. I know what I don’t want, though.” 

“And what is that, love?” Robert prompted gently.

“Nothing religious, obviously. I know for sure I’d freak out if there was any kind of religious ceremony involved.” He said and the older man nodded in understanding as Jimmy shuddered at the very thought. “I don’t want a huge, fancy celebration, either. I’d like it to be... small and intimate, just for us and the people closest to us. That’s why I really like your idea.” He continued. He really did love the idea, it sounded beautiful and romantic, but not over the top. 

“So... you wanna go there, really?” Robert asked and when Jimmy looked up at him, his eyes were sparkling with hope. He couldn’t help but laugh and leaned across the table to kiss the older man. 

“Yes! Let’s do it.” He said. The happiness and joy on Robert’s face were contagious and Jimmy beamed at him happily. 

“I always dreamed of a wedding like that... I know it’s weird, usually girls are like that, but...” Robert trailed off. Jimmy shrugged.

“I didn’t know you cared about gender norms. I thought you think that’s bullshit.” He said.

“I do... not everybody does, though, and they’d judge me for wanting a beautiful, romantic wedding.” He pouted. 

“Why do you care? You don’t usually care about what other people think.” Jimmy smiled. “It doesn’t matter. We’re gonna have an awesome time and it’s gonna be amazing!” 

“You’re right.” Robert agreed.

“What did you mean with rituals, tough? I mean, I know what a religious wedding usually is like, but... what could *we* do?” Jimmy asked.

“Well, there’s a few pagan rituals I know about... there’s one thing I like a lot, I thought that’s really sweet... way, way back, before christianity was a thing, they used to tie the couple’s hands together with a ribbon for their wedding vows. Not tightly so they couldn’t get out or anything like that, just symbolically... it’s called handfasting. I’d really like that.” Robert said.

“Sounds cute. I’m in.” Jimmy agreed. He could tell Robert wasn’t done yet, though.

“I’d also like to do sand pouring.” He continued. The brunette raised an eyebrow at that, he had no idea what that was. “Each of us will have a little vase filled with sand, two different colors, and we’ll pour our sand into a bigger vase, together, creating our own, unique pattern.” He explained.

“Aww... that sounds cute, too. I didn’t know there’s so many things you can do...” Jimmy said. “I’d definitely love that, too. I’m worried about vows, though... I... I’m not much of a poet, I’m not good with words, like you... what if I don’t know what to say?” He asked, chewing his lower lip nervously. He was terrified of disappointing his fiancé. Robert smiled at him gently and squeezed his hand.

“It’s ok... just say what you feel. I don’t expect a sonnet or something.” He said.

“You know I’m not good at expressing what I feel...” Jimmy huffed. “I’m much better at showing you... but I think that’ll have to wait until the wedding night.” He said with a wolfish grin. Robert laughed. 

“You’re incorrigible.” He sighed. “I mean it, though. Don’t be afraid, you don’t have to come up with much. Even an ‘Hey, I love you, old man.’ would be sufficient.” He winked. Jimmy snorted.

“Right, because that’s obviously the right thing to say!” He shook his head in amusement and disbelief. “I’ll figure it out, I guess. I’ll find something to say. Oh, I almost forgot... what are we going to wear?” He then asked. 

“Well, I guess we’ll have to wear suits to the register office... I’d like something more casual for the ceremony, though.” Robert mused.

“Yes, please. I’ve never worn a suit but they look incredibly uncomfortable.” Jimmy pouted.

“They are. I bet you’d look amazing in one, though.” Robert smiled.

“I look even better without a suit.” Jimmy said and wiggled his eyebrows. The blonde rolled his eyes.

“Incorrigible.” He repeated with a sigh. “Not that you’re wrong...” He then grinned. “Ok, suits it is then... would you like to wear a white one?” Robert asked. 

“Uhm... I don’t know if it’s appropriate for me to wear white.” Jimmy said stiffly, fidgeting uncomfortably. White signified purity and virginity, and he was very far from that, at least in his own eyes.

“Why? Oh. I didn’t... I didn’t even mean it like that. I just thought... for contrast? I could wear a black one and you could wear a white one. It would look really good on you with your gorgeous dark hair.” Robert said and it made Jimmy smile. He was well aware that Robert had a thing for his hair, both the color and the length of it, he constantly found his hands tangled in it, when they were making out or even when they were just snuggled up on their sofa, watching TV, he’d be caressing it absentmindedly. Jimmy was pretty sure Robert wasn’t even aware he was doing that and Jimmy didn’t mind, in the least. On the contrary, he loved when the older man buried his face in his hair or grabbed a fistful of it, especially in bed. He was never rough about it or hurt him, so Jimmy thought it was really hot.

“Well, if you’d like it, I’ll wear a white suit...” He found himself agreeing with a smile. The smile he got from Robert in turn warmed his heart. “I don’t want you to see me beforehand, though. I want it to be a surprise.” 

“Alright, fair enough. Who are you going to go shopping with, then?” He asked. 

“Hmmm... well.... oh, I’m definitely taking Mom along.” Jimmy mused. He’d started called Annie ‘Mom’ as well a while ago, she was more of a mother than his actual one had ever been. “If she has time for stuff like that, she’s always so busy.” He sighed.

“She’ll make time for that. For you.” Robert reassured him with a smile. 

“I hope so. I’ll also ask Emily and Svenja to come along, I think...” The brunette continued. The two girls had quickly become his best friends after he met them at art school. They’d quickly agreed to show him around on his first day. He had been so terribly nervous as the new student, but they had been so sweet and nice, immediately making him feel welcome. Emily was a tall, blonde girl from Liverpool, while Svenja was a cute, short brunette from Germany who came to study in London. 

“Sounds good, you’re going to have a lot of fun with your girls.” Robert chuckled. “I’ll just drag Jonesy along, I think. So, how do you feel about dancing?” 

“Dancing? I don’t dance.” Jimmy mumbled and crossed his arms in front of his chest. The blonde laughed at his reaction.

“What, you won’t even dance with me on our wedding day??” He asked, mock-hurt. The younger man looked down and fiddled with his cup nervously. While he liked the thought of dancing with his husband, he was terrified of messing up. 

“I want to, but I can’t dance. You know how clumsy I am. I’ll just step on your feet and I’m gonna look stupid.” He said sadly. “I’ve never done that before, I don’t even know how.” 

“I’ll show you. It’s not that hard, you can just let me lead and it’s gonna be fine.” Robert promised. 

“I mean, I guess we can try...” Jimmy said insecurely. He didn’t really want to, he didn’t want his fiancé to see him being clumsy any more than strictly necessary (he liked to keep up the illusion Robert seemed to have that Jimmy was absolutely perfect and could do no wrong). 

“Don’t worry about it so much, it’s gonna be fine.” The older man said gently and Jimmy smiled at him, then nodded. 

“You’re probably right. What about food? We can’t let our guests go hungry.” He then asked.

“I was thinking finger food, little hors d'oeuvres for lunch, you know, just little bites that we can have as soon as we get there.” The blonde offered.

“I have no idea what you just said, that sounded sexy, by the way, so I guess I’ll like it.” Jimmy grinned and poked his tongue out. Robert laughed again, loudly.

“You’re awful. That was french.” He explained. 

“Ah. That explains why I thought it was sexy.” Jimmy nodded. “I didn’t know that you know french!”

“I don’t. Well, a few words here and there.” Robert shrugged. “I’m not sure about dinner. What would you like?”

“I don’t know!” Jimmy whined. “This is so difficult, all these decisions!” He pouted. He honestly had no idea and wrecking his brain any more didn’t help either. He didn’t know what would be appropriate to offer for dinner at their wedding, he didn’t know a lot of about these kinds of celebrations in general. He’d probably order pizza if he could have his way. 

“Let me worry about that, then, I’ll come up with something, don’t you worry.” Robert cooed, reaching over to take his hand again. He’d obviously sensed Jimmy’s distress and wanted to calm him down. 

“Thank you... that’d be great. I mean, you know what I like, so I trust you.” He said, grateful. He was relieved he wouldn’t have to think about it anymore, the whole thing, all the planning was stressful enough as it is, especially after all he’d been through the past year. 

“I’m sorry if this is stressing you out, baby...” Robert cooed. “I wanted you to be happy, not stressed.” Jimmy looked up at him and melted at the look on the blonde’s face, he looked genuinely worried and guilty. He got up from where he was sitting and quickly went around the table to climb into Robert’s lap. He hugged him tightly and snuggled up to him. The other man’s arms came up around him immediately, holding him close.

“Don’t be sorry... I *am* happy. I really am. You make me very happy. It’s just that... this is a lot to think about, there’s a lot to do any there’s so little time, it’s not easy for me, but I won’t let that drag me down, I promise.” He said softly and pulled back to smile at his fiancé. “I think if we split it up a little, it’d be easier? I’ll take care of some things, you’ll take care of some other stuff? I mean, I could take care of decorations for our ceremony and all that, I can take care of the music, I can book our trip to Iceland and you could take care of the food, you could try and find an officiant for the ceremony. Oh, and you could see if you can book that place in Wales.” He suggested.

“That’s smart, that way neither of us has too much to think about.” Robert agreed with a smile. 

“Oh, I can do the invitations, too! I’ll just need a list with all the people you want to invite.” Jimmy quipped, excited. 

“Now you have more tasks than me!” Robert laughed. “Let me book our trip, too, you don’t have to do that. It was my idea after all. Is there anywhere else you’d like to go? We can take some time, a few weeks or even months if you want, just to travel.” 

Jimmy blinked at his lover for a moment, then hugged him and hid his face in his hair. It was still a little overwhelming at times, the very fact that he had the freedom to do all these things now, it was a little much sometimes. He thought about it for a moment.

“I don’t know... I’m just... really excited that I’ll get to travel in the first place. I’ve never even left the country.” He sighed. “We can go wherever you want, I do love the idea of going to Iceland. Mostly, I wanna go to places where we’ll be alone, just you and me, where nobody’s gonna bother us. Maybe we can go to the seaside, somewhere?”

“Of course. I’ll figure something out. Are you alright with surprises?” Robert asked. 

“Sure. I trust you, I’d love to just let you take me anywhere.” Jimmy answered and nuzzled his neck, smiling happily to himself. He felt the other man smile against his cheek and hold him even more tightly. 

“We’re gonna have a great time, I promise.” He whispered.

“I don’t doubt it.” Jimmy answered, then pulled back again to look at him again, a pensive expression on his face. He was a little nervous about what he was gonna say next. “There’s something else I wanted to talk about.” He said and bit his lower lip.

“What is it, love?” The blonde asked, he looked a little worried when he noticed that Jimmy seemed to be nervous. 

“Maybe this is weird but... I’d like us to... uhm.... not have sex anymore, until our wedding night.” Jimmy stammered nervously. He was afraid Robert would feel rejected or weirded out by his request, or that he’d laugh at him. He did not laugh, but there was a confused frown on his face.

“Baby, you don’t have to abide by some religious rules or anything... besides, we already did that, so... it’s kinda moot, isn’t it?” Robert asked. Jimmy shook his head quickly.

“It’s not about that.” He sighed, he had been afraid that his fiancé would misunderstand. He couldn’t really blame him for thinking it was about that, after all he knew what Jimmy’s parents had done to him and that he’d been raised in an extremely religious household. His mother had always told him how important it was that he and his future wife stayed virgins until marriage. Of course Jimmy knew that was a load of bullshit, now. “I just want... I don’t know, forget what I said, it’s stupid.” He said dismissively and shook his head. He felt embarrassed for bringing it up in the first place.

“No, it’s alright... I’m sorry if I misunderstood. What did you mean? What do you want?” The other man asked gently, caressing his back soothingly. Jimmy sighed heavily.

“I thought that if we... keep our hands off of each other until then... by the time we finally are alone... we’d really be craving each other and want it even more and it’s gonna feel even more amazing.” He mumbled shyly. 

“Ah...” Robert chuckled. “I mean, sure, we can try... can we do it, though? I have doubts, I mean, sex *is* really important to you, isn’t it?”

“What do you mean, to me? Isn’t it important to you?” Jimmy asked, a sinking feeling in his stomach as he looked at his fiancé. 

“Of course it is, and it’s not gonna be easy for me either, but... how do I explain this...” Robert mused. “Have you heard of love languages?” He asked and Jimmy shook his head. “Everybody has a different way of expressing their love for their significant other. For some people, like me, it’s words. I need to tell you that I love you and I need to hear that you love me, that you’re happy with me. For other people, it’s actions, like little gifts or favours. Then, for some people, it’s touch and I’m pretty sure you’re one of those people. You feel most loved when I hold you, kiss you, caress you... or when we make love. Right?” 

Jimmy blinked at him in surprise. He had never given it any thought, but now that Robert put it like that, he realized just how true that was. No matter how often he heard those three words, it never carried the same meaning, the same significance as when they were close, physically. Nothing in the world made him feel as loved and wanted as being with Robert. 

“You’re right.” He whispered. “I had no idea it was different for you. I don’t tell you that I love you often enough, then!” He gasped. Robert smiled at him.

“You do. It’s alright. I figured out pretty quickly that you show affection a little differently than me and I don’t mind. I feel loved, don’t you worry.” He said and pecked Jimmy’s lips. “The thing is... I don’t want you to deprive yourself of something that is so important to you, for three weeks.” 

“You said my love language is touch. Not sex. We can still cuddle and all that, right?” Jimmy smiled shyly and Robert laughed.

“True. Well, if that’s what you want, I’m willing to give it a try.” He agreed. 

“Thank you... I mean, we don’t have to go through with it, if we don’t like it at all, if we can’t take it, we can always just... you know.” He shrugged and grinned sheepishly. 

“Oh, I know...” Robert grinned back. “Alright, so we’ll try, but if it doesn’t work out, it’s no big deal either.” He summarized and Jimmy nodded.

“It’s also... I’m still on those meds and... it’s really not as enjoyable as it used to be, without them. Physically, I mean. Everything feels dulled down, it feels like you’re touching me through a wad of cotton.” He sighed, it was annoying, really. “I’ll stop taking them now, though, and I’m hoping that in three weeks my body will be back to normal.” Robert gave him another worried look.

“Are you sure you’re gonna be alright without them?” He asked. Jimmy nodded again. 

“Yes. I know I am. I didn’t need them before either, I won’t need them anymore now. Sure, sometimes my emotions still are a bit of a rollercoaster, but... I know how to handle myself, now. It’s fine.” He said. 

“Ok... it’s your decision, you know yourself best.” Robert said and took both of Jimmy’s hand and intertwined their fingers. “I’m glad we talked about all of this... I feel like we’re on the same page now.”

“Yeah... we still have a lot of stuff to take care of but... it’s gonna be fun, right? I think I’ll start designing the invitations right away!” Jimmy said excitedly. 

“Good idea. I’ll call to make sure that cottage is still available on our big day, then.” Robert agreed and let go of Jimmy’s hands so the younger man could get up. “And I’ll get you that list you asked for.”

“I’ll be in room, then...” The brunette said and bent down to kiss his fiancé before he gathered his used dishes and left the terrace, the artist in him was already busy, trying to come up with a design for the wedding invitations.


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert walks in on Jimmy dancing by himself and decides to teach him how to dance for their wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one, I couldn't just leave you guys with all the stupid talking in the last chapter, we needed something to happen, we needed some cute images, right?

It was Jimmy’s turn to clean today. The beautiful, expensive hardwood floors of Robert’s house needed to be mopped, he’d already vacuumed. The young man sighed heavily, it was his day off, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have to work, they split the housework equally between the two of them and today, it was his turn. He hated doing it, but he couldn’t just leave everything to the older man, he lived in this house too, after all. He felt guilty enough about living here without paying rent as it was, doing his share of the chores was the least he could do.

They had already taken care of a lot of the stuff they needed to do for their wedding ceremony, Robert had booked the place as well as their honeymoon, food was taken care of as well, Jimmy had designed and finished the invitations, he already had an idea for decorations, he booked a local band to perform later that day. Now, all they had to do was buy their outfits, so Jimmy felt a lot less stressed now than he had initially.

He put the bucket and the mop down in the middle of the room, trying to decide which corner to start in, but then he had an idea how to make this task a lot more enjoyable. He went and got his phone, connected it to the bluetooth speakers that Robert had installed in the living room and started blasting music loudly. 

Usually, he would have gone for his favorite metal and rock, but this time, he needed something else, so he pulled up a youtube playlist with some really upbeat pop music, it had everything from current hits by Beyoncé and Ariana Grande to early 2000’s hits by Britney Spears. He was surprised that he actually knew a lot of the songs and was able to sing along as he picked up the mop and started cleaning the floor. 

With the music, he had the floors mopped in no time, dancing and singing loudly. He laughed as Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies’ came on, it seemed oddly fitting for some reason. He started to sing along with the chorus loudly.

“'Cause if you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it  
If you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it  
Don't be mad once you see that he want it  
If you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it!” 

He even knew some of the dance moves from the video and performed them passionately, yet clumsily, stumbling over the mop a few times. He just so managed to avoid falling over and getting hurt.

When the song ended, the playlist ended as well and there was only silence in the house and Jimmy almost jumped out of his skin when he heard a soft chuckle coming from the doorway. He dropped the mop and spun around, finding his fiancé leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed in front of his chest, a wide grin on his face as he watched him. He felt the blood drain from his face for a moment before it came back with a vengeance, heating up his cheeks as he blushed.

“Oh god... how long have you been standing there?” He groaned, covering his flushing face with his hands. Robert grinned even more.

“Long enough.” He said, barely holding back from laughing. The younger man couldn’t really be all that mad at him, because he had such a soft, tender expression on his face, he looked like he loved him so much, it almost hurt.

“Great! I’ll have to kill you now, you’ve seen too much!” Jimmy whined. He couldn’t believe Robert walked in on that, he was beyond mortified, he wanted the floor to open up beneath him and swallow him. 

“Awww, no, don’t... I wanna cherish that memory forever and ever...” Robert said and slowly came over to him, running his hands up his arms to take Jimmy’s hands and move them away from his face. “You are the single most adorable creature to walk the face of this earth.” 

“I’m not ‘adorable’.” Jimmy pouted, slowly looking up at the other man, his cheeks still burning. 

“Oh yes, you are. I’m so glad I got to see that.” He grinned. 

“What are you doing home this early, anyway??” Jimmy complained, slapping Robert’s chest playfully, then wrapped his arms around his neck.

“We were done early with a meeting today and I thought I’d come home early and surprise you...” The blonde said. “Looks like that was the right decision.” He added and slowly trailed his hands down Jimmy’s back to his butt. 

“Hey... hands off. We’ve been so good so far.” Jimmy laughed and tried to wiggle away from Robert’s hands. They had actually managed to keep their hands off of each other in the past few days, much to their surprise. Now it was the blonde’s turn to pout.

“You can’t just dance like that, wiggle your cute butt, in those pants, and expect me to not to look.” He complained. Jimmy looked down at what he was wearing and blushed again. The thin sweatpants really left little to nothing to the imagination.

“I didn’t say you can’t look. I said you can’t touch.” He said and removed his fiancé’s hands from his butt, then frowned. “Wait. Did you really just walk across my *clean* floor with your shoes on??” He asked and grabbed the mop again. “Get out! Take off your shoes!” He exclaimed and chased Robert out of the living room, threatening him with the handle of the mop. The blonde laughed and did as he was told while Jimmy quickly mopped up any traces the other man left on the floor.

“You know, since you’re in a dancing mood, I thought we could practice a little. You know, for the wedding dance?” Robert asked, poking his head around the doorframe cautiously. 

“I told you I can’t dance...” Jimmy mumbled, taking the bucket to the bathroom to empty it. 

“That’s why we should practice. Come on, humor me?” Robert asked and gave him those puppy dog eyes he just couldn’t resist. Jimmy sighed heavily.

“Alright. But don’t blame me if I step on your feet and hurt you.” He said. They went back to the livingroom and Robert looked at Jimmy’s phone that was lying on the table.

“Is your phone still connected to the speakers?” He asked.

“It should be.” 

“May I?” Robert asked and Jimmy nodded, he didn’t mind him using his phone at all, he didn’t keep any secrets from him anyway, but he did appreciate him asking. Robert typed away quickly and soon, the room was filled with music again, much slower this time, it seemed to be some type of classical music, Jimmy had no idea what exactly. 

“What do I do?” He asked helplessly as Robert put down his phone. The older man motioned for him to come closer and he did.

“Give me your right hand.” He said softly and Jimmy did so. Robert’s free hand came to rest on his waist.

“What do I do with my other hand?” He asked insecurely. 

“Rest it on my shoulder or my chest, however you prefer.” Robert said and Jimmy did as he was told, finding a comfortable spot on Robert’s shoulder. “There you go. This doesn’t have to be perfect, we’re not trying to win a contest or anything.” He said soothingly. 

“I just don’t wanna disappoint you...” Jimmy pouted. 

“You won’t. Stop worrying so much and have some fun, alright? It’s fine, it’s just the two of us, nobody’s watching.” Robert sad with an encouraging smile. “Now, listen to the music. It’s a slow waltz. Do you hear that rhythm? 1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2-3...” He started counting, emphasizing the first beat. Jimmy listened intently, then nodded. He may be clumsy, but he loved music and had a good sense of rhythm, that much he knew.

Robert started showing him how to move his feet, where to put them and when to make a certain step. There weren’t a lot of steps to remember and Jimmy was relieved that it didn’t seem to be all that complicated. Soon, Robert started to move around the room with him, still doing those same steps he just taught him and Jimmy smiled up at him in surprise. This was actually fun and it wasn’t difficult at all, he just let Robert move him to the rhythm of the music, swaying and twirling slowly.

Just when he thought he got the hang of it, the did step on Robert’s foot, just like he feared he would, and cringed.

“Fuck, sorry! Did I hurt you?” He gasped, but the blonde shook his head.

“No, it’s alright... don’t worry. You’re doing well.” He reassured him and picked up the dance again. Jimmy easily fell back into it and after a while, he really got the hang of it and it actually started to be fun. It felt good to move around to the music, it felt good to be in Robert’s arms, it was wonderful to spend time with him and do something new and Jimmy was elated that he didn’t mess up all too badly.

When the music ended, Robert smiled at him widely and picked him up briefly, spinning around with him for a second before putting him back down. Jimmy laughed and pecked his lips. 

“That wasn’t all that bad...” He said shyly, smiling. 

“No, it really wasn’t. Do you believe me now when I say it’s gonna be alright?” Robert asked. The younger man nodded.

“Yeah... Mom’s gonna cry, seeing us like that.” He chuckled.

“She’s probably gonna cry all day, anyway.” Robert shrugged. “As long as they’re happy tears, I’m ok with that.” He added. 

“Thank you for showing me, for teaching me how to do this.” Jimmy said and hugged him tightly. The blonde hugged him back and nuzzled his neck, holding him close for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't tell me you wouldn't wanna see Jimmy dancing with a mop, goofing off by himself...


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jimmy, Annie and his friends go out to buy a suit for the wedding!

Jimmy was very amused. Their self-imposed chastity had an interesting effect on Robert. Or several. Considering he was the one who claimed that Jimmy needed it more than him, he was the one who was getting increasingly moody as time went by. Almost two weeks in, he was grumpy and pouty most of the time and the younger man knew exactly why. He seemed to be in a slightly better mood after long showers, and that fact made Jimmy almost giddy with glee because again, he knew exactly why. Robert would never admit that it affected him so much and Jimmy wasn’t gonna mention it either, especially now that they almost made it.

Jimmy was doing surprisingly well, it didn’t drive him as crazy as he thought it would, he found other ways of being close to Robert without it turning x-rated right away. He also made a point out of telling the blonde how much he loved him a lot more often or say other sweet things to him. It was awkward at first, he didn’t find the right words, but Robert didn’t seem to mind and Jimmy got more and more used to it the more he did it. 

Another strange side effect on Robert were those dreams. He started having wet dreams like a teenager. Twice Jimmy had been woken up at night by the blonde’s moans and sighs and when he sat up to see what was going on, the other man had been fast asleep. When he’d sighed Jimmy’s name in his sleep, the brunette had been incredibly happy, knowing that Robert was dreaming of him felt amazing.

The third time it happened, Jimmy didn’t wake up on his own, on his side of the bed, no, he found himself in Robert’s arms in the middle of the bed, the other man holding him tightly and slowly grinding against his butt in his sleep. He was murmuring softly under his breath and Jimmy could feel his hard cock pressed up against his butt. He tensed up briefly before he realized where he was and that he was safe. Robert would never hurt him.

“Robert?” Jimmy whispered softly as he covered the older man’s hands, that were roaming his clothed chest and belly, with his own. “Robert, love, are you awake?” The blonde just sighed in his sleep and nuzzled Jimmy’s neck, tightening his hold on him even more. 

The younger man shifted and wiggled a little until he managed to turn around in Robert’s grasp, then he started to cover the blonde’s face in soft little kisses. Robert tried to kiss him back, but Jimmy didn’t let him. Instead, he nuzzled Robert’s neck and pressed another gentle kiss to it, allowing himself to enjoy this for just a moment. The other’s hands on his body, feeling his body close to his own, his warmth, his gentle touches, feeling his hard cock through his boxers.

“Wake up, love...” Jimmy then cooed, starting to caress his face gently as well until he felt the other’s eyelids flutter. 

“Jimmy...?” He asked sleepily, leaning in to nuzzle his neck again and hide his face in his hair.

“Shh... it’s alright... go back to sleep, love.” The brunette cooed, caressing his back gently.

“Hmm... but I want... please, Jimmy...” Robert mumbled and sighed sleepily. Jimmy smiled to himself, the other man clearly wasn’t fully awake, he’d never be pushy if he was fully conscious, not with Jimmy’s backstory. If he was being honest with himself, the younger man was this close to giving in, sleepy, lazy sex was his favorite thing in the world, after all, but he really wanted to wait till their wedding night.

“No, love. Not tonight. Soon. Just have a little more patience.” He whispered and felt Robert’s roaming hands stop, he just held him close now. 

“‘M sorry...” He whispered sleepily. He wouldn’t remember any of this in the morning, anyway, Jimmy knew that much.

“It’s alright, don’t worry about it... go back to sleep.” Jimmy said, continuing to caress the other’s back soothingly, lulling him back to sleep. “I love you.” He whispered and felt Robert’s smile widen. 

“Love you, too...” He whispered back. It didn’t take long for his breathing to even out again and he was asleep once more. Other parts of him took a little longer to go back to sleep, Jimmy noticed with amusement. He wasn’t mad about this at all, Robert had been so adorable and gentle and sleepy and sweet, if anything, it just made him love him all the more. 

He tried to go back to sleep as well, but he just couldn’t. He was a little nervous, he had finally managed to find some time with his friends and Annie to go suit shopping tomorrow and he had no idea how that would go. He was afraid he wouldn’t find anything he’d like, he was worried he’d find something that he’d really like but then Robert wouldn’t be into it and he’d only get to see it the morning of their wedding day, too, and he couldn’t just change. It was stressful.

He sighed and snuggled close to his fiancé, closed his eyes and tried to rest at least, if he couldn’t sleep. He stayed like that for quite a while, enjoying the other’s closeness and warmth, before he slowly untangled himself from his embrace and went downstairs to make coffee. 

He’d promised ‘his girls’ a nice french breakfast prior to their shopping trip, so he’d have to prepare a few things anyway. It wasn’t that bad that he’d gotten up that early. Once he had his cup of coffee, he started by setting the table. As soon as he finished his coffee, he got dressed and walked to the closest bakery, buying a bunch of delicious, fresh baked goods. He really wanted to spoil them as a little thank you for their help with the shopping. He stopped by the supermarket for some fresh fruit, jam and other little things as well.

By the time he got back home, he didn’t have much time left, so he quickly put all the food on the table and made both coffee and tea, then prepared some mimosas for the girls and put them on a little tray to welcome them with. He hoped he wouldn’t trip and spill everything on his way to the door when the doorbell rang. He managed not to and opened the door with a smile, holding the tray on one hand.

“Good morning, ladies.” He said and gave each of them a one-armed hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“I don’t know whom you’re talking to, I’m not a lady...” Emily laughed as she pecked his cheek in turn, grinning down at him. Jimmy grinned back at her and shook his head, it still threw him off a little sometimes, she was the first girl he met who was taller than him. She took one of the proffered mimosas and went to put her coat on a coat hanger.

“Well, I am!” Annie said and gave Jimmy a tight hug and a warm smile, also taking one of the drinks. Svenja was a little more shy than the others, but she also gave him a little hug (she had to tiptoe to do so) and greeted him quietly. He gave her one of the glasses, too, then took the remaining one and raised it.

“Here’s to... uhm... hoping I’ll find a nice suit... and having a good time with my girls.” He said. They laughed and raised their glasses as well before having a sip.

“Oh, we’re starting the day with alcohol, huh?” Emily laughed as she lowered her glass. Jimmy grinned at her sheepishly and shrugged. 

“I wanted to spoil you a little, for helping me with this.” He said. “Come on in, I prepared breakfast.” He then added and lead them inside. They all sat down and started eating and talking about everything that came to their minds (mostly Jimmy’s choice of outfit for his wedding, of course). 

“Awww, good morning baby boy!” Annie cooed when, at some point, Robert appeared in the doorway, still in his pyjama. He yawned, then smiled at her.

“Mum... don’t call me that in front of everyone...” He said sleepily as she got up to give him a hug. “I’m 32 years old, I’m not your baby boy.”

“Yes, you are, you always will be.” Annie insisted and pinched his cheek, much to Robert’s dismay. He pouted at her and Jimmy melted, he was just too adorable. 

“Come, have breakfast with us, love.” He offered, patting the chair next to his own. Robert smiled at him and nodded.

“I will, let me just go back upstairs and get dressed, I totally forgot you had company.” He admitted sheepishly and disappeared again. Emily and Svenja exchanged a look, then burst into giggles. They didn’t know Robert all that well yet, only having been over at his place a couple of times, most of which the blonde had been at work. 

“You are so fucking lucky!” Emily said, then blushed and turned towards Annie. “Sorry...” She said, but the other woman just laughed.

“Oh, it’s alright, dear. I may be old, but I’m not that bad!” She said in amusement. “I’m Robert’s mother, not yours, I won’t tell you off for swearing.” Emily looked relieved, then grinned at Jimmy.

“I mean it, though, you are *so* lucky, he is so gorgeous!” She said. Jimmy just smiled to himself as he reached for a croissant and started tearing it in smaller bits. He took a jar of Robert’s favorite raspberry jam and started putting some on the pieces. Ever since he spent a bit of time in France, Robert prefered a sweet breakfast over the usual stuff they had in England and Jimmy had taken to it as well, although he still prefered cereal over everything else.

“I know, right?” He answered. “I still wonder what I did to deserve that actual angel of a man.” He added and put the plate with the croissant on the table where Robert was going to sit. He came back soon enough, dressed in jeans and a dark blue shirt.

“For me?” He asked once he greeted Jimmy’s friends and sat down. Jimmy nodded.

“I know you love this sweet stuff...” He said and took a piece to feed it to the older man.

“I do... thank you.” He said, smiling at the brunette. Jimmy busied himself pouring some coffee for him as well. “So, where are you going?” 

“I don’t know yet! I was thinking we could just go into town and see what we can find...” Jimmy said with a sigh. He was still a little worried he wasn’t going to find anything. 

“Sounds like a good idea.” Robert said. 

“How about you, do you have to work today?” Jimmy asked. The blonde nodded.

“Yes. I’ll probably be home pretty late, too.” He sighed. The publishing house had recently expanded quite a bit and Robert was even busier than before, especially since he was going to be on vacation for a while, soon, there was a lot to take care of. 

“When are you going to get your suit, sweety? Would you like me to come, too?” Annie asked.

“If you want to, of course, I’d love to have you there. It’s Jonesy’s day off tomorrow and he said he’d help me pick something.” Robert said. 

“I think I can make it.” She answered.

“Don’t you dare tell him what I picked, though!” Jimmy warned and she laughed.

“I won’t, I promise, darling.” She said and reached across the table to pat his hand gently. “I won’t tell you what he’s going to wear, either.”

“Thanks, Mom...” Jimmy smiled at her and took her hand in his own for a moment. He was incredibly grateful to have her in his life, she was so sweet and supportive. She smiled at him and gave his hand a little squeeze, Jimmy looked up to see Robert watching them with a smile as well. He was obviously happy they got along so well, it wasn’t something to be taken for granted, after all in laws were trouble sometimes. 

He’d met Robert’s Dad twice by now and he had been shocked at how different from Robert and Annie the man was. While his mother and Robert were extroverted and outgoing, his father, Robert C. Plant was shy and quiet, which was one of the reasons for them drifting apart slowly. It wasn’t that he didn’t love his son, he just wasn’t the best at showing it and reaching out to him, but when he heard about what had happened to his son, he’d wanted to come see him immediately. The fact that he could have lost him, so easily and stupidly, made him want to be there for him, spend more time with him. Robert had been more than happy about it.

He had accepted Jimmy just as easily as Annie had, both of them were pretty much free from prejudice, at least when it came to things like that. While he wasn’t as warm and loving as Annie, Jimmy liked him a lot, too. He was a quiet, calm presence and it was good to have him around. 

“Jimmy? Are you free the day after tomorrow, you know, to pick the rings?” Robert then asked and Jimmy swallowed nervously, but nodded.

“Yeah... of course. I’d love to.” He said. They had waited long enough to pick their wedding rings, it was about time. Part of him was looking forward to it, another part of him dreaded having to watch Robert pay for the rings. He wanted so badly to contribute as well, but he just wasn’t in a place where he could. Yet. “Can you pick me up from work at 2?” He asked and Robert nodded, then took a sip of his coffee. He smiled at Jimmy over the edge of his mug, the corners of his eyes crinkling adorably and the younger man found himself smiling back. It would be alright, after all. 

They finished breakfast and got ready to go shopping. Jimmy felt a little bad about Svenja being so very shy, she’d barely spoken a word since she arrived at Robert’s place. Emily had no problem making friends with Robert and Annie, she wasn’t shy in the least, but Svenja was a little different. While her english was near perfect, she hated her german accent (she felt she sounded like a WWII movie villain, Jimmy thought she sounded adorable), so she didn’t talk much around new people. He knew she’d warm up once they were out there, looking at stuff and it’d be fine, but for now, he felt sorry for her, so while the others were busy talking, he reached out and squeezed her shoulder, giving her an encouraging smile. She smiled right back, grateful, and patted his hand. 

Once Robert left for work, Jimmy quickly grabbed his wallet and his keys, pausing for a moment. One of Robert’s credit cards was now a permanent resident of his wallet and he hated it. The older man had insisted, but Jimmy had never used it, so far. Today, he was going to have to, there was no way he could afford a suit for his wedding, not even a rented one, on his own. His fiancé knew that, of course, and he’d told him that he loved spoiling him and buying him nice things, but it didn’t really help much. He sighed, took another look at his walled, then stuffed it into the pocket of his expensive leather jacket. The one Robert had bought him, only a few weeks after he’d been assaulted. He wished he was already done with school and could start making his own money. He’d made some, by designing some book covers or artwork for music albums, but it really wasn’t that much. He’d felt really good about it, though, nevertheless, but now he just felt like he wasn’t quite... good enough. 

He jumped a little when Svenja touched his arm, she had a way of creeping up on him without him noticing, she was always so quiet and delicate.

“What’s wrong? I can tell something’s wrong. You can tell me, if you want.” She said in a low voice and Jimmy looked up to see Emily talking to Annie animatedly in the other corner of the living room, so he sighed.

“The usual.” He shrugged. “I feel like... I’m not good enough for him. Not successful enough.” He admitted. While Emily was a good friend and a lot of fun to be around, Svenja was the one he confided in the most. They had spent a lot of time together just talking and for some reason, he trusted her immensely. 

“Jimmy... you’re 20 years old. Of course you’re nowhere near as successful as he is.” She said gently.

“He’s only 11 and a half years older than me and he’s a fucking millionaire.” He pouted. 

“You told me he said he was just lucky.” She reminded him. “Who knows where you’ll be in 11 years?” She added with a little smile. 

“Yeah... you know, I know that this is just my BPD talking, telling me I’m not good enough for him, that he doesn’t actually love me, that he’ll leave me... I know that, but I can’t stop it.” He sighed. “Sometimes it makes me wanna pick fights with him, push him away and run away, before I can get hurt...” 

“Oh Jimmy, don’t... you’d break both of your hearts if you did. That man loves you, everybody can see that!” She said and took his hands in hers. “Did you stop taking your meds?” She asked, then, and he nodded. “Did it get worse?” 

“A little, but I think I can handle it. I mean, I know the symptoms, so I can stop myself before I do something stupid.” He said. “Jenny’s helping a lot with that.” 

“Good... if you ever need to talk, you know you can call me, no matter what time, even if it’s the middle of the night. I’m not a therapist, but I’m your friend and I’ll happily talk some sense into you if you ever need it.” She said with another encouraging smile. Jimmy looked at her for a moment, then pulled her into a tight hug, he was so grateful to have a good friend who cared about him. She squeaked in surprise and giggled, then hugged him back.

“Thank you. You’re the best.” He said and squeezed her once more before letting go. 

“Oi! Are you two done baring your souls to each other, can we go?” Emily yelled and tossed a pillow at them that Svenja caught with ease and tossed right back at her. Jimmy laughed and shook his head in disbelief, then grinned at her and nodded.

“Yeah. Let’s go.” He said. They went outside and got into Annie’s little car. It was a bit of a tight squeeze, Jimmy had to get into the back with Svenja because Emily, at 6’3” wouldn’t have fit in there, but Jimmy at 5’11” (and a half!) and with his long legs wasn’t very comfortable either. Short little Svenja had no such problems, fitting in the backseat with ease and a lot of leg room to spare. Jimmy gave her a little glare and a pout as she grinned at him and wiggled her legs, while his knees were pressing into the seat in front of him. 

He was a little sore by the time Annie finally found a place to leave her car that wasn’t too far away from the center and his joints popped when he finally got out of the car. He groaned and stretched, making the girls raise their eyebrows at him in unison. He grinned at them sheepishly and straightened his jacket before following them to the little boutique Annie saw on their way here. It only sold wedding attire and Jimmy was pretty sure he was more likely to find something there than in, say, some department store or something. They entered and a little bell at the door alerted the woman behind the counter to their presence. She looked up and smiled at them.

“Welcome, how can I help you?” She asked and Jimmy took a moment to look around the store and all the wedding dresses and suits. He took a deep breath and smiled at the woman.

“Good Morning... I... uhm. I’m getting married and was looking to buy a suit.” He stammered awkwardly. Working in retail himself, he didn’t mind talking to her, but this was a different situation entirely and he felt taken out of his comfort zone. She walked around the counter and looked him up and down with a smile.

“Well, it won’t be hard to find something for you, you have a lovely, lithe figure.” She said and walked around him, reaching up to take his leather jacket off his shoulders. Jimmy let her and watched as she put it on a coat hanger, then came back to look at him again. He felt a little uncomfortable being scrutinized like that, but he let her do her job. He almost squeaked when she started touching him, patting his hips and shoulders, nodding to herself, but he managed not to make a sound. 

“I... don’t even know where to start. I was thinking about a white or creme suit...” He admitted, looking around at all the suits on display again, most of them were dark. She looked up at his face again and smiled.

“What is your future wife going to wear, what color is her dress?” She asked and Jimmy swallowed nervously. This was the part he was most worried about. He cleared his throat.

“M-my future *husband*... is going to wear a black suit. I don’t know exactly what it’s going to look like, he hasn’t bought one yet and we agreed not to show each other until our wedding day.” He said. The woman paused for a moment, looked up at him in surprise, then laughed softly.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude by assuming...” She apologized. “I’m going to be honest, I haven’t had too many LGBT customers yet and I usually try to match the groom to the bride and vice versa, but we’ll figure it out!” She said and gave him a smile. 

“You don’t have to apologize, you had no way of knowing.” Jimmy chuckled. “It’s only been a few years since we can get married, too, after all.” 

“It’s been 4 years. I’ve only had 2 gay couples and one lesbian couple come to my store since then. It’s sad, really, and I’m not sure if it’s my store that doesn’t look very inviting or if there’s still some reluctance to actually get married in your community?” She sighed. 

“I don’t know. I’m not very... involved... in the community.” Jimmy admitted awkwardly. “Maybe you should add some rainbow flags and glitter to your windows to draw them in.” He winked and she laughed. 

“I’ll consider it.” She said in amusement, then looked him over once more before turning towards a rack with suits. “Let’s just start by having you try some of these on, just so I get an idea what looks best on you.” She said and gave him a few white suits, then directed him to the dressing room in the back. He quickly stripped off his clothes and tried on the first suit, a white one with creme colored lapels and shiny, mother of pearl buttons, the trousers were white with a creme stripe down the sides that made them look strangely like a tracksuit to Jimmy. It came with a white shirt to wear underneath the suit jacket. It was way too big on him as he turned in the mirror. He shrugged and drew aside the curtain of the dressing room to show the four women waiting outside. 

“It’s, uhm... huge.” He murmured, looking down at his own body self-consciously. 

“Don’t worry about that, we’ll fix that in just a second... all of these are going to be too big on you, the sleeves are going to be too short for your arms, but these are just to get an idea... your suit will be made to fit you perfectly, I promise.” The owner of the boutique said and came closer with some clamps of different sizes in her hands. She stood behind him and started tugging and pulling at the suit, attaching the clamps to the back so it looked like it fit. She couldn’t do anything about the length of the sleeves, of course. 

“What do you think?” He asked his girls, turning towards them and smiling at them sheepishly. He’d never worn a suit like this before and he felt terribly awkward. They all looked at him, then slowly started to shake their heads. “Yeah... I’m not feeling this one, either.” He admitted.

“It looks a little like a tracksuit, that fabric and that stripe down the legs...” Annie said. 

“The jacket is too long, it’s covering your cute ass completely and that’s just a damn shame.” Emily said and Jimmy blushed. The owner laughed and nodded in agreement.

“That’s exactly what I was thinking, we can’t hide one of your best assets, now, can we?” She winked at him and handed him another suit. “Try this one.” Jimmy tried to get his flaming cheeks under control as he disappeared back into the dressing room, took off the first suit and went about putting the second one on. It had a weird, tight strip of fabric that was supposed to go over the shirt, but he had no idea how to put it on and got all tangled up in it and cursed under in his breath.

“Uhm. I’m stuck.” He mumbled when, for some reason, he couldn't get his arm out anymore. He heard Emily huff in exasperation and the next thing he knew, she got into the small dressing room with him to help him. He squeaked in surprise when she entered, then again when she reached around him to help him out and he ended up with his face squashed against her large chest. Great, now his face was going to be even redder. She made quick work of the strange piece of fabric, then left the dressing room again, leaving Jimmy a little dazed. 

“He got stuck in the cummerbund.” She informed the others, who laughed. So that’s what it was, Jimmy thought to himself. He put on the rest of the suit and showed them, letting the owner of the store adjust it a little with the clips once again. He looked at himself in the mirror and sighed, then shook his head. It just didn’t look right, either. It was way too much with the cummerbund and all the details it had. He wanted something more... simple. 

He tried on 3 more suits until he finally found one he really liked. It was very simple, just a pair of white trousers and a simple, white suit jacket with a black shirt underneath, but for some reason, this one fit like a glove, accentuating the sharp lines of his body as well as the soft curve of his butt perfectly. 

“Huh. Who would have thought.” The owner said in surprise when he came out of the dressing room with a big smile on his face. “I could never quite get this one to fit anyone before, Armani always makes these to fit those lanky runway models, which apparently works for you.” She said, circling him and nodding to herself as she straightened the sleeves a little. Even those were the correct length.

“I like this one... I feel good in this one.” He admitted, turning in front of the mirror. 

“Hold on, I have an idea.” She then said and disappeared into another part of the store for a moment, coming back with something just a few seconds later. She made him turn towards her and stuffed something into the breast pocket of the suit, adjusting it a little, then stepping back to let him look into the mirror again. It was a dark green jacquard pocket handkerchief. “It goes with your ring, and your eyes.” She smiled. She then disappeared again, coming back with a pair of black dress shoes that Jimmy quickly slipped into. 

“You look amazing, darling.” Annie cooed, looking at him with shining eyes. 

“Yeah... wow. Robert won’t be able to take his eyes off of you.” Emily agreed and Svenja nodded as well. Jimmy laughed and turned in front of the mirror once more, running his hands over the lovely, soft fabric. It was perfect, it was simple, not too much, but it did look incredible on him. It would go well with any black suit Robert chose, as well. 

“Looks like we found what you were looking for and I won’t even have to adjust it.” The owner said with a pleased smile and Jimmy nodded.

“Yes. I’ll take this one, as well as the shoes and the handkerchief. It’s perfect, thank you.” He decided, taking another moment to look at himself. He never thought he’d see his own reflection like that, he felt really good about himself for a change. It was a great feeling and he savoured it for as long as he could before going back into the dressing room to take the suit off again. 

He almost felt a little nauseous when he saw the price tag as he took it off, but then he shook his head and shrugged to himself. He knew Robert wouldn’t mind, he probably wouldn’t even see how much it cost, he had people taking care of his finances and didn’t look at his credit card statements too often. He put his clothes back on and smiled at his girls.

“Would you do me a favor and find us a place to have lunch at while I pay for this? I, uhm, had a few questions, it might take a moment... Just text me the address, I’ll join you there.” He told them. They gave him a slightly confused look at that, but agreed to do so, leaving the store. He turned to the owner again who smiled at him as she put the suit into a garment bag to protect it from any wrinkles.

“Is there something else you wanted?” She guessed and Jimmy blushed, fidgeting nervously.

“Actually, there is, yes.” He stammered, trying to calm down a little. He still felt incredibly embarrassed and awkward about this, but he really wanted to do it, anyways. “D-do you also sell lingerie, I mean, like, wedding-themed lingerie?” He whispered, unable to meet her eyes. 

“Oh. Oh! I do, but I fear I don’t have anything for men.” She said and she actually sounded sorry about that fact. Jimmy couldn’t help the nervous laughter bubbling up inside him. 

“N-no, I mean, I want... do you have... like... oh god, I’m so bad at this, I’m sorry...” He babbled and nervously brushed his hand behind his ear, almost clumsily poking himself in the eye with his trembling hand. She gave him another surprised look, then her face softened as she smiled at him.

“It’s alright... do you mean bridal lingerie?” She asked gently as she noticed just how difficult this was for Jimmy. He nodded, his eyes fixed on the counter, still unable to look up. “Come, follow me, I’m sure we’ll find something.” She added and he followed her to a smaller room in the back that had all kinds of little boxes with cute lingerie, panties, bras, corsets, stockings, garters, everything. He looked around with wide eyes, feeling a thrill of excitement at all the pretty things he saw. He found himself wanting everything, it was so pretty and delicate, all lace and pearls and crystals and he couldn't help but wonder what it’d feel like on his body and how Robert would react to finding something like this underneath his suit. 

“Is this ok...? I’d understand if you don’t want me to buy any of this...” He managed with difficulty, but she just laughed softly and patted his shoulder.

“Why wouldn’t I? Who am I to judge, you can wear whatever you want.” She said. “We’ll just have to make sure it doesn’t show through your trousers.” She added and Jimmy nodded, he hadn’t considered that. 

“Something simple, then, not too much lace, not too many pearls...” He whispered as he looked at the underwear. He soon found a pair of white, satin panties with the softest little lace trim and a cute little bow at the top with a single little pearl adorning it. “I’d like this one.” He said and the owner quickly went to get him one in his size.

“There you go. Anything else?” She asked with a smile, looking over at the stockings and garters.

“Stockings would look *awful* on me...” He mumbled, thinking about how bad that would look with his slightly hairy legs. 

“How about just a wedding garter, then, something for your future husband to pull off?” She offered and Jimmy felt his face flush at the image that created in his mind. He bit his lip. 

“Wouldn’t that show through the trousers, though?” He asked, looking at the pretty, frilly garters with a sigh. This would be a whole lot easier if he wore a dress instead, not that he wanted to. 

“I have simple ones, too.” She said and showed him a few that were just stretchy lace with a few embellishments. “The trousers aren’t as tight around your thighs as they are at your hips, either, it’s going to be fine.” She reassured him. 

Jimmy looked at them again and a rather wide one with a thin, light blue center stripe caught his eye. It was incredibly pretty and it looked to be the same kind of lace as the trim of his panties. It even had similar little bows with pearls. 

“Yes, that one is beautiful.” He said. He still felt incredibly nervous about this, but she had been so sweet and reassuring so far, he’d relaxed just a little. “I’ll take that one.” 

She climbed on a little ladder to take a brand new, boxed one from a shelf in the back, then paused.

“Well, I can’t very well put you in a bra or a corset, but I feel you need something up there, too...” She mused, looking him up and down again. Her face then lit up and she smiled as she turned to a rack that had something that looked like chains hanging from coat hangers. “How do you feel about body chains?” She asked and picked one up, spreading it out on the little counter so he could see what it looked like. Jimmy blinked at it in surprise, he had never seen something like that before, but it was beautiful. It was just a simple, silver chain that would go around his neck, shoulders, chest and waist. 

“Oh... that’s beautiful... do you have one with some pearls, though, that would go with my garter?” He asked excitedly. He was almost past caring, past his initial embarrassment. She turned back to the rack and looked around for a moment before pulling one out. 

“How about this?” She asked, presenting him with a gorgeous body chain that matched the rest of his lingerie, it even had a few sparkling crystals. 

“Yes... it’s gorgeous. Thank you. Thank you so much, for everything, I mean. I was so horribly embarrassed asking about this, but you made me feel at ease.” He sighed, giving her a grateful smile. 

“Aww... you’re welcome. I’m glad you asked, it is my job to make people happy after all.” She said, then grinned. “And I think two people are going to be very happy about this.” She winked and Jimmy laughed, blushing again. He hoped she was right and Robert would like this, too. He was glad he only had to go to one store to get everything he wanted, he wasn’t a huge fan of long shopping trips, being dragged from one store to the next. 

He paid for everything, the grand total making his head spin once again, then he checked his phone and joined his friends and Annie at the restaurant they picked. He invited them for lunch as a little thank you for helping him pick his suit, not mentioning why paying took so damn long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you think Robert's going to feel about this...? ;)


	5. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Jimmy buy their rings.

When Robert picked him up from work, two days later, Jimmy paused. His car was parked right on front of the record store and he was leaning against the hood, wearing one of his best suits, looking like a million bucks and Jimmy... Jimmy was wearing an old pair of ripped jeans, a band shirt, boots and his leather jacket. He really hadn’t thought this through. He sighed and said goodbye to Monique before joining his fiancée outside. Robert’s face lit up as he saw Jimmy leaving the store.

“Hey! You look awesome!” He said as he looked at him and made to hug and kiss Jimmy, but the younger man could only glare at him.

“I look like literal garbage.” He huffed gruffly and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Immediately, he felt sorry for snapping at the other man like that and cringed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you.” 

“It’s ok, love... I do think you look awesome, though. You look cool.” Robert said.

“‘Cool’? Really, Robert?” He snarled and glared at him again. “We’ll be lucky if they let me into the jeweller’s like this. I should go home and change.”

“Jimmy. It’s ok. I promise it’s ok.” Robert cooed gently and Jimmy felt awful for being so mean once again. “What’s wrong? Would you like to talk about it?” 

“I don’t know. I’m just not having a good day. In here, I mean.” He tapped the side of his head and sighed. For the most part, he was doing pretty well, especially since the trials against both his parents and his rapists were over and done with, but sometimes he was still struggling, especially when he felt that he just wasn’t enough. He was still battling the crippling fear of Robert leaving him for someone who had their shit together and wasn’t such a mess. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to take it out on you.” He added and finally hugged the older man, giving him a little peck on the cheek. 

“It’s ok.” He repeated yet again and part of Jimmy wanted to punch him for being so fucking perfect, so understanding, so gentle. Sometimes he’d prefer it if he got mad and fought back, yelled at him or something, but Robert would never do that. He was always so calm and understanding, he never got upset even when Jimmy was downright mean and unfair to him. He knew that he couldn’t help it, it was his BPD talking, not really Jimmy himself. “We can’t really postpone this, we’ve waited too long already...” The blonde added, carefully searching Jimmy’s face.

“I know. Let’s do this. I’ll be fine.” He said, managing to smile at Robert and then he reached out to straighten his tie. He squeezed his shoulder gently, then went to the other side of the car and got into the passenger seat. The other man paused for a second, then got into the car as well. He knew not to say anything else, he knew Jimmy would freak out for good if he tried to calm him down or make him laugh right now, so he just switched on the radio and silently drove them to the jeweller he picked. 

“Don’t be afraid to speak your mind in there, ok? I want our rings to be perfect, I want you to love them, too.” Robert said as he parked the car in front of the little store. “Don’t let them make you feel like you’re less of a customer than me because of the way you look.” Jimmy looked over at him in surprise, then smiled. He appreciated Robert saying that, because he’d been afraid of just that. 

“Thank you. I’ll give them a piece of my mind if they treat me any differently than you.” He said with a little grin that Robert returned.

“I know you will.” He said, amused. He knew Jimmy wasn’t afraid to stand up for himself anymore and anybody who’d make him feel bad about himself was in for a (verbal) beating. He’d never try and hold the younger man back when he was making a scene, he enjoyed the look on their faces when they realized they’d messed with the wrong person and groveled to make Jimmy calm down. He was proud of Jimmy for standing up for himself, his insecurity having turned into anger when being treated unfairly. 

“I’ll try not to embarass you, though, no worries.” Jimmy said, taking Robert’s hand into his own.

“You couldn’t. If they’re being jerks, they deserve to hear it.” He answered and squeezed Jimmy’s hand. “Let’s go.” He then said, letting go of his hand and opening the door of the car. He made to walk around the car to open the door for Jimmy, but the younger man was quicker and poked his tongue out at his fiancé as he closed the door of the car himself. Robert chuckled shook his head, then offered him his arm to lead him into the store, which Jimmy happily accepted. It was so fancy and pretty that Jimmy felt out of place immediately, but the assistant that greeted them was friendly and welcoming.

“You must be Messrs. Plant and Page, here for your wedding rings? Welcome, welcome, please do come in.” He said with a strange little flourish and Jimmy cringed at hearing his surname, but he managed to convert it into a little smile and a nod. Robert had called ahead and asked for an appointment to pick their rings. “Please follow me to the back.” He then added and lead them to a separate little room where they could sit down and look at the rings in private. 

“Thank you for having us on such a short notice, we’ve been very busy with all the preparations... will three days be enough time for the rings to be done?” Robert asked worriedly and Jimmy’s stomach did a little somersault at the thought that in three days, they were going to get married. Time went by so quickly. The assistant nodded at Robert.

“It’s a tight squeeze indeed, but we’ll make it happen, Mr. Plant.” He said and came to the table with a few jewellery boxes, placing them neatly in front of them and opening them up for them to look at the rings on display. “All of these can be customized, we can add engravings, diamonds, other gemstones, whatever you’d like.” He explained. 

Jimmy looked at all the rings, feeling a little overwhelmed, a bit lost. He didn’t know what he wanted, quite frankly, these rings meant nothing to him and he didn’t understand all the fuss about them, either. He had his engagement ring, that one meant the world to him, and none of these could ever replace it. 

“What do you think, love?” Robert asked gently and Jimmy shook his head.

“I don’t know. What do you want?” He asked, hoping that whatever Robert had in mind would either be ok for him or at least give him some ideas. “They’re all beautiful, but I wouldn’t know what to pick.” 

“I’m not sure either. I kind of like those bicolor ones.” He said, pointing to some rings that looked both silver and golden. 

“Ah, yes, these are white gold and gold, we also have some rose gold and white gold ones.” The assistant said and got up to get another little case with rings. Jimmy found himself looking at them as well and feeling nothing. He sighed and decided to be honest.

“Robert...? Can I ask you something?” He asked carefully. 

“Of course, baby.” He answered, turning to look at him.

“Uhm... am I going to be allowed to wear my engagement ring, even after we get married?” He asked in a small voice. He saw Robert’s face soften as he melted at his words.

“Oh sweety, of course you are. You can wear your engagement ring on one hand and your wedding ring on the other.” He said, taking Jimmy’s hand into his own and caressing the back of it. Jimmy smiled in relief. 

“Ok. I’m glad... it’s just that... this ring means the world to me. It’s everything to me. These rings...? They can’t compete with that. That’s why it’s so hard for me to chose.” He gave the assistant and apologetic smile.

“May I see your engagement ring? Maybe we can find something to match it. We’re not trying to compete, don’t you worry.” The man said gently and Jimmy nodded, putting his left hand on the table to show him the ring. The assistant leaned in closer to look at it. “A family heirloom?” He asked.

“Yes. It used to belong to Robert’s grandmother... it meant so much to me that he chose to give it to me.” Jimmy said softly. He didn’t even know why he was telling a complete stranger all of this, but it felt like the right thing to do. 

“I can see why it carries a very special meaning, yes. It is also extraordinarily beautiful, if I may say so.” He mused, still looking at the ring. It made Jimmy smile, this was the only piece of jewellery he’s ever worn and he loved it to bits. “May I suggest one of these rings here, they are mostly white gold and would go very well with this beauty.” He said, pushing one of the cases closer to Robert and Jimmy. They looked at them for a while, until something caught Jimmy’s eye.

“Oh, I think I like this one.” He said, pointing at a ring that looked to be made out of two materials, both looked silver in color, but one was slightly darker, warmer in color and the other one was a little lighter, almost glowing. It was a simple band with some delicate geometrical engravings. 

“Ah, now this is something special indeed, I had a feeling you’d go for this one. White gold and platinum. Would you like to try it on?” The assistant asked with a smile. Jimmy glanced at Robert who nodded at him, smiling as well. He extended his hand again and let the assistant slide the ring on his finger. This one was, of course, way too big for him, but it gave him an idea what it would look like. 

“What do you think?” He asked Robert, leaning in to let him see as well. 

“I love it. It does go very well with your engagement ring.” He said, taking Jimmy’s hand into his own again. 

“We can add a diamond, or maybe an emerald, like your other ring, if you like.” The assistant offered. 

“I... to be honest... I’m not a big fan of diamonds.” Jimmy whispered. “You know... between blood diamonds and child labour I’d just... rather not.” He almost felt bad raising political issues, but he couldn’t help himself. Robert didn’t seem to mind, if anything, he looked... proud? 

“Oh, I see. I can, of course, assure you than any diamonds we use are 100 % ethically sourced, but I do understand your reservations.” The assistant said. Jimmy was glad he wasn’t offended, but then again, it wasn’t his place to be. 

“An emerald would be wonderful, though. Or several little ones, between the engravings?” Robert offered. “Green just looks so good on you.” He added and Jimmy felt himself blush a little. 

“I would love that, yes, if it’s not too much trouble.” He whispered.

“Oh, no, not at all! The rings will be custom made either way, adding or taking features away from them doesn’t cause any trouble at all, no worries.” The man on the other side of the table said. 

“What about you, Robert? Do you want the same one, minus the emeralds, or do you want something else? They don’t have to match, right?” Jimmy offered but Robert shook his head.

“I know they don’t have to, but I’d like them to. I really like this one, too. I love the subtle contrast between the two metals, it’s gorgeous. I’d be more than happy with this one.” He said and gave Jimmy’s hand a little squeeze. The younger man smiled at him and gave him a quick little hug, glad that they’d finally decided on a pair of rings. He took the display ring off of his finger again and took a moment to look at it once more. He sighed.

“This is platinum. It’s... it’s going to be expensive.” He whispered sadly. Robert waved hand and shook his head.

“I told you not to worry about that.” He said dismissively and Jimmy felt himself seething with anger all of a sudden at being treated so dismissively. 

“What the fuck, Robert?” He hissed, bristling up, and watched the other man’s eyes widen in shock. “I’m a person, not some thing you can just dismiss like that! I’m allowed to voice my concerns, too!” He kept his voice low as to not alert the rest of the store, but it was laced with venom. Robert cringed.

“I’m sorry, baby, I didn’t mean it like that... I’m so sorry. I just... I just really don’t want you to worry about stuff like that, it’s not an issue, no matter how much it costs, you know I don’t mind. It shouldn’t matter.” He said nervously. Jimmy glared at him.

“But it does! To me! It’s so easy for you, you’re so rich, you didn’t even *ask* about the price, you just don’t care! You just don’t understand! I want to contribute to this wedding so, so badly, and I just can’t, because I’m just... I’m just not... like you! And it hurts!” Jimmy said and he felt tears welling up in his eyes, threatening to spill. The assistant got up and went back into the other part of the store, giving them some space. Robert took a deep breath and took Jimmy’s hands again.

“I’m sorry.” He repeated. “I really didn’t mean to dismiss you like that, that was rude. I know how you feel about this, I know *why* you feel like this... but just think about it... when I was your age, I didn’t have a single quid to my name, either. You’re so young, you’re only just starting out. Your life has only just begun. Being as talented as you are... you’ll be right up there in no time, I promise. But for now, you’re not there yet, so please, just let me take care of this.” Robert said. “You are contributing to this. You took care of so many things, the invitations you made were beautiful, I’m sure the decorations you came up with will be, as well. And that’s *all you*, you did that.” Jimmy found himself smiling at the other man, through a veil of tears. 

“How do you always know exactly what to say to make me feel better?” He whispered, shuffling closer to hug him. “I’m sorry I’m so difficult today.” He said in a small voice, having calmed down already. Robert kissed the top of his head and held him close.

“It’s ok. I know this isn’t easy for you. Just... try not to chew my head off for every little thing?” He asked with a little cringe. Jimmy laughed.

“I’ll try. Promise.” He said and pulled back to look up at the older man, then leaned in to kiss him gently. That’s when the assistant chose to peek into the room to see if it was safe to come back, and he smiled when he saw them kissing. They pulled back and Jimmy looked at the assistant apologetically.

“I’m sorry for that.” He mumbled, embarrassed by his own behaviour. 

“It’s quite alright, don’t worry. You’re not the only couple getting into a fight over the wedding rings, you know. They don’t usually make up that quickly, though.” He smiled. “So, have you made your decision?” He added and they looked at each other for a moment, then Jimmy smiled at nodded. 

“Yes. I do want this one.” He said. “With the emeralds.” He added shyly. He always turned into a completely different person after an outburst like that, shy and embarrassed, but he couldn’t help it either.

“I’ll take the same one, without the emeralds.” Robert nodded in agreement. 

“Very well. Would you like a custom engraving on the inside? Your names and the date of the wedding, perhaps?” He asked and Jimmy looked up at Robert.

“I would really like that, yes. Is that ok?” The blonde asked and Jimmy nodded.

“Yes, as long as it’s only first names, though.” He said.

“Of course, of course. So, Robert and James, October 13, 2019.” He said, quickly scribbling it down in his little notebook.

“It’s Jimmy and October 12.” Both Robert and Jimmy said in unison, correcting the assistant, and looked at each other in surprise before laughing softly. 

“Of course, I’m sorry.” The man said, flustered, and scratched what he’d written down, correcting it quickly. “There we go, Robert and Jimmy, October 12, 2019. The rings will be ready to be picked up the morning of your wedding day.” 

“Alright, perfect. Is it ok if my best man picks them up for us?” Robert asked. 

“Yes, that’s not a problem, just leave us his name and a phone number just in case.” The assistant nodded.

“His name is Dr. John Paul Jones... I think I have a business card somewhere here...” Robert mumbled and pulled out his wallet. After looking for it for a moment, he produced one of Jonesy’s business cards and handed it to the assistant.

“Perfect. Everything’s in order, then, let’s just measure your fingers so we get the correct size and we’re all done!” He said. The measuring was done quickly and Jimmy got up, clearing his throat.

“Is it ok if I wait in the car?” He said nervously. “I’d rather not know the price, I’ll freak out again.” He admitted honestly.

“Of course, baby. Go ahead.” Robert said gently. The younger man bent down to give him a quick little kiss.

“Thank you. For everything.” He whispered before straightening up again, nodding at the store assistant and then disappearing through the door. He leaned against the car outside, taking a few deep breaths. That was taken care of as well. Everything was done, now they only had to go and actually get married. He couldn’t help the nervousness rising inside him at that thought. Only three more days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said there wouldn't be any angst in this story... but I can't just magically make Jimmy alright, after all he's been through he's bound to have issues. They'll work it out, though. Promise. :)


	6. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night before the wedding, Jimmy runs into some problems. Robert helps him through it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is gonna get a little dark, peeps. This is going to be the only darker chapter in this fic, I promise.  
> Warning: Self-harm ahead, mostly implied, nothing severe. He's fine and he will be fine. Promise.

He just couldn’t sleep. It was the night before the wedding and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t fall asleep. He sighed and turned over, then huffed and turned again, nothing he did seemed to make him any more comfortable and he felt like crying out in frustration. Both of them had been on the phone all day, dealing with the last few things that came up for their big day and Jimmy was exhausted, but that didn’t help him sleep either.

“Can’t sleep? Me neither.” Robert’s voice broke through his haze of frustration. Jimmy reached over and switched on the little lamp on the nightstand, staring at the ceiling. When he turned his head, he saw Robert was doing the same, until he, too, turned his head. 

“Sorry, of course you can’t sleep with me tossing and turning next to you like that.” He whispered. Robert smiled at him and shook his head.

“No, it’s not that, it’s just... I’m nervous, too.” He said, reaching over to take Jimmy’s hand in his own. The younger man took it, grateful, and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Why are we so nervous? It’s not like anything’s gonna change, is it?” He wondered, going back to staring at the blank, white ceiling. 

“It’s a big step. Commitment. It tends to be scary.” Robert answered, his thumb slowly caressing the back of Jimmy’s hand. 

“Yeah... I s’pose.” Jimmy mumbled and turned on his side to look at the older man. “I hope you know that I really do want this. I know it doesn’t seem like it, I’ve been really on edge recently, but I do want this. You. I really do. I think it’s just... these weeks leading up to it... have been so stressful, but tomorrow... once we’re there, getting married... everything is going to fall into place, it’s going to be alright.” He said, mostly to reassure himself, but for Robert as well. He had been awful to him half of the time, recently, and he felt the need to tell him all of this, to make sure he knew Jimmy wanted him, loved him. 

“I know.” Robert smiled back. “I think it’s going to be beautiful. Just us and our closest friends, celebrating. We’re going to have so much fun, and then... when we’re finally alone... we’re going to have even more fun.” He said with a little wink. Jimmy found himself laughing despite everything and leaned in to peck Robert’s lips. 

// I don’t fucking deserve this wonderful man. //

That thought already sent his heart plummeting, but then he realized that it wasn’t going to be just friends celebrating with them tomorrow. Both of Robert’s parents were going to be there, while Jimmy’s parents were in jail. Because they hated him. Because he was bad and wrong. He gasped at the sudden onslaught of dread and pain and pulled back.

“I... I need a moment.” He whispered and let go of Robert’s hand, quickly rushing to the bathroom. He leaned on the sink and stared at his reflection for a second, before closing his eyes, trying to calm down, trying to stop his thoughts from going in that direction yet again, but to no avail, it was all he could think about. 

He desperately needed something to take the edge off, something to focus on, so he turned the tap on and let the cold water run over his hands for a moment, trying to focus on that, but it wasn’t enough. He leaned down to wash his face with the icy cold water and shivered, but it didn’t help. 

He turned the tap to the other side and waited for the water to get hot, letting it cascade over the back of his hand once more. It was pleasant at first, warm and soothing, but then it got hotter and hotter and started to scald his skin. His hand was red and throbbing by the time he pulled it back, but it wasn’t too bad. He let the water cool down again and let it soothe his burnt skin. 

The pain had allowed him to focus for a brief moment and Jimmy craved feeling that moment of peace again, so he moved to set the temperature to the hottest one yet again, but when he did so, his gaze fell on Robert’s razor. He couldn’t stop staring at it, it was like it was calling to him, magically drawing him to it. He reached out and took it into his hand, feeling the comforting weight of the metal, turning it and looking at it for a while. 

His hands started trembling and his heart began thumping hard in his chest as he flipped the razor open, baring the blade. He stared at it for a moment, not daring to move, he just looked at it, then traced the blade with the tip of a trembling finger.

// Just a little, just a tiny bit, just to take the edge off... //

He hesitated as he looked down at the smooth, unmarred skin of his arm. He’d never done this before, ever. He raised the razor to his arm, hesitated again, and put it back down again. His hand started to tremble even more and a desperate little gasp escaped his mouth. 

“Jimmy? Love, are you al- fuck!” Robert cursed as he entered the bathroom. He was at his fiancé’s side in a heartbeat and pried the razor out of his shaking hand. He quickly put it out of Jimmy’s reach and started looking at his arms and hands, trying to see what he’d done to himself, only finding the back of his right hand slightly reddened from the hot water. “Did you hurt yourself?” He asked, his voice oddly calm as he looked for any signs of injury. Jimmy shook his head, he couldn't meet Robert’s eyes. 

“N-no. I wanted to, but I couldn’t do it.” He whispered. The blonde breathed a sigh of relief and pulled the younger man into his arms. Jimmy melted against him and closed his eyes as he wrapped his arms around his neck and inhaled the familiar, comforting scent deeply. “I’m sorry, Robert... I... I’d understand if you don’t want... if you wanna... you know, call off the wedding.” He whispered with difficulty. The blonde pulled back and gently put his fingers under his chin, making him look up at him. It took Jimmy another moment to be able to meet his gaze, and when he did, Robert looked worried, hurt maybe, but not angry. 

“Look... I knew about this when I asked you to marry me. I knew it and I still asked you. Yes, I’m scared. This fucking terrifies me. I’m so fucking scared I’ll walk in on you... actually hurting yourself... But it doesn’t make me want you any less.” Robert said slowly. “There’s just one thing I need you to promise me.” 

“Yes? What is it?” Jimmy asked, feeling a little breathless. He could barely believe Robert still wanted him after seeing him like this. 

“Whenever you feel like this... talk to me. Don’t run away. Talk to me, I’ll be there for you, I’ll help you through it. If I’m not here, call me. No matter when, no matter where I am. I’ll drop everything and I’ll be there for you.” Robert said. 

“Why?” Jimmy couldn’t help but ask. He couldn’t wrap his head around why Robert would do this to himself, stay with him. 

“It’s simple, isn’t it?” Robert said and managed a crooked little smile. “Because I love you.” He added. 

“I... I love you, too. I promise I’ll tell you next time, I promise.” Jimmy gushed quickly and buried his face in the fabric of Robert’s shirt.

“I’m proud of you, you know? That you didn’t do it even though you wanted to.” The older man said gently, rubbing his back soothingly. 

“I couldn’t stop thinking about how disappointed you’d be... you know, I would have been able to hide it from you until tomorrow, but after the wedding, we would be alone, you would have seen... and you would have been so disappointed and so mad at me... I wouldn’t have been able to take it... so I just couldn’t do it.” Jimmy whispered. 

“I... I would have been disappointed, yes. I probably would have been mad, too... but it’s not your fault, I hope you know that.” Robert whispered.

“Everybody keeps telling me that, but... it’s hard to process.” He sighed. “It feels like it’s all my fault, like I just feel this way because I’m all... wrong.” 

“There’s nothing wrong with you.” Robert reassured him. “Did something I said make you feel this way?” He then asked carefully. Jimmy looked up at him briefly, then back down, shuffling his feet.

“You said... that it’s gonna be us and our closest friends...” He said slowly. “Your parents are going to be there, too. Mine are not.” He finished, unable to say more, leaving Robert to piece everything together like a puzzle. 

“I’m so sorry, love...” He whispered when he realized what Jimmy was saying. He hugged him even more tightly and pressed and gentle kiss to his brow. 

“I felt so horrible... my thoughts were spinning, everything was just too much, I *felt* too much and I wanted it to stop and then I let the hot water run over my hand... and it started to hurt and everything stopped for a moment. Everything just... zeroed in on that one sensation and I calmed down.” Jimmy explained. Robert listened to him, then pulled back to look at him, an intrigued look on his face.

“Have you heard of the tapping technique?” He asked. Jimmy frowned and shook his head. “Remember when I told you how I went to therapy because of my anger management issues? Well, one of the techniques I used to calm down when I felt myself getting too angry, ready to blow up, was that. I don’t know if it applies to this, too, but maybe it would help you, too. It’s worth a try.” He said. 

“Will you show me?” Jimmy asked, looking up at Robert with hope in his eyes. 

“Of course. Come, let’s sit on the bed.” He said and pulled Jimmy along. They spent the rest of the night talking, Robert showed him how to rhythmically tap strategic spots on his body to help him calm down and focus. Jimmy wasn’t sure if talking to Robert and spending time with him like this helped or if it was the strange new technique, but he felt better in no time. Sometime towards the morning, Robert had dozed off in his arms and he found himself looking down at the older man in awe, wondering if it was the fact that he’d battled his own demons, his own mental health issues, that made him so understanding. 

He looked at the alarm clock on the nightstand and decided to close his eyes for a while as well, it was going to ring in about two hours so they could get ready for their big day, maybe he could get at least a tiny bit of sleep. He smiled to himself and snuggled into Robert’s embrace. In just a few hours he’d be married to this wonderful man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is going to be the wedding, finally! :D Happy times ahead.


	7. 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Jimmy get married - the first part of the wedding ceremony!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's gonna get cheesy and emotional ahead, peeps! Tissues at the ready!

Jimmy was wide awake even though neither of them had gotten a lot of sleep the past night, two hours at most. He was incredibly nervous and excited, but he was also happy to find himself in a much better state of mind this morning. No horrible, intrusive thoughts, no feelings of not being good enough. He was actually having a good day today and he was so grateful that that happened just in time for his wedding. What a convenient coincidence. 

Neither him nor Robert had really felt like having any breakfast, both of them being too nervous, Robert quickly wolfed down a piece toast, Jimmy had half a bowl of cereal, then they started to get ready so they’d make it to the register office on time. John and Annie helped Robert get ready while Emily and Svenja helped Jimmy. He was still in his boxers and one of Robert’s t-shirts he slept in when they barged into his room, almost making him jump out of his skin. 

“Hey groom #2!” Emily greeted him, pulling him into one of her bear hugs that Jimmy quickly returned, then he pouted up at her. They both looked really cute in the dresses they’d chosen.

“Why am I #2? Why don’t I get to be #1?” He asked.

“Because we just ran into your fiancé on the stairs, so he got to be groom #1.” Svenja explained and stuck her tongue out at him, then hugged him as well.

“Fair enough. Oh, what did he look like?” He asked excitedly. 

“Pretty good for a bloke in shorts, slippers and a bathrobe...?” Emily said, then burst out laughing. Jimmy rolled his eyes.

“You could have just told me that he wasn’t dressed yet, either.” He sighed. “Fuck, I’m nervous... how’s my hair?” He asked, turning back to the mirror to fuss about it some more. Svenja came to him and plucked his comb out of his hand, helping him with his hair. He washed it earlier and he’d let it air dry to make it do that thing Robert loved so much where the ends curled into loose corkscrews. She turned to his dresser and took some of the products he used, reading the labels before picking one and putting some in his hair to make them more defined. His hair was mostly straight now because of the length weighing it down, only the tips curled and Jimmy actually thought it looked pretty good, glossy and nice.

“There you go. It looks great.” She said once she was done, stepping back to look at him some more. “Let’s get you into your suit?” She suggested.

Jimmy blinked at her and felt his face heat up. He’d contemplated not wearing his lingerie, just taking it along and putting it on later, but then he remembered how eager and on edge Robert was and he didn’t want to miss the opportunity to surprise him with it just in case everything happened too quickly, the older man wanting to get into his pants too quickly and he wouldn’t have the chance to change, so he’d have to put it on now. 

“Uhm, actually... I’m going to ask you two to leave me to it for a moment...” He started, then paused as he remembered something. “Oh. By the way. Do you have something I could borrow for today?” He asked shyly. “Like a piece of jewellery or something?” He had almost forgotten about that part.

“Hm, I have this bracelet...” Svenja said, taking it off to show him. It was just a delicate little silver bracelet that wouldn’t draw too much attention. She quickly put it on him.

“Thank you...” He whispered with a grateful little smile.

“You’re really doing the whole something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue thing?” Emily asked, surprised. Jimmy looked down and nodded. 

“I think it’s cute and it’s supposed to be good luck, right? I mean, I know I’m not a bride and all that, but...” He trailed off and shrugged. “I liked the idea.” 

“So you’ve got something borrowed now...” Svenja said curiously, eyeing him. 

“Uhm. I’ve got my engagement ring, which is old... I’ve got a new suit...” He mumbled, trying to skirt the issue. 

“I don’t see anything blue.” Emily said, looking at the suit laid out on the unused bed in Jimmy’s room. He blushed brightly and fidgeted. 

“I... do have something but I’d rather not tell you.” He admitted, too embarrassed to look up at them. He never told anyone but Robert about the little thing he had for pretty lingerie and he intended to keep it that way. He was pretty sure they weren't going to judge him for it, but he still didn’t want them to know about it, either, that was supposed to remain private. He wasn’t sure whether the garter would make them make that connection in the first place, but he also didn’t want to risk it. 

“Aww, it’s ok, you don’t have to. Everybody gets to have their little secrets.” Svenja said and squeezed his shoulder gently while Emily narrowed her eyes at him as if trying to figure him out. 

“Is it a garter?” She asked, then, and Jimmy’s stomach dropped. Of course it was easy to guess, it was one of the go-to’s after all. “You’re gonna be wearing a bridal garter underneath that suit! I know it!” She yelled and Jimmy wanted the floor to open up and swallow him. He shuffled his feet and tried to will his face not to get too red, he also hoped Robert hadn’t heard her yell.

“Shut up, Emily, you’re making him uncomfortable! He doesn’t have to tell us if he doesn’t want to!” Svenja hissed. He gave her a grateful little smile. “Hey, did you know, though, that the whole rhyme goes ‘Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue thing and a silver sixpence in her shoe?’” She then added.

“How do you know that, you’re not even british!” Emily exclaimed and laughed. “I should have a coin, though...” She added and started rummaging through her purse, soon taking out her wallet and digging out a small, silver coin. “There you go!” 

“Uhm. Do I have to actually put it in my shoe, it’s gonna hurt...” Jimmy complained with a pout.

“No, just put it in the breast pocket of your suit, with your handkerchief.” Emily said, going over to his suit and sticking it in there. “See, now you’ll be really lucky!” 

“Thank you...” He said and pulled them both into a hug again, smiling to himself. He then shooed them out of his room so he could get dressed. 

Nervously, he took the little boxes out of the bag he’d hidden them in so far, then quickly took off Robert’s shirt and his boxers. He briefly considered hopping into the shower once more, but then his hair would be ruined again, so he decided against it. It wasn’t like he got dirty in the 30 minutes since his last shower. 

He picked up the box with the panties and opened it, took them out and let his fingers glide across the sleek satin once, twice, then he smiled to himself and quickly slipped into them. He adjusted himself so nothing would show, then took the body chain and took it out of its packaging as well. He hung it around his neck and paused. It looked nice like this, too, like a simple, long necklace cascading down his chest, but he couldn’t keep it that way, it would show through his shirt, so he started wrapping it around his torso the way it should be. 

Next up was the garter, Jimmy’s favorite thing out of the bunch. He took it out and unfolded it, feeling how soft and stretchy the lace was before sliding it up his leg, letting it sit on his thigh just above his knee. When he was done putting everything on, he turned to the mirror for the first time, biting his lip when he saw what he looked like. 

This was one of the few times he didn’t feel at war with his own body, he thought he looked beautiful for a change, pretty and desirable. The body chain accentuated the lines of his torso, the panties made his butt look perky and cute and the garter looked adorable as well. He knew for a fact that Robert was going to like this a lot. A *lot*. He smiled at his own reflexion and turned around a bit to admire himself from all angles and he found himself getting quite excited by it all, especially the thought of Robert slowly taking off his suit, finding this underneath and how he would react. He had to stop looking at the mirror and thinking about it to avoid getting hard right there and then. 

He spared one last glance at himself before carefully putting on the suit, then his shoes. He fixed his hair and checked his reflexion one last time before stepping out of his room. He didn’t have anything else to take care off, their luggage for their honeymoon trip was already at the airport, they had taken care of that early, and he had already given his little duffel bag with some supplies they’d need to spend the night at Bron-y-Aur to Robert to put it in the car. Everything was taken care of. 

He went downstairs to find his friends in the livingroom and they grinned at him when they saw him.

“You look amazing!” Emily said and the shorter girl next to her nodded in agreement. “Everybody’s already waiting outside, including your future husband...” She then added with a wink and Jimmy swallowed nervously.

“Let’s go, then...” He said and let them leave the house first, closing the door behind himself. 

When he turned around, the first thing he saw was the car that was waiting for them. An absolutely breathtaking white Cadillac (Robert would later tell him it was a ‘59 Coupe de Ville, Jimmy didn’t know all that much about old cars) was sitting in the driveway, adorned with white and red flowers and ribbons all over. As gorgeous as it was, it did nothing to prepare Jimmy for what caught his eye next.

There he was. Robert. He had his back to the house, so he hadn’t spotted Jimmy yet and he was animatedly talking to one of his work colleagues. The black suit he was wearing fit perfectly, making his broad shoulders look even broader, his hips even smaller, it looked elegant and classy. He had chosen a pair of shiny dress shoes and when he turned a bit, Jimmy could make out a dark red pocket handkerchief, even from a slight distance. He looked absolutely perfect.

His hair looked different than usually, he didn’t just wear it down as he did every day, he’d pulled a part of it back in a sort of half-up hairdo. Jimmy thought it looked amazing on him. 

Panic threatened to overwhelm Jimmy as he stared at his fiancé, the way he was talking to those people, the way he moved so gracefully, almost like a dancer, how radiant and gorgeous he looked, it all made the younger man feel wholly inadequate, but then... then somebody alerted Robert to Jimmy’s presence and he turned around. When he saw his fiancé, his jaw almost dropped and the way he was looking at him made Jimmy feel better instantly. He could see how much Robert loved him, wanted him and it was all he needed.

He managed to swallow the welling panic and give Robert a nervous, crooked little smile which the blonde returned as soon as he got over the initial moment of seeing Jimmy in his suit for the first time. He completely ignored his colleague that he had been talking to and came over to Jimmy, reaching out to take his hand. To Jimmy’s surprise, he bent down to almost kiss the back of his hand, not quite letting his lips touch it. 

“You look absolutely stunning.” Robert breathed as he straightened up again, smiling at Jimmy. The younger man struggled to find his words briefly, the whole situation seemed so unreal to him. 

“I... so do you... you’re gorgeous.” He said once he found his voice again, turning his hand so he could clasp Robert’s in his own. The blonde looked down when he felt something cool touch his hand, Svenja’s bracelet.

“Oh, this is new.” He said curiously, lifting Jimmy’s hand to look at it. Jimmy smiled shyly.

“Actually, it’s borrowed.” He whispered timidly and Robert’s head snapped up in surprise, then he grinned widely.

“Really? Hm, let me see... the suit is definitely new... as are the shoes... hm, your ring is old...” He mused, looking Jimmy over curiously. “I don’t see anything blue.” He finished and Jimmy smiled mysteriously. He’d been embarrassed by that earlier, with his friends, but with Robert, it was a completely different thing, it made him feel confident and empowered. He looked around to see if anybody was within earshot and once he made sure there wasn’t anybody, he leaned in to whisper into his ear.

“Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there...” He whispered impishly and heard Robert gasp softly, then pulled back to look at him again, his grin widening at the look on his fiancé’s face and in his eyes. He wondered what exactly he was imagining. Robert made a soft, growling sound and shook his head.

“You know, this is one of those times I wished real life had a fast forward button.” He sighed and Jimmy laughed. 

“It’s been three weeks, you’ll be fine for a few more hours.” He said softly and Robert groaned.

“Exactly, it’s been three weeks, love.” He sighed and managed to look like he was actually suffering. Jimmy quickly pecked his cheek, then glanced behind him, deciding to try and distract him again.

“Nice car. Your idea?” He asked, but Robert shook his head.

“Jonesy took care of that. He’s gonna drive it, too, we get to sit in the back. It’s amazing, isn’t it?” He answered, turning around to look at it again. 

“Yeah... I completely forgot about it as soon as I saw you, though. It was like the world stopped for a second.” Jimmy admitted, then cringed at the unusually poetic words coming out of his mouth. Robert laughed.

“Who are you and what did you do to my fiancé?” He asked, poking Jimmy in the side lightly. 

“Sorry! I’m having a good day and you look breathtakingly gorgeous!” He exclaimed and poked out his tongue. 

“Why, thank you... and I’m glad to hear that you’re having a good day.” Robert said, his face softening. He obviously remembered last night vividly and how close they’d been to an actual disaster. 

“I’m glad, to, trust me.” Jimmy sighed, he couldn’t imagine getting married in the state of mind he’d been in the past few days. Annie and Robert’s Dad then came over to them, admiring them in their suits for the first time and of course, Annie already had tears in her eyes. She was wearing a gorgeous red dress and had her big, curly hair up in an intricate updo.

“My boys... you look amazing. I’m so proud of you, both of you.” She said and gave them both a hug while Robert’s Dad nodded in agreement and smiled at them as well. Jimmy hugged her tightly and held her close for a moment, grateful to have such a sweet, loving mother in law.

“Oh, there’s Ron, our photographer!” He then said as he spotted a young man with a big camera around his neck getting out of a car. He’d met Ron Raffaelli art school and asked him to take pictures of their wedding. As soon as he saw Robert and Jimmy standing on the stairs of the house, he raised his camera, removed the lens cap and snapped a candid picture of them, then grinned and waved at them before making his way over to them.

“Good Morning!” He said cheerfully, then smiled at Robert. “Hi, I’m Ron, I’m sure Jimmy told you about me.” He grinned.

“Robert, nice to meet you. He did indeed. Thank you for taking the job.” Robert answered and shook the other man’s hand with a smile. 

“Thank you for letting me do this! *And* paying me for it!” Ron grinned. “It’s awesome. So, I’m not a huge fan of those super posed pictures, so if you don’t mind, I’ll just be around, quietly snapping pictures of you guys and your guests, you’ll barely even notice me!” He then said. 

“Yes, that sounds good. I trust Jimmy’s judgement, he said your pictures are amazing, so I’m not worried in the least.” Robert answered and Jimmy nodded in agreement. 

“Great. You’ll get a selection of prints and all the pictures, edits and everything on a USB-stick in a few days. Sound good?” Ron asked.

“Actually... we’ll be in Iceland, we’re leaving tomorrow...” Jimmy said slowly.

“Oh, right! Sorry! You told me that! Well, I can send you some pictures via email so you can see them right away.” Ron offered. 

“That would be great. Thank you, Ron.” Jimmy said and patted his arm. The photographer then excused himself and started walking around, greeting the other guests and taking pictures, of Robert and Jimmy, the other guests, the car. Jonesy then came up to them, smiling at Jimmy.

“Hey, little one.” He greeted him and Jimmy briefly wondered how he got that nickname, he was taller than almost everyone who called him that. They must be referring to his age rather than his height. He didn’t mind, though, and smiled at the doctor. “Looking good, nice suit.”

“Thank you, Jonesy.” He said and gave him a quick little hug. “That car is magnificent.” He then grinned. The other man laughed and nodded.

“She’s amazing, huh? Are you ready to go?” He then asked and they both nodded, following him to the car. “I’ll be your chauffeur today.” He said, he even bowed a little before opening the door of the car for them. Jimmy turned to grin at Robert excitedly before getting into the backseat, scooting over to let Robert follow him. The seat was extremely low, it was also very soft and comfortable, more like a sofa than a car seat. Jimmy had never been in such an old car before. Even on the inside there were little wedding themed decorations that created a beautiful atmosphere. It only served to lift his spirits even further and he could barely wipe the grin off of his face. 

Robert must have been feeling the same as he sat next to him and gently took his hand into his own, grinning widely at him. Jimmy jumped when Jonesy started the car and it sounded like nothing Jimmy had ever heard. He was used to Robert’s quiet little Toyota Prius, this thing sounded like the real deal. It was low, rumbly and loud and the whole car was vibrating. He scooted closer to Robert and let him wrap an arm around him, then giggled as Jonesy took the corner to get onto the street in front of his house and it almost made him fall on top of him. Robert steadied him and nuzzled his hair softly. 

“Won’t you tell me what that blue thing you’ve got is...?” He purred into his ear, low enough for Jonesy not to hear over the rumble of the engine, and Jimmy laughed again, twisting away from Robert’s breath tickling his neck. 

“No. You’re going to have to find out yourself, later.” He whispered back, giving the blonde a teasing look that earned him another little growl and Robert trying to nuzzle his neck again, making him squeal and twist away again, laughing happily.

“Oi. Not in the car, you little lovebirds.” Jonesy called, giving them a slightly disapproving, but amused glare in the rear view mirror. “Get a room!” He added and Robert laughed.

“Oh, I got us a whole cottage!” He said with a wink and Jonesy groaned, rolling his eyes. Jimmy just sighed happily and snuggled against Robert, uncaring that he was probably creasing his suit, he just wanted to be close to his fiancé. He was just so very happy right now, everything had gone perfectly well so far. 

The ride to the register office didn’t take long and Jimmy was surprised at the amount of people already waiting for them. Of course there were Robert’s parents, there was Jonesy’s wife with the kids, Jimmy’s friends were there, some of Robert’s employees from the publishing house, Jimmy’s boss from the record store, even two of his professors from art school showed up. Their quick little ceremony at the register office was for everyone to attend, only their ceremony at the cottage in Wales was for their closest friends and family. 

His breath caught in his throat as he noticed that there were even journalists and other photographers. Of course, Robert was a bit of a public person and Jimmy’s “case” had gained a lot of traction in the press, but he hadn’t expected them to want to write about their wedding. He found he didn’t really mind, though. This way, maybe even his parents would get to see him like this, in the newspaper or something. He didn’t even know why he wanted that, but he did. He wanted them to know that he was happy, despite everything they’d done to him. 

He glanced at Robert and noticed that he was just as surprised as Jimmy himself, but he also didn’t seem to mind. He just hoped they weren’t going to write too many bad things about their admittedly unusual relationship and the differences between them. Jonesy parked the car in front of the building and switched off the engine. Jimmy took a moment to compose himself, then nodded at Robert when Jonesy opened the door to let them out. The photographers had already been taking pictures of the car as they arrived, but when they got out, they really started snapping picture after picture in quick succession. Jimmy felt terribly self conscious and held on to Robert’s hand as some journalists called out to them to ask for a quick word. They ignored them and followed Jonesy to where their guests were waiting for them. 

He felt overwhelmed by all the commotion around them as everybody tried to get a piece of them, a quick word, a hug, a pat on the shoulder, compliments for their outfits and he’s grateful when Robert pulled him aside for a moment.

“Are you alright?” He asked with a slightly worried expression on his gorgeous face. Jimmy took a deep breath, then nodded.

“I am. It’s just a little much, a little overwhelming.” He whispered. “I’m fine, though. Thank you.” He was so grateful for the little time-out. Robert gave him a strange little smile.

“Just a few minutes now...” He whispered excitedly. 

“Yeah... I... I can’t wait to be yours.” Jimmy couldn’t help it, the words just bubbled out of him, just like that, before he could stop himself. Robert chuckled.

“But you’re already mine, love.” He cooed. 

“I mean... all yours. All the way. Legally.” Jimmy clarified, blushing a little. The older man just smiled at him, then leaned in to kiss him gently. It wasn’t much more than a peck, he wouldn’t let it go further than that for now, but it was all Jimmy needed to feel better right away. They were then interrupted by Jonesy calling their names. It was time to go inside.

He took another deep breath and tightened his hold on Robert’s hand as they went into the building. The registrar was already waiting for them as they all entered the large room, the two grooms walked all the way towards the big desk while the guests all found a place to sit.

Jonesy was Robert’s witness as well as the ‘ringbearer’ (which had resulted in a lot of Lord Of The Rings based teasing), while Svenja was Jimmy’s witness. She had been incredibly surprised, but also very honored to be chosen for that, considering they’d only been friends for less than a year, but she had happily agreed. 

“We are here today to celebrate the marriage of Robert Anthony Plant and James Patrick Page. I know it means a great deal to them that you can be here to share in their happiness on this occasion. This place in which we are now met has been duly sanctioned, according to law, for the celebration of marriages. You are here to witness the joining in matrimony of Robert and Jimmy. If any person present knows of any lawful impediment to this marriage, he or she should declare it now.” The registrar started. There was only silence and Jimmy couldn’t help but smile to himself.

“Robert and Jimmy, before you are joined in matrimony I have to remind you of the solemn and binding character of the vows you are about to make. Marriage, according to the law of this country is the union of two people, voluntarily entered into for life, to the exclusion of all others. The purpose of marriage is that you may always love, care for and support each other through all the joys and sorrows of life; and that love may be fulfilled in a relationship of permanent and continuing commitment. Today Robert and Jimmy wish to publicly affirm this commitment and offer each other the security that comes from legally binding vows, sincerely made and faithfully kept. Now I am going to ask each of you in turn to declare that you know of no lawful reason why you should not be married to each other.” He continued.

Then it was time to say the big words, at first, it was Robert’s turn. The registrar told him the phrase they were legally required to say in front of their witnesses and Robert repeated it solemnly.

“I do solemnly declare that I know not of any lawful impediment why I, Robert Anthony Plant, may not be joined in matrimony to James Patrick Page.” He said, glancing over at Jimmy and giving him a little smile.

The registrar then turned to Jimmy and told him the same phrase.

“I do solemnly declare that I know not of any lawful impediment why I, James Patrick Page, may not be joined in matrimony to Robert Anthony Plant.” Jimmy repeated.

Jonesy then stepped up with the rings and Robert took Jimmy’s ring out of the box. The younger man felt his hands starting to tremble with emotion and excitement as he looked up at his fiancé. The registrar started to guide Robert through the next part and the blonde softly repeated after him:

“I call upon these persons here present to witness that I, Robert Anthony Plant, do take thee, James Patrick Page, to be my lawful wedded husband. I promise to love and care for you and to be faithful to you always. I give you this ring as a sign of our marriage, as a lasting reminder of the vows we are making today, and as a symbol of all that we share, now and always.”

He gently took Jimmy’s trembling hand and held it steadily, slowly sliding the ring on his finger with a smile. The younger man felt like he was going to pass out any second, but he took a deep, steading breath and returned the smile nervously. Next, it was his turn and Jonesy let him take Robert’s ring out of the little box. He almost dropped it with how much he was shaking, but Robert reached out to steady his hand as he took the ring. He also repeated after the registrar:

“I call upon these persons here present to witness that I, James Patrick Page, do take thee, Robert Anthony Plant, to be my lawful wedded husband. I promise to love and care for you and to be faithful to you always. I give you this ring as a sign of our marriage, as a lasting reminder of the vows we are making today, and as a symbol of all that we share, now and always.”

He was surprised and incredibly relieved at how steady his voice was and that he didn’t mess up even once. He took Robert’s left hand and slipped the ring on his finger as well. They both then signed the papers they had to sign, as did their witnesses.

“Robert and Jimmy, you have both made the declarations prescribed by law and have made your promises to one another in the presence of your witnesses here today. Let us hope that this day will form a special day in your lives to look upon with much love and happiness.” The registrar said with a smile at both of them. Jimmy was grateful that he used his chosen name. “Robert and Jimmy, it gives me great pleasure to declare that you are now legally married.” 

Their guests started cheering loudly and they turned to each other. Jimmy couldn’t help the wide, happy smile almost splitting his face and Robert looked like he couldn’t help himself, either. He took Jimmy’s hands and pulled him even closer, then leaned in to kiss him, slowly and tentatively at first, then more deeply. Their guests cheered even more loudly and Jimmy thought he heard a few sobs as well, most likely Annie, although he could only really focus on Robert.

His skin felt like it was too small to contain him, he felt like he was bursting at the seams and some laughter bubbled up inside him as he looked up at his... husband. He was married now. Robert was actually, really, legally his *husband*.

“I love you.” He breathed and kissed Robert again.

“I love you, too.” The older man replied, murmuring against his lips. Jimmy didn’t want to stop kissing him, but they had to, everybody wanted to congratulate them, shake their hands, hug them and celebrate with them. The whole ceremony had taken less than 15 minutes and Jimmy was incredibly overwhelmed, his head was spinning and he almost felt a little nauseous, but he was so happy, so overcome with emotion he wanted to scream. He wondered what it was going to be like later, during their actual ceremony that was going to be much, much more emotional than this one that had been rather formal and somber and he already felt like crying. 

He then noticed a little exchange of looks between the registrar and Robert and he looked up at the older man curiously. Robert smiled at him and took his hands, then spoke up again again.

“Jimmy... love... I’ve arranged for you to get your new ID, with your new name, today, if you want. I... I’ve also taken the liberty of arranging for you to have your name legally changed to just ‘Jimmy’, if you want, so there will be nothing reminding you of your old life anymore. We’ve prepared all the paperwork already, all you have to do is sign it and they can get your new ID ready right away, again, if that is what you want. If you don’t, that’s alright, too.” He said. 

Jimmy stared at him in bewilderment for a while as his brain processed his words and when it did, his eyes finally filled with tears that spilled immediately, thick drops running down his cheeks. He couldn’t believe Robert would do that for him, give him the option of erasing the monster that was his father, whose name he shared, from his life completely. He felt so loved and cherished, so understood on a level he hadn’t even realized so far, that it almost hurt, in the best way possible. 

Embarrassed, he raised his hand to wipe away his tears, but more spilled right away, it was no use, he was just so touched by Robert’s gesture and his thoughtfulness. The registrar quickly passed Robert the box of tissues they kept on the desk and the older man gently wiped away his tears, still smiling at him encouragingly. Jimmy still hadn’t found his voice, so he just hugged his husband and buried his face in the crook of his neck, waiting until he’d calmed down just a little before he answered.

“I don’t even know what to say... of course I want that, I want that so much... thank you. Thank you so much, Robert. This is the most thoughtful thing anybody has ever done for me.” He finally said, loud enough for all their guests to hear as well. He beamed up at Robert through a haze of happy tears as they all applauded and cheered again. 

The registrar showed him all the forms that Robert had already filled out for him to get his first name legally changed. He quickly read them over, then took the fountain pen and signed them all, Robert’s hand resting reassuringly on his shoulder the whole time. 

“Well, if you give us about 20 minutes, we’ll have your new ID ready. You can pick it up in room 203, downstairs.” The registrar told him with a warm, genuine smile as he gathered all the paperwork to take it downstairs. Jimmy nodded.

“Thank you.” He said, then turned back to Robert and hugged him again before pulling him in for another kiss. If he was completely honest, he wanted nothing more than to be alone with his husband right now, he wanted them all to leave, he wanted to be in his own little personal heaven with Robert, hold him, kiss him and make love to him all night, but that would have to wait. Another part of him, of course, wanted to celebrate with their friends and family, which was what he was going to do. 

They all had a glass of champagne in their honor as they waited for Jimmy’s new ID and when they picked it up, Jimmy was just about ready to cry again when he saw it, with his new name. They offered to destroy his old ID for him and he was more than happy to give it away.

Jonesy then ushered them to their cars again, they still had to drive all the way to Wales after all. It’d be a bit of a drive, and Jimmy was actually looking forward to it, being (almost) alone with Robert, cuddling with him on the backseat of that beautiful car. He immediately glued himself to his husband as soon as they sat down and Robert chuckled, wrapping his arms around him tightly. 

“This is already the best day of my life.” Jimmy whispered in disbelief as he lay in Robert’s arms, unable to imagine how it could possibly get better than this. 

“I’m glad you’re so happy. It’s so good to see you like this.” He answered and pressed a gentle kiss to his brow. 

“Well, it’s all your merit, you did this.” Jimmy smiled and kissed the corner of his mouth. “Thank you so much, for everything you’ve done for me.”

“You don’t have to thank me... I love you, I just want to make you happy.” Robert cooed.

“You are making me happy. Very much so.” Jimmy sighed, then rested his head on Robert’s chest and closed his eyes for a moment, just enjoying the way he felt for a while, being close to his husband as Jonesy drove them to their destination in Wales, their guests following the white Cadillac Coupe De Ville.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm not British (I'm German)! I had to actually look up how weddings at the register office in the UK work and what people say (what they are legally required to say)! I was surprised at the lack of the usual "I do", but in a way, this was even nicer. That was quite a bit of research I had to do! :) I'm a little proud of this chapter, I think it didn't turn out too bad!  
> Please let me know what you thought <3  
> Next up: Bron-Rawr! :P


	8. 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second part of the wedding, ceremonies, rituals, dancing, games and fun! Oh and there's cake.

Jimmy really enjoyed the time spent in the car, just snuggling with Robert, feeling his warmth next to him, the low rumble of the engine, all that actually made him a little sleepy, so by the time Robert nudged him gently to show him something, he had almost dozed off in his husband’s arms.

“Look, there it is.” Robert said excitedly and Jimmy opened his eyes and sat up to look through the window at what the other man was pointing at. Now he finally understood the name of the place. There, on a little hill in the distance, was the little cottage. The october sun bathed everything in a slightly golden light and it was beautiful. The leaves hadn’t fallen from the trees just yet, they were gorgeous and golden as well. It really looked straight out of a fantasy novel.

“Wow... the pictures online really don’t do it justice, do they? It’s amazing.” Jimmy breathed, leaning on Robert a bit to get a better view. The blonde hummed in agreement and smiled, leaning in to peck his cheek.

“We are so lucky with the weather, too.” He mused and Jimmy nodded. It wasn’t raining, the sun was shining, it was quite warm so they could do their little ceremony and the party outside. It was perfect. It took them a few more minutes to actually get there and for all their guests to arrive as well. 

While there had been more than 50 people at the register office, there were only 18 guests now, but Jimmy was happy about it. They were their closest friends and family, Robert’s parents, Jonesy, his wife and his two daughters, Emily and Svenja, Jenny, Jimmy’s therapist and friend, was there, too, Monique, Jimmy’s boss, Ron, their photographer, Robert’s assistant and good friend as well as another colleague that had worked with him ever since he first started his business and then there were Jimmy’s friends from what he referred to as his ‘previous life’, Daniel, Brian, Kevin, Jake and Charlie. 

Robert had been surprised that he wanted to invite them, afraid that it would bring back bad memories, but they were Jimmy’s friends, despite everything, and they had been through a lot of shit together that had caused them to grow very close and he wanted them there. That part of his life, while hard and often terrible, was still part of who he was after all and he couldn’t change that and he didn’t want to deny it either. 

Once Jimmy had explained, Robert had been more than happy to have them, he’d even organized a ride for them since none of them drove or had a car. Only Jake and Charlie still worked the streets, to Jimmy’s knowledge, the others had all managed to make the jump and either go back to school or find another job, much like Jimmy. He longed to help Jake and Charlie, but they weren’t ready, too afraid to get into something new, to get away from what they had gotten so used to and Jimmy understood. There had been a time when he’d felt the same, when he wanted to get away from it all but it had become so comfortable, almost easy to just live like that, to not care about anything but the next meal and how to get it. He told them that he’d always be there for them if they did want help and they had been grateful but declined, for now. 

Jonesy parked the car and again got out first to open the door for them, still playing the chauffeur, making Jimmy laugh as he tipped an imaginary hat and bowed when he got out of the car. 

He then looked around at the whole setup and smiled to himself, pleased. Everything was going to take place outside, for the most part at least, everything was set up on the large, green field of grass in front of the house. The decorations he’d come up with had been put up just the way he’d wanted it, everything looked absolutely breathtaking, festive and beautiful. There was only one table, big enough to fit them all and next to it, the catering service Robert had organized had put up a big buffet with all sorts of little snacks for lunch. Next to it, there were a few trays with dessert and next to that, a tray with glasses of champagne. Towards the side, there was a large fire pit with a grill as well as a rotisserie, Jimmy guessed that was what they were going to have for dinner that evening, a big barbeque.

Robert called everyone towards the buffet and had everyone take one of those, then spoke up briefly.

“I just wanted to quickly thank you all for being here with us today, to celebrate with us. I’m so happy to have you all here, to share this with you.” He said and raised his glass. A general murmur of agreement went through the little crowd as they all raised their glasses as well. “I hope you’re all having a great time, please help yourselves.” He then said, motioning towards the buffet and since everybody was quite hungry, they all immediately did just that. Jimmy again smiled to himself, it was great to have them all here and now he’d actually have some time to mingle and talk to everyone. 

He gave Robert a quick peck on the cheek, then joined the others at the buffet as well. He wasn’t particularly hungry, still too excited about everything, but the food looked so delicious, he couldn’t help himself, he wanted to try everything. Everything was made to look so pretty and delicate, garnished and decorated with all sorts of pretty little things and when he took the first bite, he wasn’t surprised to find that it didn’t only look good, it also tasted delicious. Everybody walked around, talked, sipped champagne and ate those little snacks, enjoying the company and the warmth of the October sun. Jimmy’s guests got to know Robert’s guests, made new friends, and Jimmy thought it was beautiful to see.

He took some time to talk to the people he didn’t know that well yet, like Robert’s assistant and his co-founder, feeling a little more sociable than usually, while Robert joked around with the five boys who seemed to be feeling strangely shy in this environment that was, of course, very unusual for them, but they sooned warmed up as they talked to Robert. Jimmy smiled, the blonde always had that effect on people, he’d been the same, he remembered. After a while, Jenny pulled him aside.

“Hey... how are you holding up?” She asked, giving him a curious, probing look. He laughed and grinned at her.

“I’m great! Why are you asking, do I look like I’m about to have a mental breakdown?” He asked, amused. She smiled and shook her head.

“No, not at all, that’s why I’m asking. I wasn’t expecting everything to go so smoothly, to be completely honest with you. It’s already been such an emotional day, it must have been overwhelming for you.” She explained. Jimmy couldn’t blame her. 

“Yeah... it was. It really was. For a moment, especially after Robert did that thing with my ID and helping me getting my name changed... I felt like I was bursting at the seams, just... like my body wasn’t enough to contain all those emotions.” He admitted. “But for the first time, ever, it felt... good. It was too much, but in the best possible way and I didn’t even want it to end. I just let it happen and enjoyed it.”

“That sounds healthy.” She gave him a little grin. “Don’t hesitate to ask for little breaks if you need them, alright? This is a big day, lots of stuff happening, it can get overwhelming. Take some time whenever you need it.” She advised and Jimmy nodded.

“I will. Thank you. I’m so nervous about the vows were going to be doing soon... talking in front of all these people, about something so personal... it’s making me incredibly fucking nervous. But I guess I’ll be fine.” He sighed.

“You will be fine.” She said reassuringly. “Nobody’s gonna judge you, I promise. Nobody is really good at stuff like that, they’re gonna understand.”

“Robert is probably gonna nail it, he’s like... some sort of poet.” Jimmy sighed. “Listen, something happened last night...” He then said and briefly told her about his little breakdown and how he’d almost hurt himself, about how Robert had walked in and about the technique he’d taught him. 

“Oh, that worked for you, really? I thought it’d make you even more nervous, to be honest.” She admitted, surprised.

“I don’t know if it was the tapping that helped... I think it was Robert. It allowed me to just focus on him, listening to him talk, his voice... I think that’s what helped me calm down. He was wonderful, he was so calm and gentle, his voice was almost hypnotizing...” He admitted. 

“That makes sense. It’s good he was there for you. You got so, so lucky with him.” She smiled as she watched Robert. He was holding Jonesy’s youngest daughter, she was sitting on his hip and he was feeding her some chocolate pudding from the buffet, laughing and joking with her. It was adorable. Jimmy briefly wondered if Robert wanted kids and if he’d ever regret marrying Jimmy, who, of course, couldn’t give him that. But then again, he wouldn’t have done all this if that was what he wanted, would he? They hadn’t really talked about that before, but Robert was well aware that Jimmy wasn’t the biggest fan of kids (he liked Jonesy’s well enough, though, mostly because they were almost like little adults), so he must have been aware that the younger man wouldn’t be up for adoption or something like that. He decided to ask him about that later, just for his own peace of mind. 

“I did, I really did. It still feels like a dream sometimes. I mean, we’ve been through some tough times, too, we’ve had some fights, but he only ever yelled at me once, and he apologized right away. He always calms down so quickly, it’s amazing.” He sighed.

“You do realize he’s worked hard for that, though, right?” Jenny reminded him. “If his anger management issues used to be bad enough to make his ex leave him, it must have been really bad and if he’s that zen now, he’s worked really, really hard.” 

“You’re right. He’s pretty strong.” Jimmy smiled. “If his ex could see him now, she’d be so mad about leaving him.” He grinned. He wasn’t one to feel joy about someone else’s loss, but in this case, he felt entitled. 

“Probably. But she’s not here, and he’s all yours.” Jenny winked. Both of their attention was then drawn by another car and an old, beat up looking VW bus arriving. That must be the ‘entertainer’, their host, that was supposed to lead them through their ceremony as well as the band, Jimmy thought. He quickly excused himself to go greet them as well as to see if they needed anything. The guys from the band were pretty cool and laid back, telling him they just needed to set up their equipment (which wasn’t much, really) and asking him to just leave it up to them, while the other man told him he was good to go right away. Jimmy offered him to take a moment to have some food from the buffet as well, which he politely declined, but he accepted the invitation for dinner gratefully.

Roger was a slightly chubby, tall man in his 60s with greying hair, a big moustache, glasses and a very kind smile. Jimmy hoped he wouldn’t make this too cheesy, because he knew that his own vows were going to be cheesy enough as it is, Robert’s were probably going to be even ‘worse’ and he might just die if things got too emotional and romantic. He watched curiously as the man quickly rounded up all their guests, then called Robert and Jimmy towards himself. The blonde gave him a bright smile and held out his hand for him to take as they made their way through their guests towards their host. 

“We are gathered here to witness and celebrate the bond of love between these two men.” He started and Jimmy braced himself, sensing by his wording that it *would* get cheesy as hell. Strangely, he found that he didn’t mind it at all. “These two men, who have found together despite all odds, despite all the evil forces trying their hardest to pry them apart!” He continued passionately and Jimmy swallowed nervously, tightening his hold on Robert’s hand. Of course the man knew their story, he had obviously prepared well for this ceremony. It felt strange hearing these words spoken like that, but it wasn’t like it wasn’t true. 

“These two *survivors*, who came out on top, stronger than before, because they have each other.” Roger continued, giving them a warm smile. “Let us all come together to celebrate their love, their victory, and wish them the best for the future.” Everybody cheered and Jimmy smiled, looking down shyly. It felt good to be spoken about like that, a survivor, a victor, rather than a victim. It made him feel strong. 

The older man then pulled out a ball of ribbons and Jimmy couldn’t keep his smile from growing wider. There were two colors, one of the ribbons was black and the other was sparkly and golden, just like their hair. It was incredibly cheesy, but again, Jimmy found himself loving it. He grinned up at Robert excitedly as Roger made them raise their still joined hands and started wrapping the ribbons around them. 

“As this knot is tied, so are your lives now bound. Woven into this ribbon, imbued into its very fibers, are all the hopes of your friends and family, and of yourselves, for your new life together. With the fashioning of this knot do I tie all the desires, dreams, love, and happiness wished here in this place to your lives for as long as love shall last.  
In the joining of hands and the fashion of a knot, so are your lives now bound, one to another.” Roger then almost chanted as he tied the ribbon.

“By this ribbon you are thus bound to your vow. May this ribbon draw your hands together in love, never to be used in anger. May the vows you will speak never grow bitter in your mouths. As your hands are bound by this ribbon, so is your partnership held by the symbol of this knot. Two entwined in love, bound by commitment and fear, sadness and joy, by hardship and victory, anger and reconciliation, all of which brings strength to this union. Hold tight to one another through both good times and bad, and watch as your strength grows.” He finished. Jimmy stared at the ribbon around their hands and took a deep breath, then smiled at Robert again, who returned it immediately. 

“You may now speak your vows.” Roger then prompted and they turned towards each other.

“May I go first?” Jimmy asked quickly and Robert nodded, giving him an encouraging smile. The younger man tried to swallow his nervousness and took a deep, calming breath and fumbled with the pocket of his trousers for a second, producing a little piece of paper. He barely even glanced at it, then shook his head and put it away again. He didn’t want it to sound like he was reading it out loud and he knew very well what he was going to say, after Roger’s speech during the ritual even more so than before. He returned his husband’s smile with confidence, then began:

“Love. Warmth. Safety. Gratitude. Happiness. Joy. Hope. Excitement. Desire.” He started speaking slowly, his voice only wavering the tiniest little bit. “When we first talked about vows and I told you how worried I was about this... about not knowing what to say... about messing up... you told me to just tell you what I feel.” He continued, his eyes never leaving Robert’s. He watched those blue eyes slowly tear up as he spoke and he gently, reassuringly squeezed his hand. He’d only seen Robert cry once, it took a lot to get him to be that emotional, so he felt like he was on the right track. 

“These are the things I feel when I am with you. Those are the things you make me feel, sometimes all at the same time.” Jimmy said, his lips curling into another little smile. “A while ago, I was wondering if he would have fallen in love if none of the things that happened to us had happened, without all the adrenalin and with how quickly everything happened... I came to the conclusion that yes, I would have fallen in love with you no matter what. Maybe not as quickly, maybe not as head over heels as I did with all that, but I know that I would have. I think I knew by the second time we met, I sat on your sofa, you had cooked for me, we were watching TV and I felt so shy, I didn’t know what to make of you yet, but you made me come out of my shell. You made me feel so safe, even then.” He admitted.

“I love your sweet and gentle soul, I love that you’re an incorrigible nerd, albeit in the body of a golden god-” Somebody in the crowd whistled loudly, “- who makes me laugh so hard my belly hurts sometimes. You inspire me to draw and paint, to create beautiful things. You make me feel happy and safe. You make me feel like I belong. Nobody has ever made me feel the way you do.” He said softly and by now, Robert was actually crying, not even holding back anymore, but he was smiling and laughing at Jimmy’s words at the same time. 

Jimmy had never seen him like that before, he obviously hadn’t expected all of this from Jimmy. He reached up with his free hand to cup Robert’s cheek lovingly and wipe away some tears before he continued, keeping his hand on his husbands face, caressing his cheek gently as Robert leaned into the caress.

“My promise to you is to love you and cherish you, in good times as well as bad times, to be faithful and devoted to you, and only you, to always be honest with you. I promise to never take your selflessness, your love, for granted and to do everything I can to make you feel just as loved and cared for as you make me feel, every single day.” He finished. It took their guests a moment before they started cheering and clapping and when Jimmy glanced at them, he saw that Annie was wiping her face as well, her makeup looked ruined and even Jonesy’s eyes looked a little wet. He knew he’d done a good job and he couldn’t help but feel a little proud of himself. 

“And you were so worried you were going to mess this up.” Robert whispered to him, shaking his head in disbelief. “I’m going to be the one messing up because now, thanks to you, I’m way too emotional.” He added and quickly wiped at his eyes with his sleeve before taking Jimmy’s free hand into his own as well, so he was holding both of them. It was time for his vows.

“When I first met you...” He started and sniffled a little, then laughed at himself and shook his head, starting over. “When I first met you, I was curious, I was intrigued, I wanted to know everything about you, but you were so shy, you were such a mystery to me... but it was beautiful to watch you slowly open up to me, the more we talked. I felt so very protective from the very beginning, but the more you trusted me, the more I wanted to keep you safe, keep you away from harm, make sure you were warm and happy and had everything you needed.” He said and now it was Jimmy’s turn to tear up, because that’s exactly what he’d done. He found himself holding on to his hands a little tighter and shuffling a bit closer.

“I’ve watched you grow from such a scared, suspicious, withdrawn boy into the radiant, strong, courageous young man you are now and I could not possibly be any prouder of you. At first, I was intrigued by the mystery about you, I was drawn in by your beauty, but I quickly learned that there is so much more to you than that. You are funny and mischievous, you are smart and witty, you are strong and you are not afraid to stand up for what you believe in, for yourself and for the people you care about.” He said and Jimmy found himself trying to fight back his tears, in vain. It was hard to believe that Robert really saw all that in him. 

“I consider myself lucky to be one of those people and I promise that I will always love you and care for you, that I will always be there for you, whenever you need me, whatever you need. I promise to be your anchor, to be strong when you can’t be, no matter what you’re going through.” He finished his vows and Jimmy couldn’t help himself, he leaned in to capture Robert’s lips in a kiss, trying hard not to burst into tears for good. Loud sobbing and ugly crying wasn’t something he wanted for his wedding. He managed, just so, and smiled into the kiss when Robert let go of his free hand put his own on Jimmy’s waist to pull him closer. 

Their guests were silent, giving them their moment. Jimmy suspected that none of them had expected this to be quite that emotional, they had probably expected jokes and teasing, light banter, but not this, and they didn’t know how to react, so they just left them to it for a while, letting them enjoy each other’s closeness for a bit. Jimmy lowered his head and rested his forehead against Robert’s chest, closing his eyes. They held each other for a while, letting their emotions settle down again. When he was ready, Jimmy looked up again and nodded at Roger, allowing him to continue with the ceremony. 

It was time for the sand pouring ceremony, so Roger pulled up a little table with an empty glass vase as well as two smaller ones, one filled with blue sand, the other with green sand.

“These two separate vases of sand symbolize your separate lives before you found each other.” Roger said, then motioned for them to each take their respective vase. Jimmy took the one with green sand, Robert the one with the blue sand. 

“They symbolize your separate friends, family, and choices. Today, both of you will seal your bond by blending these two individual vases together. Once the sand is blended together, it cannot be separated.” Roger continued and gave them a little nod, so they both raised their vase and poured a little sand into the bigger one. 

“Just as the sand cannot be separated, your friends and family are here today to witness your love never separating.” Another nod, and this time, only Jimmy poured some green sand into the vase. 

“By blending these sands together, we are recognizing the importance of blending two lives together.” Roger finished and gave them another little cue and this time, Robert poured his blue sand on top of Jimmy’s green sand, but Jimmy quickly raised his own vase again as well, nudged Robert’s hand aside and poured a little splotch on green in the middle of Robert’s blue line with a cheeky, impish little grin. Robert laughed and nudged him gently in turn for butting in like that. They kept taking turns until all the sand was filled into the new vase. Roger took it carefully and sealed it, then held it up for everyone to see. This time, the mood was much lighter and everybody cheered again. The vase was a beautiful blend of both of their colors and Jimmy couldn’t have been happier with it and what it meant.

Jimmy jumped a bit as a static noise filled the air, then the band started playing. He looked up at Robert in surprise, then grinned and laughed as he recognized the rhythm of a slow waltz. It sounded a tad bit wonky at first, this rock band clearly wasn’t used to playing stuff like that, but Jimmy loved it, it had a certain charm. Robert raised their bound hands and Jimmy rested his free hand on his shoulder as Robert’s hand slid to his waist. 

They easily fell into the now familiar dance, having practiced it at home quite a few times. Jimmy didn’t even mind that all the others were watching them, all that mattered right then was Robert as they twirled across the grass. He managed to only stumble over his own feet twice, grateful for Robert’s strong arm around his middle that easily caught him and held him up. He was dimly aware of the others watching in awe for a while.

It was Jonesy and his wife that joined them first, then Emily grabbed Svenja around the waist and pulled her on the makeshift ‘dance floor’ as well, Robert’s assistant and his co-founder joined them next, albeit a little awkwardly dancing with each other, not used to dancing with another man as they both tried to lead. Jimmy saw, in the corner of his eye, as Robert’s Dad looked at Annie, once, twice, then she rolled her eyes and dragged him to the dance floor by his tie. He couldn’t help but laugh at that, it was good to see them getting along, despite being divorced. 

When the song ended, he leaned in closer to whisper into Robert’s ear:

“I think I need a moment... can we get away from this for a bit?” He asked and Robert nodded, pulling him along. They walked past the old cottage to the front. There was a little front yard with flowers, a pond and an old bench. Robert brushed off some leaves and sat down.

“Let’s not get your gorgeous, white suit dirty.” He said gently and pulled Jimmy into his lap. The brunette laughed and wrapped his arms around his neck. “Are you alright, baby?” Robert then asked, clearly a little worried, but Jimmy smiled at him and nodded.

“Yes. More than alright. I just needed... a little time away from all those people, I needed a little peace and quiet.” He said. “I’m starting to feel a little drained.” He admitted.

“Understandable. Me too, to be honest. This was... incredibly intense.” Robert sighed and Jimmy nodded in agreement. “Don’t get me wrong... I loved every second of it... this is exactly what I wanted, what I imagined.” He said happily.

“Not too cheesy?” Jimmy grinned.

“For me? Never! How about you?” He asked.

“Hmm, maybe a little. Doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy it. I loved what you said and I meant every single word I said, I hope you know that.” He said solemnly. 

“I do.” Robert said. Jimmy rested his forehead against Robert’s and closed his eyes. This was the first time since this morning that they were truly alone.

“So... we’re married now. For real.” He whispered in disbelief, opening his eyes to look down at the ribbon wrapped and knotted around their hands. Their wedding rings were just so peeking through. Everything slowly started to sink in. 

“We are.” Robert confirmed as he reached up with his free hand to turn Jimmy’s head back towards himself to kiss him, slowly and gently. The younger man kissed him back, sliding his hand to the back of his neck and playing with the hair there as he slowly slid his tongue over his lips, deepening the kiss. Robert let him, moaning softly as their tongues touched. He then pulled back. “Can’t we just send them all home right now?” He asked huskily and Jimmy laughed.

“I wish we could, but no, baby, we can’t.” He cooed and Robert groaned. 

“Wow. You’ve been married to me for, what, 3, 4 hours, and you’re already trying to kill me?” He complained with a pout. Jimmy grinned.

“Well, now I can finally admit that I was just in it for the money.” He teased and winked at him. Half a year ago he wouldn’t have joked about this, but now, it didn’t even feel strange. Robert cocked an eyebrow at him.

“Really, I thought it was the name.” He said teasingly and Jimmy shrugged.

“I get to keep both either way.” He said cheekily and kissed Robert again as the older man laughed, obviously happy to find his young husband in such a good, playful mood. He then groaned again.

“Fuck... baby, we have to stop or I *will* have to send our guests home early... or make them wonder where we disappeared to for so long.” He said, resting his head on Jimmy’s shoulder. 

“Sorry. I have to admit, I sorta enjoy teasing you, but I don’t wanna make you feel bad for real.” Jimmy said and kissed his temple. “Let’s go back? I think I’m all recharged.” He then added and Robert nodded. They got up and slowly made their way back to their guests and the band. They were still playing, some slow, romantic rock song and Robert pulled him into his embrace to dance with him again as soon as they got back there. The others were glad to see them and to see that Jimmy was alright.

As they danced, Jimmy didn’t even feel their ribbon loosening and slowly slipping off their hands until it fell to the floor. 

“Oh no...” He whispered when he noticed and crouched down to pick it up. He still vividly remembered Roger’s little speech as he tied the knots and he felt that they didn’t make it last nearly long enough.

“It’s ok, baby... it was just symbolic.” Robert cooed when he noticed Jimmy’s sad expression. “It’s *not* a bad omen.” He added as if he could read the younger man’s mind. 

“You’re right.” Jimmy whispered with a little smile. He took two strands, one gold and one black, and tied it around Robert’s wrist like a bracelet, then asked Robert to do the same to him with the remaining two strands. That way, they’d each have some of the ribbon, but at least they could move around freely.

“OK, are you guys up for a little game?” Roger then asked loudly as the next song ended and everybody cheered while Jimmy’s stomach dropped a bit. He hadn’t expected any games, but he’d play along nevertheless. Everybody sat at the table while two chairs for Robert and Jimmy were pulled away from the table and put on the grass, back to back. As they sat, Roger gave each of them a little blackboard and some chalk and Jimmy groaned inwardly. He knew this game and part of him was elated, he was pretty sure they were gonna nail it, they knew each other pretty well after all, but another, smaller part of him was also afraid that it’d turn out that they don’t even know each other all that well. 

“So, we’re going to play a little variation of this game. I’m going to ask the two of you a question and you’re going to write down your answer. Your spouse then has to guess what your answer was! If your guess is correct, you get a point, if you’re wrong, your spouse gets a point!” Roger explained. “Let’s start out easy: What’s your shoe size?” Jimmy quickly scribbled down a 7.5 and tried not to blush because he knew that Robert knew his shoe size very well, having bought him heels several times. Nobody but them knew that, though, of course. To his own surprise, he wasn’t entirely sure what Robert’s size was, he’d have to guess. “Well, Robert, what do you think Jimmy’s shoe size is?” Roger asked them once they put their little blackboards up for their guests to see.

“I know that it’s 7.5.” Robert said confidently and Jimmy could hear his smirk even though he couldn’t see his face. This time, he couldn’t help but blush. 

“That is correct!” Roger said cheerfully. “Jimmy?” 

“Uhm. Uh. I think it’s 9.” He said insecurely. He thought Robert had pretty big feet, he was a tall man after all, but then again, so was Jimmy and his were rather small. They were definitely bigger than his, although he never paid that much attention. 

“Ooh... oh. That is not what Robert wrote down... sorry, Jimmy! Robert is in the lead!” Roger said and Jimmy pouted, then turned around and craned his neck to see Robert’s blackboard. It said 8.5. 

“Hey, no peeping!” Robert chided and Jimmy laughed. 

“Let’s keep it easy: What is your favorite color?” Roger then asked and this time, Jimmy smiled, he knew that one. He quickly jotted down ‘black’ and propped his blackboard up on his legs again for the guests to see. “Alright, Jimmy, what do you think Robert’s favorite color is?”

“It’s blue.” He said easily, knowing he’d earned himself a point. 

“Yes! Very good! That is your first point.” Roger said, then turned to Robert.

“It’s not really a color but I’m pretty sure he wrote down black.” The blonde said teasingly and their guests laughed as Jimmy grumbled and moved his shoulder to nudge his husband’s back. 

“There’s your second point, he did indeed!” Roger cheered. “OK, next one, how do you like your coffee?” He then asked and Jimmy paused as he realized that he didn’t have to change what was on his blackboard. Robert was asked first this time. 

“His blackboard still says ‘black’ because he likes his coffee black like his soul.” Robert said, amused, and Jimmy perked up.

“Hey!” He said, more amused than offended. “At least I actually *like* coffee, I don’t have to put heaps of sugar and cream!” He laughed. 

“Now, now, don’t you guys fight! You both get a point!” Roger laughed. “What word best describes your spouse first thing in the morning?” He asked and Jimmy quickly wiped away his last answer, thought about it for a moment, then wrote down ‘sexy’. Some of the girls giggled as he showed his blackboard. “Jimmy?” 

“He thinks I’m ‘adorable’ when I’m sleepy, so I think that’s what he wrote down. Adorable or cute.” He guessed, a little disgruntled. He didn’t much like being thought of as cute.

“Indeed!” Roger said. “Robert?”

“He likes my morning voice, so I think he said ‘sexy’...” Robert said and again, his grin was audible to Jimmy. 

“Yes, correct! Each of you gets another point, so Robert’s still in the lead with 4 while Jimmy’s got 3! You know each other really well! Now, since we’ve stepped into the ‘sexy’ territory...” He wiggled his eyebrows and Jimmy groaned inwardly once again, “What do you find most physically attractive about your spouse?”

Now that posed a problem because he didn’t have a specific thing about Robert he found the most attractive, it was the whole package he loved so much, his lithe yet strong body, the way he moved, his voice, the way he talked, his golden skin and hair, everything. He’d admit that he had a thing for Robert’s cock, but he couldn’t very well write that down in front of his parents and their friends, there were kids there after all, so he decided to write ‘the “whole package” ;)’ so the adults would get it, but the kids would stay oblivious. It wasn’t a lie and there was enough innuendo to cause a laugh, but not bad enough to make anybody feel embarrassed. He propped the blackboard up again and wiggled his eyebrows at the guests, feeling bold. They all laughed and whistled.

“Hmm... I’m actually not sure about this one. At first I thought he’d write something inappropriate, judging by the reactions, but then again, he’s really shy, he wouldn’t...” Robert mused, sounding strangely shy himself. “I don’t know, my voice?” He guessed and Roger shook his head.

“No, no, I’m sorry Robert, that is not correct.” He said. “Jimmy?”

“I think... I think he likes my hair best.” He said. He’d been a little insecure about that one, he knew that Robert was very much into him and there were a lot of things he liked about him, but if he had to pick a favorite thing, it’d probably be that. 

“Yes! That’s exactly what he wrote down! Congratulations, both of you win, you both got 4 out of 5 right!” Roger said.

“Now I gotta know what you wrote down...” Robert said and got up from his chair. Jimmy squealed and tried to hide his blackboard as Robert grabbed him around the waist trying to get it. He tried to wipe away the chalk, but his husband started tickling him and Jimmy laughed helplessly, letting go of the blackboard to stop Robert’s hands.

“Nooo! Don’t! Stop!” He squealed and giggled while their guests laughed at their antics. Robert got a hold of his blackboard and gasped.

“Jimmy! You did not!” He threw his head back and laughed as he read Jimmy’s cheeky answer. “You cheeky little...” He growled and grabbed him around the waist again, tickling him a little more before picking him up and spinning him around. The younger man was still in stitches, laughing and gasping from the tickling as he held on to his husband and their guests started clapping and cheering once more, a few of them whistled again as well. 

That hadn’t been so bad, he’d actually had fun, but he was starting to feel a little socially drained again, so he was grateful when he noticed that the sun had started to set and the staff from the catering service had started the fire. It was almost time for dinner. They all sat at the big table and two waiters took everybody’s orders for drinks. Jimmy asked for a glass of white wine while Robert, to his surprise, opted for soda. He raised an eyebrow at him for not drinking at his own wedding, but the blonde just smiled at him, then winked. Maybe he’d have some later. 

“You guys are the most adorable couple I’ve ever seen, in my entire life, including John and myself.” Jonesy’s wife told him with a big grin, making her husband laugh. 

“Aww, no, don’t say that!” Jimmy said, embarrassed.

“I mean it, though. This ceremony, your vows, everything... that was the sweetest, most touching thing I’ve ever witnessed.” She then said, much more serious. Jimmy smiled shyly and looked down at his glass.

“Thank you...” He answered timidly. “I’m glad everything went so well, it was beautiful.”

“It was. I think you’re going to have a wonderful future.” She said and Jimmy didn’t even know what to say. It felt incredibly good to hear that and it made him smile. He was spared having to come up with an answer by someone calling them all to come and fill their plates with grilled vegetables and meat. Jimmy waited for a moment, then got up to stand in line at the barbeque as well. Dinner was just as delicious as lunch had been, if not even more so, and they all ate and talked at the big table.

They all gasped as they brought the wedding cake for dessert. Jimmy had insisted on an actual, yummy cake, not one of those awful english wedding fruit cakes that mostly served as decoration, he wanted one with all kinds of chocolate and cream. This one had 4 tiers, tons of sugary decorations and it had to be carried by 2 people, adorned with sparklers as they brought it. 

Both Jimmy and Robert got up to cut it. Robert took the large knife and Jimmy put his hand on top of his as they cut the first slice. They each took one of the little forks and fed each other a piece of the cake, Jimmy actually moaned at how good it was.

“Oh no, I’m gonna be fat by the end of this.” He worried and his husband laughed, shaking his head and quickly feeding him another piece. Jimmy hurried to stuff another chocolatey bite into Robert’s mouth as well, but it slid off his fork and landed on his white suit jacket. They both paused for a moment, then burst out laughing. In any other situation, Jimmy would have been mortified, he would have felt like the biggest failure to ever walk the face of the earth, but today, he couldn’t have cared less. He knew Robert didn’t mind his clumsiness, he found it cute, even, and he was just way too happy to let something like this throw him off. They took their plate with the big piece they had cut back to the table, sat back down and continued feeding each other while their guests all went to get a piece of the cake as well. Jimmy quickly stopped one of the waiters and asked him to have a few pieces of the cake put on little paper plates for each their guests to take back home since there was no way they were going to finish the cake today and it shouldn’t go to waste. He also asked for a big piece for both of them so they could have it for breakfast tomorrow. He grinned to himself, he usually wouldn’t allow himself to start the day with cake, but it was a very special occasion after all. 

After they were done, the band started playing again, the songs they chose this time much faster and way more upbeat than before and the waiters served wine and cocktails for everyone who didn’t have to drive. Jimmy couldn’t say no to that and Robert took one of the colorful cocktails as well before pulling Jimmy back onto the ‘dance floor’. The younger man laughed, not knowing what to do, he had no idea how to dance to this type of music and he felt awkward, but he just followed Robert’s example, moving to the beat of the music, soon forgetting about how self conscious he felt as the others joined in as well (the cocktails helped a little, too). 

“May I borrow your husband for this dance?” Jonesy asked Robert, offering his hand to Jimmy and the brunette actually blushed, he’d never danced with anybody but Robert before.

“Of course, as long as you return him in one piece once you’re done...” Robert grinned. Jimmy scoffed and swatted at his arm playfully, then smiled at Jonesy and took his hand. The next song was a slow one and he wrapped his arms around Jonesy’s neck while the other man’s hands rested on his hips. He was surprised that it didn’t feel awkward at all, he was very comfortable like this, actually, and it occurred him what a good friend Jonesy had become to him, as well. He was also reminded of how grateful he was for everything he’d done for him, how he’d taken care of him and made sure he didn’t have to go to the hospital when he didn’t want to. He found himself smiling and giving him a big, tight hug and a peck on the cheek at the end of the dance, then turned around when someone touched his shoulder.

“Can you spare a dance for your Dad in law, too?” Robert Sr. asked with a timid smile that Jimmy found himself returning right away.

“Aww, but of course I can.” He said and wrapped his arms around the older man’s neck as they started dancing. 

“You made my son very, very happy. I’m so glad the two of you found each other.” His father in law said gently and Jimmy sighed.

“Don’t start, you’re gonna make me cry again.” He mumbled. 

“That’s ok, though.” Robert Sr. reassured him with a smile. “I’m just happy for you, you are good for each other.” 

“Thank you... I’m so grateful you accepted me so easily, both of you.” Jimmy said, starting to feel emotional again.

“We just want our son to be happy and you make him happy. It’s really that easy, sometimes.” The older man said and Jimmy smiled up at him, maybe it really was. 

They all spent the better part of the next two hours dancing, drinking cocktails and singing along to the band until it was late. Jonesy’s wife was the first to leave, the kids should have been in bed 2 hours ago after all, and her husband soon followed, having to take back the Cadillac as well. 

The rides Robert had organized for some of the other guests started arriving and people left one by one and when the last car drove off, Jimmy was still waving one second, then, suddenly, the next second he found himself pushed up against the wooden door of the cottage by a very eager, horny Robert.

“I want you so badly...” He growled, pushing his whole body up against Jimmy’s and the younger man felt his knees go weak. Robert had never dared to be that forceful and demanding with him before, too worried he’d scare him, but there was none of that now and Jimmy loved it. He wrapped his arms around his husband, tangled his hands in his blonde curls and pulled him in for a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, enough cheesy romance! Who is ready for smut? :P


	9. 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wedding night!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter I've ever written. 
> 
> Now, I realize I could have made this much shorter, but... no. There is so, so much more to this night than just sex (even though there is a lot of that, lol), Jimmy does still have some issues, but he's grown so much, he's so much better now... I had to write this just like this, there had to be some emotion, some drama, just a little. 
> 
> This chapter isn't supposed to just be hot, it's supposed to show the connection these two have, how much trust and love there is between them.

Robert kissed him back eagerly and pushed him against the door a little harder, then slowed it down, the heated kiss turning into a slow, sensual one. Jimmy paused as he felt Robert smiling widely.

“What’re you smiling about, hm?” He mumbled against the other’s lips, amused. Robert pulled back a little to look at his face. He gently rested his forehead against Jimmy’s. 

“I remembered our first kiss.” He answered in a soft whisper and the younger man couldn’t help but smile back. Despite the situation he had been in back then, it wasn’t a bad memory at all. It had been his very first kiss and he had been so excited, so incredibly happy that Robert wanted to kiss him, despite everything, despite how beaten up and injured he was, despite how tainted he felt. 

“I like remembering that, too.” He said and gently pecked his husband’s lips. 

“I held you in my arms and I felt how quickly your little heart was beating, it was so adorable... it’s nice to know I still have the same effect on you.” Robert said and Jimmy smiled. It was true, even after countless kisses, he still felt the same. 

“You do that to me a lot, yes.” He admitted.

“I felt so protective, I wanted to hold you and protect you and keep you safe, so badly.” Robert said. “I never felt like that about anybody before, ever.”

“You did keep me safe, Robert. Without you, I wouldn’t... I...” He trailed off as Robert raised a hand and put a finger over his lips gently.

“Don’t.” He said quietly and shook his head. Jimmy understood, he didn’t want to hear what he was going to say and Jimmy didn’t need to say it. He was safe now, he was happy now. It was ok. “Would you like to take this inside...?” Robert then asked with a smile. 

“I... actually... can’t we sit by the fire for a little longer?” Jimmy asked, biting his lip. Robert sighed and frowned slightly.

“Don’t you want....?”

“I do. Of course I do. I just...” Jimmy sighed. “Well, I promised to be honest with you, right? I’m just... I don’t want this day to end yet.” He stammered. “I fear that if we do this, it’s gonna be over too soon. This was the best day of my life and I really, really don’t want it to end yet.” Robert’s face softened as he listened. 

“Sweet baby... you don’t have to be afraid, it’s not ending, we have several weeks all to ourselves after this...” He cooed. “Even tomorrow, our flight is in the evening, we have all day... Just us in this beautiful little cottage.” 

“I know, it’s just... please? Just a few minutes.” Jimmy insisted and Robert nodded, of course he’d never make the younger man do something he didn’t want to do. He took his hand gently and lead him back towards the large fire pit and they sat on one of the logs around it. Jimmy got back up and poured each of them another glass of wine, taking it back to the fire. Robert accepted his glass and glanced at him curiously.

“You know... earlier... when we played that game...” He started, then paused and sighed before continuing. “That last question... it took you a long time to decide what to write down. Is it because... you don’t find me attractive? Is there nothing you like in particular, about me?” He asked and Jimmy found himself blinking at him in surprise. He’d never heard the blonde sound so insecure, but of course, everybody had those insecurities, even Robert. 

“Why would you think that?” He asked, slightly shocked. “I just married you, you silly man! I just didn’t really know what to write down because I like everything about you. I didn’t want it to be too inappropriate, either. Besides, you just wrote about my hair, too...” He said. 

“Well, what you wrote was pretty cheeky.” Robert chuckled, but he still looked insecure. “It’s just... it was so easy for you to stay away from me for three weeks. It was like it wasn’t even an issue for you, while I was really struggling. Even now, when we could just go inside, you’d prefer to sit by the fire and sip wine.” Jimmy sighed, then smiled and turned towards his husband. 

“What exactly are you worried about, love?” He asked and Robert looked at him, then back down at his glass.

“I don’t know. You don’t seem to want me anymore. Sometimes I feel like I’m not attractive. I mean... I’m hairy. I’m not particularly muscular. I have that ugly birthmark on my back. I worry that... you think I’m old. I have wrinkles.” He pouted. Jimmy couldn’t help but melt. Robert was always so confident, it was a surprise to hear him say these things. 

“Robert, love, you are so, so wrong.” He cooed and gently touched his cheek, caressing it softly. “I’m so sorry I made you feel like that. I only wanted this night to be special. I mean, it’s always special, but...” He trailed off and shrugged. “I love you. I love your body, too. You’re so fucking gorgeous. I love your hair, your blue eyes, I love your lips, I love your broad shoulders, your chest, your abs, everything, you’re so sexy. You may have wrinkles, but I love each and every single one.” He said, pressing a gentle kiss to the corner of Robert’s mouth, where he had a dimple, then to his brow, the deep crease between his eyebrows. The other man closed his eyes and sighed.

“Thank you for saying that.” He whispered. “Sorry I got so damn insecure, it just started to feel like you didn’t want me anymore.” 

“I do want you. Fuck, I want you so much I fear it’s gonna be over in 5 seconds.” Jimmy pouted and Robert laughed. “I meant what I wrote. I do love the whole package.” He winked, then. “You’re just so hot, everything about you drives me crazy, your body, the way you move, your voice. Everything.” He added. He briefly contemplated telling Robert what exactly he wanted to do that night, telling him that he wanted Robert to top tonight, something they’d never done before. He was pretty sure Robert didn’t even think that was on the table at all, ever. But tonight, that was what he wanted, he’d been thinking about it for a while, but tonight was perfect. He decided against bringing it up right now, though, deciding to wait until a little later. 

“I mean, if it’s any consolation, you know that both of us can go several rounds, so it shouldn’t be a problem, right?” Robert asked carefully after he finished his wine. Jimmy grinned, that was true.

“You’re right. I’m worrying too much.” He agreed and emptied his glass as well. He took Robert’s glass and put them both aside, then got up and held out his hand for Robert to take. “Let’s go. I wanna show you just how much I want you.” The older man grinned at him widely and got up, too, almost dragging him towards the cottage. Once he unlocked the door, he paused. 

“Let me carry you over the threshold.” He said and Jimmy laughed.

“This isn’t our home.” He pointed out, but Robert shrugged.

“Does it matter?” He asked and gently scooped the younger man up in his arms. Jimmy laughed and wrapped his arms around the other’s neck. This wasn’t the first time Robert had carried him like this, but most definitely the nicest. He was carried across the threshold, but Robert didn’t put him down inside the house, he kept walking until he reached the bedroom where he gently put Jimmy back on his feet. 

It was quite dark, so they had to feel around for the lightswitch for a moment and when the light finally came on, flickering a little, Jimmy looked around for a moment. Everything was pretty old, the furniture and the decor, but extremely cozy and nice, there was a big bed in the center of the room, two bedside tables, a dresser, there was an old, cozy sofa that now held their luggage (the little they had taken along) and opposite the bed, there was a fireplace. Another door led to a little bathroom. 

“This is nice...” He said and Robert nodded briefly, but Jimmy knew that he couldn’t care less about the room right now. He wasted no time in pinning Jimmy against the wall again, kissing him heatedly, and the younger man gasped in surprise. The blonde stopped at that sound.

“Sorry... I didn’t mean to...” Robert stammered, realizing how rough he was, but Jimmy silenced him by kissing him again.

“It’s ok. I like this. A lot.” He quickly said in between kisses. “Don’t hold back.” He added and started to tug at Robert’s jacket, pushing it over his shoulders to make it fall to the floor behind him. Robert did the same to him and started tugging his shirt out of his trousers while kissing him. When he slid his hand underneath his shirt and touched his bare skin for the first time, Jimmy gasped in surprise at the intensity of it, his whole body shuddering as he got an instant gooseflesh all over. Robert pulled his hand back in surprise.

“Did I hurt you?” He asked as he looked at Jimmy with wide eyes. He hadn’t expected that reaction at all. Jimmy just grinned at him, elated.

“No, on the contrary. That felt... wow. Intense.” He admitted. Robert’s eyebrows rose on his forehead.

“I hardly touched you.” He said.

“Exactly. Looks like I’m not just back to normal...” Jimmy grinned happily. 

“Oh. You mean... you’re more sensitive than before?” Robert asked and Jimmy nodded. That one little touch had sent sparks of pleasure through his body, unlike ever before. Those awful meds were out of his system and apparently had left him a little more sensitive than before. That, or the time they had spent abstaining. He watched an almost predatory grin spread on his husband’s face. “I’m going to have *so* much fun tonight.” He said and Jimmy laughed. 

“*You* are going to have fun?” He asked, amused. Robert just nodded and kissed him again, a little more slowly, and slid his hands up Jimmy’s torso, staying on top of his shirt for now, caressing him through the fabric. That didn’t do very much to dull the sensation and Jimmy shuddered again, arching his back a little to get more of Robert’s touch, but again, Robert paused. 

“What’s this?” He asked. Jimmy was confused briefly, then he realized the other man must have felt his body chain through the shirt. He grinned impishly.

“Why don’t you find out?” He said as seductively as he could and Robert immediately went for the buttons of his shirt, opening them one by one, carefully but quickly, eager to find out what was hiding underneath. Jimmy spread his arms to let the shirt fall to the floor to join their jackets and watched Robert’s face as he looked at him. His eyes widened as he took in his husband’s body adorned with silver and crystals. 

“It’s not blue.” That was the first thing he noticed and Jimmy laughed again. “That means... there’s more.” 

“Hmmm, yes, there might just be more for you to discover.” Jimmy smiled mysteriously, then sighed as Robert reached out to drag the tip of a single finger down his chest, along the lines of the body chain. He twitched as it started to tickle, so he grabbed Robert’s wrists to put his hands on his body completely. “No more teasing, touch me.” He said needily. 

“Oh, I plan to...” Robert growled and moved in to kiss him again as he slowly caressed his entire torso, around the chains and underneath, soon moving on to kiss his neck, starting from that wonderful spot just behind his ear, down to his shoulder. Jimmy whimpered helplessly as Robert teased his nipples and held on to his husband’s arms to steady himself, his knees feeling weak again. He couldn’t believe how good it felt, his head was spinning and he couldn’t think straight. He wanted to continue undressing Robert, but he just couldn’t focus on that at all, all he could do was hold on to him. 

He got a moment to breathe when Robert started to open the buttons of his trousers, then pull down the zipper. He pulled them down a little, then took a little step back and frowned.

“Still not blue.” He commented when the lacy waistband of his panties came into view. He’d obviously expected panties. Jimmy grinned at his growing confusion and wiggled his hips a little so the trousers slipped down a little more. His breath caught in his chest when Robert slowly crouched down in front of him To pull his trousers down even more. “Fuck. Wow.” He whispered when he saw the panties for the first time. “You’re so gorgeous...” 

Jimmy just smiled down at him, almost shyly, words didn’t come to him at this point, nor where they necessary. Robert gently slid his hands over the shiny satin covering Jimmy’s hips, then let them slide lower, slowly sliding the trousers down his legs, until his hand brushed against the lace of his garter. He gasped. 

“No way.” He whispered in awe and Jimmy almost laughed at his reaction, he sounded like a ten year old boy who just found out that he did indeed get the newest Playstation for christmas. Jimmy stepped out of the trousers and made to toe off his cute white socks with ruffles and a lace trim, but Robert stopped him. 

“No, don’t. Keep them on. I like them.” He whispered as he ran his hands up Jimmy’s leg all the way from his ankle to the garter above his knee. Jimmy found himself blushing, he never thought he could feel anything about *socks*, but now Robert went and made it feel naughty. He liked it, he liked that Robert liked them. They were cute and he knew his husband had some kind of cuteness-kink or something, but he didn’t really mind. 

He shivered again when Robert started kissing the inside of his thigh, just next to the garter, as his hand slid up his leg again and he caressed him, feeling the soft lace and hooking a thumb underneath to caress Jimmy’s skin there. 

“Fuck, you have no idea what you’re doing to me...” Robert groaned and looked up at his husband. “Do you have any idea how amazing you look? You’re already making me ruin my trousers.” Jimmy couldn’t help but smirk at that, he loved it. Robert was always quick to ruin his underwear, unlike Jimmy he always dripped copious amounts of precum as soon as he got turned on. The younger man had wondered briefly if there was something wrong with him, but Robert had reassured him, telling him that bodies were different and they were both perfectly normal, as different as they were. 

“Hmm, I can imagine that.” He purred, feeling bolder now by how much his husband liked this. Even if he hadn’t said so, Jimmy would have noticed by the way he was looking at him with heavy, darkened eyes. 

He raised his leg a little and wrapped it around Robert’s shoulders gently, pulling him closer to his crotch. A while ago, he wouldn’t have done this, he would have been way too self-conscious, worried that he’d smell bad after wearing this all day, but now, he couldn’t care less, he knew Robert loved him, everything about him, so he didn’t have many inhibitions. He turned out to be right, Robert immediately nuzzled him eagerly, starting to kiss and lick at him through the thin satin while one of his hands came up and around to squeeze his butt and pull him even closer, the other kept toying with the garter. 

Jimmy had to lean against the wall behind him and hold on to the edge of the little dresser next to him to keep his balance, standing on one leg, the other around Robert’s neck and shoulders. The sensations Robert’s mouth on him was causing almost made him slide to the floor as well, but he managed to stay upright for now, gasping and moaning. 

“Oh fuck... Robert...” He moaned and used his leg to push the other’s face against himself a little harder. It had been so long since he’d felt this and he had almost forgotten how it felt, how much he missed it. Robert soon pulled back a little, though, and started kissing the inside of his thigh again until he reached the garter. He started pulling it down with his teeth, just like Jimmy had imagined in the store when he bought it. Then he stopped.

“Hm, I think I want you to keep this on.” He mused with a little grin and pushed it back up with his hand. Jimmy grinned back at him, he had suspected that, but his expression changed when Robert then pulled down his panties a little to free his cock. He bit his lip and leaned back against the door again, letting his head fall back against it as well when he felt first the cool air, then his husband’s hot mouth on him. He grabbed the dresser for support once more, he felt like he was about to come already and Robert had barely even done anything, he was so sensitive. 

He did his best to hold back, but after less than a minute, he had to grab Robert by the hair and pull his head back or he would have come already. He looked down at him, momentarily distracted by the look in his eyes and his wet, glistening, reddened lips, he looked positively wrecked already. 

“I like your hair like this.” Jimmy smirked, it allowed him a good grip on it with the way it was pulled back with a single black hair tie. “Get up.” He then ordered, letting go of his hair and Robert immediately complied. Jimmy started unbuttoning his shirt. “Shoes off.” He told him. This time, it was Robert who smirked. The younger man looked at him in surprise when he didn’t do as he was told.

“Someone’s bossy, huh?” He commented and grabbed Jimmy’s wrists, walking him back against the wall again. He pinned his wrists to the wall and grinned at him. Jimmy looked up at him with wide eyes, he had *never* done that before, but he obviously felt encouraged by Jimmy telling him not to hold back earlier. Jimmy always took charge in the bedroom, it just came naturally, he’d always felt most comfortable that way, but this was very new to him. He swallowed hard as he looked up at Robert. 

“Cat got your tongue?” The blonde asked with another smirk and Jimmy felt like he was going to die with how turned on he was, this was all kinds of hot. 

He couldn’t answer, his heart had leapt into his throat, so he let Robert’s capture his lips in a kiss again instead, moaning as he tasted himself there ever so slightly. He was surprised that he didn’t get scared by Robert holding his hands like this, immobilizing him and taking charge like this. It didn’t scare him at all, on the contrary, he loved it. He trusted this man with his life, he felt safe. 

Robert kissed him only briefly, then pulled back and searched his face, looking for any signs of discomfort or fear. Not finding any, he took a step forward, pushing his body up against Jimmy’s again, much like he had done earlier, outside, only now there was a lot less fabric between them, Jimmy almost naked save for his lingerie. He kissed him again, harder and more deeply this time. The younger man moaned into the kiss, both due to the kiss itself and because of the friction Robert’s trousers gave him. 

The older man let go of his wrists to start caressing him again, briefly toying with his body chain before going back to his skin, making Jimmy gasp and moan even more. He unclasped the chain and took it off, putting it on the dresser next to them, this way he had much better access to Jimmy’s body. Now that he had his hands back, the brunette quickly went back to unbuttoning Robert’s shirt, tugging it out of his trousers and pushing it off his shoulders, then he went straight for his trousers, wanting to feel more of his husband’s skin against his own as quickly as possible. 

Robert stopped him again, holding his wrists again as he kissed his neck and rolled his hips against Jimmy’s teasingly slowly. The younger man threw his head back and sighed, clenching his fists, then he shivered. He hadn’t noticed how cold it was until now, the cottage didn’t seem have heating, at least there were no radiators in this room. Robert felt him shiver and let go of him again. 

“Get in there, let me get a fire going.” He said, pointing first at the bed, then at the fireplace. The room was small and would warm up in no time, but for now, it was freezing. Jimmy nodded and did as he was told, hurrying to the bed. He untucked the blanket and slid underneath, wrapping it tightly around himself as he watched his husband start a fire. He smiled to himself, this was actually really romantic. 

“I like this... my man starting a fire to keep me warm...” He whispered and heard Robert chuckle. 

“You are a romantic at heart, after all.” He said teasingly. It didn’t take him long to get the fire going and he quickly kicked off his shoes, got rid of his socks and took off his pants and underwear to get under the covers with Jimmy. He pulled the younger man close right away and they started making out again.

“Fuck how I missed feeling your body against mine like this.” Jimmy sighed. “This feels so good...” He said, then giggled as Robert disappeared under the blanket, kissing down his body again. He desperately wanted to kick off the blanket to see his husband, but he didn’t want to be cold again, the room hadn’t yet warmed up. He gasped in surprise, feeling what Robert was doing without getting to see it was a whole new sensation and he gripped the edge of the blanket tightly.

Every single touch felt so incredibly good and intense, he threw his head back and sighed and moaned, a big smile spreading on his face. Suddenly, he couldn’t help it, laughter bubbled up inside him, spilling from his lips as Robert kissed and licked his entire body. He quickly covered his mouth with his hand, he didn’t want the other man to think he was laughing at him or something.

“Sorry...” he mumbled, embarrassed. Robert pulled the blanket back a little and grinned at him. 

“Don’t be. It’s good to hear you’re enjoying yourself.” He said. 

“I didn’t want you to think I’m laughing at you or something. It just felt so good.” Jimmy said sheepishly.

“It’s alright, baby... this isn’t the first time, you know?” Robert chuckled. Jimmy blinked at him, confused, and the older man smiled at him gently. “I noticed how you’re always smiling when something feels really good... once, you were really drunk, you weren’t holding back at all and you just laughed happily, in between those little moans you made, when I sucked your cock. I thought it was the sexiest thing ever, seeing you enjoying yourself like that.”

Jimmy blinked again, his memories were a little fuzzy, but he did remember that, now that Robert mentioned it. He smiled and caressed Robert’s cheek until the he dived underneath the blanket once more, continuing what he’d started.

He soon felt the other man kiss his way back up because he needed fresh air, making sure to leave no part unkissed, Jimmy was trembling by the time Robert stuck his head out from under the blanket again, grinning at him cheekily. He was on top of the brunette now and he gently pulled him down to kiss him again.

“What are you doing to me...” Jimmy sighed once they parted. “This is insane. I’ve never felt like this before, all those times...” He shook his head in disbelief. 

“Something is different today, yeah...” Robert smiled. “Is this ok? Me, like this, I mean?”

“You being in charge, for a change, you mean?” Jimmy specified with a little grin. “Yes. More than ok. I love it. I loved what you did earlier, too. You caught me off guard, turning the tables on me like that and you were so fucking hot.” He admitted. 

“I was?” The blonde pretended to wonder, as if he didn’t know full well what he did to Jimmy earlier and how it had made him feel. “I can do that again if you want. You’d tell me if something wasn’t ok, wouldn’t you?” Robert asked.

“Of course.” Jimmy nodded. “I trust you and I feel safe with you.” He said solemnly. Robert melted and smiled at him, then kissed him again and started moving his hips against him again. This time, there was nothing separating them but the thin satin of Jimmy’s panties, which he quickly shimmied out of and tossed aside. They landed on the edge of the bedside table, dangling off the corner, making both of them laugh. 

Jimmy moaned as he felt Robert’s cock against his own without any fabric between them for the first time, rubbing against him slowly. He desperately wanted to touch it, so he gently pushed Robert off of him again, turning them both on their sides. He slid his hand down Robert’s chest, across his stomach and lower, gently wrapping his hand around his length. 

“Fuck, I missed you...” Jimmy groaned and Robert half moaned, half laughed.

“Were you talking to me or my cock just now?” He asked, amused. 

“Uhm. I meant your cock, this time.” Jimmy admitted sheepishly, and this time Robert actually laughed. 

“You’re incorrigible.” He said. “I missed yours, too, though.” He admitted and mirrored Jimmy’s movement, wrapping his hand around the younger man’s cock as well. Jimmy gasped and moaned, both of them knew they weren’t going to last long, it had been so long since they’d touched each other, they wanted each other so much, they were too touch starved to last. They started moving their hands on each other and Jimmy closed his eyes, hiding his face in the crook of Robert’s neck.

It felt different than usually, much more intimate and like they were closer than they’d ever been before, their bodies slotting together perfectly like two pieces of a puzzle. Jimmy turned his head to kiss the other man’s neck gently, sighing when Robert did the same.

“I love you so, so much...” He whispered, trying to snuggle even closer to his husband while trying to keep his hand moving at the same time. 

“And I love you...” Robert answered with a smile, caressing his back gently, pulling Jimmy closer as well. They were finally getting warmer, snuggled underneath the blanket, so close to each other. “Tell me when you’re close... I want to suck you off, I want you to finish in my mouth.” He purred and Jimmy groaned, those words just brought him even closer to the edge. 

“I am close.” He answered immediately and sighed at the loss of warmth and contact when Robert gently pushed him on his back again. He closed his eyes when Robert sucked on his neck lightly, probably leaving a little mark, then kissed lower, over his collar bones, towards his chest. He had to hold back from bucking his hips against Robert’s thigh when he started licking and sucking at his nipples, looking up at him from just underneath the edge of the blanket. “Fuck... it feels like I could come... just from that.” Jimmy gasped. 

“Interesting...” Robert grinned teasingly, stopping what he was doing briefly to watch Jimmy’s face. He then circled the nipple he’d been sucking with his tongue, teasingly slowly, before finally licking the hard little nub with the stiffened tip of his tongue, never breaking eye contact. He started pinching and rolling the other one between two fingers and Jimmy whined as he arched his back. 

“Oh... fuck, don’t stop... please don’t stop... I’m so fucking... so fucking close!” He gasped, clawing at the sheets frantically. He was panting already and when Robert flicked his tongue back and forth quickly across his nipple, pinching the other one particularly hard, he held his breath as his muscles tensed and his hips bucked as he came with a breathless whimper. Robert raised his head in surprise, blinking at him in disbelief as he looked up at Jimmy’s face that now had a lazy, happy, satisfied little smile on it. 

“You continue to surprise me...” Robert purred and Jimmy could tell just how turned on by this he was. “I had to work so hard to get you off when you were on those meds and now, I don’t even have to touch you anymore?” He grinned. 

“Apparently... Sorry I didn’t finish in your mouth like you wanted me to...” Jimmy said lazily and caressed Robert’s face gently. He wasn’t actually sorry. The blonde shot him another cheeky grin.

“No harm done.” He said and dove deeper underneath the blanket, starting to lick everything off of Jimmy’s belly. The brunette gasped in surprise, then whined when Robert licked his now way too sensitive cock. He was done quickly though and came back up. “There, all clean.” He said, licking his lips like it was the most delicious thing he ever tasted. Jimmy knew it wasn’t, so he appreciated the gesture all the more, he really didn’t feel like getting up to clean up. 

“Your turn.” He said and pushed Robert on his back. “Let’s see if I can hold my breath long enough...” He grinned as he dove underneath the blanket. He didn’t waste any time kissing and caressing Robert’s chest, he knew it didn’t do very much for the blonde, so he went straight for his prize, wrapping his hand around the base of Robert’s cock to guide it into his mouth in the dark. He’d learned by now how to take most of it into his mouth without choking, so he slowly slid his lips down, taking one last deep breath through his nose before taking it down his throat. 

He couldn’t help but feel proud about learning how to do this, the sounds Robert made were the best reward in the world, a cascade of helpless moans, sighs and whimpers broken up with soft curses and Jimmy’s name as he swallowed around his cock. He kept it there for a moment, letting the older man feel the tightness around the head of his cock for a bit before starting to bob his head, sometimes stopping to take a breath before going all the way down again. 

The air underneath the blanket was getting a little stuffy, but he could tell Robert was very close, he wouldn’t last much longer, so he stayed there, taking him in deeply again and using his tongue to massage him as well. He heard Robert moan his name loudly before he felt him coming in his mouth. He swallowed quickly, causing more moans to spill from the other man’s lips. He kept him in until Robert tapped his shoulder, telling him to stop, so he let go and crawled back up the bed to snuggle up to his husband. By the time he got out from under the blanket, he was almost breathing more heavily than Robert. 

“I am... the luckiest man... in the world.” The blonde said in between deep breaths, looking at him in wonder. Jimmy grinned at him, pleased and proud. 

“I’m glad you think so...” He said softly, then snuggled into Robert’s arms happily.

“Let’s just stay here, underneath the blankets, until the room’s warmed up a little more, alright?” Robert suggested and Jimmy nodded.

“Alright. Please tell me this wasn’t it, a blowjob isn’t exactly what I pictured for my wedding night. Not that I didn’t enjoy this, but...” He then said and Robert laughed.

“I promise this wasn’t it, we can do whatever you want, I just need a little time.” He answered. “You could fuck me if you want, or I could ride you, we’ve never done that.” He offered and as much as Jimmy liked those suggestions, he had something else in mind. He got a little nervous as he thought about how to bring it up. He decided to just say it like that.

“You know, that sounds amazing and I’d love that, but... for tonight, I had something else in mind, there’s something else I want.” He said. 

“Yeah? What’s that?” Robert asked, lazily caressing his back. Jimmy pulled back a little to look at him. It took him a moment to gather his courage, he really wanted this, but it also scared him a little and he didn’t even know if Robert wanted it, too. In the end, he decided to just go for it.

“I want you to take me, to make me yours.” He whispered and it seemed to take Robert a moment to process those words. His eyes widened.

“I... Oh my God, Jimmy... A-are you sure?” He stammered. He hadn’t expected that. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“Yes! I want you.” Jimmy said firmly, but Robert sighed.

“Jimmy... baby, don’t get me wrong... but... you’re... you’ve been through...” He started, but the younger man cut him off.

“I know. I know what happened to me, Robert. I still want it.” He said. 

“You’ve been traumatized. What if you have a panic attack? You don’t know how you’re going to react...” Robert argued worriedly. He ran his hand through his hair, he looked like he was struggling, looking for the right thing to say. Jimmy sighed.

“Don’t you want me?” He asked, looking up at his husband sadly. The older man rolled his eyes.

“There is nothing in the world I want more than that.” He then said slowly and earnestly. “But I don’t want to cause you any kind of stress or trauma, in any way.” 

“But... you won’t, I promise... I trust you.” Jimmy insisted.

“I just don’t want you to associate me with... with that.” Robert said uncomfortably.

“What do you mean?” Jimmy frowned.

“Well... what if you get flashbacks? What if you’re reminded of *that*, of what they did to you and you start associating it with me? Everything you felt back then, I mean.” Robert explained. Jimmy snuggled closer again and sighed.

“I could never feel like that with you. You could never make me feel so humiliated, dirty, tainted and disgusting.” He said. “Even if I did have flashbacks, it would have nothing to do with you and I’d know not to associate those bad feelings with you.” He said gently. Robert seemed to think about it for a moment. 

“When you think about it... about sleeping with me, like that, I mean... how do you feel?” He asked. This time, Jimmy had to think for a bit, searching inside himself to see how exactly he felt about it. 

“A part of me wants to lie to you, to convince you to do it.” He admitted. “But I promised not to, I promised to be honest, so...” He sighed and took a deep breath. “You know how sometimes, when we’re spooning and I’m the little spoon... sometimes you get hard. I love it when that happens, when I get to feel you against my butt, it’s so exciting and it turns me on so much. I think that’s what made me want this so much in the first place.” He admitted. 

“I was always worried I’d scare you when that happened.” Robert admitted. “I’m glad I didn’t. Why did you say you were going to be honest, that wasn’t so bad?” He then asked. 

“Well, because... as much as it turned me on and as much as I wanted it... you’re really big and I... I can’t help it, I’m a little scared that it’ll hurt no matter how careful you are and if it hurts... you’re right, I’m not sure how I’ll react if it hurts.” He whispered, lowering his head to hide his face, snuggling even closer. Robert gently wrapped his arms around him and held him close. 

“We don’t have to do it. I promise I’m more than happy with what we can do. I don’t mind bottoming, on the contrary, you know I love it.” He cooed gently.

“I know we don’t have to. But I really want to.” Jimmy sighed. Robert was quiet again for a moment and Jimmy hoped he wouldn’t reject him. “Please? I just need you to be really careful and gentle.”

“Alright. Let’s try. We can just stop if it doesn’t work out and do something else, you’ll just have to tell me.” He agreed, then. “I’m just worried you won’t be able to tell me. What if you start dissociating and you’re not really with me anymore and I only notice when it’s too late?” He asked. Jimmy knew what he meant. Every time that happened, he felt like he wasn’t in his own body anymore, everything felt surreal and far away, like it wasn’t really happening to him and he didn’t react to the things going on around him. It was scary for everyone involved, Jimmy and the people around him. 

“I don’t know...” Jimmy said, feeling discouraged. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all. “I doubt that will happen but... just stop if I stop reacting?” He suggested, then. 

“I can do that...” Robert agreed. “Alright, so we’re gonna try, we’ll take it slow, you’ll give me lots of feedback and I’ll stop if anything feels off. Ok?” 

“Yes. Oh, I want to be facing you the whole time, too. I need to see you. Talk to me, too, I need to hear your voice.” Jimmy said and Robert nodded.

“Alright, I can do that..” He said and kissed him gently. The brunette kissed him back, relaxing a little, relieved that they had managed to work it out, at the same time excited that it was actually going to happen. 

“Hmm, remember that one time... when you got hard when we were spooning and I made you take off your boxers and let you slip between my thighs?” He purred against Robert’s lips. 

“Yes... that felt amazing.” The blonde answered. 

“I let you fuck my thighs, but I was imagining you were inside me, fucking me slowly... I got so into it that it felt almost real, it was almost like I could feel you and it was so, so good.” He whispered, starting to caress Robert’s body once again. The other man quickly caught on and did the same to him, making him shiver and sigh at the gentle caresses. 

“Why didn’t you tell me then...?” He asked, trailing gentle kisses down his neck. 

“Because I wasn’t ready yet... it was the first time I let myself even think about it... I was surprised that I wasn’t scared... and now, I think I *am* ready.” Jimmy breathed.

“I’m gonna be so gentle, I’m gonna make you feel so good, I promise.” Robert said and Jimmy could tell that he was already getting into it, that he really wanted this, too. He then paused. “Do you... need to go wash up?” He asked, but Jimmy shook his head.

“I err... prepared a little, earlier. I’m good.” He whispered, blushing. He’d snuck away from all the dancing and partying, into the house, finding the other bathroom to clean himself and prepare for this, already knowing he was going to offer himself to his husband in a little while. Robert looked at him in surprise, then smiled widely, happy to see how far Jimmy had come from someone who couldn’t do any of this without scrubbing his whole body almost raw beforehand, to this, to not caring all that much. Robert had never made a big deal of Jimmy’s compulsion to wash often and thoroughly, but he was happy to see him slowly go back to normal. It was good to see him heal. 

“You knew you were going to ask for this?” Robert wondered. 

“I did. I’ve wanted it for a while now and then you proposed. I knew I wanted this night to be special...” Jimmy explained.

“It was going to be special either way, you know that.” Robert chuckled. 

“I know, I know, it always is.” Jimmy said and kissed him gently. “Now, are you going to keep talking or are you going to fuck me?” He grinned. Robert shook his head.

“Oh no. I’m going to make love to you. No fucking tonight.” He said and Jimmy laughed. “I’m going to take my time and make sweet, gentle love to you.” Sometimes, he loved Robert’s sweet, romantic side and this was definitely one of those times, he appreciated it. 

The other man carefully disentangled himself from Jimmy’s limbs and got out of bed. He started to rummage through his bag until he returned with the tube of lube he’d taken along. For now, he just put it next to the pillow, on the bed, but for some reason, it already made Jimmy a little nervous. He did his best to try and hide it though and snuggled close to Robert again as soon as he got back into bed. 

“Don’t you need more time?” He asked as he gently caressed the other man’s chest. 

“I do. I just didn’t want to get up to get it, later.” Robert answered with an amused little smile. “I think that by the time I’ve got you where I want you, I’ll be ready, too.” Of course he’d need a lot more preparation that Robert did when they did it the other way ‘round, he knew that and it just served to make him even more nervous, he had no idea how he was going to cope with that. 

“Is it warm enough to get rid of the blanket yet?” He asked to distract himself a little and Robert nodded.

“I think so, yes.” He said and Jimmy quickly kicked it towards the end of the bed, eager to finally see his husband as well as feel him. He let his eyes travel over Robert’s body and sighed, reaching out to caress him gently, trailing his hand up from his thigh, over his hips, his side, all the way up to his shoulder.

“I fucking love your body... how could you think I don’t...?” He whispered, continuing to gently caress his husband everywhere he could reach. 

“We all get insecure sometimes...” Robert answered, mirroring Jimmy’s movements until his hand met the garter again. He looked down and grinned. “God, this is so pretty on you... I so love seeing you in these pretty, cute, delicate things.” He whispered, caressing his thigh. 

“I know... and I love wearing them... I love feeling pretty, and right now, I really do.” He said and rolled on his back, sprawling out for Robert to look at him and touch him, arching his back and lifting his leg up a little. He saw the other man’s eyes darken with desire as he watched him move so gracefully. He gave him a seductive smile and arched his body a little more, beckoning Robert to come closer and touch him. 

The blonde didn’t answer, he didn’t have to, the way he was looking at him told the younger man everything he needed to know, so the only sound in the room was the crackling of the fire and the hitch of Jimmy’s breath when Robert trailed a single finger down the center of his chest. He smiled as he watched a delicate gooseflesh cover the younger man’s body, his nipples hardening as he shivered at the touch. He hadn’t gotten used to the new sensitivity of his skin just yet, it felt almost overwhelming, but in the best way possible. 

He felt Robert’s big, warm hand on his hip as he leaned in close to kiss his neck again. Jimmy tilted his head to give him better access and closed his eyes, enjoying the gentle touches as he raised his hand to tangle it in Robert’s hair. He sighed and whimpered helplessly when he started licking and sucking at his nipple again.

“Hnng... ah... you’re gonna... make me come again.” He warned in between little gasps and Robert grinned up at him, then bit his nipple sharply before soothing it with his tongue. Jimmy actually cried out.

“I will... but not yet.” Robert purred, pleased with the effect he had on his husband. Jimmy couldn’t deny it, he really enjoyed Robert’s more dominant, playful side a lot, it turned him on like crazy. His head was already spinning with the intensity of it all and they had barely even started. 

Luckily, the other gave him a little break, leaving his most sensitive spots alone for a bit, busying himself kissing and licking every part of Jimmy’s body he could reach, trying to find more places that would make him make those desperate little sounds Robert loved to hear so much. He found one just where his leg met his hip, at the seam of his leg, another one on the back of his knee (he giggled a little because he was also ticklish, there), and another one just under his belly button.

Jimmy felt like a puddle, like putty, when Robert was done with his exploration, warm and relaxed, but excited at the same time. His nervousness only came back when Robert reached for the big pillow that had, until now, been propped up against the headboard. He folded it once to make it firmer and higher, then gently raised Jimmy’s hips with one arm and pushed the pillow underneath his lower back. 

Being handled so easily, like it was nothing, was incredibly hot and Jimmy bit his lip as he watched Robert reach for the lube. He took a deep, shaky breath, looking down at Robert, he was still between his legs and Jimmy didn’t like it. He needed him closer.

“C-can you come up here? Can you hold me close? Please.” He whispered with a shaky voice and Robert nodded, immediately coming closer. He lay down next to him and lined his body up with Jimmy’s, holding him close. The brunette shifted a little, pressing his body closer to Robert’s. 

“Is this ok?” He asked, searching Jimmy’s face worriedly. Of course, Robert could tell how nervous and scared he was by now, but Jimmy nodded.

“Yes. Yes, this is nice.” He whispered as he nuzzled Robert’s neck. He felt a lot better now that he was closer, being held gently. The blonde smiled at him and kissed him. Jimmy almost jumped out of his skin when he heard the cap of the tube of lube being popped open and of course, Robert noticed.

“Shhh... it’s alright, I’ve got you, I’m right here. I won’t hurt you.” He soothed him, snaking his other arm underneath Jimmy’s shoulders so he could hold him even closer. The brunette rested his head on his shoulder and closed his eyes, trying to focus on being in Robert’s arms, feeling his body close to his own, his hair tickling his face, his scent, the crackling of the fire, literally anything but Robert’s hand between his legs. 

At the first touch of Robert’s lubed finger, he got incredibly scared, he sobbed and tensed up, causing Robert to stop immediately.

“N-no, it’s ok, please... g-go ahead. Just... please, please make sure it doesn’t hurt.” He stammered, half expecting his husband to refuse to carry on, considering his initial reaction, but Robert just captured his lips in a kiss to distract him and continued. This time, Jimmy managed not to tense up, kissing Robert back almost desperately. It felt odd, feeling Robert’s finger slowly circling his entrance. When he had worked as a sex worker, he’d always done this himself, he had never had anybody do this to him and it was a strange sensation, but not altogether bad, he found to his own surprise. 

“Yeah, there you go, relax...” Robert cooed when he felt the tension slowly leaving Jimmy’s body. He gently nudged his cheek to get him to turn his head again so he could pay attention to his neck once more, distracting him some more with soft, gentle kisses. Jimmy had to remind himself to breathe and he took a few deep breaths, relaxing even more. He barely even noticed his legs relaxing and opening up, falling to each side and Robert smiled against his neck.

“Yes, just like that... good boy...” He whispered and Jimmy’s eyes widened. Robert had never talked to him like that, *called* him that. It caused a strange heat to boil low in his body, thrumming through his veins, thick and hot. 

“Fuck.” He cursed and Robert chuckled, grinning at him knowingly, briefly, before going back to kissing his neck. His hand tightened in those golden curls when he felt that teasing finger slip inside him for the first time. He screwed his eyes shut and held Robert’s head close to his neck, focusing on his lips, his teeth nipping him gently. 

His heart was pounding madly in his chest and he knew Robert heard it, probably felt it, even. He didn’t mind. He took another deep breath and let go of the vice grip he head on Robert’s hair when his finger slid in easily, there was no pain, no discomfort, nothing, it was alright. The blonde raised his head and looked at him, checking to see if he was ok. 

Jimmy couldn’t help himself, he grinned at Robert, relief washing over him, and he laughed. 

“I did it...” He whispered, making Robert laugh in turn, relieved that Jimmy had gotten over his initial fear. 

“You did, indeed. Is this ok, do you want to go on?” He asked.

“Yes! Yes, I want to. Please.” The younger man answered immediately, eager for more now that he’d gotten this far. He pulled Robert in for a heated kiss, gasping slightly as the older man started moving his finger, just a little, slowly, in and out, then circling again, gently coaxing him to relax even more. Jimmy was so happy that he hadn’t freaked out completely, so relieved, that he started to enjoy this a lot.

He stopped clawing at Robert and holding on to him for dear life, instead resting his arms on the pillow above his head. He felt incredibly vulnerable, but for some reason, that was fine, it didn’t scare him anymore.

“You’re so incredibly beautiful...” Robert sighed, going back to kissing Jimmy wherever he could reach, his neck, his shoulder, his chest. The younger man closed his eyes and instead of ignoring Robert’s finger inside him, he decided to welcome it, focus on the sensation. It still felt a little strange, but it also started to feel good, especially when Robert crooked his finger upwards a little, he felt a weird, but pleasurable sort of pressure building inside himself. 

When Robert gently, carefully added a second finger and started using his thumb to rub firm little circles on that spot just behind his balls, Jimmy moaned and moved his hips down against Robert’s hand. 

“Ah, like this? You like that?” Robert asked, amused. The brunette nodded. 

“Yeah... please, keep doing that, don’t stop...” Jimmy sighed, arching his back and moving in time with Robert’s movements. 

“I won’t, I promise, but I need you to do something for me, baby.” The blonde said gently and Jimmy nodded eagerly. “Touch yourself, get yourself really, really close for me.” He instructed. Jimmy was confused briefly, but he didn’t really want to question it, so he just did as he was told, reaching down and wrapping his hand around his own cock, slowly stroking himself. Robert watched him, his eyes filled with lust.

He understood quickly why Robert had told him to do that. The closer he got to his climax, the better his husband’s fingers inside him felt, the more intense the pleasure got. When Robert leaned in to once again suck his already very tender nipple into his mouth, he had to stop touching himself or it would have been too late. He whined and arched his back again, panting softly. 

“Robert... please, I’m ready.” He gasped. 

“No. No, you’re not.” The blonde said and Jimmy whined again. “I’m not going to risk hurting you.” He added at his husbands little whine and Jimmy calmed down a little, knowing he had to be patient. Robert was big and two fingers weren’t going to be enough. He barely felt the third one being added and by the fourth, he felt almost too full, too stretched, but it still didn’t hurt and he was grateful for that. 

When he couldn’t take being idle anymore, he twisted his body a little to reach the tube of lube Robert had left on the bed and squeezed some on his fingers, looking up at the other man. Robert nodded and shifted a little to allow Jimmy to touch him, lubing him up gently. He bit his lip when he felt just how hard Robert already was again, only getting harder at his gentle touch. 

“I want this, inside me, now.” Jimmy whispered, his eyes never leaving Robert’s as he stroked him. The other man groaned and kissed him heatedly, his fingers inside Jimmy stopping their motions momentarily.

“Yes... yes. I want you, too, so badly...” The blonde said as he pulled his arm out from under Jimmy’s neck and sat up, climbing between the younger man’s legs. Jimmy instantly hated that he was so far away now, but it wouldn’t be for long, he told himself as he watched Robert. The pillow under his hips angled them up and made it easier for Robert to position himself. He felt his fingers move inside him a few more times before he removed them, leaving him feeling strangely empty before his touch was replaced by the blunt head of his cock. Jimmy tensed. 

“Hush, it’s ok... I won’t hurt you, I’ll be careful. I promise...” Robert cooed soothingly and Jimmy forced himself to relax again as he watched Robert quickly adding some more lube before wiping his hand on the sheets and leaning in again. He slowly pushed in and Jimmy had to fight his initial reaction of trying to get away or tensing up again. 

Relief flooded his senses when, again, it didn’t hurt and Robert slowly slid inside him, oh so carefully and gently. He felt huge, but it did not hurt. He looked up at his husband with wide eyes, watching as his jaw went slack and he moaned at the tight heat engulfing him. He then opened his eyes again to look down at the younger man, a small smile playing around his lips.

“Please come closer... I need... I want to... please...” Jimmy babbled, reaching out to pull Robert down, he wanted, no, he needed to kiss him, to feel his body against his own so badly. Robert slowly leaned down and rested his weight on one forearm, using his other hand to caress Jimmy’s cheek gently. 

“There, see? I promised I wasn’t going to hurt you...” Robert whispered huskily before kissing him deeply. Jimmy kissed him back desperately and wrapped his legs around his hips, pulling him in even deeper. He locked his ankles behind Robert’s back and wrapped his arms around his neck. He could barely believe that he’d done it, that it went so well and that it felt so good, he was starting to get emotional again, he almost felt like crying. He heard Robert chuckle, then.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, confused.

“Nothing’s *wrong*, but you gotta let me move, my sweet little koala.” The blonde said lovingly, amused, and Jimmy quickly let go of him a little, realizing how tightly he’d been clinging to the other man. He felt a little embarrassed and smiled up at him sheepishly.

“Sorry.” He whispered, then pulled him back in to kiss him again. “I just need to feel you... I mean, more than *that* part of you.” He admitted shyly, feeling his face flush a little more.

“I know, I know... I’m right here...” Robert murmured. “Fuck, you feel so good.” He then moaned as he moved his hips, just a little, slowly.

“You feel... amazing... too...” Jimmy said slowly. It wasn’t quite a lie, it wasn’t entirely true either, though. In all honesty, physically, he just felt like he needed to use the bathroom really badly, he just felt full and it didn’t feel particularly good, but at least it didn’t hurt. Knowing how much pleasure he was giving Robert, though, felt incredible and the blonde’s soft sighs and moans turned him on like crazy, it made it all worth it. 

“It’s going to, don’t you worry... I promise.” Robert cooed, having noticed Jimmy hesitating when he replied. He must have known that it wasn’t completely true. “You have to let it... build.”

The younger man chose to believe his husband and closed his eyes once more, busying himself by kissing and caressing the other man wherever he could reach as he focused on the sensations Robert was causing as he started to move, gently and slowly. He slid his hands down Robert’s back and sighed at how he felt his muscles shift and move underneath his heated skin as he slowly thrust into him. 

“Fuck, I love your body so much... you’re so strong...” Jimmy sighed, remembering Robert needed loving words of affirmation more than physical touch. “You’re so fucking hot.” He added and bit the other man’s neck lightly before sucking on it gently, leaving a little mark. He then reached up to remove the little black hair tie that was keeping a part of Robert’s hair up to allow his curls to fall, tickling Jimmy’s face. He immediately buried his face in the golden locks and inhaled the soft scent of his shampoo. 

Robert straightened up a little and tossed his hair over to one side, gave him a heated look, then looked down to where their bodies met. Jimmy followed his gaze and even though he couldn’t quite see all of Robert sliding into him from his angle, he saw enough to make him moan softly when the other man pulled out almost all the way just to thrust back into him. 

He watched, almost mesmerized, for a few seconds before starting to move his hips to meet Robert’s. He moaned again, more loudly and needily, when Robert reached down with the hand he wasn’t using to prop himself up to wrap it around Jimmy’s cock, stroking it in time with his long, slow thrusts. The blonde had been right, it was starting to feel really fucking good, especially now that he was touching him like that as well.

“Oh... yeah... fuck, Robert, go faster... please...” He panted, trying to move against the other man, but he couldn’t really do much in his position, but Robert complied, starting to move faster into him. He leaned back down to nibble on his neck again, letting him feel some teeth before soothing it with his tongue again.

“God, you’re so tight... I can’t...” Robert gasped after just a little while, trying to hold back. “Jimmy... ah... oh, damn it... Fuck!” He cursed and his hips stuttered as he moaned helplessly.

Jimmy’s eyes widened as he felt Robert’s cock throbbing inside him as he came. He obviously hadn’t intended to come that quickly, but Jimmy didn’t mind. Robert losing it like that, because of him, was the hottest thing ever, feeling his cock throbbing inside him, the hot wetness filling him, it all turned him on like nothing ever had before.

He expected Robert to stop, pull out and get off of him, but he just paused for a moment, catching his breath, then... he started moving again. Jimmy gasped in surprise, he didn’t understand how the other man was able to do that, to just keep going despite just having climaxed.

“What are you- oh... ah!” He moaned as Robert gripped his cock, hard, and started stroking him again, resuming what he’d been doing before. He raised his head, gave Jimmy a smug little grin and quickened his pace, thrusting harder now than before. The brunette threw his head back in pleasure and held on to his shoulders, digging his long nails into his husband’s back a little. 

An incredible heat and pressure was building inside of him and he could barely breathe, desperate little gasps and moans spilled from his lips like a mantra. When he thought he couldn’t take it anymore, he held his breath and arched his back, screwing his eyes shut tightly. He came so hard he felt it splatter on his chest, almost all the way up to his neck, his muscles tightening and clenching around Robert’s cock. 

The blonde made a strangled sound and buried his face in the crook of Jimmy’s neck, his hips almost slamming into him a few more times before he stopped and collapsed on top of the younger man, panting harshly. 

“Did you just... come again?” Jimmy asked in disbelief as soon as he caught his breath, he hadn’t been able to feel it this time because of his own climax. Robert didn’t answer right away, taking a moment to regain his composure. Then he nodded slowly. 

“... yes. You basically milked me.” He said, sounding utterly exhausted and Jimmy couldn’t blame him. He shifted a little so Robert slid down a little and rested his head on his chest. He brushed his hair out of his face and kissed his forehead gently, then wrapped his arms around his shoulders, holding him tight.

“How did you... do that? What are you, Superman?” He asked, shaking his head. Robert chuckled and snuggled a little closer. 

“I couldn’t just... come that quickly and then leave you hanging, now, could I? On our wedding night!” He said. “I wanted to please you so badly, I just had to keep going.”

“That was fucking amazing... I had no idea it could feel so good.” Jimmy admitted with a sigh. When he’d let customers fuck him, it hadn’t felt good, at all, not even a little bit, never, it had been painful, annoying at best. He hadn’t expected this to be so very different. “I want to do this again.” He then added and Robert laughed.

“Look, I’m not *actually* Superman...” He started and Jimmy slapped his shoulder playfully.

“I didn’t mean right now, silly!” He said, amused. 

“Well... I’m so glad you actually enjoyed it... and that you even wanna do it again.” Robert sighed. “I was so scared that you’re just doing this to prove to yourself that you’re ok... that you can get through it...”

“I wasn’t doing it because of that. Well, maybe a little. But I really wanted to and I’m glad we did it. It was amazing.” He sighed and kissed Robert’s forehead again. He loved the way they were snuggled up now, Robert’s full weight on him, his head resting on his chest. It didn’t scare him, he didn’t feel trapped, he just felt comfortable and warm and so close to his husband. “Thank you for making this such a wonderful night.” He whispered happily. 

“Oh, sweet baby... it was *so* wonderful for me, too, you have no idea...” Robert sighed in turn and nuzzled his neck. “I thought I’d never get to do this with you... I’m so happy I did.”

“Can we do it spooning, next time? Like that time, that morning, when I imagined you were actually inside me...?” Jimmy asked, already eager for said ‘next time’. 

“We can do whatever you want... after we took a shower and I’ve had a few hours of rest.” Robert said and gently touched the tip of his nose. Jimmy crinkled his nose, would have loved to stay like this for a while longer, but the come on his chest, right in front of Robert’s face, was starting to dry and Robert’s was threatening to drip out of him now that his cock had slipped out. If they didn’t get into the shower soon, he’d make a mess of the bed and he didn’t want that, so he nodded.

“Alright, let’s go.” He said. Robert sighed and slowly disentangled himself from Jimmy. The brunette couldn’t help but smile. “Poor darling, you really exhausted yourself, just for me.” 

“Absolutely worth it.” Robert grinned back, getting off of the bed. Jimmy followed him and stretched a little, laughing as he noticed that he was still wearing his cute little socks and his garter. He walked a few steps towards the bathroom, then stopped as he felt something leak out of him. 

“Oops.” He whispered and Robert groaned behind him, having noticed as well.

“Ok, I may not need a few hours after all... fuck, that is so fucking dirty and hot.” He whispered, staring at the back of the younger man’s thighs. Jimmy would have been embarrassed if Robert didn’t sound so incredibly turned on, so he smirked at him and swayed his hips just a little.

“Won’t you come and rescue my poor little garter?” He asked innocently, pouting and batting his lashes. It was slowly running down the inside of his thigh towards the pretty lace. Robert wasted no time and crouched down in front of him. For a horrifying moment, Jimmy feared he was going to lick it off, but instead he leaned in and started tugging at the garter with his teeth again. The brunette lifted his leg a little so he’d have an easier time taking it off. 

“God, you have no idea what you’re doing to me, you filthy little minx.” He growled as he tugged the garter off of Jimmy’s leg. The combination of dirty and innocent was obviously doing things to him he hadn’t anticipated and Jimmy was enjoying it immensely. Next, he quickly tugged the little socks off of his feet, then got up again and nodded towards the bathroom. “Get in the shower, now, before I bend you over that dresser.” He then growled.

Jimmy bit his lip and shivered, he couldn’t believe how hot Robert was like this. It wasn’t that he didn’t think he was hot before, but this new side of him was incredibly exciting. He was surprised that the slight aggressiveness didn’t scare him at all, on the contrary, it aroused him. He swallowed and nodded, quickly tiptoeing into the bathroom, the older man on his heels. 

The old shower took some fumbling and it took ages for the water to warm up, Jimmy was shivering again, and this time it was because it was cold. Robert wrapped his arms around him as they waited for the water to get warm. It gave them a moment to calm down again.

“I’m sorry if I was a little too... harsh, right there.” Robert said after a while. Jimmy smiled and rubbed his cheek against his chest.

“Don’t be. I liked it. A lot.” He answered. “I love that you want me that much... it feels so good to be desired like that.”

“Doesn’t it scare you?” Robert asked. 

“No. I know you’d never hurt me. I trust you, completely.” Jimmy said and felt Robert’s arms around him tighten.

“Thank you... I promise I won’t betray your trust.” He sighed. “I love you so much.” Jimmy raised his head and smiled at him, then pecked his lips quickly.

“I love you, too.” He answered warmly. “Come, I think the water is warm enough now.” He said and pulled Robert into the shower. They enjoyed the hot water for a while, then washed each other gently. It was a completely different kind of intimacy than what they’d just shared, but it only served to relax Jimmy even more. 

When they were done, they quickly went back to bed. Robert stopped by his bag for a second and, to Jimmy’s surprise, pulled out two joints and a lighter. He grabbed an empty cup from the cupboard in the other room to use as a makeshift ashtray and came back to bed, offering one of the joints to Jimmy who took it immediately.

“My little pothead...” He shook his head and ruffled Robert’s hair affectionately. “You know, you could have offered me this before we did that, earlier.” He huffed. “I could have used something to help me relax.” 

“No.” Robert shook his head. “I needed you to be sober to be sure you actually wanted this.” He said, lighting first Jimmy’s, then his own. The brunette blew some smoke to the side and sighed.

“Being high doesn’t make me want things I don’t usually want, you know, but it would have helped me relax a little.” He pouted as he watched Robert take a deep drag from his own joint. 

“You’re right, it doesn’t... but you didn’t need it. You managed just fine without.” Little puffs of smoke left Robert’s mouth as he spoke. 

“I was so fucking close to crying and telling you to get away from me, when you first touched me there, you know.” Jimmy sighed. “But then you talked to me and I looked into your eyes and it was ok. Is it... do you think it’s bad that I really, really enjoyed you fingering me?” He then asked. Robert looked at him in bewilderment and frowned.

“Why on earth would that be bad??” He asked, flicking some ash into the cup and flopping back against a few pillows, sprawling out on the bed. Jimmy sat in front of him, cross legged, naked as he was.

“I don’t know. It almost feels like I shouldn’t be enjoying that, after... you know.” He still couldn’t quite say it out loud, even more than a year later and all the therapy he’s been through.

“Jimmy... it’s awesome that you can and do enjoy it! It’s fucking fantastic! You did say you have a thing for my hands, maybe that’s a part of it.” Robert mused. “I didn’t expect you to, I thought we’d never get to do this, but they didn’t manage to take anything away from you, see?” He said and Jimmy paused, thinking about that for a moment. He grinned at his husband then. 

“You’re right. I’m not broken. I’m whole.” He whispered. Robert smiled at him.

“Even if you didn’t want to do this, or if you couldn’t, you’d still be whole. You’re an amazing person. What they did to you doesn’t change that, whether it’s affected you in that way or not.” He explained and Jimmy nodded.

“True. It doesn’t define who I am, it never did. It just feels like... now I can really move on. I know that it’s stupid and that it shouldn’t matter that much, but... to me, it does.” He admitted. “It also feels great to know that I can now pleasure you in every way possible. That’s important to me, I want you to be as happy as possible with me. I feel like I can give you everything you need, now.”

“Oh Jimmy... I was perfectly happy even before, you had nothing to worry about. Well, I didn’t like the past three weeks, for obvious reasons, but damn was it worth it.” He grinned. 

“Yeah, it really was, huh?” Jimmy grinned. “You were amazing. I still don’t get how you just kept going. How did you even stay hard?”

“I don’t know. It felt like it was too much, at first, but then I just pushed through that, literally, and it felt good again.” He explained. 

“Hmmm... you’ll never top my performance on anti anxiety medication, tough!” Jimmy quipped, stubbing out the butt of his joint. It was true, while the medication had made it incredibly difficult for Jimmy to come, it hadn’t affected his ability to get and stay hard, so he’d fucked Robert into a whimpering, begging mess more than once. He’d been able to last forever and made the other man come on his cock several times before he’d finally finished as well. As bad as the situation had been, he’d definitely made the best out of it. Robert laughed bitterly and stubbed out his joint as well, putting the cup on the bedside table.

“That’s true... as awesome as that felt, I don’t really want to repeat it, unless you can naturally last that long, of course.” He admitted. “Getting you off easily without even touching your cock is much bigger turn on.” He grinned and Jimmy actually blushed. 

“I can’t believe that actually happened. That felt so good, so different.” He whispered. He felt pleasantly high now, not too much, just the right amount, relaxed and heavy, but also strangely floaty. Robert pulled him closer, into his arms.

“Hmm, why don’t you tell me exactly what that felt like, hm?” He purred and trailed a finger along Jimmy’s collar bone, then down towards a nipple, circling it before teasing it lightly. He shivered and closed his eyes. As if that wasn’t enough, Robert gently touched his arm, dragging his finger down the inside of it, circling the inside of his elbow teasingly. That shouldn’t be erotic, Jimmy thought, but damn, it was, it sent all sorts of tingles through his body. 

“Ah... it felt... like... electricity.” Jimmy said. “It was really intense, like sparks of pleasure going straight to my cock even though you weren’t touching it.” 

“Wow... that sounds amazing... you know, at this point I think that I won’t even get to see any of the beautiful destinations I picked for our honeymoon trip because I’ll just want to stay in the hotels... I’m going to want to play with your amazing body all day long... and all night long.” Robert sighed and Jimmy briefly thought that he wouldn’t mind that at all. He hadn’t stopped caressing Jimmy all over and the younger man’s body already felt like it was vibrating with pleasure once again and he could barely think straight. The weed just made everything feel even more intense.

“Robert...? Would you...” He paused for a moment, feeling strangely shy and embarrassed despite everything they’d done that night.

“What do you want, baby? It’s ok, you can tell me.” Robert said reassuringly.

“Would you finger me again? I really liked that.” Jimmy admitted shyly. “Felt so good...” He added and Robert smiled, nodding. He looked more than happy that Jimmy was telling him what he wanted.

“I’d love to.” He purred and reached for the tube of lube again. This time, Jimmy had no reason to jump when he opened it, he wasn’t scared anymore. Robert pulled him even closer, so he was halfway on top of him. He gently pulled his leg over his own hips so he could reach him more easily and Jimmy tucked his head under Robert’s chin, closing his eyes and idly petting the older man’s chest. 

He sighed when the first finger slipped in so easily, this time without any fear or tensing up on his part, and Robert was almost immediately able to add another one. He started moving them slowly and Jimmy couldn’t help himself, he couldn’t quite stop himself from rubbing his cock against the side of Robert’s hip a little, moaning softly. 

“Is there anything... you’d wanna do, something we haven’t done yet that you always wanted to do?” He then asked his husband. “Do you have any... kinks... you want to explore?” He finally felt comfortable enough to ask about this. 

“Honestly? This, right here, is exactly that I wanted. I just love pleasuring you, I love getting to touch you and to make you feel good. That’s all I want.” Robert admitted. “I don’t really have any kinks, I don’t think... I mean, that’s not entirely true, I absolutely love seeing you in those pretty, cute, delicate things and I think I love it when you act all cute and innocent even though I know you’re not.” He chuckled. “But that’s about it. I’m happy as long as I get to make you happy.” 

“That is so sweet.” Jimmy chuckled. “If there is something you wanna do, though, you can tell me, alright? I don’t want you to hesitate because you think you can’t ask me for certain things.” It almost felt weird, just casually talking to his husband while he was fingering him, but on the other hand, it made it feel even more naughty and sexy to him and what better time was there to talk about sex than now, while they were already at it?

“I know. I promise I’ll tell you. Same goes for you, if there’s anything, just tell me.” Robert agreed and kissed the top of his head gently. “Does this feel good, baby?” 

“Yeah... it feels amazing.” Jimmy sighed. The other man had found that spot inside him again that made a certain heat pool inside his belly, it wasn’t very intense, but it felt incredibly good. “I’ll soon want you inside me again, though.” Jimmy added and slid his hand down Robert’s belly to gently wrap his hand around his cock. He loved stroking Robert when he wasn’t hard yet, feeling him grow and harden in his hand was so fucking hot. He didn’t get to feel that very often, though, usually Robert was already hard as soon as they started making out.

“Oh... yes, I think I might need some help this time.” Robert admitted. Jimmy didn’t mind, it was their third time, basically, that night, so he understood. He started to move his hand in the same rhythm the blonde was using on him as he fingered him. “Could you come from this?” Robert then asked and Jimmy grinned.

“Not before your hand gets tired...” He admitted, it’d take a lot for him to actually come from this, as good as it felt. 

“I might give it a shot sometime.” Robert grinned at him. Jimmy laughed and shook his head, then raised it to look at the other man. He was still in disbelief that all of this was actually happening, that this gorgeous, sexy, gentle man was his husband, who wanted him so much and loved him so much. He bit his lip as he saw the look in Robert’s eyes, full of lust and love and felt his cock grow even harder in his hand. He’d probably ready by now, but he didn’t want this to end yet.

“You should... I trust you, you always give me the best orgasms.” Jimmy said cheekily.

“Hmm, I’m glad to hear th-... wait. Who, other than me, is giving you orgasms to compare them to?” Robert stopped and asked, frowning down at Jimmy. The younger man bit the inside of his cheek in order to keep his face passive and to keep himself from laughing. He didn’t answer right away, taking his time to watch the jealous expression on his husbands face grow. 

“Well, let’s see.” He then said slowly and stopped stroking Robert’s cock. He raised his hand and pretended to count on his fingers, counting to three. “Oh! See, it’s just me, myself and I! But the ones you give me are better!” He said cutely, ticking each off on a finger. Robert groaned and rolled his eyes. 

“You are the worst.” He sighed, thrusting a third finger into Jimmy, immediately curling them and fingering him harder, almost as if he was trying to punish him. “What do I do with you, making me all jealous like that?” He asked and Jimmy tried his best not to react to those quick, strong fingers inside him, trying to look as cute and innocent as possible. 

“I’m sorry...” He cooed and pecked Robert’s lips gently. “Am I not allowed to make myself... ah... feel good?” He asked innocently, batting his eyelashes, but he couldn’t quite keep his breath from hitching and a little moan from escaping his mouth. He knew of course that that was not what Robert meant, but he was enjoying the teasing banter a lot. He went back to stroking his husband’s cock and he wasn’t surprised to find it even harder than he left it, Robert apparently enjoyed his innocent little act just as much. 

“Of course you are, you little minx. But making it sound like you’re letting other people touch you... fuck, I’d be so furious.” The blonde growled and pinched one of his nipples with his free hand while the other sped up even more, making Jimmy whimper and hide his face in the crook of his neck. If he kept this up, he would actually spend himself before they got to do anything else. 

“Hnng... you’re so hot when you’re angry... ah, fuck.” He moaned as Robert jammed his fingers up inside him forcefully.

“Is that why you said it like that, you wanted to make me angry?” The older man said and shook his head. “You’re mine, do you hear me? Mine. All mine.” He punctuated each ‘mine’ with a particularly hard thrust of his fingers and Jimmy whined and held on to him for dear life, but managed to nod nevertheless.

“Yes. Yes, yours.” He agreed with a gasp, it was insane how hot Robert was like this and Jimmy wanted this night to last forever, everything felt so, so good. He was almost disappointed when the older man’s fingers slowed down again.

“Good boy... now, you’re so ready for my cock... and you seem to be in a perfect position to get on it.” Robert then cooed. Jimmy could tell by the way he was talking just how aroused he was and he couldn’t help but hope that this time, despite that, he’d last a bit longer. He blinked up at him and pouted.

“What about spooning?” He asked cutely and Robert grinned at him.

“You know, we hardly ever do it, but we *can* change positions while we’re at it.” He explained with a wink. “You’re going to ride me and then I’m going to spoon you and hold you close, just like you wanted.” He promised, so Jimmy nodded and reached for the lube to get Robert’s cock a little more slippery than it already was. When he was done, Robert carefully removed his fingers and wiped them on the sheet again. 

Jimmy shifted and straddled his husband the rest of the way, he had already been mostly on top of him anyway. He reached behind himself and gasped Robert’s cock to carefully guide it inside. In a way, he liked that he was more in control this time and he wasn’t afraid of it anymore in the first place, so he easily sank down on it, watching Robert’s face intently. The way his eyes closed and he moaned softly was so hot, then he reached out and put his hands on Jimmy’s hips.

The brunette leaned forward a little and put his hands on Robert’s chest, then he started to move his hips a little, just grinding for now, just a little, until the older man had enough and grabbed his hips a little harder, making him move more. He stopped the grinding motion he’d been doing and started moving up and down instead, listening to Robert’s little moans and sighs.

Jimmy leaned back, then, and put his hands on Robert’s thighs behind him instead, smirking knowingly as the other man’s eyes traveled over his body hungrily. This position gave Robert a much better view and Jimmy knew he’d love that. 

“Oh God... you are so beautiful...” Robert breathed.

“Touch me?” Jimmy asked him sweetly, slightly breathlessly, looking down at his own cock pointedly. He was so very hard by now, curving up towards his belly, moving a bit every time he bounced on his husband’s cock. 

“Why? Isn’t my cock enough?” Robert asked, giving him an almost evil grin, knowing full well that it wasn’t. The brunette wondered how on earth he was keeping his composure like that.

“N-no... ah, please, Robert.” Jimmy answered desperately, he so needed to feel those big, strong yet gentle hands on him. “Please.” Another little plea and Robert couldn’t deny him any longer, he slowly slid his hands up, from his hips over his sides to his chest, teasing his nipples briefly before stroking down, across his belly. One hand gripped his hip again, the other, he wrapped around his cock, gently, almost too lightly. 

Jimmy gasped and pushed up into it, then back down, he didn’t know what he needed more, the hard cock inside him or that hand around his own. He started moving faster and faster, until Robert stopped him, removing his hand from his cock and gripping his hips firmly, stopping his movements entirely. 

Robert raised him up easily and Jimmy whined at the loss when his cock slid out of him entirely. 

“Come here.” The older man cooed gently and rolled on his side, pulling Jimmy into his arms, spooning him, his chest against the younger man’s back. “Raise your leg a bit...” He said and when Jimmy did, he slowly entered him again. 

“Oh... fuck, yes.” He moaned. The angle was completely different this time, with Robert behind him. Instead of the tip of cock jamming into that sweet spot of his with every thrusts, the entire underside of his slightly curved cock was now dragging over it continuously. It almost drove Jimmy crazy and he grabbed on to the arm that the other man had wrapped around his chest. 

“Ah... is this... better?” Robert asked and his voice sounded a little strained, he was getting close.

“God, yes... it’s so fucking good... you feel so good...” Jimmy moaned desperately and tried to move back against Robert, but in this position he didn’t have that much leverage, so he had to rely on the other man to do most of the work. When he did, Jimmy closed his eyes and hid his face in the pillow, trying to muffle his moans and whines, he wasn’t used to making that much noise. 

“Don’t.” Robert gasped. “Let me hear you, baby, please...” He added and, a little reluctantly, the younger man did, getting even more vocal when his husband started pinching one of his nipples with the hand he had on his chest, while the one on his hip moved to wrap around his cock again, stroking him in time with his thrusts. He nuzzled his neck and started kissing it and biting him lightly.

“Robert... fuck... I’m gonna... I’m gonna come...” Jimmy panted after a little while, trying to hold back, but it was in vain.

“Yes... I wanna feel you come, come on...” Robert said and that pushed Jimmy over the edge, he came hard, his muscles clenching around the other man’s cock once again. He felt Robert’s arm tighten around him as he thrust into him again, burying his face in his hair. He moaned his name as he came and Jimmy got to enjoy feeling him throbbing inside him once more, his breath hot against his shoulder.

They stayed still for a while as they regained their breath, Robert holding Jimmy close. The younger man felt so boneless and sleepy, utterly exhausted, but so very happy. He took Robert’s hand that was resting on his chest and intertwined their fingers, holding it gently. He felt his husband smile against his shoulder, then he squeezed his hand gently and pressed a soft kiss to his shoulder.

Jimmy didn’t want to move, he didn’t want to get up, he wanted to stay like this forever, so very close to the man he loved, he wanted to just fall asleep like this, but he knew they’d eventually have to move. They had to take another shower and he couldn’t stay like this forever, he was still lying on one of Robert’s arms and it’d eventually go numb. 

The blonde was aware of that as well and let go of his hand. He carefully pulled out and rolled on his back, sighing. Jimmy rolled over as well and looked at him.

“Another shower?” He offered and Robert nodded. 

“Yeah...” He sighed, then looked over at Jimmy and gave him a brilliant smile. “That was amazing.” 

“This was the best night of my life, hands down.” Jimmy admitted with a lazy smile. “The best day of my life followed by the best night of my life. I can’t believe how lucky I am, to be with you.” 

“It was the best for me, too, you know.” Robert said, moving closer to kiss him gently. Jimmy kissed him back, slowly, lazily and deeply. “Let’s go, before we fall asleep, filthy as we are.” The blonde then said and Jimmy laughed, but agreed and reluctantly got up.

“Ew. I’m not sleeping in the wet spot.” He pouted as he looked at the bed. There was definitely a disadvantage to doing it on their sides like that, his come had dripped straight onto the bed. Luckily the bed was big enough so they could curl up on the other side of it.

“Why not? You made it.” Robert grinned and Jimmy swatted at his chest playfully. 

“You made me do that!” He argued.

“Fair enough. Shower!” Robert finally agreed and chased him into the bathroom. 

Once they were clean, they snuggled up together underneath the blanket and slept away, listening to the cracking of the fire and each other’s breathing. Jimmy briefly wondered what tomorrow would bring before he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do let me know what you thought. <3


	10. 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Jimmy spend a lovely day in the Welsh countryside, but things go wrong along the way. They manage to make up and catch their plane to Iceland.

Jimmy was woken up by a knock on the door of the cottage the next morning. He was a little confused as to where he was, slightly disoriented, but when he opened his eyes and saw the old furniture of the room, he remembered right away and smiled to himself. The fire had died sometime during the night and it was a little chilly again.

He tried to stretch and get up, but Robert was holding him so tightly, he could barely move. He had his arms wrapped around him and his legs tangled with his and quite frankly, Jimmy wondered how on earth they had managed to sleep like that.

“I gotta get that...” He mumbled sleepily and Robert groaned, slowly letting go of him. 

“Who’s that?” The blonde asked and yawned when Jimmy sat up.

“You’ll see.” The younger man quipped and stretched a little. His whole body was pleasantly sore from last night’s strenuous activities and it made him smile a little. That had been one hell of a night after all and now he was hungry, he was starved, actually. Luckily, he’d taken care of breakfast and they wouldn’t have to make do with the piece of wedding cake they had saved for today. 

Jimmy got up and put his panties back on, then took the white shirt Robert had been wearing yesterday and put it on, buttoning it all the way down. It was big and long enough to cover enough of him, he could open the door like this, not bothering with trousers. He was well aware of Robert watching him appreciatively, but he didn’t mind in the least. He made his way to the door and opened it, slightly taken aback when he was greeted by a child. 

“Good Morning, Sir.” The girl, maybe 11 or 12 years old, said politely and thrust two large paper bags in his direction. “Grandma sent me with your breakfast.” She added and raised her other hand that held a coffee pot.

“Oh... thank you.” Jimmy stammered, unsure about how to interact with a child. He quickly took the bags and the pot and took them inside, setting them down on the table. He dashed back into the bedroom to find his wallet, grinned at Robert who raised an eyebrow at him, then went back to the door. “Here you go.” He said and gave the girl the money he’d agreed on with the owner of the cottage. He then reached back into his wallet and gave her another bill. “And this is for you, don’t tell your Grandma, though.” He winked. The girl beamed at him happily and took the money.

“Thank you, Sir! Have a good day!” She said and turned around to leave, skipping down the little path that led to the house.

“Thanks... you too...” Jimmy called after her, then closed the door again. He quickly put his wallet away, then put the food she had delivered and the leftover wedding cake on a tray he found in the little kitchen of the cottage. He added plates and cutlery as well as cups and carried everything to the bedroom. “Surprise...” He said softly and smiled at his husband, who had sat up in the bed by now.

“Oh wow... what a nice surprise it is...” Robert said with a grin and immediately opened the paper bags to see what was in them, moaning softly when the scent of freshly baked goods hit his nostrils. Jimmy had made sure to get all of Robert’s favorite things. “How did you get all this?” 

“Well, I called the people who rent this cottage out and asked them if they could do me a favor and get us some breakfast. They send their granddaughter with all the food and the coffee.” He explained while he poured each of them some coffee. “She called me Sir.” He then said and laughed. For the most part, he still felt like he was just a kid, too, but then again, he was now a grown up, married man. 

“Well, you are wearing 1/4th of a suit, good Sir.” Robert said teasingly and Jimmy reached up to unbutton a few of the buttons again, just to be a little more comfortable. “Of *my* suit.” Robert specified. 

“It was the shirt closest to the bed, ok?” Jimmy pouted. “I had to be quick.”

“Did you open the door in your panties?” Robert asked, his eyebrows creeping up on his forehead as he slid his hand up Jimmy’s thigh. The shirt had ridden up a little and the edge of the panties was visible now. 

“Well, yes? I couldn’t just let it dangle, you know, the shirt’s not *that* long.” He said and Robert threw his head back and laughed loudly. Jimmy joined in, covering his mouth with his hand as he did. 

“She would have had quite the story to tell...” Robert shook his head and reached into the bag to fish out a croissant. 

“Poor girl would have been traumatized.” Jimmy sighed and took a sip of his coffee, then took a croissant as well. He didn’t even mind getting flakes and crumbs all over the bed, they’d have to change the sheets before leaving anyway. “When is our flight?” He then asked, changing the subject. 

“We have to be at the airport at 5:30 this afternoon.” Robert said. “We have quite a bit of time until then, I’ve arranged for a driver to pick us up at quarter to 5.” 

“Oh wow... we do have a lot of time.” Jimmy said. “What would you like to do?” 

“I thought we could go for a hike, since we’re here, in the countryside and it’s really nice...” Robert offered. “You could take your sketchbook along.”

“Hmhm, sounds good.” Jimmy agreed and opened the second paper bag, this one contained fresh fruit. He took out a big, green apple and started cutting it in little wedges, giving half of it to his husband. “What about lunch?”

“There’s a restaurant in the village not too far from here.” Robert said and fed Jimmy a grape from the bag. The younger man couldn’t help but smile at the intimacy of it all, he loved having breakfast in bed with his husband. They had just woken up, they weren’t dressed, their hair was messy, but Jimmy still felt incredibly comfortable and at ease. That probably came with knowing someone so well and trusting someone that much, he mused. 

“Alright, sounds like we’re all set!” He said happily, then reached out for his duffel bag and pulled out his phone. He had quite a few messages, but one of them caught his eye. Emily had sent him a link to a news page that had, apparently, posted about their wedding. He clicked it, slightly reluctantly, then sighed and shook his head. The headline was awful, but the article itself wasn’t too bad.

“What is it?” Robert asked curiously, sitting up to try and see the screen of Jimmy’s phone. 

“Well... we made it into the Daily Mail.” The brunette laughed and showed Robert the headline and the photo. 

“Oh God no, not the Daily Mail.” Robert groaned and took Jimmy’s phone to read. “At least it’s not The Sun...” He added. The article had a big picture of them arriving at the register office in the gorgeous Cadillac, several pictures of them getting out of the car and walking towards the building, then two candid shots of the moment when Robert pulled him aside to ask him if he’s alright. It was a sweet picture of them smiling at each other, then a little kiss. 

“‘London millionaire Robert Plant 32, shows off gorgeous former escort fiancé, 20’... really? Really??” Robert huffed and shook his head. “I’m gonna sue their asses.” Jimmy laughed loudly.

“I don’t mind, they called me gorgeous.” He grinned cheekily and stuck his tongue out at Robert. 

“They made me sound like some kind of predator, some sort of old creep! What the hell.” Robert sighed. 

“The headline is horrible, yeah, but the article itself isn’t all that bad, actually.” Jimmy soothed him. It talked a little about their backgrounds, how they met and what had happened to them after that. It then focused on their outfits for the wedding for a bit before talking about what a nice couple they made and how much they seemed to love each other. Jimmy hadn’t expected such a positive article, he’d expected them to bash the differences between them, but they didn’t. 

“You’re right, it’s actually pretty sweet. They could have gone with a better headline, though, but I guess they really need those clicks...” Robert said and gave Jimmy the phone back. The younger man smiled at him and crawled closer to hug him.

“I’m sorry they made you feel like a creep... you’re not.” He cooed and kissed him gently. Robert sighed and pulled him closer. “They did also call me an ‘escort’, which is really stretching it.” Jimmy chuckled. 

“They were just trying to be respectful.” Robert answered and Jimmy shrugged.

“I was a homeless, dirty boy whore who took it up the ass for a few quid in a nasty side alley, not a fancy escort, and everybody knows that.” He said. The older man frowned at him.

“I don’t like it when you talk about yourself like that.” He sighed heavily, but Jimmy smiled at him, a little sadly, but he smiled. 

“It’s the truth, though. No euphemism in this world can change what I was, Robert. No amount of money, no fancy wedding can change it, either, but I’m fine with it, I’ve moved on. It’s a part of who I am, it made me who I am now, but it is in the past. It’s over.” He explained. “It may have given me a ton of issues, but in a way, it also made me stronger. I don’t want to erase my past, as awful as it was.” 

Robert looked at him for a while, searching his face, studying him. He reached up to caress his cheek and tucked some hair behind his ear. He was still frowning slightly, but slowly, a little smile appeared on his face. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to... erase a part of you... you are an incredibly strong person and I love that about you.” He said softly. “I do think, however, that you could be a little more gentle with yourself... don’t call yourself those names, it’s not helping. You didn’t do it because you wanted to, you did to survive.” He said and Jimmy nodded.

“You’re right.” He agreed, leaning into the gentle caress and closing his eyes. “I never wanted to do that, but I’m not comfortable pretending that it didn’t happen, either. I’m ok now. I’m happy now. I have everything I need.” He smile and turned his head to kiss Robert’s palm. “Especially since yesterday was such a perfect day, I couldn’t be happier.”

“It was perfect, wasn’t it?” Robert smiled. 

“Did you like it? Did it turn out the way you wanted it to? I know how important that was to you.” Jimmy asked him gently, moving to wrap his arms around his neck. Robert’s smile widened and he nodded.

“It turned out to be even better than what I imagined. I told you I dreamed of a perfect, romantic wedding all my life and I got exactly that. We had a lot of fun with games and dancing, too, there was good food... it was perfect.” He said happily. 

Jimmy nodded in agreement, then frowned. “Did they write anything about our ceremony here?” He asked and reached for his phone again, to check. “Hmm... they did say we drove off after the ceremony at the register office, but it seems that they didn’t follow us. Good.” He smiled, he wouldn’t have wanted the press here, this was much too intimate and personal. “This picture is cute, look at us.” He then said and raised his phone again, showing Robert the shot of them kissing. 

“Yes, we are adorable indeed.” The blonde laughed. Jimmy climbed in his lap and settled against his chest, absentmindedly eating a piece of apple as he scrolled through the article once again. “Hey... don’t read the comments.” Robert advised. 

“Why not? Can they be worse than that headline? Doubt it.” Jimmy said and did so anyway. “Ha... ‘doesn’t look like a hooker’...” He read out loud. “Aww, look at this one: ‘They’re like sun and moon!’, that’s sweet... hehe, this person is asking how to get herself a millionaire, too.”

“I wish they’d stop bringing up the money.” Robert sighed. Jimmy put his phone away and gave him an apple-flavored kiss. 

“Me too.” He then said. “I guess we’ll always have to deal with people thinking I’m just in it for your money and you just want me because, apparently, I’m a hot piece of ass.” He laughed. 

“God, I hate that. As if I’d chose to spend the rest of my life with someone just because they’re attractive. Beauty fades, a lovely personality doesn’t.” Robert answered. 

“Aww, so you’re saying you’ll still love me even when I’m old and ugly?” Jimmy laughed, nuzzling his neck. 

“You’ll never be ugly, but yes, that is exactly what I’m saying. I’ll love you even then because what’s in here and here will stay the same.” He said, gently touching Jimmy’s head, then his chest. 

“Oh my God, you’re so adorable, you sappy old man.” Jimmy squealed and hugged him tightly. Robert rested his head on Jimmy’s chest and closed his eyes, wrapping his arms tightly around him and caressing his back. “Hmm, I love being in your lap like this.” The brunette purred. 

“And I love holding you like this. This is pure bliss.” He sighed happily. He unbuttoned another one of the buttons of the shirt Jimmy had thrown on so he could rest his cheek against the naked skin of his chest. The younger man smiled at that and kissed the top of his head. They stayed like that for quite a while, just holding each other and enjoying the closeness before they finished their breakfast, finishing off with the leftover piece of cake. 

They quickly got ready once they were done, brushing their teeth and getting dressed in the change of clothes they had brought along. Jimmy got his sketchbook and some coal and pencils and put on his boots. 

“Well, I’m ready... let’s hope the weather holds up.” He said. There were a few clouds today, but it didn’t look too bad. Robert put on his jacket and pocketed his phone and wallet, then nodded.

“Yeah, let’s hope so...” He said and locked the door of the cottage as they left. Jimmy was a little surprised that they had managed to get out of the house that quickly, when Robert had opened his shirt a little further, he’d gotten quite excited, but for some reason, the mood wasn’t quite right, so he’d refrained. Robert had obviously just felt sweet and cuddly and it felt wrong to try and change the mood. 

It was still quite early in the day, so they had enough time to walk through the fields and little patches of forest, Jimmy stopped to draw something he found interesting or pretty every so often, crouching down to sketch a plant or a bug, sometimes a lone house in between the fields and Robert took out his phone to snap a few pictures of him. 

They followed a little creek into the forest and Jimmy found a perfect spot to sit down for a moment. He almost slipped on one of the wet rocks in the little stream, but managed to keep his balance. He climbed on one of the bigger boulders and sat down on it, cross legged, and started sketching the landscape. Again, Robert took a few pictures of him and Jimmy found himself grinning into the camera sheepishly. 

The older man climbed one of the trees close to him with ease and sat down on one of its thicker branches. Jimmy quickly flipped the page of his sketchbook and started to draw him instead of the landscape. Instead of drawing him in the clothes he was actually wearing, jeans and a jacket, he drew him in something that resembled Legolas’s outfit from Lord of the Rings, he added a sword on his back and a knife in his hand, drew his ears a little more pointy than they were, his hair a little longer than it really was and added some braids to it that weren’t actually there. 

He couldn’t help it, ever since he’d found out about Robert’s love for the books he’d pictured his husband as some kind of elven warrior. When, after a while, the blonde hopped back down, he quickly tried to hide his drawing, but it was too late, his husband had spotted it already.

“Hey... did you draw me? Can I see?” Robert asked, having noticed that he’d been the subject of Jimmy’s attention. 

“Uhm... I guess... don’t laugh at me, though.” Jimmy said, feeling a little self-conscious. He slid off of the boulder and took Robert’s hand when the older man offered it to help him across the little creek. He handed over the sketchbook and watched his husband’s face as he took in the drawing. His eyebrows rose and he started grinning like a fool. The man in the drawing looked just like him, a little different, but it was unmistakably Robert.

“You drew me as an elf?” He asked in disbelief and Jimmy shuffled his feet.

“Well, yeah... seeing you just climb that tree like it was nothing, like you’re doing it every day, it just made me think you looked like one... it came so naturally to you.” He admitted. “Who am I kidding, I’ve always seen you like some kind of elven warrior or king.”

“Really? Now that’s flattering...” Robert laughed, still looking at the drawing. “Like Elrond? Or Celeborn?”

“Hmm, I was thinking more along the lines of Glorfindel or maybe King Thranduil, you know, with your golden hair and that powerful aura you have...” Jimmy said with a little smile. 

“Oh wow... you really do love me, don’t you? And you actually read the books!” Robert said happily. Jimmy pouted.

“What do you mean, of course I did! I know they’re important to you! I read The Silmarillion, I read The Hobbit and I read The Lord of the Rings! And I liked them!” He argued.

“I thought you just watched the movies.” Robert mused and Jimmy couldn’t help but feel slightly insulted, not that there was anything wrong with the movies. He frowned at the older man. 

“Be very careful, I might have to revoke your Glorfindel-status and draw you as Gollum next!” He warned, pointing his pencil at the older man, his eyes sparking with suppressed anger. Robert laughed.

“I’m sorry, baby, I really didn’t mean anything by it...” He said. “I know you do like reading, but those books, especially The Silmarillion, are really tough to get through... even I didn’t really like that one! It was awful!” Jimmy calmed down at that and sighed. 

“You’re right, that one sucked.” He pouted, then they both laughed. “Do you really like the drawing? Don’t you think it’s silly?” Robert stared at him in disbelief.

“Are you kidding me?? Ever since I was a child I wanted to be Glorfindel and now, I get to be him, if only on paper! That is so cool!” He said with a big smile. “Oh, hey, we should totally get outfits and dress up, you could be Erestor or Lord Elrond.”

“Oh, you mean, like LARPing?” Jimmy asked and Robert raised an eyebrow. His face flushed and he cleared his throat.

“Uhm, yes. Yes, I absolutely meant LARPing.” He said, scratching the back of his head self-consciously. Jimmy blinked at him and narrowed his eyes at his reaction, before they widened in realization.

“You meant... role playing?? The sexy kind, I mean?” He gasped and Robert fidgeted with the hem of his jacket. Jimmy couldn’t help the giggle that escaped his mouth. “What happened to Mr.-I-don’t-have-any-kinks, huh?” He asked teasingly and poked the other man’s side, watching Robert’s face flush even more. 

“Oh shut up, it’s not a kink, it’s just... I mean, it could be fun...” He shrugged. “Nevermind.” He said, shaking his head and looking down at his feet. Jimmy smiled and pecked his cheek.

“It could be fun, you’re right. I’d definitely be up for it... I’m just not sure if I’m a good actor at all.” He said shyly. Robert looked at him briefly.

“Really? We don’t have to, it was just a thought...” He mumbled. 

“Well, let’s keep it in mind and if the mood strikes, we’ll get some nice outfits and... we’ll just give it a try.” Jimmy suggested. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad about it, I’m sorry... I just honestly didn’t realize you meant it *that way*, at first.” He apologized. 

“It’s ok... I wasn’t being very clear...” Robert said. He pulled Jimmy a little closer and kissed him gently, then smiled at him. “Your art is getting even better, every time I see something new it’s just even more impressive than the one before that. I mean that. You’re amazing.” He then said, looking down at the drawing again. Jimmy beamed at him happily.

“Thank you... I’m so glad you like it.” He said.

“I got some really cute pictures of you drawing, by the way... you can use them for your homepage, if you like. I mean, they’re just phone pictures, but... they’re not bad.” Robert offered and Jimmy nodded.

“I’d like that... thank you.” He said and took his husband’s hand into his own, starting to pull him along. They walked along the little creek for a while until they reached the small village Robert had told him about earlier. It was just as beautiful as everything else they had seen on their way there, with it’s adorable little houses and cottages, surrounded by green fields and forests. It had a tiny market place in the center with a single café and a restaurant. 

“Hungry?” Robert asked him, looking over at the little restaurant and Jimmy nodded.

“Very.” He admitted. They had been walking and sitting in the forest for a few hours already and he was starved again. They went inside and were seated at the window that overlooked the little market place that was surprisingly busy for such a small village. Looking at the menu, Jimmy found that the food was a lot more traditional than what he was used to from the city with all its fastfood and international cuisine. After ordering some drinks, he went with the beef wellington while Robert picked the shepherd’s pie. 

“Are you having a good time, love?” Robert asked worriedly after they ate and were waiting for their dessert. Jimmy knew that the older man was always worried Jimmy would get bored with him, especially out here in the countryside, being used to the fast-paced city, but that wasn’t the case at all. 

“I am. I love it here.” Jimmy said with a happy smile. “You know, it always seems to... I don’t know, recharge my batteries, when we get out of the city and just... enjoy nature.” He explained. “I feel so much calmer, more at ease, less anxious than I do in London.”

“Really?” Robert asked. “I mean, I knew you always liked it when I took you out for a hike, but I had no idea it helped you so much.” 

“It does, it really does.” Jimmy confirmed. “It’s just so peaceful and beautiful.” 

“Would you like to move to the countryside, one day?” Robert asked. They had talked about that before, but Jimmy had been reluctant, mostly due to financial reasons. 

“I... yeah. I do.” He admitted, toying with the corner of his napkin. “I just don’t know how to get to that point. I mean, I’m still in school.” 

“We don’t have to move right away. We’ll let you finish school, then we’ll see about it. The thing is...” Robert hesitated and looked at him for a moment as if trying to find the right words. “There’s this little farm for sale. It’s pretty close to London and it’s absolutely perfect!” He gushed. Jimmy’s stomach dropped and his mood instantly did a 180° change. He wasn’t ready for that. At all.

“You want to buy it.” He stated and Robert was quiet for a moment, then he nodded. 

“I mean, I haven’t decided yet, I wouldn’t make a decision like that without you, but it’s been on my mind.” He admitted. “It’s everything I ever wanted and it’s not even all that expensive. It would need some renovating for us to actually live there, but that’s alright, I don’t mind.” 

“But... I can’t afford that, Robert.” Jimmy whispered. With his tiny, part-time salary, he didn’t even make enough to afford the tiniest, cheapest apartment in London.

“I wasn’t suggesting we’d buy it together...” Robert sighed. Jimmy struggled to stay calm. He didn’t want to freak out on his husband in a restaurant. He took a few deep breaths and tapped the inside of his wrist a few times. “I’m sorry, baby, I didn’t mean to upset you.” 

“It’s ok. I’m fine. I just...” He took another deep breath. “I feel like I’ll never catch up with you. We’ll never be able to buy something together, as equals. It’ll always be me, living in *your* house, living on your money.” He said. In all honesty, he felt like crying. 

“Not always, just for now...” Robert tried to soothe him, but Jimmy huffed and glared at him.

“You keep saying that! But how long is it going to take until I get anywhere? Being an artist isn’t exactly... it’s not like... I’m never going to be like you!” He hissed, trying to keep himself from raising his voice. “No amount of talent is going to make me rich.” Robert was quiet for a while and Jimmy knew he was looking for the right thing to say that wouldn’t set him off even more. Jimmy hated himself for getting so worked up about this, it was the same thing every single time and it was getting tiring. 

“Is it really that bad, though?” Robert then whispered. He didn’t look up from where he was staring down at the table. “You living off of me, I mean. I know you mind it. I know you hate it. But why? Haven’t you been through enough? Don’t you think you deserve a break? I have more than enough for the both of us.” Jimmy felt himself bristling up again, he felt like yelling at Robert, he felt like throwing things. 

“Are you serious?” He whispered. “Do you really not understand that I want to be independent? I don’t want to spend my life living off of you like some kind of leech!” He said and this time, he couldn’t keep his voice low enough and to make matters worse, he slammed his palm down on the table, making the cutlery clatter. The waiter looked over at their table worriedly and Jimmy tried to force himself to calm down again, in vain.

“You’re not a leech, you’re my husband!” Robert answered, getting angry as well by now. “You are not some kind of parasite that I can’t get rid of, I want you with me! Don’t you see how much you give me, too, everything you do for me? Taking care of financial stuff is the least I can do to repay you!” He added and Jimmy saw red. 

He got up so fast that his chair fell to the floor and took a deep breath to give the other man a piece of his mind, but the words just wouldn’t come, he was too angry, too worked up, so he turned around and stomped out of the restaurant, ignoring the waiter’s worried look. He slammed the door and started crying as soon as it closed behind him, but it didn’t take Robert long to come after him.

“Jimmy, I’m sorry I phrased it like that, you know I didn’t-” He started, but Jimmy spun around on his heel and glared at him, cutting him off.

“You didn’t mean it like that? Is that what you’re trying to say?” He yelled. His whole body was trembling and he could barely breathe. “Is this what this is to you? You’re ‘paying’ me for my ‘services’ to you? Am I still your little whore? I let you fuck me and now you want to buy me a house to pay for it? What’s my price for a blowjob, huh, a nice leather jacket or a pair of Louboutins?” He shouted loud enough for the whole market square to hear. 

He watched Robert struggle to find an appropriate answer and when he didn’t, he took it to mean that it was all true, that this was all it was to Robert and he got even more furious. He couldn’t think clearly, everything hurt so much and his head was spinning, everything in his head screamed at him that Robert was just paying him for whatever services he could provide and he didn’t know what to do and he found himself raising his arm.

He slapped Robert’s face, hard. 

It was like the world stopped for a moment and everything happened in slow motion from that point on, he watched Robert’s head snap around with the force of his blow before he raised a hand and covered his reddening cheek that was already partially covered by his hair. Jimmy’s eyes widened in shock, he couldn’t believe he’d actually done that. 

“Oh my god...” He gasped. “I’m sorry... oh no, no, no, I’m so sorry...” He started whispering frantically. He couldn’t see Robert’s face, it was hidden behind his hair as he kept his head turned away from Jimmy, not moving an inch, he didn’t answer either. “Robert...? I’m sorry, please, I’m so sorry...” He sobbed. All his anger had vanished, it was replaced by cold dread and fear instantly, as well as a horribly nagging guilt.

“Wait here.” Robert then said, sounding chillingly calm, and went back inside the restaurant, probably to take care of the bill. He still hadn’t looked at Jimmy, not even once. The brunette didn’t even register the people on the market square staring at him and whispering between themselves, all he could think about was that he’d hit his husband. Robert was going to leave him, he’d annul the marriage and Jimmy would be alone again. He’d be homeless again.

Before he could think about that any more, Robert came back out of the restaurant and gave him his jacket. He still hadn’t looked at him.

“Come. Let’s go back to the cottage.” The blonde said. He still didn’t sound angry, he sounded flat and defeated, if anything, and Jimmy couldn’t answer, so he just took his jacket and followed Robert. They took the short way back to the cottage, through the village instead of the fields and forest, so it didn’t take long. Neither of them said a word, Jimmy just wanted to apologize a million times, but that wasn’t going to help. He knew he’d messed up big time.

He watched Robert unlock the door and entered after him, then watched the older man pace for a second before sitting down on the old sofa in the main room of the cottage, resting his head in his hands. 

“I am so, so sorry, Robert...” Jimmy tried again. “Please say something.” It took the other man a while to answer.

“I want to say that it’s ok. I really do.” He finally started and sighed heavily. “But it’s not. It’s not ok.” 

“I know.” Jimmy whispered. “I can’t believe I did that, I don’t know what got into me...” Robert finally looked up at him and he looked so, so sad, it broke Jimmy’s heart. Then he patted the sofa next to him.

“Come here.” He said softly. Jimmy reluctant went and sat next to him, he was still trembling. He almost jumped when Robert reached out and took his hands in his own. This is it, Jimmy thought, he’s going to tell me he’s leaving me. Tears filled his eyes again. 

“I understand that you are sick.” Robert started instead and Jimmy looked up at him in surprise. “But your behaviour is getting abusive and I need you to work on that. You cannot hide behind this, you cannot blame a mental illness for the way you treat me.” Jimmy blinked at him, trying to process what he was saying. He knew he was right, whatever it was that was going on in his head, it was not an excuse to treat Robert like that. It felt awful to hear that he was being abusive, but he knew it was true. He swallowed hard and nodded.

“You’re right. I am sorry.” He whispered in a small voice. “Wait. Does that mean... that you’re not leaving me?” He asked. Robert shook his head.

“I’m not leaving you.” He confirmed and Jimmy could barely believe it. Tears spilled from his eyes again, purely out of relief this time. “But I want you to work on this. You cannot keep doing this to me, freaking out on me like that for nothing. How could you ever believe I thought of you like that, that I’m... that I’m somehow *paying* you to sleep with me...?” Robert asked in disbelief. “This morning you were telling me about how you’re not ashamed of it, how it’s a part of you and now, this? After everything we’ve been through? After we both almost died, almost got killed, just because we wanted to be together? After everything I told you yesterday?” 

Jimmy shook his head and sobbed. He had no idea how he could have believed that, even for a second, but in that moment, he had. 

“I don’t know... when you said that... the way you phrased it... my brain just short-circuited and I doubted *everything* that ever happened between us. I don’t understand why...” He cried. “I know you really love me, I know that. Why did I say those things, why did I believe that you don’t??” 

“I don’t know. I want you to call Jenny and tell her what happened, ok? Talk to her about it, maybe she knows what happened and how to help you.” Robert said and Jimmy nodded. “I’m going to go for another walk, to clear my head.” He then said and let go of the younger man’s hands, getting up and leaving the cottage. 

Alone, Jimmy stared at his hands for a moment, trying to process everything that had happened. He understood that Robert didn’t want to be in his presence for a while and he wasn’t mad, but it did hurt. Once he managed to gather his thoughts, he pulled out his phone and dialed Jenny’s number. Luckily, she picked up quickly.

“Hey, sweety! How did it go, had a good night?” She asked happily and laughed. Jimmy felt like he was about to vomit. He sobbed before he could get any words out.

“I hit Robert.” He said flatly. The line was silent for a moment.

“... what?” Jenny asked dumbly and Jimmy took a deep breath before giving her a quick rundown of what had happened between them. They ended up talking for more than two hours, they were still talking by the time Robert came back from his walk. She managed to give him a lot of valuable insight on what had happened there and where he’d gone wrong and how to avoid it in the future. She also stressed that he had to get back on medication if it got any worse, a different kind this time.

When he hung up, he sighed deeply and looked at Robert, who had taken a seat next to him on the sofa again. 

“What did she say?” He asked and Jimmy didn’t really want to say it out loud, but he knew Robert deserved to know what was up.

“Apparently... some kind of psychosis. A brief, minor psychotic episode. A delusion. My brain made me believe something that wasn’t true, that I would have never believed in my right state of mind.” He breathed. Saying it out loud like this made it sound like a death sentence or something. “We talked about some ways to prevent it from happening again or it getting any worse, but if it’s not working... she said I’ll have to take antipsychotics. They’ll have side effects and they’re gonna be different, probably worse than the anti anxiety medication I was on, or the anti depressants.” Robert stared at him for a moment, then nodded slowly. 

“I... see.” He said with difficulty. 

“I can’t believe I’m actually, literally delusional.” Jimmy huffed. “She said it’s very, very rare with BPD, but it does occasionally happen, especially after a very stressful time. That means both negative stress and positive stress, like I’ve had the past few days.” It had taken her a while to explain to him that stress didn’t always mean negative things, even feeling a lot of positive emotions was a type of stress, apparently.

“Ah... so that triggered it, it was all just... a little too much? Even though it was good?” Robert asked carefully. Jimmy nodded.

“Yeah. My brain didn’t know what to do with that chemical cocktail of endorphins and all that all those emotions produced and it kinda... uh... glitched.” He explained awkwardly. “The good news is that with this kind of psychotic episode... it rarely lasts, it rarely ever gets worse, usually it’s a one time thing triggered by something big and then it goes away. We’re hoping that that is it in my case, but she’ll have to keep an eye on it.”

“That’s good... that’s very good, actually.” Robert said, watching Jimmy carefully as if he was afraid he’d go off again any minute. “Should I cancel our flight...?” He then asked.

“I’d still like to go... I mean, if you still want to. I’ll just have to call Jenny once a day and it’s gonna be fine.” He said. 

“Ok. Then we’re going.” Robert agreed. Jimmy looked over at him and felt incredibly guilty again. His cheek wasn’t red anymore, of course, it had long since faded, but Jimmy almost felt like he could still see it. 

“I can’t believe I hit you... I am so, so incredibly sorry...” He whispered and reached out to caress the older man’s cheek, relieved when Robert allowed it. “Can you forgive me?” 

“I... yes.” Robert said after a moment of hesitation. “Just... please... be more careful with how you treat me. I love you and I want to be with you, but sometimes, you treat me like crap.” He whispered and held Jimmy’s hand to his cheek. 

“Fuck, I’m such an asshole...” Jimmy cursed. “I promise I’ll be more careful with what I say and how I treat you, I promise.” He whispered then and slowly shuffled closer. Robert pulled him into his arms and Jimmy immediately climbed into his lap. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Jimmy repeated yet again and he nuzzled Robert’s neck.

“Shh... please stop apologizing. It happened, you can’t take it back. Let’s just... move on.” He said and held him close. “Honestly, the fact that you thought I’m somehow trying to pay you for sleeping with me hurt a million times more than you slapping me.” Jimmy shook his head.

“I can’t believe I thought that.” He whispered. “It feels so weird that I believed that even for a second, now.” He pulled back to look at his husband. “I want you to buy that farm. You deserve everything you want, and you always wanted something like that. We could live there and you could have animals and a nice garden, an orchard...” 

“Would you be ok with that?” Robert asked. Jimmy nodded.

“You were absolutely right. There’s nothing wrong with me living with you when that’s what you want. I shouldn’t be upset about that. I just didn’t want to feel like I’m in debt to you or something, but I guess I’ll always feel a little like that, because you literally saved my life. I feel like you’re doing so much for me and I can’t do enough for you in turn.” He sighed. “I’ll just have to find a way to deal with that, I’ll always feel like I owe you.” 

“You don’t. But if it helps, I will let you buy me whatever you want, as soon as you can.” Robert said with a little smile. “I’d offer to get myself into a life threatening situation so you can bail me out, but in all honesty, I’d rather not.” He chuckled and Jimmy couldn’t help but smile, too. 

“I’ll give you a kidney if you ever need one.” He offered and Robert laughed. 

“Deal.” He said and gently touched the tip of his nose to Jimmy’s, smiling at him. The relief flooding Jimmy’s entire being was immense and he felt a little overwhelmed, but he allowed it and accepted it instead of freaking out about it, just like Jenny had taught him. He leaned in to kiss Robert, but then stopped himself, wondering if the other man even wanted that right now. 

“Can I kiss you?” He asked carefully and when Robert nodded, he went ahead and pressed his lips to the other’s, gently and shyly at first, then he deepened the kiss, slowly sliding his tongue against the Robert’s. He moaned as he felt something surge inside him, he wanted Robert, badly, almost desperately, but the older man stopped him.

“We can’t, baby, the driver is going to be here in, like, 10 minutes.” He said and Jimmy whined. He felt like he needed to do this to make up with Robert properly. “Shh, relax... it’s going to be really late when we get to our hotel, so we can’t really do anything else anyways... we can do whatever you want as soon as we get there.” Robert soothed him, knowing how important this was for Jimmy, as an emotional outlet. 

“How long is the flight gonna take?” The brunette asked.

“About 3 hours.” Robert said and Jimmy groaned. “It’s ok. We’re ok. I promise.” Robert cooed, knowing exactly what this was about, it wasn’t even about sex, it was about being close and making sure they were ok. Jimmy took a moment and then nodded. 

“Alright.” He said and rested his forehead on Robert’s shoulder, closing his eyes. “I’ve never been on a plane before.” He then said. 

“I know... are you nervous?” Robert asked, caressing his back soothingly. 

“A little... what if I get sick? What if I get really scared?” He asked. 

“You shouldn’t... flying is really nice, actually. You get to see all kinds of things from up there, it’s beautiful, especially at night when you can see the lights of the big cities down here. You’re gonna get to see the sunset, too, it’s really something else up there, I promise.” Robert said. 

“That sounds nice.” Jimmy smiled. “Is it very noisy the whole time?”

“No, not at all. The takeoff can be a little noisy, but it doesn’t take long. After that, you’re kind of just gliding through the air. I’ll hold your hand during takeoff, alright?” Robert answered.

“Yes, please.” Jimmy nodded, smiling softly to himself. He jumped a little as someone, the driver, rapped on the door loudly. “Ah, that’s the driver, I suppose...” He got off of Robert’s lap quickly and dashed to the bedroom to gather his things and put them back into the bag he had with him. Robert opened the door for the driver, then came to collect his belongings as well. 

The drive to the airport was spent a lot like their drive to the cottage in the Cadillac, Jimmy snuggled up to Robert. He was caressing Robert’s hands gently, he still felt so very guilty for what he’d done in his delusion earlier that day. He was terrified that it would happen again even though Jenny had reassured him that it was extremely unlikely.

When they arrived at the airport, Robert took out their tickets to find the proper gate, where he talked to someone to make sure the luggage they had dropped off a few days prior made it to the right plane. Everything seemed to be in order so they proceeded to check in. After that, they had to wait for quite a while. Jimmy didn’t like that part, everything had been quite exciting until then, but now it was just boring. He browsed the duty free shop briefly, finding nothing of interest, they mostly had alcohol, chocolates and snacks, perfumes and makeup, so he went back to sit with his husband.

When it was finally time to board the plane, Jimmy looked around with big eyes, taking everything in. He’d only seen the inside of a plane on TV, never in real life. It seemed a lot smaller in real life, he had to duck quite a bit in some places and it made him feel slightly claustrophobic. 

“Would you like the window seat?” Robert offered and Jimmy thought about it for a moment, then shook his head.

“Nah, I think I’ll feel more comfortable towards the aisle.” He admitted, so Robert went in first, taking his seat at the window. This way he could avoid seeing anything in case he got queasy or scared. “I can always lean over if I do wanna see, right?”

“Of course, love.” The blonde answered as Jimmy sat next to him. He was starting to get really nervous and he didn’t quite understand why. People went to places by plane every day and he knew that it was technically safer than driving, but still... the thought of flying felt weird. 

When everybody was seated and they were told to fasten their seatbelts, the plane started rolling towards the runway slowly and Jimmy quickly grabbed Robert’s hand. The older man chuckled and held it tightly. A flight attendant who walked along the aisle to make sure they had all fastened their seatbelts noticed his vice grip on his husband’s hand and gave him an encouraging smile.

“First time flying?” She asked and Jimmy nodded, smiling sheepishly. “It’s alright, everybody gets nervous the first time, you’re not the only one today, either.” She reassured him. “You’re perfectly safe, I promise. Just hold on to your partner’s hand and you’ll be just fine.”

“Thank you...” Jimmy said and she continued her way to the back of the plane. It stopped for a few minutes, waiting for clearance, and Jimmy’s nervousness only grew. When the engines suddenly roared to life loudly, he gripped Robert’s hand even more tightly as his heart leaped into this throat. “Oh no. I’m scared.” He whispered. 

“Aww, don’t be, it’s alright. I’m right here with you.” Robert said soothingly and held his hand with both of his, caressing the back of it soothingly. The plane started rolling down the runway, the engines howled even more loudly and Jimmy screwed his eyes shut tightly. He felt it going faster and faster and suddenly, he felt his stomach drop weirdly as the plane took off. He was pressed into the seat by the force of it as the plane tilted backwards, taking them towards the sky. 

It took only a few minutes until the plane stopped the crazy ascent and went back to its almost horizontal state, the engines quieted down and Jimmy released his hold on Robert’s hand a little. 

“I didn’t like that.” He pouted at Robert. “Sorry if I crushed your hand, I was actually scared.”

“It’s ok, baby. It’s over now.” The blonde said and smiled at him. He turned his head to look out the window and smiled. “See, we’re all the way up here now, down there you can see London.” He said, pointing. It took Jimmy another moment or two before he dared to lean over Robert a little to peek out the window as well. His stomach flipped as he saw how high up they already were and indeed, down there, he could see the lights of the city slowly coming to life now that the sun was setting. 

The sky was tinged in every imaginable shade of red and pink, the little clouds glowing brightly as they flew towards them. From the top, they looked almost black, Jimmy noticed when the plane passed them. It was absolutely breathtaking and he loved being able to see all that. Robert smiled as he watched Jimmy’s face change from worried and scared to awed as he watched the sunset and later, the lights of the towns below.

“This is awesome!” The younger man whispered and leaned against Robert’s chest when he wrapped an arm around him gently. “Oh my god... is that... the ocean?” He asked after a while, when the plane tilted a little to fly a little curve and towards the left, he saw a large, dark mass of something that he couldn’t place. Robert nodded.

“Yes, that would be the atlantic ocean.” He said, caressing Jimmy’s back lightly.

“I’ve never seen the ocean before...” The brunette whispered in awe. It didn’t look like much now, at night, he couldn’t really see it, but he could definitely tell where the lights of the cities and towns ended and there was only endless darkness, occasionally the light of something above would catch the water and he could see it for a second. It looked almost scary, like the world just ended there. 

“Hmm, I don’t want to give away too much, but we’re going to be spending quite some time on that ocean soon.” Robert said. Jimmy was almost lying on top of him now to get to the window (and because he really liked being in his arms) and the older man raised his hand to play with his hair lovingly.

“Really? You mean like a cruise?” He asked excitedly. 

“Yes. We’re gonna go to our next destination via ship.” He explained with a smile.

“And you’re not gonna tell me where we’re going.” Jimmy guessed. Robert just grinned and shook his head. The younger man laughed, he didn’t mind at all, he loved surprises and he was very curious to see where Robert would take him next. “Thank you for all these new experiences...” He whispered after a while. 

“You’re very welcome, baby... it’s so wonderful to see you taking it all in, you’re so sweet.” Robert cooed, he was clearly happy to be able to give this to his husband. “I can’t wait to show you more of the world.” 

“I can’t wait to see it.” Jimmy smiled. He couldn’t believe how happy he was now, when just a few hours ago he’d feared that it would all be over, but somehow, they had managed to get through it again, together. The rest of the flight was much better than takeoff had been, they got a light meal and some drinks and soon, Jimmy noticed the plane starting to descend again. He felt the pressure in his ears and sometimes it went down a little quickly and he felt it in his stomach, but it was nowhere near as unpleasant as going up had been. 

Looking out the window, he saw the lights of Kevlavik Airport, that was quite a ways away from Reykjavik, as Jimmy had found out from a brochure on the plane. 

“Where are we even staying? Are we going to the capital right away or to that blue lagoon place you mentioned?” Jimmy asked curiously. 

“Tonight, we’ll be going to our hotel in Grindavik. It’s close to the Blue Lagoon.” Robert told him. “We’ll go to see Reykjavik as well, don’t you worry.” He then smiled. 

“Hmm, I’m a little bummed we’re arriving at night and I won’t get to see anything on the drive.” Jimmy pouted. 

“Aww, don’t worry... I’ll rent us a car tomorrow and I’ll take you wherever you want.” Robert promised.

“Really? Oh... can you even drive on the right?” He asked, remembering that it was different in most countries than in the UK. The older man laughed.

“Well, I’ve done it before, so I’m pretty confident I can.” He said. Jimmy looked at him for a moment as it dawned on him just how much more he’s seen than Jimmy, how many places he’s been to. He knew Robert had been in most western and southern european countries, he’d even been to the States, to China and Japan, even to India. He was never going to catch up with his husband, but maybe he didn’t have to, maybe he could just enjoy learning from him, letting him show him the world. 

Robert watched his face and smiled at him. “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours, hm?” He asked when Jimmy didn’t reply for a while, just stared at him, having zoned out a little.

“I was just... thinking.” He whispered. “Will you show me the world? Will you show me everything you’ve seen?” He then asked. Robert nodded.

“I’d love to... however, for this trip, I’ve only chosen destinations I haven’t seen yet, either. I wanted us to discover them together.” He said and Jimmy felt his heart swell with love, for some reason that made him unbelievably happy. He made a happy little noise and hugged Robert tightly. 

“I love you, I love you, I love you!” He said quickly and the older man laughed happily and held him close. “That makes me so happy, you have no idea... Thank you!” Robert kissed him briefly, then they were interrupted by the flight attendant reminding Jimmy to sit back in his own seat and fasten his seatbelt because the plane was about to land. It came down smoothly and Jimmy was a little relieved, despite having enjoyed the actual flight. It took quite a while until they actually got to leave the plane and pick up their luggage, but everything went well from there on, they found their luggage quickly and Robert had hired another driver to get them to their hotel. The drive wasn’t too long, but by the time they made it there, it was pretty late and Jimmy felt exhausted, both physically and emotionally. 

He flopped down on the bed in the hotel and closed his eyes for a moment. When he felt the bed dip under Robert’s weight next to him, he opened them again and looked up at his husband who was watching him worriedly. 

“How do you feel now?” He asked and Jimmy reached up to touch his face. 

“Exhausted.” He admitted as he caressed the older man cheek gently. “I still feel so incredibly fucking guilty, too... I hurt you so much. I’m so sorry.” He sighed. Robert turned his face and kissed his palm.

“Jimmy, you need to stop apologizing.” He said gently and the younger man had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from apologizing for apologizing in the first place. “I need to tell you something.” Robert then said and lay down next to him on the bed. Jimmy turned on his side so he could look at his husband. 

“What is it?” He asked worriedly. Robert turned his head to look at him and smiled sadly.

“It hurt so much when you accused me of buying you things to pay for sex... because...” The older man paused and took a deep breath. It was clear that this was difficult for him to say. “That second time you spent the night at my place... I almost asked you to sleep with me. I almost offered you some more money to spend the night with me, because I felt so, so lonely and I enjoyed your company so much and I didn’t want the night to end, I didn’t want you to go to your room, I didn’t want to be alone again.” He admitted. 

Jimmy’s eyes widened, he had not expected that confession at all. Robert had told him how lonely he’d been back then and how much he’d craved company, but he hadn’t told him just how bad it had been. It made him feel strange, knowing that Robert would have paid for his company, like that. 

“But you didn’t.” He whispered, then, trying to coax the other man to tell him more. Robert shook his head.

“I couldn’t. I was so disgusted with myself for considering it, even for a split second... no, don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t disgusted because of *you*, but because... that would have made me like one of those guys who fucked you in a filthy alley. I wouldn’t have been any better than them, using you like that, using your horrible situation against you like that...” He sighed heavily. Jimmy scooted closer and rested a hand on Robert’s chest, leaning in to peck his cheek.

“You’re *nothing* like them. I would have said yes, if you had asked me. But I wouldn’t have taken the money.” He whispered. “Well... to be completely honest, maybe I would have taken it, I did really need it... but I would have come to your room with you... I don’t know what exactly would have happened, maybe we would have just... I don’t know, cuddled, but... I would have wanted to come with you.” Robert looked at him in surprise.

“Really?” He asked as he raised a hand to caress Jimmy’s hair. The brunette nodded.

“I told you I was already daydreaming about you being my boyfriend by the second time we met.” He said with a shy little smile. “Of course, I had no idea you liked me, too. I thought you just felt sorry for me.”

“I mean, I did feel sorry for you, I’m not gonna lie...” Robert sighed. “I wanted to help you, but I also really enjoyed your company. You were so shy, but when you warmed up to me a little, I got all those little glimpses of your personality and I immediately thought that I want more of that. I actually felt those stupid butterflies in my belly that people always talk about when I heard you laugh for the first time.” He admitted, laughing and shaking his head in disbelief. Jimmy couldn’t help but laugh at that as well.

“Sometimes it’s hard to understand what you get out of this relationship, other than sex.” Jimmy then whispered.

“Baby, you’re so much more than your body. As amazing as sleeping with you is, I get so much more out of this. You’re so smart and witty, cheeky and cute, you engage my brain as much as my heart and uhm, other parts of me...” He chuckled and Jimmy giggled, hiding his face in the fabric of Robert’s shirt briefly. “You make me think about things and consider them from a different angle.”

“Really?”

“Really. You have such a different background than I do, you’ve really broadened my horizon. It’s like I can see a whole new world, through you. Not all of it is beautiful, but that’s what the world is like and it’s good to be aware of it.” Robert said. “Another thing I get out of this relationship is... your love. I’ve never felt so loved before. You’re an extremely emotional person and while that can be a problem, sometimes... it’s what makes you love so strongly and fiercely, you wear your heart on your sleeve, at least with me, and that’s exactly what I need. I’m a very needy person when it comes to that and you’re the first one who can keep up with that and actually make me feel loved.” Jimmy thought about that for a moment.

“I had no idea.” He whispered. He’d never thought of Robert as a particularly needy person, but maybe that was because Jimmy gave his love so freely, and plenty of it, so he didn’t have to be. “Is that why you felt so bad after your girlfriend left you?” He’d always wondered about that, people broke up all the time, but Robert had been particularly affected by it.

“To be honest, I never felt quite right with her in the first place.” Robert sighed. “She was nothing like you. I don’t want to talk badly about her or anything, but she was nowhere near as warm and loving as you are. Not even close. She’s not a bad person, don’t get me wrong, she’s just different. She was almost... cold, emotionally. I constantly felt starved for affection when I was with her. I tried to tell her, but nothing changed.” 

“Oh no... I’m so sorry you felt like that...” Jimmy cooed. “I promise I’ll make sure you always feel loved...” He whispered and leaned in to pepper little kisses all over Robert’s face, making the older man laugh softly. He then pulled back and smiled widely. “So I guess there *are* things I can give you... it’s not as one-sided as I feared it was.” He said and Robert shook his head.

“It’s not, at all. I promise. I need you just as much as you need me. I’m not a very materialistic person, I don’t need you to buy me things... all I need is for you to keep me company, to treat me well and love me.” He said. “I want to share my life with you, I want to share experiences with you, not things.”

Jimmy pulled back to look at his face again and smiled widely. He felt like he understood Robert a lot more now and he no longer felt that bad about the differences between them, he saw how they could both benefit from them now. 

“I want that, too.” He whispered. “I meant what I said, I do want you to buy that farm. You deserve happiness and I think I’d enjoy it, too.” 

“Then I’ll buy it.” Robert agreed with a smile. “I’ll keep the house in London for now, while you’re in school and we can use the farm as somewhat of a weekend retreat or something, once the renovations are done.” He suggested.

“That sounds perfect.” Jimmy smiled. “When I’m done with school, we can move there and leave the town behind... oh. Wait. What about your business?” He asked, but Robert shrugged.

“I mostly work from home anyways, you know. I’ll just have to make sure the internet connection out there is up to date and it’ll be fine. It’s not that far from London, so I can still get to the office whenever I need to.” He answered. 

“We’re going to have our very own little paradise...” Jimmy sighed and rested his head on Robert’s chest. The older man raised his head to kiss the top of Jimmy’s and nuzzled his hair. 

“Yes.” He said. “Hey, I really need a shower and I was wondering if you’d like to join me.” He then said, his voice had that certain tone to it so Jimmy knew exactly what he meant and he raised his head to grin at him.

He didn’t even answer, he just got off of the bed, took Robert’s hand and pulled him into the bathroom, very eager for some much needed make up sex. It didn’t last long, it wasn’t anything they hadn’t done before, but it really helped Jimmy feel like they were going to be alright. They went to bed and both of them fell asleep almost instantly, incredibly exhausted due to everything that had happened that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, I couldn't help but add a little drama and angst to this story.
> 
> Disclamer: People with BPD aren't inherently abusive. But we can be. It can happen, but we don't mean to be. We're not bad people. We feel a lot and strongly, both positive and negative emotions. We can be difficult to be with, but it can also be very rewarding... it is an emotional rollercoaster, at any rate. *sigh* I know first hand what it's like, having BPD myself. Paired with Jimmy's PTSD, it can be difficult, but he's not gonna treat Robert like shit forever, I promise.


	11. 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys get to watch the northern lights and Jimmy shares an idea he had with Robert. Later, they explore their little village in the south of Iceland a little and enjoy a wonderful morning at the Blue Lagoon.

“Robert, love? Robert! Wake up!” Jimmy said, gently nudging the blonde’s shoulder. “Come on, you have to see this, wake up!” He insisted and the older man groaned, rolled over and pulled his pillow over his head. Jimmy sighed and started bouncing on the bed. “Get up, get up, get up!” 

“Jimmy! What the fuck?” Robert asked, raising the pillow just enough to glare at his husband. “It’s... it’s 2:30, what is wrong with you??” He asked after checking the time on his phone. He hated being woken up as much as Jimmy did.

“Come on, come with me! Quickly, you’re gonna miss it!” Jimmy babbled excitedly, starting to get a little annoyed at his sleepy husband. “Now! Come on, old man!” The younger man said and grabbed Robert’s hand, tugging at it. He was wearing pyjama pants and his big, fluffy jacket and when he managed to drag his husband out of bed, he tossed the older man’s jacket into his arms as well. “Put this on.”

“What...? Why? Where are we going? What’s happening?” Robert asked, confused, but he put on his jacket and followed Jimmy, who pulled him to the little balcony of their hotel room. “Jimmy, would you please explain to me why you’re dragging me out here in the middle of the night?” 

“Shhh... look.” Jimmy whispered and pointed towards the sky. Robert looked up and shrugged, pulling his jacket tighter around himself. 

“What? The stars?” He asked, still not seeing what the younger man was so excited about. Jimmy bounced on the balls of his feet a little next to him.

“No. Just wait. It’s gonna come back.” He said and Robert gave him another confused look. When Jimmy gasped and nudged him again, pointing towards the sky once more, he finally saw what made the brunette drag him out of bed. 

“Northern lights?” He whispered in awe. Jimmy nodded and beamed at him happily before he continued to watch the blue and green lights flickering across the sky. “Ok, I’m not mad at you for dragging me out of bed... wow.” He added and the younger man laughed. He wrapped his arms around one of Roberts and held on to it as he watched, resting his cheek against his shoulder. 

After a while, he noticed that Robert was watching his face rather than the sky and swatted at his arm, frowning at him.

“What are you doing, looking at me? You’re supposed to look up there!” He argued and Robert grinned. 

“Watching your face is so much better, though, you’re so adorable, I love seeing you experiencing all of this... you look so fascinated... and so happy.” Robert cooed and reached out to caress Jimmy’s face. “You’re so much more beautiful than any polar light could ever be.” He then added and the younger man groaned. He made a few retching sounds and bent over the railing of the balcony dramatically.

“I’m sorry, but that was too much!” He said and Robert laughed. If he was honest with himself, he did enjoy hearing that, though, especially because he knew that Robert actually meant it, even though he made it sound way too cheesy. He was glad that it was dark enough so the older man couldn’t see his slightly reddened cheeks. Robert pulled him back into his arms and kissed his forehead gently. 

“Thank you for waking me up, though, this is amazing. I was hoping we’d get to see them, but you never know...” He said, tilting his head backwards to watch the beautiful spectacle going on above their heads once more. Jimmy leaned against his husband and sighed happily, he was incredibly glad they got to share this, as well. “What were you doing out here in the first place, though?” Robert then asked. 

“I woke up and couldn’t fall back asleep... my head started thinking and then I couldn’t stop it, you know what it’s like.” He shrugged. “So I came out here to get a breath of fresh air and clear my head, and then I saw it.” 

“Ah... are you alright?” The blonde asked worriedly and held him a little tighter. Jimmy turned towards him and wrapped his arms around his neck, smiling and nodding.

“I am, now.” He said and pecked Robert’s lips gently. He pulled him towards the wooden chairs on the balcony and made him sit down, then climbed into his lap. They sat, huddled in their thick jackets and the blankets that were draped across the chairs and watched the sky.

“What were you thinking about?” Robert asked and Jimmy sighed heavily.

“A lot of things. You know how I get sometimes, I overthink stuff.” He shrugged. “I was thinking about yesterday. What I did to you. How awful I was. Then I thought about our wedding and how wonderful it was... then I remembered seeing you with Jonesy’s kids and... I remembered that I wanted to ask you about that, but I forgot, until now.” He sighed.

“Ask me about what? His kids?” Robert asked, slightly confused by Jimmy’s slightly incoherent rambling.

“No, not his kids specifically... just... I was wondering, do you want children?” He then asked and Robert studied his face for a moment, then his lips curled into a crooked little smile.

“You know, as much as I’m sure it felt like I was trying... I can’t actually get you pregnant.” He said teasingly and nudged Jimmy’s nose with his own. The brunette huffed and shook his head.

“Don’t make fun of me, you know what I meant.” He pouted. Robert smiled at him.

“I do know what you meant, but no, I don’t want kids.” He said and Jimmy looked at him in surprise. 

“Why not? You’re so great with children, they love you so much.” He argued. 

“And I love them, but... I never wanted to have kids, myself.” Robert answered. Jimmy was incredibly relieved, but he didn’t quite understand and it must have shown on his face, because the older man chuckled and smiled at him. “I don’t really see myself... as a Dad. I mean, sure, I’d probably be a decent Dad if I had to be, but... I’d rather not. It’s an awful lot of responsibility and sometimes I feel like... sometimes I still think to myself ‘Oh my god, I need an adult!’... then I remember that I’m the adult.” He laughed and Jimmy joined in.

“I feel like that, too, but then again I’m only 20.” He said teasingly. 

“Hey now.” Robert said warningly and raised an eyebrow at him. “I was also thinking... there’s more than 7 billion people on this poor little planet. It really doesn’t need any more of us. Not that I’m judging people that do have kids, that’s fine, I’m just saying... I don’t need to contribute to that.”

“True.” Jimmy said thoughtfully. 

“What about you, baby?” Robert then asked and Jimmy shook his head.

“Nope. No way.” He said immediately. “I couldn’t even stand *myself* when I was a child!” He added and Robert laughed.”I was so worried that you do want kids and that I can’t give you that. I mean, we could adopt, but I don’t really want that, either...”

“It’s ok, love. I’d rather just... be with you, just the two of us, maybe a bunch of animals...” Robert shrugged.

“That sounds nice. I’d like that, I think. I don’t know much about animals.” He admitted. He’d grown up in the big city, that was all he knew.

“We’ll figure it out. We have all the time in the world.” Robert smiled at him encouragingly. 

“You know, there is something I wanna do... I wanna help kids like me.” He then said. 

“What do you mean?” Robert asked, tucking a stray strand of hair behind Jimmy’s ear. 

“I don’t know how... but I want to help kids that are like me. Whose parents hate them because they’re different. Homeless kids. Kids that had to do what I used to do.” He say, looking down at his hands. 

“Ah... isn’t there some kind of organisation, some charity, to help them?” Robert asked and Jimmy shook his head.

“Nothing specific, I checked. There’s the usual, youth welfare and stuff, but... nothing that focuses on their problems specifically. They need... education, healthcare... they need somewhere to wash, they need somewhere to get food... to get tested, regularly, to make sure they’re not catching anything... they need somewhere to get information on STD’s and drugs... and most of all, they need a place that doesn’t judge them for what they’re doing, people who don’t judge them. People who understand.” He explained. Robert looked at him for a moment, then he nodded.

“Then that is what we’ll do.” He said simply and Jimmy blinked.

“What do you mean, we’ll... do it?” He asked, surprised.

“We’ll start our own charity. We’ll open up a sort of shelter, we’ll hire social workers, medical staff, we’ll provide them with a place where they’ll feel safe.” Robert said as if it was the most simple thing in the world. Jimmy’s head was spinning.

“Really?” He asked softly. “You’d help me do that?” He asked and Robert nodded.

“Yes. I think you’re right. The police and youth welfare can only do so much, and as you said, kids in that situation don’t trust them, for obvious reasons. They need someone who knows what it’s like. Someone like you.” He said.

“Oh God... I don’t know if I can do that. I don’t know if I’m ready for that.” Jimmy whispered. He’d wanted to do this for a while, but he hadn’t actually thought it through, he hadn’t thought he could actually do it. He’d just been toying with the idea. “I don’t even know if they’d trust me... I had a pretty easy way out, getting a rich guy to fall for me.” He chuckled.

“Well, I wouldn’t call getting abducted and raped an ‘easy way out’.” Robert frowned. “You do still remember what it’s like to be in their situation, you know exactly what it feels like. Just because you’re no longer there doesn’t mean that changed. Also, it’s not gonna happen tomorrow, baby. Stuff like that takes time. I just want you to know that I’m with you, I agree with you and I’ll support you in any way I can. Probably mostly financially, but I’ll do what I can.” Robert said and Jimmy hugged him tightly.

“Thank you so much...” He whispered after a while and sighed. “We can’t do it just on your money, though. But... people won’t want to donate to us. Most rich people aren’t like you. They hate people like me.” Jimmy said sadly.

“They just don’t know anything about you. They have no idea what it’s like. I’m pretty sure that with a strong, charismatic spokesperson like you... we’d be able to change a few minds.” Robert smiled. 

“Do you really think I could do that?” Jimmy whispered, awed that Robert thought so highly of him. 

“I know you could. You won’t be able to sway every asshole out there... people like your parents... but regular people who just don’t know what’s going on in the streets, what’s happening to so many young boys... they’ll want to help.” The blonde said.

“It’s not just boys, you know.” Jimmy whispered and took a deep breath. “There was this girl I knew... I don’t even know her real name, we called her Cherry, because she always wore those plastic cherry earrings... she was only 14, Robert. She overdosed on heroin 2 weeks before her 15th birthday. She was pregnant and she was HIV positive. She was just a kid.” He said and felt his eyes filling with tears. Robert pulled him into his arms and caressed his back soothingly.

“Fuck... I’m so sorry, darling.” He whispered, shocked. “If we can somehow make it better for people like her... if we can somehow make a difference... maybe even prevent things like that from happening... we should at least try.” 

“You’re right.” Jimmy agreed and wiped away his tears with the sleeve of his jacket. “Thank you for encouraging me... thank you for listening.” He whispered. 

“Anytime, baby.” Robert said gently and smiled at him. “Now, come on, the light show is over, let’s get back inside before my ass freezes to this chair...” Robert said, trying to cheer him up. Jimmy laughed softly and got off of his lap. They went back inside and snuggled back into bed. It took them a while to fall asleep again, Jimmy’s head was still spinning, but eventually, exhaustion took over and he fell asleep.

In the morning, they had breakfast from the vast buffet the hotel offered. Jimmy was torn because a part of him wanted to stay and try everything they had, taste every delicious bite from the buffet, but he was also very eager to get out there and actually see the country for the first time. Last night, when they had arrived, it had been dark already and he hadn’t seen anything. He was definitely more than ready to. 

When they left the hotel to find the car rental service Robert had looked up on his phone earlier, he looked around just to find that everything looked very much like it did back home. A little cleaner maybe, it was just a small village after all, but other than that, it didn’t look very different.

“Are we close to the shore?” He asked Robert and the blonde nodded. 

“Just a few streets away, actually. Do you wanna see it before we get a car?” He asked and Jimmy nodded eagerly, bouncing a little on this toes.

“Yes! Please! Can we?” He asked excitedly. He hadn’t really stopped thinking about finally getting to see the ocean since he’d gotten a glimpse of it from the plane last night. Robert laughed and nodded.

“Of course. You’re so adorable.” He sighed and wrapped his arm around Jimmy, resting his hand on his waist as they walked. The younger man beamed at him and slid his hand into the backpocket of Robert’s jeans with a cheeky grin, making the older man shake his head in amusement. They walked along the street, took a few corners, then the houses seemed to suddenly end. In the distance, something that looked like a tall stone wall, covered in grass, blocked their view.

“Are we in the right place or did we get turned around?” Jimmy wondered. Robert smiled at him.

“Oh no, we’re exactly where we wanted to be. Listen.” He said and the brunette paused. He stopped walking and listened closely and indeed, he heard the sound of waves. “It’s just behind the levee, here.” 

“Oh! Oh, that’s a levee, now I get it!” Jimmy quipped, feeling a little stupid for not getting it in the first place, but now it all made sense. He took Robert’s hand and pulled him along excitedly, he couldn’t wait to actually see the ocean, for the very first time in his life. They raced up the stone stairs of the levee and Jimmy’s eyes widened when he stood on top of it, gazing out at the water. 

It was breathtaking, the sea was rough and the wind almost made him stumble, but it was so beautiful, Jimmy thought. The waves had little crowns of white foam as they crashed against the rocks, sometimes the wind carried little droplets of salty seawater over to them. He could smell it, he could taste it and it was magnificent. It was a different kind of beauty, rough and harsh, but beautiful nevertheless.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Robert asked. Now that they were so close to the water, he actually had to raise his voice a little over the sound of the waves. Jimmy nodded, still staring in awe.

“It is...” He said. He couldn’t really put it into words, the raw power he saw was amazing and his fingers started itching right away, so he went for his little backpack that he’d put his things in, among them, his sketchbook.

“Wait. It’s just gonna get wet up here. Wait a little, I promise I’ll take you to a better spot and you can draw to your heart’s content.” Robert said and Jimmy sighed, but he knew his husband was right, so he nodded and put his backpack back on. “We can walk along the levee for a bit, the car rental should be over that way.” The older man then said, pointing, and Jimmy nodded, falling into step next to him, still gazing out at the endless ocean. 

The walk to the car rental didn’t take very long, Jimmy would have liked to keep walking along the paved path on top of the levee for a little longer, but he supposed Robert knew what he was doing, he’d probably take him to an even more beautiful place. He ended up renting a large 4x4 that looked a little intimidating to Jimmy, but then again, he wouldn’t be the one driving it, so it didn’t matter. He idly leaned against the counter while Robert filled out the forms he had to give to the lady behind it. 

“Oh, you’re married. Would you like to have your wife signed up as a second driver?” The lady asked once she looked at the forms. Robert raise an eyebrow at her.

“I don’t have a wife.” He said simply and Jimmy couldn’t help but smirk, he loved how Robert always gave people a hard time when they were either being completely clueless or straight up homophobic. 

“Ah, sorry, you checked the wrong box, then... let me fix it for you...” She said, picking up a pen, but Robert stopped her.

“No, no, it’s correct, I am married, but I don’t have a wife.” Robert said again, more slowly and Jimmy leaned on the counter, putting his left hand next to the blonde’s, tapping his fingers against the wood. He watched her look at their hands, their rings, back up at their faces, back down at their hands, then she pursed her lips and turned away, filing the forms without another word. She handed over the keys and the necessary papers for the car and left. Jimmy raised an eyebrow.

“Wow. I thought people here were a little less bigoted than back home.” He breathed, surprised. 

“There’s assholes everywhere, Jimmy.” Robert sighed, shaking his head. “Forget about her. Let’s go.” He took Jimmy’s hand and smiled at him. “Did you pack your trunks? Because we are going to the blue lagoon.” 

“Yeah, I did. I packed yours, too, because you’re too fancy to carry a purse or a backpack.” Jimmy said teasingly and poked out his tongue when Robert’s cheeks reddened ever so slightly.

“Fair enough. That’s what I have you for, I guess.” He teased right back.

“Hey. I’m not your mule.” Jimmy pouted and Robert laughed, then ruffled his hair lovingly, making the younger man laugh in turn. They went to find the car they’d rented and when they sat in it, Jimmy smirked. “Now this car makes me think you’re compensating, but I know you’re not, so it’s just weird.” He grinned. Robert rolled his eyes.

“Why does everyone think the car a guy drives somehow correlates to the size of his dick?” He sighed, but he was clearly amused at Jimmy’s teasing.

“I mean, you usually drive a Prius. That’s just one step up from, I don’t know, a Smart or a Mini or something.” He laughed. “Only guys with the biggest dicks would dare to be seen in a car like that!” 

“Well, who knows, maybe driving this one is gonna make mine shrink. What if, this evening, you’ll only find a tiny little pecker in my pants?” Robert answered and Jimmy looked over at him in horror.

“Oh God no!” He gasped. “I’m sorry but I’m very fond of your cock just the way it is, thank you very much.” He pouted. Robert just smirked knowingly and started the engine, driving off. 

“To the blue lagoon, it is.” Robert then said, steering the car onto the road.

Jimmy went silent, then, just enjoying the ride. He looked out the window at the landscape, surprised to find it mostly barren. There were very few trees, almost none at all, just the odd one here and there, sometimes there were some green, mossy meadows, but mostly, everything looked black. There were strange craters everywhere and Jimmy felt like he went on a trip to the moon. 

“I thought... I thought it would be prettier.” He whispered after a while. He couldn’t quite keep the disappointment out of his voice. “Am I a horrible person for saying that?” He then asked. 

“No, baby... it’s... it’s just a different kind of beauty, I suppose. It’s not what we’re used to.” Robert said. Jimmy thought that made sense, he still felt bad for not liking it that much, though. “There’s going to be beautiful places, I promise, but it is a volcanic island. A lot of it is going to look like this, especially where there’s hot springs.”

“Makes sense. I suppose it’s interesting.” Jimmy said.

“People used to think that hell is a real place on earth and they believed it was here, you know. The island sits on a huge magma bubble in the earth’s crust and it can look positively demonic at times with fire just bubbling out of cracks in the earth.” Robert chuckled.

“Now that’s interesting! I can work with that!” Jimmy quipped with a grin. “You know how to make stuff fun!” He added and leaned back in his seat. He was almost sleeping away by the time they got there (the seats were incredibly comfortable), but Robert alerted him.

“Look over there. We’re almost there.” He said and Jimmy sat up to look.

“Oh, now that is beautiful! Wow!” He said when the spa with it’s pools of incredibly blue water came into view. The landscape around it was dusted with a light layer of snow already, despite it only being October and the contrast was gorgeous. 

“I booked one of the private retreats so we don’t have to deal with all the other people.” Robert said and Jimmy gasped.

“No way! Those are so fucking expensive, are you mental?” He said, but Robert just chuckled.

“Shut up, you’ll love it. You hate other people just as much as me, if not more so!” He said. Jimmy pouted.

“You don’t hate people, what are you talking about?” He said.

“I do, if they annoy me and intrude on my private time with my husband.” Robert grinned. “We’ll have our very own changing room and shower, we’ll get a nice face mask and an in-water massage and later today, we have a table at the Lava restaurant.”

“Oh wow... that sounds amazing. I... thank you, I guess?” Jimmy stammered, a little overwhelmed. All the luxury still seemed strange to him, even though he’d been living with Robert for more than a year. This was a new level of luxury.

“Jimmy. Don’t think about it too much, you’re gonna freak yourself out again.” Robert said gently and the brunette nodded.

“I know. Sorry.” He whispered and gazed out the window again, down at the blue lagoon. Then he smiled. “You’re right. I’m just going to enjoy it. Everything. The spa, lunch... you. Spending time with you. I deserve this.” He said, more to himself than to Robert, but the blonde smiled at him briefly, before looking back at the road.

“You do.” He said warmly. He parked the car in front of the main entrance and Jimmy followed him in. They were led to a secluded area with its own, wooden dressing room that was bigger than Jimmy’s room back home. It had its own shower with fancy, black tiles and Jimmy looked around with big eyes. 

“Welcome to the Blue Lagoon, or Bláa Lónið in icelandic!” A young, blonde woman greeted them with a smile. She was carrying a little tray with two glasses that had some kind of juice in them. She offered the drinks to them, then turned around to open a little cupboard in the dressing room. She took out a few things and laid them out on top of it.

Jimmy took a sip of his juice and smiled at Robert, it was nice, fruity and refreshing.

“Now, you’ll want to slather your hair generously in this conditioner. The water is not going to harm it, but the silica in it can make it a little hard to manage afterwards, so...” She explained, pointing at a big bottle of conditioner. “It’s completely organic, don’t you worry, and it’s going to leave your hair looking great, I promise. Not that it doesn’t, already.” She giggled and smiled at them. Jimmy couldn’t help but smile right back, he liked her. 

“Thank you... uhm, do you have some hair ties so we can keep it up? We don’t, uh, really do that very much, so we didn’t bring any...” Jimmy said and the girl turned back towards the cupboard, rummaging for a moment.

“Of course we do! Here you go.” She handed them some hair ties, then some towels. “Now, I’m going to leave you to your shower, you can enjoy the spa for a while and later I’ll be back for your masks and your massage. Well, me and a coworker, of course, I can’t do both of you at the same time...” She mused and Jimmy couldn’t help but laugh at that. He watched her face turn red at the innuendo. “Sorry... english isn’t my first language...”

“Aww, it’s ok, we know what you meant...” Jimmy said quickly, he didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable or to think that they were being creepy. She gave him a grateful little smile, then disappeared. “Ok, I’m gonna be honest, I’m a little worried about the massage.” Jimmy then admitted to Robert as he took off his backpack to take out their swimwear. 

“Really? How come?” The blonde asked, starting to take off his clothes to get under the shower. 

“I don’t know. I’ve never had one and I don’t know how much I’ll like someone who’s not *you* touching me that much.” He pouted. The only massages he’d ever had had been by Robert and those always turned into something else by the end of it. 

“Oh. I hadn’t thought of that.” Robert admitted, turning around to look at him, his shirt in his hand. “We can always opt out, you know, just get the mask and enjoy the hot spring...”

“No... no, I want to do it, I bet it feels great... just... if her coworker is a guy... I don’t want him touching me, I want her to do it.” Jimmy admitted. 

“Understood. I’ll take the guy, in that case.” Robert said, then frowned. “You know what I meant.” Jimmy laughed and shook his head. 

“Yes. Yes, I do.” He chuckled and quickly took off his clothes as well. “You’ll let the guy do you.” He winked and Robert rolled his eyes. 

“Cheeky little imp. Now, you’ll have to promise me you’ll say something if you’re uncomfortable, alright? Even with the girl.” Robert then told him as he got under the spray of the shower. Jimmy joined him and nodded.

“Promise.” He said and closed his eyes as the warm water rained down on them. They washed quickly and put on their trunks. 

“Help me with the conditioner?” Robert asked and passed him the bottle. Jimmy put a generous amount on his palm and started applying it to Robert’s hair before the blonde put it up in a bun on top of his head. Jimmy grinned, he looked a little funny like that. “May I?” Robert then asked, reaching for the bottle. Jimmy nodded and gave it to him, then turned his back towards him. He sigh happily as he felt Robert’s fingers on his scalp, it felt good. When all of his hair was coated in the conditioner, he also put it up. Robert blinked at him. 

“I’ve never seen you with your hair up.” He said. “It suits you...” He added and reached out to caress Jimmy’s cheek, then he smiled. “You’re stubbly.” Jimmy’s eyes widened and he touched his face, then quickly turned away from Robert.

“Shit! I totally forgot to shave this morning! Oh crap! We’ve been married for like 3 days and I’m already letting myself go!” He groaned. “I’m sorry, I look like a homeless person.” When they had met, he hadn’t had much beard growth at all, so he could get away with getting rid of the stray whiskers every other day or so, but it had definitely started coming in much more now, thick and dark, showing through his pale skin much quicker than it had before, making a wet shave necessary every morning.

“Jimmy. It’s ok. You’re gorgeous...” Robert said, touching his shoulder gently to try and get him to turn around again. The younger man sighed and turned around slowly, feeling strangely vulnerable without his hair to hide behind. “I mean it, baby... You’re gorgeous either way, I don’t mind a bit of stubble...” Robert said and put his hand back on Jimmy’s cheek. 

“You really don’t mind? I don’t look like your cute little boy anymore...” He sighed and Robert gave him a funny look.

“Bloody hell, Jimmy. I’m not a pedophile, I married a grown man, I absolutely expect some stubble once in a while. It’s hard to keep up, sometimes, especially when you’re traveling. I know that. It’s ok.” Robert said. 

“Oh God, I didn’t mean to suggest that you’re a pedophile...” Jimmy said quickly, shaking his head. “I just thought you like...” He trailed off. “You always call me your boy...” He looked up at his husband who looked decidedly uncomfortable.

“I... yeah, I... like it, as a... kind of... fantasy.” He admitted awkwardly. “But that has nothing to do with real life. You’re a grown man and that’s a good thing.”

“Don’t feel bad about it, Robert... I like that fantasy, too... a lot. And I feel bad about ruining it.” He sighed.

“You’re not ruining anything, baby. If anything, you’re making me feel a whole lot less awkward about it.” He said and he sounded relieved now. 

“Well, then I guess it’s ok... I’ll still shave as soon as we get back to the hotel, though.” Jimmy said with a little smile. 

“Your skin is going to appreciate the break, don’t worry about it so much.” Robert said and took his towel. “Shall we?” Jimmy nodded and took his hand. They left the dressing room on the opposite side from where they entered and were faced with a sea of blue right on front of them. They were standing on a wooden pier, the bottom of the shallow pools of water was white, there was steam everywhere and it was surprisingly warm, considering the hills around the spa were covered in snow. The whole area just seemed to radiate warmth.

“It’s not deep, is it?” Jimmy asked, trying to see how deep the water was, but it wasn’t easy to judge. 

“There’s a deeper part over there, but here, it’s only shallow.” Robert said.

“I can’t swim very well. I mean, I can, I just haven’t, in ages.” Jimmy admitted sheepishly. “The last time was during PE in school, when I was a kid...”

“I’m right here with you, I’m not gonna let you drown. Come.” Robert chuckled and took his hand, leading him down some stairs to the edge of the pool. When his toes touched the water for the first time, Jimmy gasped. It was so warm and the water somehow felt... soft. 

“Oh, this is so nice...” He whispered and this time it was him pulling Robert along. They waded in carefully and Jimmy smiled at the white clouds appearing in the water with every step. “What’s the white stuff?” He asked as he sat down in the pool, leaning back against the edge. Robert joined him.

“Silica, I suppose...” Robert said, sticking his hand underwater and producing a fistful of white mud. “It’s supposed to be good for your skin.” He said and smeared some on Jimmy’s nose. The younger man squeaked and wiped it off, laughing. He looked around in awe again, the blue water, the white mud, the moss around the edges of the pool, the snow a little further away. There were no other people, just them, and it was incredibly peaceful. He leaned against Robert’s shoulder and allowed himself to relax. The warmth of the water was seeping into his bones and it felt incredibly good. 

When the girl came back to apply their face masks, she told them to just stay in the water as they were and crouched down next to them, applying a warm mud mask with a little spatula. It smelled nice and felt good as well, Jimmy liked it. She left them alone again and Robert took his hand, pulling him a little further into the pool. 

“Are you having a good time, baby?” He asked as they swam in the slightly deeper part of the water.

“Yeah... it’s so... peaceful and relaxing. Thank you for making this happen. I know that I wouldn’t have enjoyed it as much in the public part of the lagoon.” He admitted.

“Well, I know to keep my little misanthrope away from people.” Robert smiled and pulled him into his arms. Jimmy laughed and shook his head.

“Hey! I’m not that bad!” He argued, slightly offended, but kissed Robert anyway.

“No. You’re not. I just wanted to have you all to myself.” The blonde smiled and Jimmy found himself smiling back as he wrapped his arms around his shoulders. They stayed like that for a while, just floating and holding each other close, until it was time for their massage. Jimmy was very relieved that the other massage therapist was a woman as well, so there would be no awkwardness. 

He ended up really enjoying the massage in the warm water. To his surprise, he didn’t much mind being touched like that by a complete stranger, it was weird at first, but then the relaxation kicked in, all the kinks were worked out of his muscles and he felt amazing. Judging by the smile on Robert’s face, he felt the same. They were left to soak in the pool for a while longer before they went to wash the mud off of their faces and bodies and the conditioner out of their hair. 

Lunch was a lot less fancy than Jimmy had feared. Everything *looked* very fancy, the restaurant as well as the food, but people were dressed casually and there wasn’t as much cutlery as he was expecting, he didn’t need Robert’s help to know which knife or fork he was supposed to use. The food looked like a piece of art, from the entrée of langoustine soup over the main course of grilled beef tenderloin, icelandic mushrooms, crispy potatoes, shallot and horseradish to the dessert called "Ástarpungar" and caramel, a caramel chocolate mousse and vanilla ice cream with salted caramel.

“Damn, this was good... I think I still prefer pizza, though.” Jimmy said and stuck out his tongue. Robert laughed and shook his head.

“I liked it, too, I do agree though that pizza is less complicated.” He grinned. “Dessert was my favorite, I love salted caramel.” He sighed. 

“I know you do...” Jimmy smiled, he loved that Robert had a sweet tooth. Jimmy would rather snack on a bag of chips than some chocolate, but Robert would always go for the sweets instead. “I liked it too.” He said, because he did. “Thank you for this wonderful morning. I don’t remember ever being so relaxed and I bet my skin is as soft as a baby’s butt!” 

“I bet it is...” Robert chuckled. “You’re welcome, love. I’m glad you had a good time. I really enjoyed it, too.” 

“What’s up next?” Jimmy asked excitedly. 

“Well, next, we’ll pick up our stuff from the hotel and we’ll drive to Reykjavik to the next hotel. On the way there, we’re going to a national park near here to see a geyser.” Robert told him and Jimmy bounced on his chair a little.

“Oh, exciting!” He said.

“Tomorrow, I planned something else, but I’m not telling you just yet. This evening, I thought we could go out, see what icelandic nightlife is all about?” Robert suggested. 

“Oooh, even more exciting!” Jimmy quipped. He was definitely looking forward to that, even though they almost never went out (they prefered to stay home, watch Netflix and cuddle), when they did, they always had a lot of fun.


	12. 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Jimmy explore Iceland some more, then make their way to Reykjavik. They explore the city and end up in a club. Robert has a jealous fit when he sees someone flirting with his husband and says some regrettable things.

They drove back to the village to check out of the hotel, Jimmy took some time to shave before that. His skin really was softer than before and shaving was a little easier than usually, he noticed. He raised an eyebrow at his reflection, Robert had looked at him the same way he did when he was clean shaven, the dark shadow hadn’t bothered him at all. Jimmy still couldn’t wait to get rid of it and made short work of it. He came out of the bathroom to find Robert sitting on the bed, smiling at his phone.

“Ron sent some pictures.” He said at Jimmy’s inquiring look. The younger man gasped and squealed.

“And you looked at them without me??” He said and threw himself on the bed, almost making Robert bounce off of it. He scrambled to get a look at the screen of Robert’s phone.

“Just the one! Just one!” Robert laughed and showed him. Jimmy instantly melted, it was a picture of them smiling at each other with tears in their eyes, their hands bound with the black and gold ribbon. This must have been during or just after their vows. Jimmy hadn’t even noticed Ron taking pictures, just like the photographer had promised. 

“Oh... that is... I... is this what we looked like? Is this how we look at each other?” He whispered. The paparazzi picture in the Daily Mail had been similar, but still so very different. Of course the quality had been much worse, too. 

“Apparently.” Robert smiled at him. “Let’s see what else he sent.” He said and swiped. The next picture was of them posing in front of the Cadillac, smiling at the camera, then the next one showed them kissing in the same spot, Jimmy remembered Robert bending him over backwards for a very Hollywood-like kiss. There was a picture of them pouring sand into the vase and another one of Robert nudging Jimmy for butting in, both of them laughing happily.

Another picture showed them slow-dancing, gazing into each other’s eyes, then there was one with them sitting back to back, holding up the little blackboards saying ‘black’ and ‘blue’, grinning at their guests. The last one was from later that day, it showed them and all of their guests dancing wildly to some more upbeat music, hair flying, arms in the air. Jimmy laughed.

“Oh my God, we were having a good time, huh?” He asked, happy that his face was covered by his hair, because he was sure he made a terribly silly face.

“We were. He really captured everything incredibly well. Looking at it, it feels like I’m back there. These pictures... they have life, it’s amazing. You chose a great photographer.” Robert said happily.

“Yeah, he’s amazing.” Jimmy agreed. Even from an art point of view, the photography was amazing, angles, composition, everything. Not that it really mattered, but the art student in Jimmy couldn’t help but notice how good they were. He was very happy with the few pictures he saw so far. “I can’t wait to see them all... Can we get some of them framed?”

“Of course, I insist!” Robert said. “Now, are you ready for some more adventures?” 

“Absolutely.” Jimmy grinned. They took their luggage and stuffed everything in the trunk of the car, which, thankfully, was large enough for everything. Each of them had two large suitcases, since they were going to be traveling for a while, through several different countries, each with its own climate.

The drive to the national park didn’t take long and Jimmy again found himself walking the surface of the moon. They walked along the black volcanic soil and the rocks, in the distance he could see a strange glow.

“Is this... active?” Jimmy asked worriedly and Robert nodded. 

“Yes. See the fire over there, up on the hill?” He said, pointing into the distance. Sure enough, Jimmy could see some cracks in the rocks that had a distinct, orange glow to them.

“Now I see why they thought this is hell.” Jimmy chuckled. “Smells like sulfur, too.” He grinned. 

“It does.” Robert agreed. Jimmy walked a few more steps towards the indicated spot where they were supposed to stop to see the geyser, then he frowned.

“My feet are warm.” He said and crouched down to touch the ground. It was pleasantly warm. He picked up a handful of little rocks and let them slowly fall back to the ground. “This is scary, the ground is warm.” 

“It’s fine, baby... they wouldn’t let people come here if it wasn’t safe.” Robert smiled, but he crouched down as well to feel the warmth. 

“True. Are there greener parts of the island, too?” He asked.

“Yes. I’ll take you there tomorrow, promise.” Robert said and got back up, pulling him along. The geyser erupted at a certain interval, every 5 to 8 minutes, and the next one was just about to happen. A small number of people had gathered to see it and they joined them behind the barrier, waiting. Jimmy jumped and held on to Robert’s arm when it happened, it was both scary and magnificent, even though they were at a safe distance he could feel the heat and the steam. 

“Wow... nature is crazy.” Jimmy said, peeping out from behind Robert’s arm. The older man smiled and held him close and Jimmy could tell how happy he was to experience this with him. They stayed a little longer, walking and talking, before Robert finally took them to the capital city. They checked into their new hotel, a really fancy one, Jimmy almost fell over backwards when he saw the suite Robert got them, it was huge and had every imaginable luxury, including a jacuzzi on the terrace. 

Robert asked if he wanted to have room service to bring dinner up to their room, but Jimmy wanted to explore the city and eat out, so they got ready to go out and started looking around the city. They found a little place that sold fish sandwiches and Jimmy supposed they should give them a try. 

“Can’t come to Iceland without having fish, right?” He asked. He was very happy that everybody here spoke english and it was easy to find your way around and talk to people. He thought it probably won’t be like that everywhere Robert was going to take him. The food was great and they ate their sandwiches walking through the streets and looking at shop windows. 

They walked to the harbor and Jimmy got to sit and draw for a while. He drew the ocean, the ships, seagulls, everything that caught his eye. Leaning back against Robert’s chest, his husband’s arms around him, his sketchbook on his knees, he was probably more content than he’d ever been. 

He flipped the page of his sketchbook and started drawing Robert’s hand that had come to rest on his thigh. It was the one with his wedding band and Jimmy put his own left hand next to it and started to draw them together. He heard the older man chuckle softly and nuzzle his neck, kissing it softly, when he saw what Jimmy had chosen to draw. 

“I love you so, so much, my beautiful, talented husband.” Robert cooed and Jimmy couldn’t help but giggle, Robert’s lips tickled his neck and everything still felt a little surreal to him. 

“I love you, too.” Jimmy answered. He stopped drawing and turned his head to kiss the older man gently. “Don’t move your hand... I’m not done.” He interrupted their kiss when he felt Robert’s hand on his thigh shift. 

“Sorry...” Robert whispered and let him go back to his drawing. Robert raised his head again to continue watching the fishing boats slowly come back to the harbor now that it was getting dark and Jimmy finished his drawing just before it got too dark to see. 

“Let’s find a bar and have a drink, or two.” Robert suggested. Jimmy nodded and got up, pocketing his little sketchbook and his pencil. He’d taken the small one along so it wouldn’t bother him if they chose to go to a club later. He was surprised Robert still let him drink at all, after the little ‘problem’ he had with it towards the beginning of the year. It was alright, though, he hadn’t developed an addiction, he only ever drank occasionally, socially, never to try and fix a problem he was having, and Robert seemed to know that. He did tend to drink too much whenever he had some, but when he was with Robert, he felt safe enough, it was alright.

It didn’t take them long to find something they liked. They chose a bar in one of the very few slightly higher buildings of the town that overlooked most of it, as well as the harbor. They chose a table at the big window, snuggled on a comfortable armchair together and sipped their drinks as they gazed out at the lights of the city. The music wasn’t half bad, not really Jimmy’s cup of tea, but not annoying either, so he didn’t mind. 

Robert started with some wine, then he had his usual whiskey, while Jimmy wanted to try all of the fruity, exotic cocktails they had. At first, he had one with sparkling wine and strawberry mousse, then something with coconut and rum, then a really sour one with cranberry juice and vodka. When he felt that he needed something less sweet, he ordered a Long Island Iced Tea. He giggled when he noticed that, despite the name, there was no tea in it. The first few cocktails he had didn’t have much alcohol, but this one definitely did, he felt more than just a little buzzed by the time he was halfway through. He was also glad he didn’t feel sick from all the different kinds he’d had. 

It was getting late and Robert felt like finding a club to hang out in and Jimmy was drunk enough not to mind, on the contrary, he might even ask Robert to dance. 

“That last one was a little much, huh?” Robert asked, amused, as he felt how Jimmy was holding on to his arm as they walked. 

“Nah... I’m fine...” Jimmy said. “Just being careful, you know how clumsy I am.” Robert grinned at him, then started laughing loudly when Jimmy stumbled and he had to catch him to prevent him from falling flat on his face. “Oops.” 

“Right, of course. It’s just that.” He said and laughed again. He wrapped his arm around Jimmy and held him close. “Oh look. That club has a rock and metal night tonight. Does that sound good to you?” He then asked, pointing to a poster at a wall that showed the event and indeed, it was today and the club was right around the corner.

“Oh! Yeah! Much better than a regular club, at any rate.” Jimmy grinned happily. “Let’s go!” They entered the club and Jimmy immediately loved it. The music was exactly what he had pictured, it was perfect, the people looked just like them, he felt at home. They went to the bar and Robert got them both a drink, rum and coke this time. Jimmy grinned at him. “Are you trying to get me drunk?”

“You’re already drunk, I don’t even have to try!” Robert laughed, leaning in so Jimmy could hear him over the loud music. 

“Touché.” Jimmy said and raised his glass to Robert’s, somehow managing not to spill both of them, then took a large gulp. The blonde shook his head and pulled Jimmy closer to kiss him.

“You’re a mess.” He said. “But you’re my mess.” He added lovingly and Jimmy laughed, kissing him as well. He put his arms around his neck, holding his drink there as they swayed to the music. It was surprisingly danceable for heavier music and Jimmy loved it.

“I’m having such a good time, thank you so much for this lovely night.” Jimmy said into Robert’s ear. The older man just smiled in return and nodded, he probably didn’t feel like yelling more, the music was loud. The club was quite crowded, it was a saturday evening after all and everybody was looking to have a good time. 

They found a place to sit and watch the crowd for a while before moving to dance some more as well. They blended right in with the rest of the crowd, dancing and headbanging. When they got tired, they moved back to the little secluded corner of the club where they had sat before and watched the other people some more, enjoyed the music, they even made out like teenager for a while.

When his glass was empty, Jimmy went to put it back on the counter of the bar while Robert excused himself to the restrooms for a moment. Jimmy leaned against the bar and watched the people dancing and tossing their hair. He jumped a little when someone touched his arm.

He turned around to find a tall, handsome guy smiling down at him. He appeared to be around Jimmy’s age, had short, blonde hair and blue eyes, a handsome face. He leaned in to say something, but Jimmy didn’t understand, it was probably icelandic, he thought. He blinked at the guy in confusion and watched him smile once he realized that Jimmy had no idea what he’d just said. He leaned in again and this time, he spoke english.

“I said that you’re really gorgeous!” He repeated and Jimmy felt his face flush a little. “Can I buy you a drink?” 

“Oh... oh, thank you. I think I’ve actually had enough for tonight...” Jimmy stammered, feeling all flustered. He was no longer used to attracting people’s attention like this. 

“Alright... where are you from?” The guy asked. He hadn’t even given Jimmy his name, he probably would have trouble pronouncing it, anyway. 

“London! I’m actually on my honeymoon, with my husband.” Jimmy said, finally remembering to actually shoot the guy down before he got any ideas. He raised his hand to show him his ring. “Sorry.” He added with a little smile, touching the guy’s arm briefly.

“Oh, I see! Sorry, I didn’t know. Well, have a great time, then.” He said, not insisting or being pushy. He gave Jimmy another one of those big, handsome smiles and the brunette laughed happily, he couldn’t help but feel good about this, someone was interested in him, thought he was worth talking to, thought he was gorgeous, but Jimmy had rejected him. Just then he made to say something else, he felt someone grab his arm quite roughly, removing it from the icelandic guy’s arm. He turned around to find Robert glaring at him.

“Just what do you think you’re going?” He asked.

“What? I wasn’t... doing anything!” Jimmy defended himself, confused. When he turned around again to get the other guy to tell Robert that he hadn’t done anything, the guy had already disappeared, not wanting any trouble with the husband, obviously. 

“Outside. Now.” Robert looked furious and Jimmy couldn’t help but feel a little scared. He followed Robert who was still holding on to his arm tightly, looking at the floor. As soon as they were outside and could actually hear each other properly, he spoke up again.

“I didn’t do anything! He just asked me where I’m from and I told him I’m from London and I’m here with my husband! I swear! He backed down immediately.” He said. He didn’t understand why Robert was so angry. 

“Why were you all over him, then, smiling at him and touching his arm??” Robert asked, pacing back and forth in front of him. 

“I was just being friendly!” Jimmy argued. 

“A little too fucking friendly, yeah.” Robert huffed, shaking his head. 

“Oh come on! Don’t you trust me?” The younger asked, reaching out to try and get his husband to stop pacing and look at him, but Robert shook off his hands. 

“It’s just... it’s just that... I know what you’re like when you’re drunk! You get... kinda... well, slutty!” He finally said and Jimmy gasped. Now that hurt. 

“Are you serious??” He asked in disbelief. Robert paused and glanced at him, then cringed.

“Fuck. I’m sorry... I shouldn’t have said that...” He said slowly, already regretting his words. Jimmy felt his emotions boiling inside him and he knew he had to get away from Robert for a moment. Jenny had told him that whenever he felt like he was going to lash out at his husband, he should remove himself from the situation for a few minutes, to go away, to another room, just to calm down, and he intended to take her advice and do just that. 

“I... I need a moment.” He said, making to go back into the club to use the restroom, or at least pretend to, but Robert grabbed his arm again, trying to make him stay. He shook him off. “I said I need a moment! Please let me go!” He said, clenching his fists with the effort to stay calm.

“Ok. Sorry.” Robert said and let go of him. Jimmy quickly made his way to the restroom and went into one of the stalls, plopping down on the closed lid of the toilet. He rested his head in his hands and rubbed his eyes. He couldn’t believe Robert had called him ‘slutty’. Was that really what he thought of him? How could he see him like that, he’d never even flirted with anyone else (besides with Jonesy, jokingly). Jimmy felt that Robert was just wrong, he wasn’t slutty, on the contrary. He was so into Robert he couldn’t even think of anybody else that way. He waited until he calmed down enough to face his husband again, then went back outside. 

“Can we go back to the hotel? I need to wash, I sat on the lid of the toilet.” Jimmy said in a small voice. He felt incredibly uncomfortable at the thought and his skin started crawling. His inner germaphobe was screaming. Robert nodded and they started walking back to the hotel.

“Look, I’m sorry I said that, that was bullshit. I’m sorry I got so jealous.” Robert said, having sobered up a little and calmed down, as well. 

“Ok. Apology accepted.” Jimmy sighed. He couldn’t really be mad at Robert, considering how badly he had fucked up only two days ago, but he did feel bad nevertheless. “Why did you say that, though? Is that really what you think, that I’m slutty?” He asked. 

“I... well... when you get drunk, you just... you’re a horny drunk, ok? That’s what I meant.” Robert stammered. Jimmy glanced at him as he slid the key card into the door of their room, as if trying to figure him out. They went inside and Robert sat down on the bed while Jimmy immediately took off his shoes, his jacket and his pants, the only things that had touched the public toilet. He sat on bed once they were gone and sighed.

“I only get like that with *you*, though, Robert.” He whispered sadly. “I always want you, all the time, and even more so when I’m tipsy, you’re right. But it’s *you*, and only you. I’m so not interested in anybody else. I may get even hornier when I’m drunk, but... slutty implies that I want to fuck everybody. I don’t.” 

“Shit, I’m such an asshole... You’re right.” Robert sighed. “I’m so sorry. I saw you with that guy and he was just... he was taller than me, younger than me, more handsome than me, I felt threatened, I got scared. And very, very jealous.” He admitted, looking down at his hands. Jimmy couldn’t be mad at him anymore and scooted closer to hug him.

“It’s ok. I’m not mad that you got jealous, you couldn’t help it. Can I just say that that guy doesn’t hold a candle to you, though? You’re amazing and gorgeous and he’s just some random guy.” Jimmy said and nuzzled Robert’s hair. The blonde smiled and hugged him back. 

“Thank you for saying that... and I’m so sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I called you slutty.” He said again and held the younger man tight. 

“It’s funny that you’d say that, by the way.” Jimmy said and Robert raised an eyebrow at him. “Well, because... you were the one who told me that I’m probably demisexual and by now I’m pretty sure that that’s true.” 

“Really?” Robert asked and Jimmy nodded.

“I’ve never been interested in sleeping with anybody but you. I just don’t care, I don’t want to, I’m not attracted to anybody else. I mean, sure, that guy was handsome and I could tell but... it feels more like... you know, when you look at a painting and it’s really good or a sculpture is really nice, it’s an aesthetic attraction. It doesn’t mean you want to fuck it.” Jimmy said and laughed. Robert joined in and nodded.

“Yeah, I get that.” He said.

“That’s how I feel about anybody but you. You’re the only one I’ve ever been attracted to. You have nothing to fear.” Jimmy said. “I guess I’m only a... slut... for you.” He whispered sadly and looked down. He didn’t like the way that sounded, at all, it made him feel horrible. Robert groaned and shook his head.

“I can’t believe I said that to you. I must have been more drunk that I care to admit. I am so sorry. You are not a slut, please forget that I ever said that!” He said and he truly sounded sorry. “There’s nothing wrong with enjoying yourself.”

“I’ll try... but you made me feel really, really self-conscious and embarrassed now.” He admitted. “You made it sound like you think that I’m too horny, that I want it too much, too often.” 

“God, I really shot myself in the knee, didn’t I? Or in the dick, rather.” Robert sighed. “You’re going to be too embarrassed and self-conscious to do anything with me, now.” 

“Well, yeah.” Jimmy whispered, sitting back and glancing at Robert’s face briefly before looking down again. Robert shook his head. 

“I’m so stupid, bloody hell, I’m a moron...” He sighed. “The thing is, it’s not even true. I’m just as horny as you are, maybe even more so. Remember what a mess I was during those three weeks? You had no problem with it whatsoever!” 

“I wouldn’t say I had no problem whatsoever, it was hard for me, too, but... it seems to affect you more when you don’t get any.” Jimmy said, a little smile on his face. 

“Yeah, you could say that.” Robert sighed. “It was driving me crazy, I wanted you so much, I couldn’t stop thinking about it!”

“I kinda liked that, you know.” Jimmy admitted. “It felt good to know that you want me. When you started having those dreams and you sighed my name... it made me so happy.” 

“I did that? I had no idea.” Robert said, looking a little flustered. “Well, my point is, I had no business calling you that when I’m just like you, or worse. Not that there’s anything bad about it.” 

“No, there really isn’t. I know that I use sex as a coping mechanism when I feel bad sometimes... but... at least I do it with my husband, I don’t sleep around and get myself in trouble, right?” Jimmy said. 

“Right... wait, you’re using me?” Robert asked, but a quick glance at his face told Jimmy that he was just joking, so he grinned at him.

“Yes! I use your dick to make myself feel better sometimes, problem?” He asked and stuck out his tongue. 

“No. Not at all.” Robert grinned right back. They laughed and held each other close for a moment. “I’m so incredibly fucking sorry I said that to you.” Robert then sighed again.

“It’s ok, baby... you messed up, but nowhere near as badly as I did.” Jimmy soothed him.

“I wouldn’t say that... I was awful to you and I handled you pretty roughly, too...” Robert said, gently touching Jimmy’s arm, where he’d grabbed him earlier to drag him out of the club. “Well... I guess neither of us is perfect, hm?” Robert smiled sadly. “What are we doing? We’re been married for 2 days and all we do is fight.” 

“Yeah... we’re pretty stupid, huh?” Jimmy chuckled. 

“Hmmhm. Two stupid, insecure, stubborn bastards.” Robert said with a smile, resting his forehead against Jimmy’s. “A pretty good match, I guess.” 

“We only ever fight about money and sex.” Jimmy frowned. “I don’t like that. Do you think it has something to do with what I used to do?”

“Maybe. Probably. I don’t know.” Robert said and caressed his face gently. “But it’s not your fault. It takes two people to fight, and it’s definitely both of us starting these fights, not just you.” Jimmy nodded, the older man was right, this time it had been him starting a fight for no reason whatsoever, not Jimmy.

“We’re both morons.” The younger man said with a smile and kissed his husband. Robert paused when he noticed that Jimmy was absentmindedly scratching and rubbing at his legs, wiggling uncomfortably. 

“Do you still feel dirty because of the toilet lid you sat on?” He asked, an understanding smile on his face. Jimmy looked down, ashamed that he was so weird, but Robert didn’t seem to mind, he knew about it after all, so Jimmy sighed and nodded. “Go, take a shower, then join me in the jacuzzi on the terrace?” Robert offered.

“That sounds amazing, yeah... do they still offer room service at this hour? I think I need a snack.” Jimmy admitted, flustered.

“It does say 24 hours room service, so... I’ll get us something, I feel peckish too.” Robert said, then shooed Jimmy off the bed and into the bathroom. The brunette quickly chucked the rest of his clothes into the corner of the bathroom and got into the shower, letting the hot water wash away the disgusting feeling he still had, his skin was still crawling. 

He wasn’t sure whether it was just because of the toilet or if being called a slut played a part in that, as well. It probably did and Jimmy couldn’t just wash that off, now, could he? He made sure not to scrub himself too hard, he actually liked how soft his skin was after their morning at the spa, when it usually tended to be on the dry side because of how much and how often he showered, so he washed himself carefully.

When he left the bathroom again, Robert was already in a robe only and he’d just closed the door after getting the food from the room service. The large plate was covered by a round metal lid and Jimmy’s belly growled at the sight. Robert laughed and lifted the lid to show him the sandwiches on the plate. Next to them, there was a huge serving of fries.

“Oh my god, fries.” Jimmy moaned and immediately went for them.

“Greasy food, the best way to avoid a hangover.” Robert said, amused, and took some fries as well. Jimmy smiled at him gratefully and continued eating. They shared the fries in silence and once they were done, Robert took the sandwiches as well as two huge bottles of chilled water to the jacuzzi. The terrace was secluded from the rest of the hotel and nobody could actually see, so he just dropped his robe and went in, naked. Jimmy felt a little shy as he dropped the towel around his hips to get in as well. 

What Robert had said to him earlier was still fresh in his mind, nagging him, and he was embarrassed. He knew he’d have to get over it at some point, especially since Robert hadn’t actually meant it and he had already realized how wrong he’d been about that, but he definitely wasn’t there yet. He quickly got into the jacuzzi and sat down, then took the bottle of water Robert had put on the edge, quickly guzzling half of it before he leaned against the edge and took a sandwich. 

The plate emptied quickly and Jimmy went over to Robert and climbed into his lap. They were both naked and the warm water with its bubbles felt nice, but for the first time ever, Jimmy didn’t feel like doing anything naughty, despite being naked in Robert’s lap. He rested his head on the older man’s shoulder and closed his eyes, simply enjoying the closeness, the comfort and the warmth. 

Robert quickly took the hint and stopped caressing Jimmy, stopped trying to kiss him and simply held him. He gave him a worried look but the brunette shook his head and smiled at him.

“It’s ok. It’s not you, well, in a way it is... I just need to get over what you said, regain my confidence. Give me some time.” He said and Robert nodded, looking terribly guilty. Jimmy stopped him from apologizing yet again by putting a finger across his lips gently. In a way, Jimmy was relieved that this time, the other man had fucked up, that it hadn’t been him, and that now Robert knew exactly how Jimmy had felt the other day. 

He soon started yawning and Robert chuckled. 

“Let’s get you into bed, sweet baby.” He cooed softly, gently caressing the younger man’s back. Jimmy nodded sleepily and carefully got up, grabbed his towel from the edge of the hot tub and wrapped it around himself. He dropped it again when he got to the bed and quickly got under the blanket before he had a chance to get cold. He pulled it all the way up to his nose and blinked at Robert cutely. “Damn, you’re too adorable.” The older man sighed and got rid of his robe before joining him in bed. Jimmy snuggled up to him, just to make sure he knew that he wasn’t mad at him, that they were good, and pecked his cheek before resting his head on his chest and closing his eyes. Robert switched off the light and it didn’t take long for them to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is officially a soap opera. I'm waiting for someone from Netflix to write me an e-mail, asking if they can turn this into a drama series. OMG.


	13. 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jimmy needs to regain his crushed confidence after what Robert said to him the day before and he has an idea how to do that, however, things turn out a little differently! Smutty, slightly kinky smut!

When Jimmy woke up the next day, he was relieved to find that indeed, thanks to Robert he’d avoided a hangover, he felt great. His husband was still sleeping next to him and this morning, Jimmy did feel naughty, unlike last night. He grinned to himself at the sight of the gorgeous man next to him, the blanket had slipped during the night and bared quite a bit of the blonde’s body to him. He briefly contemplated waking him up with a blowjob, but then again, he didn’t want to get a knee in the face or something, so he quickly scratched that idea. 

He thought about it for a while, wondering what to do, how to surprise his husband and how to get his crushed confidence back and he had an idea. He’d wait until Robert was awake. Knowing he’d leave to use the bathroom for a while, Jimmy knew he’d have some time to get naughty all by himself and let the other man walk in on him. He already got excited imagining how Robert would react, seeing him like that. Then Jimmy would deny him if he tried to join in. He’d have Robert in a mess in no time, that way, and he’d get the validation he needed so badly.

He quickly tiptoed to the bathroom to pee, groom a little, wash up, clean and prepare himself a little for any activities that may follow in case he failed to deny his husband, which may very well happen, he was only human after all. Last, he brushed his teeth, then his hair, only briefly, then went right back to bed, pretending to be asleep. Sure enough, Robert woke up soon and yawned and stretched, then went to the bathroom after pecking Jimmy’s cheek sweetly when he noticed that he was awake. Jimmy had never been very good at pretending to be asleep, especially if he was excited about something.

As soon as the bathroom door was closed, Jimmy hopped out of bed, went to his suitcase (they hadn’t bothered to unpack, they were only staying here for one night) and got out some lube, then went back to the bed. He straightened the blanket and fluffed up some pillows for his comfort, then lay down on top of it, naked as he was. He stretched a little to get comfortable, then slowly started to caress his own body, just to get a little more into the mood. He imagined the look on Robert’s face when he’d step out of the bathroom just to find him like this and smiled to himself, that definitely did the trick.

He took some lube and spread his legs, making sure his husband would have a lovely view right between those spread legs and his hand, then he started to slowly circle the little hole with a lubed up finger, just like Robert had on their wedding night. He closed his eyes and imagined that very moment and just how nervous and excited he had been, how sweet and gentle Robert had been and how good it had felt as soon as he’d gotten over his initial fear. He smiled to himself at the memory of being in Robert’s arms like that, of him touching him like that. 

He slowly slid a finger inside himself and sighed. It felt nowhere near as good as it had been when Robert had done it, the angle was all wrong, he couldn’t reach as well as the other man and he just wished it was him. It didn’t feel all bad, though, so he started thinking about their wedding night again, slowly thrusting his finger in and out as he remembered all the wonderful things they’d done and how incredibly hot Robert had been. He wrapped his other hand around his cock, playing with it until he was hard.

“Did you know that this shampoo-” Robert came out of the bathroom and stopped dead in his tracks. Jimmy head something fall to the floor and opened his eyes to look over at his husband with a seductive little smile. He twisted and arched his body a bit to give him a little more of a show. 

Robert’s jaw had dropped slightly as he watched Jimmy, dumbfounded, then he averted his eyes and cleared his throat. He bent down to pick up the bottle of shampoo he’d dropped at the sight that greeted him. He was already dressed in jeans and a button down shirt, ready to leave for breakfast.

“Did you know that this shampoo contains liquid silk?” He then asked, sounding almost bored, and Jimmy almost stopped what he was doing. Why wasn’t Robert reacting to this at all? Why wasn’t he all over him, why was he pretending that this wasn’t anything unusual? Then he looked up at Robert and saw the playful glint in his eyes as well as how dark and full of desire they already were. 

So, Robert wanted to play games. Jimmy could do that, it might be fun. He wasn’t entirely sure if he liked the tables being turned on him like that, but this was definitely all kinds of exciting. He smiled sweetly and shook his head, trying to keep his voice even and passive as he answered.

“Does it? I had no idea.” He said and spread his legs a little wider, carefully adding a second finger. 

“It’s really good, I like it.” Robert said casually, his eyes fixed on Jimmy’s hand and went to put the bottle back into the bathroom, then he came back and smiled at Jimmy. He was still watching him, his face, then his hand, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. “I’ll need you to dress comfortably, but warm, today, alright? We’ll be doing something really special today... and this evening, we’ll be boarding the ship that’ll take us to our next destination.” He explained as he started to walk around, putting things back into his suitcase, just casually getting ready, but the growing bulge in his pants definitely betrayed him and Jimmy could see it. It made him tingle with excitement.

“I’ve never been on a ship before, either.” Jimmy admitted casually and brought up his free hand to play with his nipples. Robert smiled at him and came to sit next to him on the bed.

“It’s gonna be fine... you’re not scared, are you, baby boy?” He asked and Jimmy almost cursed as he heard that endearment. It sent a spark of arousal through his body and quite a bit of blood right between his legs. He managed to catch himself and shook his head, batting his eyelashes prettily. 

“No, I’ll be with you. I always feel safe with you.” He said and shifted a little closer to Robert. He watched the other’s eyes travel from his face to his chest, where he was pinching and rolling his nipples between his fingers, then to his crotch and to his moving hand between his legs. He was so hard by now and Robert seemed to really like seeing that. 

“That’s right, I’ll keep you safe, my little love.” He cooed and reached out to gently rub the nipple that Jimmy wasn’t currently pinching. He still hadn’t acknowledged what was happening right now, not verbally at any rate, but at least he was participating now. Jimmy didn’t have it in himself to say no now, he knew that much, this was definitely happening. He was beyond just a little turned on and he didn’t quite understand why, but he most definitely didn’t want to stop.

“What’s the special thing we’re going to do today?” He asked innocently. Robert chuckled.

“Wouldn’t you love to know...” He said teasingly and trailed a finger down the middle of Jimmy’s chest, along his belly, it dipped into his belly button briefly, then went even lower. Robert teasingly rubbed it just along the underside of Jimmy’s hard cock as it was resting on his lower belly. The younger man bit back a gasp and arched into the touch lightly. He smiled and nodded.

“Yes, please.” He said naively, pretending not to know that Robert was teasing him. The corners of Robert’s eyes crinkled as he smiled at that. 

“Oh, but I really, really want it to be a surprise, baby boy.” He said gently and teased the tip of Jimmy’s cock with his fingers, rubbing that one spot he knew would drive Jimmy crazy. This time, the brunette couldn’t hold back, he let out a shaky little whimper. 

“I... is that... is that a surprise for me, too?” He then asked, curiously looking at the bulge in Robert’s jeans. His fingers were still moving inside him, slowly and lazily now and it felt so good, but he pulled them out with a slick sound to prop himself up a little. Robert followed Jimmy’s gaze and nodded.

“Hmmhm. Would you like to see?” He asked in a slightly huskier voice and Jimmy swallowed heavily. They were definitely moving into very kinky territory now and he couldn’t believe how much he was enjoying it. He nodded eagerly.

“Yes, please.” He said cutely and sat up just a little more to get a better view. Robert used his free hand to open his jeans and tug them down a little along with his boxers underneath, freeing his cock, while his other hand was still lightly caressing and fondling Jimmy’s. 

“See, it’s just like yours.” He said and Jimmy pretended to look at it, then at his own, as if he’d never seen Robert’s before, eyes wide and curious, then he bit his lip and giggled.

“It’s a ‘little’ bigger than mine.” He whispered shyly and looked up at Robert again. “Can I touch it?” 

“Of course, baby boy, it’s all for you.” Robert said and leaned back a little. Jimmy was wrecking his brains for an endearment or a nickname to call his husband, but he couldn’t think of anything. He loved being called all those sweet little things, especially in this situation and he wished he had something to match it. He decided to stop thinking about it for now and just go with the flow, do whatever felt good, so he licked his lips as he looked down at Robert’ crotch. He quickly checked if the hand he’d used to finger himself was clean, just in case, and when he only saw lube on it, he went for it. 

He clumsily grabbed Robert’s cock, like he’d never touched it before and had no idea how to. He frowned and poked out his tongue in mock concentration as he slowly dragged his fist up and down the other’s hard cock. 

“Like this?” He asked and the older man chuckled. 

“Well... let me show you.” He said gently and covered Jimmy’s slender hand with his own, rearranging it slightly and changing the angle. “There, that’s better. Now, why don’t you come sit in my lap and I’ll continue what you started, hm?” He then suggested, reaching out to drag a fingertip up the inside of the younger man’s thigh, all the way up to the seam of his leg, then between his buttcheeks, just briefly. Jimmy felt the blood creep back up into his cheeks and he actually hoped that Robert could tell, this time. He nodded shyly.

“Uh-huh.” He answered and let go of Robert’s cock briefly to get up and straddle him instead. He blushed deeper when Robert spread his own legs a little which in turn caused him to have to spread his even more, exposing him all the more. He noticed that his cock was almost lined up with Robert’s, so he scooted a little closer and rubbed it against the other man’s, sighing happily. 

“Good boy..” Robert cooed and Jimmy shivered. He barely even noticed Robert lubing up his fingers, he was too busy rubbing himself against his husband, using his hands to guide them both, stroking only lightly, teasingly. His breath hitched a little at the first teasing touch of Robert’s finger, he was so gentle again, always making sure not to hurt him. 

“You were such a good boy, presenting yourself to me like that, you made me so, so very happy... and so very hard.” Robert then purred into his ear and Jimmy couldn’t hold back anymore, he moaned softly and moved his hips a little, up into his own fist and back against Robert’s fingers. That was exactly what he needed to hear so, so badly. “You drive me so crazy, baby boy, making me want you so much.”

A teeny, tiny part of him played with the idea of just getting up and leaving Robert hard and aching, but he was so far gone as well, he just couldn’t. He’d later tell himself that he was just being the bigger person, that petty revenge wouldn’t change anything, that it wouldn’t make him feel better, but in reality, he was just way, way too into this to stop. 

“What... what do you want?” He asked in between little gasps and sighs. “How do you want me?”

“Hm, I think just like this would be perfect...” Robert chuckled, adding another finger, very carefully. “Right here, in my lap... Would you like that, little love?” 

“What do you mean?” Jimmy asked, pretending to be very confused. 

“Well... we could replace my fingers with something that might just feel even better, you know?” He said with a smirk. Jimmy looked down at Robert’s cock in his hand and made his eyes widen, his mouth forming a little ‘o’.

“You mean... this... inside me?” He gasped and bit his lip as if the idea had never occurred to him. 

“Aww, don’t act like you didn’t think about that before, darling... spreading yourself out like that and fingering yourself, you must have...” Robert purred and curled his fingers inside him. 

“Ah... no... no, I didn’t!” Jimmy defended himself and pouted. “Would it even fit?” He asked and worried his lower lip slightly between his teeth. 

“I promise, and it’ll feel really good.” Robert assured him. “Come on, now, lube it up a little, make it nice and slippery.” Jimmy could tell he was getting a little impatient, he wanted to be inside him right now, so he reached for the lube and did as he was told, making sure to be as clumsy as possible, getting lube all over the front of Robert’s jeans that he was still wearing. 

The blonde watched him do that for a bit before he pulled his fingers out, grabbed his hips and got him to sit up a little. He guided his cock to Jimmy’s hole, but didn’t do anything else.

“There... don’t be scared, love, just go at your own pace.” He offered and Jimmy was immensely grateful for that, it gave him just enough control to feel comfortable with this. He took a deep breath and slowly lowered himself, letting Robert guide himself in. He looked up to watch the older man’s expression as he slowly sank down on his cock. Robert held his gaze for just a moment, then his eyes closed and he moaned, leaning in to rest his head on Jimmy’s shoulder. “Fuck... that feels amazing, baby... so hot...” He gasped in pleasure. Jimmy shivered as he felt his hot breath against his shoulder. 

He took a little more of it in, then gasped and a little ‘ow’ left his lips as something stung and both him and Robert froze immediately. This was the moment he’d been most afraid of, but to his relief, it wasn’t that bad and he didn’t feel like he was about to freak out. The blonde raised his head to look at him worriedly, but Jimmy managed to smile at him.

“It’s ok. I’m ok.” He said quickly and his husband breathed a sigh of relief. Of course he’d been naive in hoping that this would always be as lovely and painless as it had been on their wedding night, but Robert was more than just well endowed and sometimes things like that couldn’t be avoided, he knew that. It didn’t hurt anymore after that, so Jimmy really was ok. Robert wrapped his arms around him and held him tight for a moment and Jimmy couldn’t help but smile at how even right now, Robert was so, so gentle and caring, always making sure he was alright.

He managed to sit back down on Robert’s lap comfortably and gave the other man a moment to catch his breath. A part of him almost hoped he’d make him come extremely quickly again because what could possibly be a better validation than that? But on the other hand he also wanted this to last just a bit longer. He experimentally moved his hips a little, grinding and rotating and Robert gasped, grabbing onto them to stop him.

“Ok, you’ll have to give me a moment, little one, you’re so tight...” He said and oh, how Jimmy loved hearing that. Robert’s voice sounded strained with the effort of holding back, the brunette imagined he’d love to just toss him on the bed and pound him, but that wasn’t what they were doing right now. Instead, he kissed Jimmy, gently and slowly, all sensual and the younger man allowed himself to get lost in it for a while. 

“D’you want me to move now?” Jimmy asked after a while, but Robert shook his head.

“No. Let me make you take care of your for a while.” He answered and the brunette didn’t know exactly what he meant by that until he started caressing his body again, kissing his neck and caressing his torso. He closed his eyes and smiled widely, that felt absolutely incredible and he loved every second of it. He gasped and moaned when Robert gently wrapped a hand around his cock, stroking him lightly.

He tangled his fingers in the blonde’s hair and tried to guide his head to where he wanted to be kissed, but Robert stubbornly refused, kissing Jimmy’s body only where he wanted. The younger man whined impatiently and leaned back against Robert’s hand on his back that was supporting him. 

“Please Robert, I want...” He started, then paused. Jimmy wasn’t afraid of or shy about telling his husband exactly what he wanted at all, usually, but the role he’d slipped into for now definitely was, so he pretended not to want to say it out loud and nervously played with the collar of the other’s shirt, the other hand still tangled in his hair, lightly pulling at it to guide his head further down his chest as he leaned back even more. 

“What do you want, little boy? You’ll have to tell me.” The older man said gently, pretending not to know exactly what Jimmy wanted even though he most definitely did. The brunette again tried to move Robert’s mouth towards his nipples, in vain, he resisted and looked up at Jimmy expectantly. He kissed his chest a few more times, lightly, giving him a gooseflesh and making his nipples harden already. 

“I want you to... to kiss my... my nipples.” He finally managed to say and he wished he had the power to make himself blush even though he wasn’t actually feeling that shy, he was just acting. Robert smiled, pleased that he’d gotten what he wanted, and finally did so. Jimmy closed his eyes again and sighed happily, but then Robert stopped again. 

“Only kiss them...?” He asked and Jimmy shook his head.

“N-no. Kiss. Lick. Nibble. Bite. Do what you want to them.” He whispered breathlessly and Robert flashed him a predatory grin before diving right in, teeth and all. Jimmy hissed at the first sharp nip, then moaned and arched his back, bucking his hips a little, his toes curled in pleasure. Everything felt so incredibly intense and he wanted to move on Robert’s cock so badly. The hand around his own cock had almost stopped moving and for now, he was grateful for that. 

He started moving his hips again and this time, Robert did not stop him. He lifted his hips just a tiny bit before grinding back down, eliciting low moans from both of them. He soon found a good rhythm and quickened his pace.

Robert’s breath felt both hot and cool on his chest at the same time as he continued to lick and nip at his nipples, Jimmy felt himself getting closer and closer. He raised himself up higher and came slamming down hard, riding Robert while holding on to his shirt, clutching and pulling at it. He felt Robert’s hand on his back clawing at him in turn, then he pushed his face into the crook of Jimmy’s neck, moaning helplessly as his hips bucked up into him. 

The younger man gasped as he felt him come and quickly reached between them to finish himself off as well, quickly coming all over the front of Robert’s shirt. He wrapped his arms back around the other man’s shoulders and held on to him as they waited for their breathing to return back to normal. He nuzzled his neck and grinned, pulling back to look at his lover, who grinned at him in turn. Then they burst out laughing. 

“Fuck! That was so ridiculously fucking hot!” Jimmy laughed happily and Robert nodded in agreement. 

“Yeah... it really was. Bloody hell. I can’t believe we did that. I can’t believe *you* did that!” He said. Jimmy just grinned at him again and carefully raised his hips, letting Robert slip free before he let himself fall to the bed next to his husband, sprawling out lazily and stretching. He felt absolutely giddy with how good that had been and while he was completely, utterly pleased and satisfied right now, he already couldn’t wait for the next time. 

“I can and I’m so fucking glad I did.” Jimmy sighed as Robert lay down next to him, watching him curiously. 

“What made you do that? You went from feeling too uncomfortable to have sex with me at all to just... sprawling out and fingering yourself right in front of me. Which, by the way, was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.” He said, still in disbelief. Jimmy laughed.

“I was trying to reclaim what you took from me yesterday.” He admitted. “I wanted to make you all horny and riled up and then deny you.” He added and Robert raised an eyebrow at him.

“Why didn’t you? I would have deserved that.” He asked. Jimmy stared at him.

“Are you kidding me?? Because you went and turned the tables on me yet again with your games and all that! I just couldn’t say no, I wanted you so badly!” He exclaimed. “I don’t know why, but you completely ignoring me and acting like what I was doing was nothing out of the ordinary just turned me on so fucking much, and then you came over here and touched me so casually like it wasn’t a big deal! I thought I was gonna explode right there and then!” 

“I know, I felt that.” Robert said with a smug grin. 

“Ugh! Smug bastard. I hate you!” Jimmy said lovingly and tossed a pillow at him. “Then you started fucking talking to me like that! I can’t believe you did that and I just... played along! It came so naturally and felt so good, too!”

“What?? Are you trying to tell me you’re not *actually* a shy, innocent little boy??” Robert asked and blinked at him in mock bewilderment. Jimmy tossed another pillow at him, then turned on his side to look at him. 

“I loved that. I want to do it again, sometime.” He said seriously, then. 

“Me too.” Robert agreed and reached out to caress Jimmy’s cheek. The younger man sighed and leaned into the caress, closing his eyes. He felt a nervous flutter in his belly at a thought that crossed his mind. 

“I... I was so fucking close to calling you...” he took a steadying breath, “... to calling you Daddy, do you know that?” He said nervously, unsure about how Robert would react to that. When he opened his eyes, the other man was smiling at him. 

“I do. I wanted you to.” He admitted and Jimmy bit his lip. He hadn’t expected his husband to just... be ok with that. Just like that. 

“Maybe one day, I can... but right now, I don’t think I’m quite there yet.” He admitted. The thought made him feel slightly uncomfortable despite how much he actually wanted it. “Won’t you feel bad? I don’t want you to... I don’t know, feel old or something.” Robert shook his head.

“I got over that a while ago. I’m not going to pretend that we don’t have a certain dynamic going on already, anyway, whether you call me that or not.” He shrugged. “We’ve been doing it for a while and it just keeps getting more intense. Maybe we should just embrace it.”

“Yeah... you’re right.” Jimmy agreed and scooted closer, snuggling up to Robert’s side and dragging his leg across his hips. He didn’t care that the other man was filthy with lube and come. “I love it when you call me your little boy... I love it so much. It makes me feel so small and cute... and loved.” 

“Well, you are.” Robert cooed and wrapped an arm around him. Jimmy nuzzled his neck and smiled to himself.

“... Daddy.” He whispered experimentally, in a small voice, and bit his lip. There. He’d said it. Out loud. It felt so right and yet so wrong at the same time and he didn’t quite know what to make of it. It definitely felt good, though, in a way.

“Take your time, little love. Don’t force it.” Robert said and kissed his forehead gently. He closed his eyes again and for a while, they just rested there, close to each other.

“You’re really not going to tell me what you have in mind for today, huh?” Jimmy asked after a moment or two had passed. Robert shook his head.

“No. It really is a surprise.” He smiled. “But we should get ready. It’s a bit of a drive to there and I need to wash and change first...” He chuckled, looking down at the state of his clothes, they were completely and utterly ruined. Jimmy got off of him and sat up.

“I wanna wash, too, you got me all sweaty.” He pouted and quickly tiptoed into the bathroom to start the shower. Robert soon joined him and they spent a considerable amount of time in the shower, letting the warm water wash away any traces of the intimacy they’d just shared before they got dressed again and packed their bags. 

They took everything back to their car and Robert drove off. The drive was quite long, but after an hour or so, the terrain started to get more mountainous, there were hills and valleys with rivers, everything was green and breathtakingly gorgeous, Jimmy loved this landscape. He saw countless waterfalls, little ones as well as bigger ones and soon, they reached a little parking lot on top of a hill, right next to a steep cliff that overlooked a valley with a flowing river underneath. 

Robert parked the car and Jimmy looked around, curious to see why his husband had taken him here. There was a large waterfall here as well, he could hear the water rushing down the side of the cliff towards the valley far, far below. Then he spotted the sign at the entrance to the little parking lot.

‘Bungee Jumping’

His jaw dropped and he spun around to stare at the other man. That was a ‘surprise’ indeed. He was terrified of heights and he knew for a fact that Robert was, too. Just standing here, so close to the cliff, made him very nervous.

“Robert. No.” He said gravely, with a glare, and the other man just grinned at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. I recently got a comment from someone saying that they needed some Daddy kink in this... and I was so, so very against that. But then I thought about it and admitted to myself that they already had that dynamic anyways, with the slight age gap and all that, so... I decided to go for it. I hope you guys are ok with that, and if you're not: I am so so sorry. I swear it won't be a HUGE part of this story, but it might make an appearance once in a while.


	14. 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our boys actually throw themselves of off a cliff, literally. Jimmy gets more and more comfortable with their new dynamic and embraces it quickly. They board the ship that'll take them to the next destination of their honeymoon trip.

Robert came closer and took his hands, smiling at him gently.

“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, I won’t try to convince you or anything... but I really want to do it. It’s ok if you just wanna wait up here for me... but I’d love you to at least consider doing it with me.” He said slowly. Jimmy sighed heavily, searching his husband’s face for a moment before he answered.

“I don’t know if I can. I’m scared of heights. Like, legitimately terrified.” He whispered. “Look.” He said and raised a hand, showing Robert that it was trembling, despite nothing having happened yet. 

“Aww... sweet darling... I’m scared of heights, too. That’s why I wanted us to do it. You know, conquering our fears together.” Robert said and took his trembling hand again, holding it. 

“Haven’t we conquered enough, together?” Jimmy sighed. “I don’t even want you to do it, what if something happens to you??” He then asked and hugged the older man tightly. 

“People do this all the time, I’ll be fine.” Robert chuckled and hugged him back. “At least come to the platform with me and have a look.” 

“Alright.” Jimmy finally agreed. “Don’t let go of my hand up there, though.” He warned, clutching Robert’s hand tightly as they walked up to the metal platform that overlooked the valley, jutting out from the cliff. They walked all the way to the edge of the cliff, but Jimmy stopped before stepping on the metal platform. It was just a grid and if he stepped on it, he’d be able to see through it and look down and he just couldn’t.

“It’s alright, it’s safe, baby...” Robert said and squeezed his hand encouragingly. 

“I... I can’t, Daddy.” He breathed. He had no idea where that came from, it just slipped out, just like that and for some reason, it felt so very comforting, it helped. Jimmy’s eyes widened a little at that and he bit his lip, looking up at Robert, who just smiled at him. 

“Yes, you can. I know you can, baby.” He said warmly. “Come, just take another step towards me.” He added and Jimmy did. His stomach did a weird somersault and his heart made a serious attempt of jumping out of his chest and he immediately clung to Robert, trying not to look down. 

“Scared of heights?” A man’s voice came from a few feet away and Jimmy heard Robert chuckle.

“Yeah... both of us, actually.” The older man admitted to the guy.

“That’s ok. A lot of people come here to get rid of that fear. Almost always works, by the way.” He said, amused. 

“Huh, I can see that, they can’t be scared anymore when they’re dead.” Jimmy said sarcastically and the guy laughed. 

“You don’t have the right attitude! You have to believe in yourself!” He said cheerfully and Jimmy wanted to murder him. “So, tandem or solo?” 

“Tandem.” Robert said.

“Solo.” Jimmy said at the same time. They looked at each other and Robert smiled at him. 

“As I said, I won’t try to make you do this, but... at least think about it again. You’ve done much harder things in your life. You can do this.” He said and the younger man glared at him. 

“I am way too young to die of a heart attack.” He said gravely, then glanced down briefly. His head started spinning and he held on to Robert again when he saw how high up they were, standing on the thin metal grid. “Oh my god, fuck.” He gasped. “Oh for fucks sake, alright, alright, I can’t let you do this alone, I married you, that means we’re in this together, I can’t let you do stupid things all alone.. oh shit, I’m way too beautiful to die!” He rambled frantically and Robert threw his head back and laughed loudly at how dramatic Jimmy was being. 

“You absolutely are, but you won’t die! I promise!” He said and gave him a quick kiss. 

“If I do, it’s gonna be your fault.” Jimmy pouted.

“I’ll take full responsibility for your untimely death.” Robert said solemnly and this time, the younger man couldn’t help but smile. He was still terrified, but maybe he’d feel better afterwards, accomplished or something. He buried his face in the front of the blonde’s jacket and sighed.

“Ok, let’s do this.” He then said, straightening up again and letting go of his husband. 

“I’ve been doing this for the past 15 years. Never had a single incident.” The guy told him as he started to get all the equipment ready for them. It didn’t do much to calm Jimmy down, but it did reassure him a little. “Well, that one time... that guy should have worn brown pants, but I don’t count that as an ‘incident’ because he was perfectly safe.” He added with a grin and Jimmy found himself laughing. He hoped he wasn’t going to need a new pair of pants, although at this point he wasn’t quite so sure. 

They were strapped into a harness that went around their shoulders, their chests, their hips and finally, their ankles by the man and his colleague, then the thick rope was attached to their ankles. They needed help shuffling towards the edge because of the thick cuffs around said ankles and Jimmy was already clinging to Robert tightly, trembling all over. The guys checked the harness and the rope several more times, just to make sure, then nodded. 

“Alright, you’re good to go. Just let yourselves fall.” One of them instructed and Jimmy briefly looked up at Robert. His emotions were running wild already and he felt like crying and laughing at the same time.

“Daddy? I love you.” He said quickly and held on to him even more tightly. Robert smiled at him nervously.

“I love you too, baby boy.” He whispered in turn and kissed him briefly, his arms tightened around him a little more as well. Jimmy could tell that he was just as scared as he was. He found himself unable to move, he just couldn’t let himself fall, so he let Robert decide when to do it. He felt the other man take a deep breath before slowly leaning over the edge. 

Jimmy couldn’t even scream when he felt himself falling. He just screwed his eyes shut tightly and clung to his husband as they raced towards the river in the valley beneath. The rush it gave him was extreme and it actually felt pretty fucking great, Jimmy thought. He didn’t have a lot of time to think about it, though, when he felt the rope starting to slow them down as it stretched, before it pulled them back up, giving him another, different kind of rush. 

He found himself laughing and squealing at the funny feeling in his stomach and briefly registered Robert laughing happily as well as they flew back up towards the sky before plummeting back down again.

It went on for a while and when it finally stopped, Jimmy dared to open his eyes and look around. They were just swaying back and forth high above the river underneath them, but he couldn’t see very much because of the mass of black and blonde hair obscuring his vision. He managed to pull back a tiny bit to look at his husband briefly, before pulling him back in closer again and nuzzling his neck.

“We fucking did it! We really did that!” He squealed happily. He couldn’t believe that he’d actually done that, he felt positively high, like he’d never felt before. It was an insanely good feeling.

“Yeah... we really did.” Robert answered, sounding stunned, like he couldn't quite believe it either. 

Getting back up to the platform took, of course, way longer than getting down there. One of the guys had to come down with a pulley kind of lift to pick them up, but at least now that they were sitting on that thing, Jimmy could actually see and appreciate how far they had fallen. It gave him another thrill to see it like that and he grinned at Robert excitedly. 

Once they were back up on the platform, Jimmy immediately sat down.

“Oh god... jelly legs.” He groaned and laughed. Robert plopped down next to him and grinned at him.

“Yeah. Me too.” He said breathlessly. “That was awesome! Aren’t you glad you did it??” He asked and Jimmy nodded.

“I am. I really am. I never felt like that before.” He said in disbelief. “I didn’t know I could feel like that.” He still felt a little like he was flying, all giddy and excited. He leaned against Robert and took a few deep breaths. “Thank you for this experience.”

“Thank you for doing this with me, even though you were scared.” Robert said and kissed the top of his head.

“Well, that was kind of the point.” Jimmy chuckled. “So, what’s next? Skydiving?” He gave Robert a cheeky grin.

“We can do that, and I did consider it, you know.” He answered. “The reason I prefered this is because we can actually do it together. Skydiving... not so much. We’d have to do it with an instructor, each on our own. I didn’t want that.”

“Makes sense.” Jimmy agreed. 

They were helped out of their harnesses and Jimmy stretched and flexed his limbs a little, he still felt like he was made out of jelly. Then, his belly growled loudly and he blushed.

“Fuck, I’m starving.” He said.

“Well, we did skip breakfast.” Robert said with a teasing smile and Jimmy glanced at him, blushing even more deeply when he remembered the reason they had skipped breakfast that morning. Maybe it was the adrenalin still cursing through his body, but he actually got a little hard just thinking about it, remembering how hot it had been. Luckily he didn’t have to worry about that, his jacket was long enough to hide that fact. The guy that was putting away the equipment smiled at them.

“There’s a little bistro a bit further up the hill, over there.” He said, pointing. “We spend pretty much every lunch break there, they have really good food. Nothing special, more like comfort food, but really, really good, great view, too and walking up there will help with those jelly legs of yours, too.” He advised. 

They agreed to go there as soon as their legs worked properly again. They sat on the platform for a little longer, holding each other and gazing out at the beautiful landscape in front of them, then they said their goodbyes and left, walking towards the little restaurant on top of the hill.

“So... I’m officially Daddy now, hm?” Robert asked after a while, reaching out to take Jimmy’s hand. The younger man felt his face heat up again and he bit his lip. He stopped walking and turned to Robert, pulling him closer.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, calling you that in front of them. It just slipped out, I don’t even know why. It just makes me feel good, I don’t know, but it feels so warm and comforting. It even helped with my anxiety.” He explained.

“It’s alright. I told you I’m fine with it.” Robert said and squeezed his hand gently. “If it makes you feel good, it’s great. If it helps, even better. I didn’t actually expect to hear it outside the bedroom, but I don’t mind...” He trailed off and shrugged. 

“It’s not even a sexual thing for me. I mean, it can be, of course, but it’s not *just* that. It’s a comfort thing.” Jimmy said. “You’re so sweet and caring, you’re always so loving and gentle with me... it just feels right to call you that. I just don’t understand why I was still slightly uncomfortable about it this morning and now I’m like... huh, no big deal. Daddy.” Jimmy huffed, a little frustrated that he didn’t quite understand himself and how quickly his views and opinions sometimes changed. Robert chuckled.

“You’ve always been an all or nothing kind of person, love.” He said. “Maybe it was the excitement of the jump or something that just made it click into place. Whatever it was, I’m glad it did, it obviously makes you feel good. It makes me feel good, too. I love being there for you like that.” 

Jimmy smiled up at him brightly, then hugged him and nuzzled his neck, sighing happily. Robert always made everything seem so easy, explained everything to him and always made sure that everything was alright. He was exactly what Jimmy needed so badly. He kissed Robert’s jaw, all the way to his neck, right behind his ear, and made a happy little sound.

“I love you so, so much, Daddy...” He purred, then he giggled. “When you mentioned that we skipped breakfast this morning... I got a little hard because I remembered what he did instead.” He whispered into Robert’s ear and the older man made a low sound in his throat and pulled him closer, squeezing his butt lightly.

“Shut up, you cheeky little boy, or I’ll have to have you in that car as soon as we get back to it.” He growled into his ear and Jimmy actually moaned, just a little.

“We’ve never done that... can we? Please, Daddy?” He whispered and pressed his body closer to his husband’s, feeling that now he was hard, too. He loved the effect he had on the other man so much. He gasped when he felt Robert bite his neck sharply, just once. 

“We’ll be in trouble if we make a mess in that car, you know that.” He said in a husky voice. He sounded like he had half a mind to skip lunch as well and drag Jimmy back to the car.

“Hmmhm, maybe I like getting into trouble...” Jimmy sighed and pulled back a little to look at Robert, a sparkle in his eyes. 

“Absolutely not.” Robert said firmly. “You’re going to be a good boy. You’re going to behave until we get to our cabin on the ship.” 

“But Daddy...” Jimmy whined and pouted, but Robert shook his head. 

“You heard me. You’re hungry and you need to eat and after that I’ll have to drive us to the harbor.” The older man said. Jimmy actually found himself liking that Robert was being so firm about it, knowing what was best for him, so he bit his lip and nodded.

“Alright. I’ll be good.” He said and took a step back. He was desperately horny now, but he’d have to wait. Robert smiled at him, pleased, and took his hand again as they continued walking towards the restaurant. 

“Do you feel any different now that we did that?” He asked, pointing back at the metal platform, changing the subject. Jimmy nodded.

“Oh, yes! I feel like I can do anything! I feel like nothing’s a big deal anymore, like I don’t have to be afraid of anything anymore.” He said excitedly. 

“Me too!” Robert agreed. “I’m so glad you feel that way, that’s why I wanted to do it.” 

They soon reached the restaurant and sat at the large window that overlooked the valley and the guy’s hadn’t lied, the view was utterly breathtaking. The food was amazing, simple but tasty, big portions, exactly what they needed after skipping breakfast. They spent a while in the restaurant, eating, talking and enjoying the view before they slowly went back to the car.

Jimmy tried to sway Robert once more and get him to get naughty in the car, but it only took one warning glare from his husband for him to shut up, grinning to himself. Oh, he was most definitely enjoying this new thing they had gotten into. 

“Daddy? I think I figured out why we were fighting to much.” He quipped after a while. Robert gave him a curious glance.

“Yeah?” He asked. 

“Yes! We’ve never spent that much time together before. Even when I was at home, recovering, I slept a lot and you worked almost all the time... then I started working too, then school started on top of it all and we didn’t spend more than a few hours a day with each other, most of which... sleeping.” Jimmy explained. “Now, we’re basically sitting on top of each other 24/7, of course we’re fighting all the time.”

“Huh. That actually makes a lot of sense, you’re right.” Robert agreed thoughtfully. “Maybe we don’t suddenly hate each other.” He grinned and Jimmy laughed. “We just have to get used to spending so much time with each other, for a while at least.”

“Yes, I think so.” Jimmy said. In the distance, he could see the city already. “Don’t we have to take the car back to where we rented it?” He asked but Robert shook his head.

“No. I’ve arranged for them to pick it up at the harbor.” He explained. 

“Convenient.” Jimmy sighed. He could definitely get used to this. “How long are we going to be on the ship?”

“Just until tomorrow.” Robert replied. “Ah, you can already see it, over there.” He said, pointing into the distance at a huge, blue ship. 

Jimmy’s eyes widened, he’d never seen such a big ship before. It didn’t look like a normal cruise ship, it looked a lot more sturdy and solid, the hull of the ship didn’t taper down towards the water, it just went almost straight down, while at the front, it jutted out a little bit. It must be made to break through at least thin sheets of ice, Jimmy thought. He stared at it in awe, it looked amazing, both incredibly strong and fancy at the same time. It had a pool on the highest deck as well something that looked like a tennis court and a running track. Just like Robert, he was a bit of a nerd and he was completely fascinated with big machines like that. 

“Woah! It’s magnificent! It’s huge!” He gasped. 

“I’ve heard you say that before.” Robert said with a smirk and Jimmy glared at him, then laughed. 

“What can I say, I like big things.” He said and poked his tongue out. “Where is it going to take us? Are you still not telling me?” He asked. They were in a sort of traffic jam, waiting to be able to drive into the harbor and park the car there.

“Hmmm, maybe you can figure it out, little one.” Robert said playfully and Jimmy frowned. 

“How am I supposed to figure it out?” He asked. 

“Were you any good in geography, in school?” Robert asked. 

“I dropped out of school at 15, I don’t remember jack shit.” Jimmy huffed and pouted. 

“Oh come on, you’re a smart cookie. It’s going to take us to the south west from here.” Robert gave him a little hint and Jimmy thought about it. He tried to conjure up a map in his mind and closed his eyes, he somehow wanted to make Robert proud, so he actually made an effort. He tried to remember where exactly Iceland was in relation to the UK and then went from there.

“South west... well, depends on how far south I suppose? I’d say Canada, but that would take way more than a day...” He mused and Robert smiled at him, obviously a little impressed.

“Think less south, more west.” He hinted.

“Oh, I don’t know... Oh! Oh, there’s Greenland there, isn’t there, between Iceland and Canada?” He asked, excited. Robert looked very proud of him and nodded.

“Exactly, yes!” He said and Jimmy squeed, he was so happy that he’d figured it out, that he’d made Robert proud and that he wasn’t actually stupid. 

“Greenland is to the north of Iceland, too, though. It’s pretty big.” Jimmy pointed out.

“Well, yes, but we’re gonna go to the south because up north there’s literally only ice.” Robert chuckled. “We’re going to eventually end up in Canada, too, by the way, so you weren’t far off with your first guess, either.” 

“Really? Oh that is so cool!” Jimmy quipped excitedly, he was happy that Robert was finally telling him a little more about what they were going to do. “And then?”

“Then we’re going to slowly make our way south through Canada and the USA.” Robert said. 

“Ooooh, road trip??” Jimmy asked, almost bouncing up and down in his seat. Of course he’d known that they’d end up in the states eventually, he had to sign a lot of paperwork to get all of his visas after all, but he hadn’t known when or where exactly, yet.

“If you want. I haven’t booked anything yet, we’re completely free to do whatever we want. We can fly or we can rent another car and we can drive. I don’t mind driving.” Robert explained.

“You haven’t booked anything...?” Jimmy gasped, his eyes widening.

“Nope.” Robert grinned. “Except for our flight in three weeks, to our next destination, I haven’t booked a thing. We’re just going to have to see where we end up at.”

“Oh my god... that’s... exciting and scary at the same time!” Jimmy said. “Where are we going after that?”

“Well... You’ll see. I was a tad bit limited, I had to avoid certain countries of course, I didn’t want us to get murdered for who we are...” Robert sighed and Jimmy looked down sadly. Of course he knew that, but it hurt and it made him incredibly sad. He knew that most african countries would be off limits to them as well as some southeast asian countries, with Brunei recently filling the newspapers for reintroducing the death penalty for homosexuality. Of course Jimmy had read all about that and it had made him beyond furious, sad and it had left him feeling powerless.

“Why is the world like that, Daddy?” He asked sadly.

“Religion, mostly.” Robert answered gravely, then sighed and reached out to take his hand. They were still stuck in traffic and he wasn’t driving anyway. “Hey. Don’t be sad, baby boy. There are so many countries we can visit that won’t even bat an eye at us, I promise... I told you I’ll show you the world and I will show you as much of it as I can while also keeping you safe.” He tried to cheer the younger man up.

“I know, I know. I’m not even mad that I can’t go there, I wouldn’t want to visit a country that murders people just because of who they love... I’m just sad because... there’s people like me, like us, living there and they can’t be themselves... they can’t be free... and it’s so fucking awful.” He sighed. “I wished I could do something about it.” 

“Well... all we can really do is raise awareness about it... and we can vote for the people who’ll make sure we’ll continue to accept refugees from countries like that.” Robert said. Jimmy nodded.

“You’re right. I guess it’s something.” He said. It was nowhere near enough and it still made Jimmy sad, but being upset about something he couldn’t really change wasn’t smart either, he thought. He decided not to dwell on it. 

The cars in front of them started moving again and they finally made it to the harbor. Robert parked the car and once they took their luggage out of the trunk, he left the keys in the designated box at the entrance to the parking lot. 

“Bye car... I’m still sad we didn’t get to fuck in you!” Jimmy said, waving at the car and Robert groaned, shaking his head. 

“What did I tell you about behaving, little one?” He said with a playful glint in his eyes. The brunette shot him a toothy grin.

“I don’t know, what did you say?” He asked impishly.

“Well, I told you to be patient, so if you continue to be an insolent little brat I may have to spank you.” Robert said in a low voice and this time it was Jimmy who had to bite back a groan. He had had no idea, so far, that he’d find that so incredibly fucking hot, but he did, maybe just because he’d been so horny all day, especially after their jump. He pretended to be shocked, which wasn’t all that difficult because he was, but not because of Robert’s words, rather because of his own reaction to them.

“Oh no. I’ll be good, then.” He said quickly and batted his eyelashes at his husband. He then followed him towards the ship, watching in awe as it just seemed to get bigger and bigger the closer they got. He had to tilt his head back far to even see all the way up when they were standing right in front of it. “Bloody hell, it looks even bigger from down here.” He gasped. 

“It’s a pretty big boat, yeah...” Robert agreed. Jimmy noticed that the ropes that were used to tie the ship to the bitts on the pier were thicker than his legs. He was so entranced by the whole thing that he only noticed that they were already boarding the ship when they were walking up the metal ramp. He had to show his ID when they made it all the way to the top and he smiled when he saw his new name once again, it still made him oh so very happy every single time. 

As soon as they were inside, Jimmy could only look around with big eyes once again. It was so incredibly fancy and classy, it didn’t even look like a ship on the inside! He just stood there and stared at the huge hall with an actual chandelier they entered until Robert nudged him gently. 

“Come, this way.” He said and Jimmy reluctantly followed him with his two suitcases, trying hard not to walk into things as he looked around. Robert took him to an elevator that took them a few decks higher. Jimmy knew the cabins got bigger and more expensive the higher up they were and he gulped when Robert lead him down a hallway all the way to the back of the ship. He slid a keycard into the door and opened it, letting Jimmy enter first. 

He had expected a crammed up little cabin with a small porthole as a window, but he’d been so, so very wrong. It was a huge suite, the size of a small apartment, with a queen size bed, a sofa, armchairs, a huge TV, a kitchenette and another door that lead to a bathroom. One of the walls was made entirely out of windows that opened towards the back of the ship, where there was a small terrace. Just like their hotel room in Reykjavik, it had a jacuzzi. Jimmy’s jaw dropped and he turned around to stare at Robert.

“You are absolutely fucking insane.” He whispered in disbelief. Robert flashed him a grin as he hauled their luggage inside and closed the door. He then came closer and pulled Jimmy into his arms.

“Now that’s a little rude, isn’t it? I just want to spoil my little boy...” He whispered and Jimmy instantly melted into his arms. “Don’t you like it?” Jimmy shook his head, biting his lip.

“No. I love it.” He whispered and broke into a grin as well. It was getting easier to accept all the luxury Robert was tossing his way, he got more and more used to it and stopped feeling bad about it. This new thing between them helped with that, as well. “This is amazing... thank you, Daddy.” He whispered and kissed his husband. The older man seemed a little surprised at how easily Jimmy accepted all of this, this time, but he kissed him back and held him a little tighter. 

“You’re welcome, darling.” He murmured and looked at Jimmy in surprise, as if trying to figure out why he didn’t have half a melt down this time. The younger man just smiled at him and kissed him again, a little more insistently, until Robert pushed him away a little. “Hey now, I told you to be patient...” He said, amused.

“But I was! We’re on the ship now, you said...” He started, but Robert put a finger across his lips gently and Jimmy shut up. 

“I know what I said.” Robert said softly. “Did you pack that suit that I bought you?” He then asked and Jimmy frowned. He didn’t understand why Robert was asking him that. He hadn’t understood why his husband had insisted on that in the first place.

“I did...” He said slowly, trying to understand what this was about. Robert chuckled.

“Baby love, this is a cruise ship. The restaurant has a dress code.” He explained and Jimmy rolled his eyes.

“Really?? Why??” He asked in a whiny voice. He didn’t want to put on a suit and go to a fancy ass restaurant for dinner. “Can’t we... I don’t know, have sandwiches in the jacuzzi again?” He asked but Robert shook his head. 

“Be good and take your suit out, you’ll have to iron it before we go.” Robert said patiently and Jimmy whined again. The older man sighed at that. “Jimmy. Please.” He said, still patient, but Jimmy could tell it was running thin. 

“Ok... alright.” He said and went to the suitcase he put the suit in, opening it to take it out. He didn’t want to be bratty and ungrateful, but if he was being completely honest, he was getting a little fed up with all the luxury, all the fancy shit. He felt Robert stepping up behind him as he crouched in the floor in front of his suitcase and sighed when he felt the other’s strong hands gently massaging his shoulders.

“I’m sorry you don’t like it.” Robert said gently. He sounded a little disappointed. 

“Well... I don’t mean to be ungrateful, but... you know that I’m not really into fancy restaurants where I have to dress up and pretend to be something I’m not.” He whispered. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s alright. I understand. I should have thought of that.” Robert admitted. “I promise this is the last posh place I’ll drag you into, alright? The upcoming weeks will be different.” He said. Jimmy turned a little to look up at him with a little smile.

“So, the road trip will be a thing? We’ll do it?” He asked excitedly. Robert chuckled and nodded.

“Yes. I’ll get us a car and we can go wherever you want. We’ll sleep in seedy motels or even in the car if you like, we’ll live off of junk food and gas station snacks.” He said and Jimmy giggled.

“Now *that* sounds romantic to me!” He said and Robert rolled his eyes, but he was biting back a grin as well. Jimmy could tell he liked the idea, too. He got up and pecked Robert’s lips briefly, then spread the suit out on the bed. “Do I really have to iron it?” He sighed and Robert nodded.

“Yes. They won’t let us dine there in wrinkled suits.” He said and Jimmy huffed. Luckily the room was equipped with an iron and he made quick work of his suit, then passed it on to Robert. He’d never ironed a single thing in his life before, so Robert had to guide him a little, but it worked out just fine in the end. They put on their suits and brushed their hair, Robert pulled his back into a ponytail and Jimmy sighed at the sight of it. He looked amazing like that and he just wished he wasn’t in a suit, himself.

Halfway through getting dressed, Jimmy heard the horn of the boat and he just barely noticed it starting to move. He couldn’t even hear the engine at all, it was astounding that this big behemoth was moving in the first place, without a sound.

They stood on the terrace of their suite and watched the harbor for a while as the ship left Reykjavik behind before they made their way to one of the many restaurants on board. There weren’t too many other passengers, Jimmy noticed, but the few that they met were dressed to the nines as well. 

He felt like he was the protagonist of a gay ‘Pretty Woman’ remake once again, although he’d never tell Robert that. As much as he loved their suite, he couldn’t wait to be on the road, wear his leather jacket, listen to dirty rock music, eat burgers and fries and just... feel free. 

The restaurant was beautiful, as was the view of the ocean he had from here, there was boring, but soothing elevator music in the background, but he felt so out of place, everybody was so different than him, they were the only two men dining together and attracted a few strange glances. He almost wanted to hide behind his hair, but Robert gave him an encouraging smile and raised his glass of champagne.

“To us.” He said softly and Jimmy raised his as well.

“To us.” He whispered back and had a sip. He liked it well enough and he was pretty sure he was going to like the food as well, so he relaxed a little. Robert soon distracted him, engaging him in a conversation about the ship, about how it was brand new and they were the first people to use that suite. He told him everything he knew about it and Jimmy listened eagerly, relaxing more and more. He was actually having a good time, enjoying Robert’s company. The food turned out to be delicious, it looked amazing as well, it reminded him a little of the hors d'oeuvre they’d had for lunch on their wedding day. He still couldn’t wait to get back to their suite and enjoy some time alone with his husband, so by the time they finally finished, he was almost giddy with excitement.


	15. 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut. With feels. Lots of them.

Jimmy immediately started taking off his suit as soon as he entered their suite, he didn’t even wait for Robert to close the door before tossing the jacket on the bed, toeing off his dress shoes and adding his shirt to the pile as well.

Robert closed the door and leaned against it, watching Jimmy with a raised eyebrow as he hopped on one leg to take off his socks, then his pants. 

“You really hate that suit, don’t you?” He asked, amused. The younger man took off his underwear as well and stretched languidly. 

“I really hate that suit and I really love being naked. Yes.” He grinned cheekily. Robert hadn’t bothered taking off even just a single part of his suit, but he did reach up to loosen his tie a little. Jimmy slowly walked over to his husband, making an effort to walk as gracefully and seductively as possible, which, to his own surprise, he managed quite well this time. He wrapped his arms around Robert’s neck and smiled at him.

“I do prefer you naked, too.” Robert admitted and gently slid his hands along Jimmy’s body, along his thighs, his hips, his sides, then back down to his butt. The younger man sighed and leaned against his husband, closing his eyes at the soft caresses. 

“I really wanted to get into that jacuzzi, but it’s soooo cold out there.” Jimmy sighed. It was dark now, but sometimes, he could see little bits and pieces of ice floating in the water, illuminated by the light from the ship. “Can you buy us a jacuzzi for the terrace at home, Daddy?” He asked and Robert blinked at him in surprise. 

“I... can. Of course.” He said slowly, he obviously had some trouble wrapping his mind around how easily it came to Jimmy to ask for expensive things, all of a sudden. “Do you like them that much?”

“Well, yes. I get to be naked, I get to be clean, I get to be warm and relaxed... and I get to be with you. What’s not to like?” Jimmy laughed. Robert chuckled and kissed his forehead.

“You’re right. Then you’ll get one and I’ll get one for the new place as well.” Robert agreed and Jimmy squeed.

“Thank you so much!” He said happily and hugged the other man tightly. He loved the idea of a beautiful farm in the countryside that had all the luxuries he needed. He played with Robert’s tie a little, loosening it more and more. “Do you still think I need a spanking?” He then whispered in a small voice and Robert frowned.

“Why would I think that? You’ve been perfectly good, baby.” He said. His hands were still caressing Jimmy’s back and his butt gently, almost casually but still very sensually, making the smaller man shiver in pleasure. 

“Hmm, but I did annoy you a lot, earlier... I was really bratty...” He said and Robert raised an eyebrow again.

“You were, indeed... wait a second, why does this sound like you *want* me to spank you?” He asked and Jimmy giggled and hid his reddening face in Robert’s shirt. “Ah... because you do.” The older man concluded in disbelief, shaking his head. “Come.” 

Robert took Jimmy’s hand and pulled him towards the bed and sat down on it, then he patted his legs.

“Across my knees, then.” He said, looking up at Jimmy who swallowed nervously. He had not expected Robert to actually go with it, to agree to this, and now he was getting very excited. His heart started thumping like mad and he felt himself getting hard, slowly. Of course, Robert noticed and Jimmy was very aware of that. Carefully, he knelt on the bed next to Robert and lay across his lap. He wiggled a bit to get comfortable and ended up with his hardening cock slipping between the older man’s thighs, making him chuckle.

“Sorry.” Jimmy whispered in a small voice and tried to keep still. 

“That’s ok, baby... I suppose you’re excited... are you comfortable, does it feel good?” Robert asked and Jimmy just nodded, way too excited to talk much right now. He folded his arms underneath his head as they rested on the bed and closed his eyes. “Are you sure you want this?”

“Yes.” Jimmy said firmly and wiggled his hips once more to let Robert feel that he was indeed very excited about this, rubbing his hard length against his husband’s legs. The older man responded by gently caressing and squeezing a butt cheek, then the other one, then he just rested his palm there for a while. Then he raised it and Jimmy quickly grabbed a fistful of the blanket, holding on to it in anticipation. When Robert brought his palm down, Jimmy was almost disappointed. He did it so gently that he barely felt it, it wasn’t more than a little pat.

“You have the most adorable, perfect, perky little butt, do you know that?” Robert asked and Jimmy bit his lip.

“Yes, I know that and it’s not all that fragile, you can do that harder.” He said cheekily and wiggled his butt to get Robert to do it again. The older man chuckled and did so, just a little harder. It still didn’t hurt, nowhere near actually, but Jimmy enjoyed it. It made him rock forward against Robert’s legs a little and he sighed at the friction. 

“You are way too cheeky for the position you’re in right now, baby.” Robert warned and squeezed his butt cheek again before giving it another little pat. Jimmy laughed.

“You’re barely even touching me, Daddy...” He complained. He wondered why Robert was being so tentative, holding back so very much when he really didn’t have to. Jimmy noticed him hesitating a little more before he finally brought his hand down once more, a little harder this time. That one, Jimmy felt, not painfully, but he felt it and a little moan escaped his lips that time. 

He felt very vulnerable and small and it excited him to no end. Robert must have sensed that, he tensed the muscles of his thighs and squeezed them together, tightly. Jimmy gripped the blanket harder and gasped at the pressure around his cock that those strong legs created.

“Fuck...” The curse escaped his mouth before he could help it and was immediately reprimanded by a quick, sharp slap to his backside that drew another little sound out from between his lips.

Robert did it again, and again, several times, then he switched to the other cheek, giving it the same treatment until his whole backside felt all warm and Jimmy found himself giggling into the blanket.

“Well at least you’re having fun.” Robert said, amused, his hand resting idly now. He stopped squeezing Jimmy’s cock between his legs to give him a break.

“I was just thinking... this is the first time you got all of my cheeks all red... my face and the ones back there.” Jimmy laughed and wiggled his feet up in the air as he giggled again. Robert threw his head back and laughed as well. 

“You’re unbelievable.” He sighed, running his other hand through Jimmy’s hair gently, tugging lightly to turn his head to the side so he could see his face. “Ah... you’re right, though, you’re all red... why are you blushing so much, you wanted me to do this, baby...” He grinned. 

“Hmm, maybe because I’m embarrassed by how hard this made me...?” Jimmy mused, batting his eyelashes. “It didn’t do anything to you.” He added, wiggling sideways a bit to check again, but no, Robert wasn’t affected at all. 

“I... uhm... that’s just because I was worried.” Robert admitted. “I wasn’t sure if this was a good idea, I was worried about you... but... well, you obviously enjoyed it and I’m so glad you did.” He said. Jimmy slowly sat up and straddled his husband, wrapping his arms around his neck.

“Don’t worry about me, Daddy...” He cooed and kissed him gently. Robert immediately kissed him back and pulled him closer. “Do you feel how much I liked that? I’m fine...” He reassured him, slowly rolling his hips against the other man’s. 

“Hmmhm, I do feel that... oh, my beautiful little angel.” Robert sighed and began caressing Jimmy’s body once more, leaning in to kiss his neck. 

“Wouldn’t you like to get out of that suit?” Jimmy asked. As much as he’d enjoyed being naked while Robert was dressed, he wanted to feel his skin on his own now. 

“I do... but...” Robert paused to grin at him. “You said you wanted to get into that jacuzzi, but it was too cold... how about I go out there and get everything started and you can snuggle under the blankets until then, and when it’s all ready, you can jump right in.” He suggested. “I’ll make it nice and hot so we won’t be cold, I promise.” 

“Hmmm, ok...” Jimmy grinned and nodded after contemplating it for a second. He had half a mind to say no and continue what they’d started, but drawing this out and making it last longer seemed even more enticing to him.

He got off of Robert’s lap again and rolled onto the bed, taking the blanket with him and cocooning himself in it like a burrito or a caterpillar. Robert laughed at that and got up. He briefly went to the bathroom and came back with a fluffy dark blue robe and a hair tie that he put on the bed. 

“Put this on before you come outside and put your hair up.” He said, then went to prepare the jacuzzi. He started to fill the tub with hot water, then came back inside and came over to peck Jimmy’s lips. “I’ll be right back.” He said.

“Wait, what? You’re really going to leave me here, hard and naked?” Jimmy asked in disbelief, pouting.

“Yes, I am.” Robert chuckled. “I’m a patient man.” He added, then left the room. Jimmy shook his head, one day, Robert was going to kill him, he could be patient indeed, at least if he knew he was getting some, later. He snuggled into the pillows and closed his eyes briefly, daydreaming and imagining what they were going to do in just a few minutes, until he heard the door open again. Robert came back with a bottle of champagne, a bowl of fresh strawberries, whipped cream and a box of chocolates. Jimmy raised an eyebrow and sat up. 

“You really do want to spoil me, huh?” He asked, licking his lips. 

“Oh yes. Since this is our last day of pure luxury, we might as well enjoy it properly.” Robert said and took all the things he brought outside, grabbing a pair of champagne glasses first. He put everything on the edge of the jacuzzi and came back inside, starting to take off his suit. Jimmy watched him unashamedly and pouted a little when Robert also put on a blue robe. He quickly disentangled himself from his blanket and slipped into his own, then followed Robert outside. He gasped in shock at how cold the air outside was, it was literally freezing and he shivered, despite the thick robe. 

He watched in amazement as Robert just dropped his and quickly went into the steaming hot tub as if it wasn’t a big deal.

“The longer you stand there, the colder you’ll get. Come on!” The older man prompted and Jimmy took a deep breath, went as close to the tub as he could, dropped his robe, squealed loudly at how cold it was, and quickly went in. “Don’t get your hair wet.” Robert advised and Jimmy sighed at how good the hot water felt. He sat down so the water covered him all the way up to his shoulders and watched as Robert poured each of them a glass of champagne, then passed one of them to Jimmy. 

“Thank you...” Jimmy said as he accepted the glass and Robert smiled at him, then motioned for him to come closer.

“Come, sit between my legs.” He said and the younger man complied immediately, sitting between Robert’s legs and leaning back against his chest with a happy little sigh. He rested his head on the older man’s shoulder and tilted his head to peck his cheek. 

“This is perfect... thank you for this wonderful evening... for everything.” He whispered.

“You don’t have to thank me, baby boy... I just want to see you happy... enjoying yourself... having a good time.” Robert said. 

“Oh I most definitely am...” Jimmy grinned and reached out to take a strawberry from the bowl on the edge of the jacuzzi, dipped it into the cream and ate it. Robert’s free hand came to rest on his chest as he held him close. “You have no idea how hot that was, what we just did... and how you made me feel.” He whispered and Robert chuckled. 

“I have *some* idea, kitten... I could feel it.” He said in a low voice and Jimmy shivered. “I’m surprised, you know... you went from needing to be in control, completely... to giving it all up like that... that’s a lot of trust you’re showing me.”

“Hmm... angel? Kitten? You keep coming up with cuter endearments for me... I love that.” Jimmy sighed happily. “Well... you know that I trust you with my life. That came very easily to me. I no longer mind being vulnerable with you.” He admitted. It was true. He hadn’t even been worried that it would cause any sort of negative reaction in him because he knew it wouldn’t. Because it was Robert. He felt the other man take a deep breath and hold him a little tighter, then he nuzzled his neck.

“That means a lot to me.” He said. “Thank you.” He added and Jimmy covered his hand, that was resting on his chest, with his own briefly, giving it a gentle squeeze. Then he gasped as he looked up towards the sky. He hadn’t noticed it until now, but the sky was alight with thousands of stars. He’d never seen that before.

“Oh my god, look! I had no idea there were so many stars!” He whispered in awe. “Why does the sky look so different here than it does at home??” He asked and Robert chuckled.

“It doesn’t, not really. It’s the same sky... but back home, in the big city, you can’t really see all those stars because of light pollution. There isn’t any of that out here, of course.” He explained and reached over to press a button on the edge of the jacuzzi that dimmed the light on their little balcony a little more. “That’s the milky way up there.”

Jimmy could only stare at the stripe of thousands of silvery, glittering stars up above with wide eyes. Of course he’d seen pictures, but he thought they were all photoshopped to hell and back. Seeing it with his own two eyes was a completely different thing, it made him feel very small and insignificant, but full of awe at the same time. Right now he thought this was even more beautiful than the northern lights they had seen back in Reykjavik.

“The milky way...” He whispered. “That’s a whole galaxy up there, with billions of stars and planets. Do you think there’s aliens out there?”

“Hmm, probably. That’s just one galaxy. There’s countless more out there. We have no idea what’s out there, really. I’d be very surprised if there was no other life in this universe but us.” Robert answered. He sounded a little amused at how awed Jimmy was and the younger man pouted.

“Hey... don’t make fun of me... I’ve never seen this before.” He said and Robert leaned in to peck his cheek.

“Neither have I, baby. Not like this.” He whispered gently. “I’m not making fun of you. You’re just so adorable and excited about everything, it’s just... it’s pure joy to watch you. I’m just so happy I get to experience all of this with you.”

“If you had told me, two years ago, that today, I’d be lying in a jacuzzi on a cruise ship, in my husband’s arms, sipping champagne and looking at the stars... I would have laughed so hard I would’ve cracked a rib.” Jimmy sighed.

“Hmmmhm... and if I had told you that you’d call me Daddy and ask me to spank you, you would have punched me.” Robert said with a grin. Jimmy fought back a blush and laughed.

“Yes, I definitely would have. Then I would have ran away screaming bloody murder.” He shook his head in disbelief. The older man laughed again and nuzzled his neck, sighing happily. Jimmy reached out to pick one of the chocolates from the box and offered it to his husband, who accepted it eagerly, but not without kissing his fingers first. Jimmy took another one and put it in his mouth, then made a surprised but pleased sound when he bit down and his mouth was filled with liquor. “Oh, these are good.” He grinned. 

“I’m glad you like them, my love...” Robert purred into his ear and kissed his neck again, making the younger man shiver pleasantly. “Are you happy?” He then asked.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been happier.” Jimmy said seriously, then he turned his head a little more to look at his husband thoughtfully. “Are you happy? Is there anything I can do to make you happy, or happier?” He asked, but Robert shook his head quickly.

“I’m perfectly happy, too, little one.” He said with a smile. Jimmy looked down at Robert’s hand on his chest and took it into his own, briefly fiddling with his wedding band. He chewed his lower lip worriedly. “What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours? I can almost hear the wheels turning.” Robert asked in amusement. 

“I was just wondering...” Jimmy started, then sighed. “Do you sometimes miss being with a girl?” He asked. He felt Robert take a deep breath and sigh heavily.

“Please tell me you don’t buy into that stupid, biphobic belief that bisexual people can’t be faithful, that we can’t be monogamous...” He said. He sounded disappointed and Jimmy immediately felt bad for asking. 

“No! No, it’s not that... I trust you, I know you love me and you wouldn’t cheat on me!” He said quickly. “I just thought... maybe... you miss being with a girl sometimes, I mean, it is different than being with me and I bet it’s really nice, too, so I... I don’t know. I just want you to be as happy as possible, I want you to have everything you need. I’d let you sleep with someone else, if you want to.” He said in a small voice. 

“Jimmy, baby... look at me.” Robert said gently and Jimmy turned his head again, blinking up at the older man. “I am not at all interested in sleeping with anybody but you. Not even a little bit.” He leaned in to kiss Jimmy gently and the brunette eagerly returned the kiss, glad that Robert wasn’t mad at him. 

“I’m sorry if that question upset you... I didn’t mean to make you mad, Daddy.” He whispered. The blonde smiled.

“You didn’t. Not really. It’s ok, kitten.” He answered and tightened his arms around Jimmy’s body a little. “Are you... curious, about girls, I mean? I kind of... well, snatched you away from everyone else before you could even... I don’t know, experiment, figure it all out.” Jimmy thought about it for a moment. He had to admit that there was a certain curiosity, but just like Robert, he’d never cheat, he’d never want to hurt his husband, but he had had certain thoughts, especially once he made some female friends, quite recently.

“Not really? I mean, I guess, a little... I’ve thought about what it would be like to be with a girl... what her body would feel like, what she would smell like... taste like...” He admitted, blushing a little again. “But really, all I want is you. Always. All the time. It’s all about you. I’m absolutely crazy about you. Sometimes, you’re all I can think about.” 

“Is that so?” Robert purred as he smiled and kissed Jimmy’s neck again, sending more sparks of pleasure through his body that only intensified when the hand he’d been rest on his chest started slowly sneaking downwards, lower and lower, teasingly slowly until he finally wrapped it around Jimmy’s cock. He had already started to get hard again as soon as Robert’s lips had touched his neck and he melted into the other man’s embrace with a little sigh as he closed his eyes. 

“Yes... you make me so horny all day long... I want to be with you, I want to touch you, I want to feel your hands on my body all the fucking time... you drive me crazy.” Jimmy whispered and turned his head to kiss along Robert’s jaw until he could capture his lips in a searing kiss. He knew, of course, how much the older man loved hearing that. 

Robert kissed him back but forced him to slow it down, turning it into a sensual kiss that made Jimmy’s head spin. When Robert’s other hand found one of his nipples and pinched it, then teased it lightly, he arched his back and moaned into the kiss, making the other man smile. He stopped stroking his cock for a moment.

“Shhh... Daddy’s gonna make you feel so, so good, but you have to be very, very quiet... there’s people on the balcony right below ours, can you hear them?” He whispered into his ear and Jimmy almost made another sound, the way Robert was talking to him turned him on to no end. He listened for a moment, and indeed, he could faintly make out the voices of the people on the other balcony, then he nodded. 

“Ok... I’ll be good.” He whispered back and shot the older man a little smile that quickly turned into an open-mouthed gasp as Robert started moving his hand again. He arched his back a little more and turned his head even more so he could hide his face in the crook of Robert’s neck to muffle his little sighs and gasps. 

He wasn’t usually very vocal, but now that he wasn’t allowed to make a sound, it was about a million times harder to stay quiet than usually. He quickly put the champagne glass down on the edge of the tub to avoid breaking it, he already had a deathgrip on it. With one hand, he gripped onto Robert’s arm that he kept around his chest, the other hand moved to the other man’s jaw to move his head down to kiss him again. 

When he started playing with his nipple again and moving his hand faster up and down his cock, Jimmy couldn’t help but whine quietly.

“Daddy, stop... I’m gonna come, please stop.” He whispered frantically and Robert stopped immediately, removing his hands.

“But... don’t you want to?” He asked, slightly confused. Jimmy shook his head. 

“No... I mean, I do, but not in here... I don’t wanna soil the water.” He answered, looking down. He felt a little embarrassed, he feared he was being weird or that he was ruining the mood, but Robert just smiled at him and rested his head against Jimmy’s gently.

“Ah. It’s ok, I understand.” He said and wrapped both of his arms around Jimmy’s chest, holding him close. “Would you like to move this inside...?” Robert then asked tentatively. Jimmy nodded eagerly.

“Yes, please. I’d love to.” He said. Robert let go of him and waited for him to get up, but Jimmy pouted. “How are we going to get out of here without freezing to death?” He asked and the older man grinned.

“Grab your robe, wrap it around yourself and make a run for the cabin?” He suggested, then his grin turned almost evil as he pulled the plug of the tub. Jimmy felt the water starting to drain and his eyes widened. He squealed when the water drained enough to bare his shoulders, then his chest, and he quickly got up, squealing even louder as the cold air hit his wet, heated body. He grabbed his robe, wrapped it around his shivering body and dashed into the cabin, quickly throwing himself into bed and wrapping the blanket around himself to get warm again. 

He watched as Robert left the tub in a much more dignified manner before joining him in their cabin. He toweled himself dry before getting into bed as well, pulling a still shivering Jimmy into his embrace. The younger man pouted at him. 

“That was *mean*, Daddy.” He said, but snuggled into the blonde’s arms nevertheless. 

“Aww, I’m sorry, my little angel... let’s see if I can make it up to you... I’ll have to warm you up again.” The other man said and Jimmy melted into the mattress when he covered his body and kissed his neck, letting him feel his weight on top of him. He then pulled back again a little to smirk down at his younger husband who raised an eyebrow at him as he wondered what he was up to.

Jimmy actually shreaked when Robert started tickling him mercilessly. He laughed and twitched and tried to twist away from the other’s quick fingers, he tried to fight him off but of course, Robert was much stronger than him and quickly pinned him down, then tickled him again. He continued until Jimmy was panting, until he could hardly breathe anymore. He just kept him pinned down by the wrists, letting him catch his breath as he grinned down at him. 

“What... the... fuck.” Jimmy managed to gasp out after a few seconds, glaring up at the older man. Despite everything, he found himself still very much hard and aroused, maybe even more so than before the vicious attack.

“Language.” Robert warned, amused. “You’re warmer now, aren’t you?” He asked, almost innocently and Jimmy shot him another glare and tried to move his arms, to no avail, the other man was stronger and held them. It only made him harder.

“Fair enough.” He grumbled, he couldn’t help but admit it, he was a lot warmer now than before, but then he pouted. “Why are you being so mean to me, don’t you love me anymore?” He asked in the cutest voice he could manage right now. Of course, he was only playing, he had thoroughly enjoyed being handled more roughly, being tickled, but a brief look of worry crossed Robert’s face. He feared he’d gone too far, but then he caught on and smiled at the younger man.

“I do. Do you want me to show you how much I love you, angel?” He whispered and slowly released his hold on Jimmy’s wrists. The brunette had half a mind to grab him, flip him over and tickle the hell out of him in turn, but the way Robert had whispered those words made him bite his lip and nod mutely instead, curious to see what his husband was going to do next. He kept his arms up where Robert had put them, his hands resting idly next to his face.

The older man leaned down and kissed him, so gently and sweetly, in such contrast to how he’d just manhandled Jimmy. He started kissing him everywhere, starting with his jaw and neck, along his collarbone, even his armpits, then up his arms, his hands, then back down again, his chest, his sides, his belly, his hips, his thighs, his legs almost all the way down to his feet before he came back up. It was like he was pouring all the love he felt into each and every kiss and caress and Jimmy could feel it. He felt that Robert loved each and every part of him and it almost made him emotional, the way he was treating him, worshipping his whole, entire body.

“I love you that much, too, Daddy.” He whispered when Robert came back up to kiss his lips once more. It made the older man smile widely. Jimmy reached up to cup his cheeks and pull him down for another long, deep kiss. “Will you make love to me?” 

“Hmm, I was thinking, we should switch it up a little...” Robert purred. Jimmy blinked in surprise before it dawned on him what that meant.

“Oh. Oh! Can we still do that?” He asked insecurely and the other man frowned briefly. 

“Why wouldn’t we? Nothing changed. You still like it, don’t you?” He asked. 

“What? Of course! Fuck, of course I do... I just thought that now... now that we *can* do it the proper way ‘round...” He trailed off and shrugged. If he was honest, the thought of being inside Robert again excited him a lot and he really wanted it. 

“There is no right or wrong way, sweet baby...” Robert cooed. “Whatever feels good to us is right, remember?” Jimmy smiled at that and nodded.

“Yeah... you’re right. I want you, so badly.” He said and kissed his husband heatedly, then he paused. “I... probably won’t last long... it got so sensitive. But I’ll do my best.” He admitted, flushing bright red at the admission as he looked down at his hard, swollen, throbbing cock. Every little touch to it sent such intense sparks of pleasure through his body, he thought he was losing his mind. Robert chuckled.

“I know and I promise I won’t mind.” Robert promised before getting up and getting the little bottle of lube they’d taken along. “Just relax and enjoy, love...”

Jimmy made to get up to let Robert lie down instead, but the other man shook his head, making him stay right where he was. He came to straddle Jimmy again and the younger man bit his lip. They’d never done it that way, with Robert on top, and he thought it was hot as hell. He watched the blonde open the lid of the bottle and squirt some lube on his hand. The bottle made a farting sound that had both of them laughing.

“Sounds like we need to stop by a drugstore or something...” Jimmy said, amused. Robert shot him a grin and nodded, then tossed the empty bottle somewhere towards the far end of the bed. 

“It’s just enough for this time... after this, we’ll have to make do until we make it to a store...” He said before starting to gently lube up Jimmy’s cock. The younger man had to close his eyes and think of something else briefly to avoid embarrassing himself right there and then. He tried to think of something that would turn him off, disgust him a bit, even, but not too much, either. Luckily Robert only did what was necessary, then he stopped touching him again. 

He scooted closer and slowly guided Jimmy’s cock inside him, sinking down carefully. The younger man cursed and gasped, grabbing the sheets underneath him. He still avoided watching Robert, for now, seeing him would have been too much.

“Fuck... why are you so... goddamn... tight??” He asked, holding on to the sheet for dear life. When he finally looked up at the other man, Robert just smirked knowingly and slowly leaned down to kiss him. Jimmy moaned as the change in position just made him feel even tighter.

“Don’t tell me... you’re not... enjoying it.” Robert whispered in between quick, heated kisses and Jimmy finally let go of the sheet to reach up and caress his husband’s chest.

“Oh, I so am.” He answered. Now that the edge was taken off, he relaxed a little. Being so very close to his husband felt amazing and he wanted this to last forever, it felt so good. He moved his hips a little, just a tiny thrust upwards, and Robert made a surprised sound, he hadn’t expected Jimmy to move. “What? Just because you’re on top doesn’t mean I can’t fuck you.” The brunette grinned cheekily and did it again, a little harder this time. 

“Ah... yes... keep doing that...” Robert said huskily.

“You like that? Does it feel good? Am I making you feel good, Daddy?” Jimmy babbled, mostly to distract himself a little, also because he knew Robert was into that. He propped one foot up a little for leverage and thrust again.

“Yeah... yeah, you’re making me feel very good, baby boy... so good.” The blonde answered and Jimmy grabbed a strand of his hair to pull him into a heated, open mouthed kiss before Robert nuzzled his neck and kissed it, nipping at it gently as well. Jimmy gasped and moaned, he wasn’t going to last long like this, so he gently pushed against Robert’s shoulder again.

“Sit up, I wanna touch you...” He said breathlessly and Robert did so, slowly sitting up and leaning back, propping himself up with his hands behind himself. Jimmy watched in awe as he started riding him, the way he moved was mesmerizing, he was so gorgeous, strong muscles rippling underneath his golden skin with every fluent move. He looked absolutely god-like and Jimmy couldn’t stop staring at him in amazement.

He gently ran his hands up Robert’s muscular thighs, across his hips and up his stomach, caressed his strong chest briefly before dropping down again. He rested one of his hands on his hip to guide his movements a little, the other one he gently wrapped around his cock, stroking him rhythmically. 

The sounds Robert started to make every time his hips came down or every time Jimmy’s hand rubbed that particularly sensitive spot on his cock almost threw the younger man over the edge and he had to quickly think of something else again, just to last a little bit longer. Robert was enjoying himself so much and he just couldn’t bear disappointing him. 

The blonde truly let go then, moving faster and riding him with almost reckless abandon, getting louder and louder, not caring whatsoever that other passengers of the ship might hear him. Jimmy almost forgot about his own predicament as he watched in awe, he had never seen Robert like that before, he was unbelievably hot. 

His cries became more and more desperate and Jimmy tightened his hand around his cock, stroking him faster, he needed him to come soon. He did, quite messily at that, loudly moaning Jimmy’s name as well as various endearments. Jimmy threw his head back into the pillows as he finally allowed himself to let go as well, gripping Robert’s hips tightly. The other man let him ride it out before he carefully raised himself and dropped on the bed next to him. Jimmy slowly turned his head to look at him.

“You really had some nerve to tell me to be quiet, earlier...” He said, still a little out of breath. Robert gave him a sheepish grin.

“Sorry. It felt really, really good.” He said in his defense and rolled on his side to look at his husband. 

“I’m pretty sure the entire ship heard you.” The brunette said smugly. 

“You have no notion of how big this ship is, do you?” Robert asked. “Either way, I don’t care, because I just had amazing sex and they didn’t.” He then grinned, equally smugly. 

“Fair enough.” Jimmy chuckled, then he sighed heavily. Everything that had happened throughout that day came rushing back to him, he’d momentarily forgotten about it in the heat of the moment. He felt how incredibly drained he was. 

“Are you alright, baby love?” Robert asked worriedly and pulled him into his arms. Jimmy snuggled close to him and nodded.

“I’m ok. I’m just... so very exhausted. What a day.” He sighed. “I mean, think about it... we started the day with awesome, kinky sex, then we flung ourselves off of a fucking cliff, bloody hell... then we got on this amazing, huge ass ship and had some more awesome sex... and apparently, I’m calling you Daddy now.” He summarized the events of the day and his head started spinning again. Robert chuckled and kissed his forehead soothingly. 

“You’re right, that’s a lot to process.” He admitted. “I promise we’ll be taking it easy from now on... you know, just enjoying each other’s company and seeing new things, at our own pace.”

“That sounds... absolutely wonderful.” Jimmy said, interrupted by a yawn. 

“You haven’t even had a chance to talk to Jenny about this new thing between us, have you?” Robert asked and Jimmy shook his head.

“No. I haven’t. Should I, though?” He asked. Robert nodded.

“Absolutely. It might be important.” He said. 

“I don’t know... I feel kinda bad that I tell her so much about... you know.” He trailed off and shrugged.

“You don’t have to feel bad about it, Jimmy. You know I’m fine with it and you don’t have to tell her everything we did today, that can be our little secret... just tell her about this new thing and about how it makes you feel.” Robert advised.

“I don’t even know how it makes me feel. It makes me feel... a lot, right now.” Jimmy admitted with a chuckle. “I’ll have to figure that out first.”

“Maybe she can help you figure it out.” The blonde said, caressing his hair gently, soothingly. It made Jimmy even more sleepy. 

“Yeah... maybe...” He whispered and yawned again. He nuzzled Robert’s chest and smiled. “Night night, Daddy...” He said, knowing he wouldn’t be able to stay awake any longer. 

“Night night, baby... sweet dreams.” The older man answered and kissed his forehead again. Before he knew it, Jimmy was out like a light.


	16. 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another day aboard the ship! Robert and Jimmy have a talk with Jimmy's therapist Jenny.

A sound woke Jimmy up somewhere towards the middle of the night. He opened his eyes to see what it was, but he couldn’t make out anything in the dark, then he noticed that the ship was swaying a lot more than it had been when they had gone to sleep a few hours earlier.

He was still in Robert’s arms, warm and secure, but he felt uneasy with how much the ship was now moving. He was surprised they didn’t just roll out of bed. When he heard a loud, crunching sound, he whimpered and held on to the older man tightly.

“Shh, it’s alright, little one, you’re safe.” Robert cooed, having noticed the younger man’s fear. 

“What’s that sound, it sound awful... it’s so scary.” Jimmy whispered, tightening his hold on Robert and snuggling closer. The crunching and groaning sounds grew louder and he trembled a little. The blonde held him closer and rubbed his back soothingly.

“It’s just the ship breaking through the ice. It’s fine, I promise you’re perfectly safe.” Robert explained. Jimmy hid his face against the other’s chest and tried to relax, but he was scared. When the ship started swaying even more and loud, banging sounds started to accompany the crunching, he almost felt like crying. “There’s a storm, that’s just ice floes crashing against the hull of the ship.” 

“I’m so scared.” He admitted and pulled the blanket over his head a little. He felt bad for being so ridiculous, but he just couldn’t help it, the strange, new sounds terrified him.

“Shh, you don’t have to be, it’s alright. This ship was made for this, it’s ok.” Robert tried to soothe him, but it took Jimmy quite a while to get used to it. He closed his eyes and focused on the other man, feeling his body against his own, his warmth, his scent, his breathing, and that finally helped him calm down a little. 

Then, Robert started to caress his hair soothingly and he gently hummed a soft tune in that soothing voice of his. Jimmy couldn’t help but smile and hold on to him even more tightly, he loved him so much and he was so grateful. 

“Thank you, Daddy...” He whispered sleepily once the blonde had stopped singing to him soothingly and he felt like he could fall asleep again. 

“I love you, my little one.” Robert cooed and kissed his forehead once more.

“Love you, too...” Jimmy answered happily and closed his eyes again. Sleep came easily enough now that he’d gotten used to the motion and the sounds.

The next time he woke up, the sun had risen already and he was sprawled out all over Robert, who had rolled on his back. He blinked sleepily and looked up at the other man who was already awake, watching him with an amused look in his eyes.

“Good morning, sleepyhead.” He said gently and Jimmy rubbed his cheek against his chest happily. Oh how he loved that low, rumbly morning voice his husband got.

“Morning.” He said, resting his head on Robert’s chest and sighing. “Is the storm over?”

“Hmmmhm. Look, it’s all peaceful.” The blonde said, nodding towards the giant windows of the cabin. Jimmy opened his eyes and indeed, all he saw towards the horizon was calm water with the occasional piece of ice floating on it. 

Jimmy sighed and stretched as he sat up. Immediately, he noticed something was off and he grimaced. They hadn’t bothered to wash up after last night’s activities and Robert’s come had dried on his chest and belly. 

“Oh bloody hell...” He groaned. “That’s gonna be a bitch to get off.” He complained and pouted.

“Oh. Oops. Sorry.” Robert grimaced in sympathy. “I guess we were too exhausted to care last night...”

“Yeah...” Jimmy sighed. “Sometimes I wished sex was less messy.” 

“We just have to remember to keep wipes around next time.” Robert said. “Let’s get into the shower so we can go have breakfast. I’m starved...” 

“Ok. Me too.” Jimmy said cutely. “Do I have to put on a suit for breakfast?” He then asked with another pout. Robert laughed and shook his head.

“No, baby, you don’t. We’ll go to one of the more casual restaurants for breakfast.” He said gently. “Also... it’s breakfast. Not dinner. That’s different.” He explained and Jimmy just shrugged. He didn’t much care for the technicalities of it all, he was just glad he wouldn’t have to put on a suit again. He got out of bed and went to the bathroom, swaying his hips seductively for his husband until he tripped over his own feet and stumbled into the bathroom. 

“Oh, shut up!” He called when he heard Robert laughing loudly at his clumsiness, his face was burning with shame. He wanted to be sexy, pretty and tempting, not clumsy and awkward. He sighed and started the shower, pleasantly surprised by the water being warm right away, and began washing off the traces of last night’s fun with a soapy sponge. The older man soon joined him, stepping into the shower and wrapping his arms around him from behind.

“I’m sorry I laughed at you... you didn’t hurt yourself, did you?” He asked and Jimmy shook his head.

“No...” He said and pouted again. “I wanted to look nice for you, I wanted to be sexy.” He said and turned around to look up at his husband. Robert smiled and raised his hand to remove a few strands of wet hair that were clinging to Jimmy’s face. 

“You are, sweet baby.” He cooed. “You always are, even when you’re clumsy. It just makes you even more adorable.” He chuckled. Jimmy rolled his eyes.

“I hate it. What’s the use having a body like this when you don’t even know how to use it?” He huffed. He didn’t mean to be vain or conceited, but he did think he had a pretty nice body. This time, Robert laughed.

“I think you know very well how to use it.” He chuckled and gave the younger man a little wink that made him blush. He leaned against the other man and allowed him to wash his body gently, everywhere. It felt incredibly intimate and comforting and Jimmy loved it. He then took the bottle of body wash and did the same for his husband. They enjoyed the shower just a little longer, just holding each other, before getting out to get dressed.

Breakfast was indeed a lot more enjoyable for Jimmy than dinner had been. The restaurant was amazing, it was on one of the highest decks of the ship and they had a lovely spot right by the huge window and Jimmy loved gazing out at the ocean as they ate and talked. After breakfast, they went back to their suite, the ship was going to take a few more hours to reach their destination after all. 

“Daddy? I want to call Jenny, but I’d like you to be there, too. It’d help if we could both talk to her.” Jimmy said as they sat snuggled on the sofa in their suite. 

“Oh? Are you sure?” He asked. He seemed a little surprised and fair enough, Jimmy had never asked for that before. He gave the blonde a smile and nodded.

“Yes. Please?” He asked.

“Of course, love, if you want me to, I’ll be there. I’ll just have to make a quick phone call, myself, I need to call my assistant. I’ve talked to him a little yesterday and asked him to contact the people that are selling that farm, I wanna know how it went.” He explained.

“Sure, go ahead.” Jimmy agreed. The call didn’t take long at all and Robert seemed very pleased when he ended it.

“Well... that farm is as good as ours.” He said and Jimmy gasped.

“Really? You bought it?” He asked excitedly. He was relieved that it didn’t make him feel bad at all, anymore. 

“Well, technically, no. They do need my actual signature on the contract, but we’ll do that as soon as we get home. But they agreed to sell it to me. To us.” Robert explained.

“That’s wonderful. I’m so happy, I can’t wait to see it.” Jimmy sighed and hugged his husband tightly. 

“Really? Then I can’t wait to show you.” The blonde chuckled and cuddled him in turn. “Now, shall we do this?” 

“Yeah... it might be a little awkward, I’m not gonna lie...” Jimmy sighed as he reached for his phone. 

“That’s ok.” Robert shrugged. “At least I know Jenny and she’s cool, it’s gonna be fine.” Jimmy smiled at him and set his phone up on the little table in front of the sofa. The ship, to Jimmy’s surprise, had excellent wifi, so he opted for a video call, it’d be less awkward to see her face.

“My boys! Good morning!” She greeted them cheerfully. Her blue hair was messier than ever, she was wearing a yellow sweatshirt that was incredibly big on her and no pants. She appeared to be sitting on her bed, a large mug of coffee in her hand. Jimmy couldn’t help but smile, it felt like talking to a friend, not just a therapist.

“Morning Jenny! How are you?” He asked. Robert greeted her as well, waving at the camera.

“Oh I’m good! How about you, how are you holding up?” She asked.

“Oh, we’re... great. We’re on a cruise ship right now, on our way to Greenland.” Jimmy breathed, smiling at her widely. “We had a few lovely days in Iceland, I saw the ocean for the first time, I saw a geyser, we spent a wonderful morning at the blue lagoon, we threw ourselves off a cliff....” He said excitedly. Jenny squealed.

“No you didn’t!! You’re taking the piss!” She said, bouncing up and down on her bed. “Really?? Bungee jumping? You?? My little scaredy cat??”

“Yeah! Can you believe that?? I was so fucking scared, I couldn’t even scream. I just held on to Robert for dear life.” Jimmy laughed at the memory. 

“He almost didn’t do it, but I somehow managed to persuade him.” Robert chuckled. “It was amazing.”

“It really was... I’ll never forget that feeling, I felt so free. I felt like I could do anything, afterwards!” Jimmy quipped.

“That does some amazing. Did it last, that feeling, I mean?” She asked with a smile and Jimmy thought about it for a moment.

“Actually, yes. I feel like I won’t be as scared to try new things anymore from now on.” He said. “Last night, there was a storm and the ship was swaying really badly, there was pieces of ice crashing against the hull and all that... I was really scared, but I calmed down a lot more quickly than I would have a few weeks ago, I think. Robert helped, though.” 

“Would you have been able to calm yourself down without him?” Jenny asked. 

“I... yes. I think so.” Jimmy answered.

“Good. That’s important. Robert can’t be with you 24/7.” She reminded him and he nodded thoughtfully. He was pretty sure he could have talked himself out of his fear even without Robert.

“You’re right. I know that.” He said and smiled at Robert. “But it is good when he’s there, it’s a lot easier.”

“He is your anchor, quite literally, hm?” Jenny smiled. 

“Yeah...” Jimmy breathed. “Listen, something else happened...” He started.

“Oh...? You didn’t fight again, did you?” She asked worriedly. Jimmy shook his head and chewed his lower lip worriedly. He didn’t know how to start talking about this. “Come on, Jimmy, stop beating around the bush, what is it?” She prompted.

“Well, we didn’t fight... on the contrary... I think we just got even closer.” Jimmy said. “I... uhm... I... we...” He stammered. 

“He calls me Daddy now.” Robert said, growing impatient with him. Jimmy squealed and hid his reddening face behind his hands. Jenny laughed.

“Oh! Why am I not surprised? That is so wonderful, guys.” She said and the brunette looked up at the screen of the phone in surprise. He hadn’t expected that. “What? Did you think I’d be mad and tell you that it’s not good for you or something?” She asked. 

“Well... kind of, sort of, yes...” Jimmy said lamely, still blinking at her in disbelief. She sighed and leaned closer towards her computer.

“Look. I actually wrote my thesis about this subject! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it, Jimmy. There’s nothing incestious or pedophiliac about it. It has nothing to do with that at all. What it’s about is a strong connection, love, trust, warmth...” She said gently.

“I... I had no idea you wrote about it... can I read your thesis?” Jimmy asked curiously. Jenny laughed.

“Sure, I’ll send you a copy if you wanna read a boring scientific paper.” She said.

“It can’t be boring if you wrote it.” Jimmy said with a smile. “What did you mean when you said you’re not surprised?”

“Well, don’t get me wrong, but I probably knew about this before the two of you knew!” She said and Robert laughed. Jimmy glanced at him, then pouted.

“How come?? I don’t understand.” He said. 

“I don’t know your husband as well as I know you, but I do know he is a very loving, gentle, protective, nurturing person. The perfect Daddy, wouldn’t you agree?” She said. Jimmy blushed and nodded while Robert had the decency to look slightly flattered. 

“Yeah... I definitely would.” Jimmy agreed and squeezed Robert’s hand. 

“With you... I kind had a feeling that you could be a little, but I wasn’t entirely sure, because you also have such a strong urge to be independent and that doesn’t quite go with the whole thing.” Jenny explained. “But there are, of course, ways to combine one thing with the other. You thrive when you have someone to come home to, someone who takes care of you, holds you, makes you feel safe, but you also need to do your own thing, have your own interests, make your own money. I think the two of you worked that out really well, if we ignore a few bumps along the road.” She winked. 

“I think you’re right.” Robert said, immediately realizing just which ‘bumps’ she meant. “Ever since we started this, Jimmy seems a lot more comfortable with me buying stuff for him.” 

“Ah, I see, so you’re also using it to cope with something that used to make you feel very uncomfortable.” Jenny nodded. “That’s interesting.”

“He basically just bought us a house in the countryside and I asked him to buy me a jacuzzi for the terrace.” Jimmy admitted, hiding his face again. “I didn’t even feel bad about it!” 

“But that’s good, Jimmy! That’s a good thing! You used to fight about money all the time and now it’s not an issue anymore! Robert obviously doesn’t mind, on the contrary. Embrace it.” Jenny advised. “I had a suspicion this might happen soon when you told me about your wedding night, you know.” She smiled.

“Oh god... we did start there, didn’t we?” Jimmy asked and Robert nodded. 

“I called you a good boy for the first time and I could tell that you really liked it. That’s why I felt confident to take it a step further in the hotel room in Iceland.” Robert explained. Jenny noticed Jimmy trying to hide his face again.

“Jimmy. There’s no need to be ashamed. It’s alright to enjoy the sexual side of it, too.” She said gently. 

“I know... I just... need to get used to it, I guess. It just... sometimes, afterwards, I feel strange about how I behaved. I really like to feel small, physically, even though I’m really not, so I guess... making myself seem younger kinda helps? Is that ok?” He asked. 

“Of course that’s ok. Whatever makes you feel good is ok. Not that it makes a difference, but I’m curious, how much younger do you feel when you get into that headspace?” She asked. Jimmy thought about it for a moment.

“I’m not sure... not all that much, really, I don’t... turn into a kid or something... more like... a teenager, I’d say?” He said thoughtfully. 

“Hmm... so, about 15, maybe?” Jenny prompted and Jimmy frowned.

“Yeah, probably...” He said, wondering what she was hinting at. 

“I think that is a part of the healing process, Jimmy.” She said. “I think you’re regressing back to the age you were right before your parents found out about your sexuality, or you questioning it at least. Before all that shit went down.” She said carefully and Jimmy bit his lower lip again, holding on to Robert’s hand a little more tightly. 

“I think you’re right.” He breathed. 

“It makes sense. It’s a great, safe way of experiencing what it would have been like to get to feel all those things at that age, like teenagers usually do, if that hadn’t been taken away from you.” Jenny said.

“I had no idea that that’s why I’m doing that... that that’s why I like it.” Jimmy whispered.

“It’s probably not the only reason, but it’s one of them. Probably it’s just that it’s really exciting because it’s a little kinky and that makes it very, very sexy and that’s why you like it. That’s more than ok, it doesn’t have to be all that deep.” The blue-haired woman said with a kind smile. 

“Why do you like it?” Jimmy quickly asked Robert, looking up at the other man. Now that he had more of an insight as to why he was so into this, he needed to know what is husband thought. 

“I love taking care of you. I love feeling... needed, that I have a purpose.” He said slowly. “I think I told you this when we first met, you didn’t understand why I wanted to help you and I told you that I’m just like that... and the feeling just grew stronger and stronger the closer we became. Taking care of you makes me happy.”

“I suppose that’s good...” Jimmy said and reached out to caress Robert’s cheek briefly. The blonde smiled at the gentle gesture.

“It is! With all of this, don’t forget that Robert has needs, too. Sure, this one gets fulfilled very easily since it matches up with yours, but there may be others that you need to pay attention to.” Jenny advised. 

“Of course! I’d never forget about that!” Jimmy pouted, slightly offended that she’d even felt the need to remind him. Robert laughed and gave him a quick little cuddle.

“So, are you feeling better about this now that we’ve talked about it? I assure you, you’re perfectly normal, everything is perfectly fine.” Jenny said, slightly amused.

“Yeah... I do feel better about it now. Thank you.” He said. “There’s... something else, though. I, uhm... I asked Robert to spank me. He did.” He blurted out before he could change his mind about it. Jenny actually squealed again.

“Oh my god, Jimmy! You’re really plunging right into the deep end, huh?!” She said excitedly. “How did it go? Did you like it?”

“Uhm. Yes. A lot. I don’t understand why, though. I don’t even understand why I wanted it in the first place and why I felt so good afterwards.” He said, blushing. 

“Catharsis, Jimmy! It’s as simple as that! It’s actually a lot like the bungee jumping, you know. The huge build up and then that incredible release of emotions and then it’s all over and you feel free and light and happy.” She explained. “That’s why you love putting yourself into these really emotionally intense situations and with your husband, you feel safe doing so.” 

“Ah... huh. I love how you have an explanation for everything.” Jimmy said with a little chuckle. He felt relieved that it was so easy. He briefly glanced at the blonde and smiled. “He was so gentle, you know, even when I asked him to do that, he barely even touched me. At first, it almost annoyed me, I wanted him to do it harder, but then it made me feel really warm and loved because he just really doesn’t want to hurt me.”

“Did you feel comfortable doing that, Robert?” She asked and the other man sighed, then shook his head a little.

“Not entirely, at first. I was so worried he’d freak out, get flashbacks or something... but I saw how excited he was about it, so I decided to just go with it... but to be really careful. It worked out pretty well, I guess, seeing his reaction was all the reassurance I needed.” He said and cleared his throat. Jimmy blushed harder and bit his lip. 

“That’s good. You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with, Robert, even if Jimmy asked for it.” Jenny told the older man. 

“I know, I know. I wanted to, I could tell he really wanted me to. I was just really worried that it’d go wrong. I was... afraid that it would remind him of what...” Robert hesitated and glanced at Jimmy, but the younger man gave his hand another little squeeze to show him it was alright. “... of what his father did to him.” He finished and Jimmy looked down. Of course the thought had crossed his mind, but he hadn’t dared to pursue it any further.

“There may well be a connection. Being abused like that, at that age, by someone who’s supposed to love you and care for you, of course that leaves scars. He felt safe asking you to do that because he knew he’s actually loved and cared for with you and you would never actually hurt him.” Jenny nodded and Jimmy groaned.

“So I asked my husband to spank me because my father used to beat me up? That’s all kinds of fucked up because... because... it really fucking turned me on.” He admitted and hid his face behind his hands once more.

“I didn’t say that... I said that it *might* have something to do with it, not that it’s the one, singular reason for it.” Jenny sighed. “It’s alright, Jimmy, you don’t have to be ashamed or embarrassed. It’s great that you enjoyed it, it just shows how much you trust your husband. Trusting other people is difficult as it is, and all the more so after all you’ve been through. It’s wonderful that you can.”

“Well... if that’s my way of dealing with things... there’s another thing I wanted to ask about.” Jimmy said with a sigh. “Remember Charlie? You met him at the wedding.”

“Yes, of course! Very charming lad.” Jenny nodded.

“Well... he used to be just like me, we used to... work together. He’s still a sex worker but... he’s... kind of... moved up in the world. He makes a ton of money now, he doesn’t work on the street anymore. He’s... more of a luxury escort now. Men pay a crap ton of money to spend some time with him, his rates are like 350 pounds an hour or something. He even has a website.” Jimmy explained. 

“I thought something was very different about him from the last time I saw him!” Robert said, surprised. “Good for him!”

“Yeah... he actually likes what he’s doing now. He can be really selective about his clients, he does extensive background checks on them before they meet so he doesn’t run into any creeps, they meet in fancy hotels, it’s really... not a bad job.” Jimmy said, thoughtful. 

“Oh god... please, please don’t tell me you want to do that, too. I couldn’t deal with that.” Robert gasped and Jimmy looked up at him in surprise, then quickly shook his head.

“What?? No! Fuck, no.” He said, shocked. “I don’t, I couldn’t. I was just thinking... since we were talking about safe ways to experience certain things and I was very curious about this... I was wondering what it’d feel like. I was wondering if you’d be up for... roleplaying.” He said in a small voice. “And I wanted to ask Jenny if she thinks it’s safe for me to do that.” 

“Roleplay...? You mean... you want me to pretend to be a client?” Robert asked slowly and Jimmy nodded. “I... oh. Wow. I don’t know if I’m comfortable with that.” 

“You don’t have to do it... I just thought... I’d ask. Because I think it’d help me... getting some closure.” He admitted.

“I don’t think it’s a bad idea at all, Jimmy. Well, as long as Robert is into it, too.” Jenny smiled. “As you said, it’s a safe way of exploring something and If you don’t like it, you can always stop and laugh about it.” 

“In that case... I want to give it a try.” Robert agreed. “I just... please don’t be mad at me if I can’t do it or something. I will be honest with you if I’m not into it at all. It’s a little outside of my comfort zone after all.”

“Yeah, of course! I want you to be honest. If it doesn’t work out, that’s fine.” Jimmy nodded. “So, you think it would be ok to try that?” He asked Jenny again and she nodded.

“Yes, of course. Just listen to yourself, if you feel uncomfortable at any point, just stop.” She said. 

“Ok... thank you, Jenny, you know, for listening.” He said and she laughed.

“It’s my job, sweety! Of course, you’re my favorite patient of them all, so it’s really not a big deal. Also, can I just say how excited I am?? When I wrote my thesis, I never thought I’d actually get to have a patient in a relationship like this! It’s so cool to get to see and analyze it first hand!” She said and this time, Jimmy and Robert laughed.

“Well, we’re glad to be of service, if you have any questions, feel free to call or message us.” Robert said in amusement. 

“Oh I most definitely will, I’ll want to pick your brains once you really settled into this. I might have to write another paper!” She said excitedly. “So, what’s on your agenda next?”

“Well, we’re on our way to Greenland... from there, it’s another day on the ship to Canada... and then we were planning a road trip through Canada and the USA.” Robert explained.

“Oh, that sounds amazing! I am so envious!!” Jenny sighed. “I wish I could do that, too... maybe I will, one day. Well, I hope you have a wonderful time, then... and that everything works out for you.”

“Thank you, again. I’ll call you for our next appointment the day after tomorrow, ok?” Jimmy asked and she nodded.

“It’s a date! See you then!” She said and waved goodbye. Jimmy took his phone and put it away, then snuggled into Robert’s arms. 

“That was... something else.” The blonde sighed. “I had no idea you’d want something like that, especially not after... our fight, back in Wales.”

“I know, I know, it’s crazy... but it would really help me deal with it.” Jimmy admitted. 

“Well, you already know that I’m very much into roleplaying so... I do think I can do it.” Robert chuckled. 

“Thank you...” Jimmy cooed and kissed the other man gently. “I just... want to experience what it’s like to... do that job and still be... I don’t know, appreciated? Valued?” Robert looked at him and caressed his cheek gently.

“Your clients never did, did they?” He asked softly and Jimmy shook his head.

“No. They always thought I was way beneath them... even the ones that were almost as broke as me, even the fat, old and ugly ones...” He sighed and Robert huffed.

“Assholes like that don’t even deserve a second of your time. Someone who doesn’t see sex workers as people doesn’t deserve their time, period.” He said. Jimmy smiled at him.

“Thank you for saying that...” He sighed and nuzzled his chest. “Unfortunately, back then, neither Charlie nor I had the luxury of being able to tell them that...”

“I know... but it’s all over now. You don’t have to deal with them anymore.” Robert said and kissed his forehead. 

“Yes... thanks to you.” Jimmy smiled and closed his eyes as he rested in the other’s arms. 

“Hmm... this is going to take a bit of preparation, if you wanna do it properly.” The blonde then said and Jimmy looked up at him again.

“What do you mean?”

“Well... we’re going to need some time to do it... you know, schedule and appointment and all, so it feels real... we’ll need condoms... well, we need a new bottle of lube anyways, so we can pick some up when we’re buying that...” He explained. 

“I hadn’t thought of that. You’re right.” Jimmy said. Of course they’d need condoms, they couldn’t do it bare if they were roleplaying that fantasy. “Let’s hope we’ll find some that fit you.” He chuckled and Robert shrugged.

“I haven’t used any in a while, but I do know which ones work just fine, no worries.” He said. 

“We should do it in Canada, you did already book a hotel, right?” Jimmy asked.

“I did.” 

“Well... how about this: We take care of the supplies, you check into the hotel, I’ll find a nice little café to sit in and you’ll text me to make an appointment, then we’ll just... go from there.” He suggested.

“Sounds good. Deal.” Robert agreed and kissed him gently. Jimmy smiled to himself, the more he thought about it, the more excited he got, but it’d be a few days before they’d get to actually do it. Greenland first. “Now, would you like to explore this ship a little more? We haven’t even seen half of it!” Robert asked and Jimmy agreed eagerly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a feeling like this story will never end, I still have SO many ideas. Some of them for smut, but MOST of them for fluff! You'll see :)


	17. 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Jimmy explore their cruise ship, spend a night at an ice hotel and visit a sex shop!

They put on their jackets and Jimmy tied his favorite little scarf around his neck in a cute bow, one that Robert had gotten him almost a year ago. He carefully combed his hair, removing all the tangles from last night, and smiled at his reflexion before nodding at his husband, he was ready to go.

“You look adorable, love.” Robert said gently and brushed a stray lock of hair behind Jimmy’s ear. 

“Thank you, Daddy.” He answered with a smile and leaned in to peck the blonde’s lips quickly before opening the door to their cabin. They started exploring the huge ship. Every single deck had something else for them to discover, a pool, a running track, a gym, a cinema, a theater, several clubs and bars, countless restaurants, even a museum and several stores, even a supermarket with fresh produce was on board.

“This is like a swimming city.” Jimmy gasped. “It’s so incredibly huge!”

“It is. It’s magnificent, isn’t it?” Robert agreed.

“Yeah... wow. I can barely believe this is real!” Jimmy said as they entered one of the shops on board of the ship. It was a jewellery store and it had all kinds of beautiful, ancient pieces that Jimmy wanted to see from up close. Each piece of jewellery had, next to the pricetag, a little tag that showed where and when it was made. 

After a while of just admiring the beautiful things he saw, something really caught Jimmy’s eye. A silver bracelet with a big turquoise stone in the center, according to the tag it was from South America and more than a hundred years old. He felt Robert coming up behind him, putting a hand on his waist and peeking across his shoulder, at the bracelet.

“Daddy...? Can I have this...?” He asked in a small voice before he could stop himself. He felt a sinking feeling in his stomach, he couldn’t believe he had actually asked, he hadn’t really meant to, but before he could take it back, he felt Robert nodding and nuzzling his cheek, giving him a little peck.

“Of course, little one. It’s beautiful.” He said softly, gave Jimmy’s cheek another little peck before going to find a shop assistant to buy the bracelet. The younger man watched him, almost in a trance, still in utter disbelief, as he pulled out his wallet and paid for it like it was nothing. The assistant came over to open the display shelf it was in and Robert asked him to extend his arm. Jimmy did, slowly, and Robert took the bracelet and put it on him.

“I... I... thank you.” The brunette found himself stammering as he looked down at it and Robert gave him a little smile. 

“It’s even more beautiful on you.” He said. Jimmy blinked up at him and bit his lip. The assistant left them to it and he sighed.

“I can’t believe I asked you to buy me this. I... it just... slipped out before I could stop myself.” He admitted and looked down at his feet. Robert gently put two fingers underneath his chin to make him look up at him again.

“That’s ok, baby. You know how much I love spoiling you and buying you pretty things.” He said. “It makes me happy. Trust me. It’s ok.” Jimmy looked at him for a moment, then threw his arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. 

“Thank you so much, then... I do love it. So much.” He said, pulling back to look at the gorgeous bracelet once more. “Now I have something else to admire and to remind me of you when you’re not with me.” Robert just smiled at him in response and took his hand gently. They left the store and walked around the ship some more, holding hands. 

Around noon, they found another restaurant to have some lunch, a different one than the one they had dinner at the previous day, and after that they went outside, to the very front, the bow of the ship and in the distance, Jimmy could see they were nearing their destination, Greenland. It took another hour to actually reach it, which they spent on deck, snuggled up together to keep each other warm as they looked out at the ocean and watched as they approached land, before going back to their cabin to retrieve all of their luggage. 

The town they were dropped off at was even smaller than the village they’d spent a day in in Iceland. The houses were small, there didn’t seem to be a lot of people around and it was even colder than it had been back in Iceland. To Jimmy’s surprise, Robert led them to a car that was already waiting for them, with a driver and everything, and off they went.

“Where are we going?” He asked.

“To our hotel.” Robert said with a mysterious smile and Jimmy already knew he wasn’t going to get more information out of the man. He’d still try, of course.

“It’s not in town?” He asked and the blonde just shook his head, pulling him closer to snuggle up to his side and kissed him, probably to keep him from asking any more questions. Jimmy had half a mind to argue, but then he got distracted by the kiss and forgot what he was going to say. He tangled his hands in Robert’s thick, blonde curls and sighed happily instead. 

The drive didn’t take too terribly long and before Jimmy could get bored, they pulled up to a strange structure. It looked like a building, but it seemed to be made out of stone and... ice? He raised an eyebrow at Robert and peeked out the window of the car again, trying to get a better view. The closer they got, the more magnificent the structure became, gleaming and glittering from the inside.

“What is this? It looks magical!” He gasped, looking around with wide eyes.

“It’s our hotel.” Robert said, amused. 

“But... but... it’s... it’s made out of ice!” Jimmy said, struggling to comprehend. 

“It is.” The blonde said, giving him a grin as he opened the door of the car to get out. Jimmy shivered and pulled his jacket more tightly around his body, it was even colder here than it had been closer to the shore. He followed the older man out of the car and into the ‘building’. It wasn’t any warmer in the lobby and he started to get worried. 

“It’s so cold... how are we going to sleep?” He wondered as he looked around. The lobby was beautiful, there were countless ice sculptures, all of them illuminated from within, some in different colors than others. 

“We’re going to have to think of something to stay warm...” Robert said with a little wink as they waited to check in. Jimmy again raised an eyebrow at him.

“I am *not* sleeping with you in here, my dick is gonna freeze and fall off.” He whispered, making the older man laugh. 

“We’re going to have to think of something *else*, then.” He said in amusement before going up to the desk to get the key to their room. 

To Jimmy’s shock, their room was almost entirely made out of ice as well, except for some furniture made out of stone and some made out of wood. It was small, it didn’t seem to have any electricity or other luxuries, there wasn’t even a bathroom, which was fair enough, it would have been too cold to use anyways. The only light provided seemed to come through the ice from the lights that illuminated the whole hotel. He had no idea how he was going to survive this night. 

The bed that was provided had countless pillows and blankets as well as two heavy duty sleeping bags. Jimmy slowly turned around and glared at his husband. 

“Look. This is beautiful. It really is. It’s amazing that they built this. But sleeping here? Really? Are you serious? How am I going to get through this night?” He pouted and crossed his arms in front of his chest. He was still shivering. Robert smiled at him and came closer to wrap his arms around him.

“I’m going to keep you warm, little love...” He cooed. Jimmy melted against him and sighed, he couldn’t really be mad at the other man when he was being so sweet and gentle. “But if you hate it that much, we can always go back to the town and get a room there.” Jimmy considered it for a moment and looked around the room again. It was absolutely breathtakingly beautiful, it really looked like they were in another world. 

“No. It’s ok. I wanna try sleeping here.” He decided after a while with a heavy sigh. “But you better do your darn best to keep me warm, I’m gonna be insufferable if I get sick!”

“I promise.” Robert chuckled and kissed the tip of his nose. “The restaurant is in a separate building, it’s warm. There’s also a heated bathroom just across the hallway from our room and since we’re the only people in this part of the hotel today, it’s all ours.” 

“Ah... alright, that does make it more bearable.” Jimmy smiled, relaxing a bit. The more he thought about it, the more he liked the idea, it would be very romantic to snuggle in that bed with his husband, among the glowy, glittery ice. “It’s actually kinda romantic. It really does look magical.” He told the blonde. 

“That’s why I chose it.” He nodded in agreement. “Come on, let’s hit the restaurant to warm up a little.” He then said. Jimmy hadn’t even realized that it was time for dinner already, but a glance at his phone told him it was almost 8 already. They left their luggage in the room and went to the restaurant. Jimmy sighed in relief as soon as they entered the other building, it was so warm and nice and now that the smell of delicious food hit his nostrils, he realized how hungry he was. 

Dinner was lovely, Jimmy had quite a few new things he’d never tried before, he was particularly fond of the main course, some fish in a crust of salt and fresh herbs that was incredibly delicious with a side of fresh, sautéed vegetables and some roasted potatoes with parsley. After dinner, they went to the little bar the hotel had. They sat together, listened to the music that was playing, had a few drinks and talked until they were both sleepy. 

Back in their room, Jimmy thought about how he would be most comfortable as he glanced at the bed with the sleeping bags. 

“Do you think we can fit into one bag together? We’d be much warmer.” He asked after a moment. Robert went over to pick up one of the bags, opening the zipper and examining it.

“I mean, we can always try. I do think we fit, we’re pretty slim...” He said. They went to the little, insulated, heated bathroom to change into their pyjamas. Now Jimmy understood why Robert had asked him to take some along, neither of them usually wore any, they either slept in the nude or in just their underwear, so he’d been a little confused.

Robert got into the sleeping bag first and Jimmy followed quickly, already shivering in the ice cold room. It was a tight fit, but they managed to close the sleeping bag and Jimmy loved how close to his husband he was. He smiled and snuggled against the older man’s chest.

“I’m snug like a bug in a rug, this is nice.” He purred and rubbed his cheek against the other’s chest happily. He heard him chuckle and wraps his arms more tightly around him.

“Sleep well, then, my little bug.” He said lovingly and kissed the top of his head before reaching over to the slightly hidden console in the nightstand that Jimmy hadn’t even noticed before that dimmed the light a little. He left it on just enough for them to still be able to see the beautiful ice and the play of the light inside the walls. He fell asleep easily in the thick, warm sleeping bag, sharing body heat with his husband.

The next day took them to another town that was quite a bit bigger than the first one that they’d seen, although it was still incredibly tiny compared to what Jimmy what used to with London. Even Reykjavik seemed ginormous in comparison. He loved the many, colorful houses along the shore, though, and despite it being so cold, he took a bit of time to sit on a little stone wall to draw them. 

The center of town had a few stores and Jimmy was very surprised that among those few stores, there was a sex shop. He giggled and tugged at Robert’s sleeve to show him.

“Can we go in, Daddy? We do need some stuff...” He said and batted his eyelashes at the older man. 

“Sure, why not. We’ve never done that...” He said and took Jimmy’s hand in his once more as they went to the little store. It was actually a really nice one, clean and not weird and seedy like the ones back home at all, he felt really comfortable here. It was remarkably well stocked, too, they quickly found their favorite brand of lube and Robert put two bottles into the little basket he was holding. 

While Robert went to find a pack of condoms for their little roleplaying adventure, Jimmy wandered around, curiously looking at everything. He didn’t like the wall with the porn DVDs, they were old and each and every one had very plastic looking women with tons of makeup on their faces on the cover. He wondered why they even tried to sell those anymore, everybody just used the internet for porn these days. 

The lingerie section was just as awful, everything looked and felt incredibly cheap, there wasn’t a single item Jimmy would have considered wearing. The jockstraps just made him giggle.

There was a wall that was full of leather gear with all sorts of restraints and whips and stuff Jimmy didn’t even recognize. It scared him a little so he quickly left that part of the store behind him. Instead, he curiously looked at all the toys they had, all sorts of dildos, vibrators, plugs and things he didn’t really know. 

“Clone A Willy?” Robert’s voice startled him a little and he jumped, then turned around to find his husband right behind him. He’d been so engrossed in staring at all the toys that he hadn’t even notice him approaching. 

“Huh?” He asked in confusion and the blonde pointed at a round thing that did indeed say ‘Clone A Willy’. He raised an eyebrow and picked it up to see what it was.

“Is it what I think it is?” Robert asked in amusement and Jimmy giggled.

“I think so! You can make a replica of someone’s cock with this!” He said, having read the instructions on the back. 

“Get two.” Robert said and Jimmy looked up at him in surprise, then laughed again.

“Seriously??” He asked and the older man grinned at him, then nodded. “Ok... sure, why not. Let’s have some fun.” Jimmy shrugged, they’d definitely get a laugh out of this. 

“Oh, look, it comes as a set with a vibrator you can encase in it, as well.” Robert then said, picking another, bigger box from the shelf. 

“I never used anything with vibration...” Jimmy said, leaning in to look at the other box. 

“Me neither. Let’s get this one?” Robert suggested and the brunette nodded.

“Sure. Hey, this way, we can have some fun when you’re on one of those awful business trips again.” He grinned.

“That was exactly what I was thinking. Not that we really need it, we had quite a bit of fun without it the last time, but...” He trailed off and shrugged. They put the two boxes into their basket as well and Jimmy noticed that Robert had indeed found the condoms he needed. He’d also added a bottle of a scented massage oil to their basket. They made their way towards the cash register, but Robert got distracted by something else and stopped.

Jimmy turned around to see what he was looking at. A set of nipple clamps with a chain.

“Interested?” Robert asked, holding them up for Jimmy to see. The younger man shuddered.

“Uh, no. That looks painful.” He said, uncomfortable. His nipples hurt just looking at them, that definitely wasn’t something he wanted, at all.

“I thought you might like them, considering how sensitive yours are...” Robert mused, but put them back on the shelf.

“Well... I like it when you’re gentle with them... I don’t want them clamped and tortured.” Jimmy pouted and Robert glanced at him insecurely. 

“Oh. Shit.” He said and bit his lip. Jimmy frowned, wondering why he was acting so strangely right now. “It’s just that... I’ve bitten them pretty harshly. I didn’t know you didn’t like that, you didn’t say anything.” Robert clarified and Jimmy laughed.

“Aww... it’s ok, Daddy... I liked the way it felt afterwards, when you soothed them with your tongue. That’s really, really nice and if it takes a little pain to get that feeling, I’ll gladly take it. I would have said something if I actually minded it.” He said and went to quickly give his husband a little hug. 

“Alright... I’ll still be more gentle next time, promise.” Robert breathed in relief. “So... do you want anything else, love?” He asked and Jimmy shook his head.

“No... this is already more than I thought we’d get and I don’t think I’m comfortable with anything else... at least for now.” He admitted. The only reason he was comfortable with the ‘Clone A Willy’ vibrator was that at least it would look like Robert’s. He’d never want any other plastic toy anywhere near him, at least not at this point. 

They went to pay for their purchase and left the store with a discreet little bag, wandering around the city for a little longer until it was time to board the ship again so it could take them to Canada. Jimmy was very excited about getting there, for several reasons. 

Thinking about using the cloning kits made him blush and giggle, but when he thought about what they were going to do when they got to their hotel, he got very quiet despite his excitement, trying to understand what it made him feel when he thought about acting out his little fantasy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus points for you if you know which bracelet I'm talking about in the beginning of this chapter! :) Jimmy used to wear it mostly in '69, I think.


	18. 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They arrive in Canada, check into their hotel and Jimmy has a little hick-up, but Robert knows exactly how to fix him.

Getting to Canada with the ship took all day again and Jimmy enjoyed most of it snuggled in Robert’s arms with his sketchbook on his legs, drawing everything that caught his eye, the waves, a seagull, parts of the ship, people he found interesting (which was mostly Robert, but hey, who could blame him?). It was a wonderful day and Jimmy couldn’t have been happier. They later switched to a smaller, faster ship that took them all the way to Québec and by the time they finally got to their hotel, it was really late and neither of them felt like acting out any kind of fantasy, so they just checked into their hotel, deciding to postpone it for a day or two. 

They crashed almost immediately, each of them just taking a quick shower before going to bed. Jimmy happily snuggled up to his husband, smiling to himself as the other man wrapped his arms around him tightly and he felt warm and safe. It didn’t take them long to fall asleep like that.

When he woke up the next day, Jimmy felt different, and definitely not in a good way. He felt strangely numb but irritable at the same time, like his emotions were completely out of whack, bouncing from one extreme to the other. He had no idea why exactly, sometimes that just happened, but he knew he needed to fix himself before Robert woke up or things might just go wrong.

He locked himself in the bathroom and sat in the shower, letting the water rain down on him as he tried to use a few of the techniques Jenny had taught him, but none of them worked, none made him feel any better, everything felt wrong, too much and not enough at the same time. His skin was crawling with how wrong he felt in his own body and he didn’t know how to deal with it.

He got up again and turned off the water, toweling himself dry and joining Robert again. Maybe having breakfast and talking to his husband would make him feel better. The blonde was still asleep and Jimmy went back to bed. He tried to snuggle up to the other man again, but he just grunted in his sleep and turned away. 

Of course Jimmy knew that he was asleep and that it didn’t mean anything, at least the rational part of his brain did, but it still just served to make him feel even more empty inside. He felt rejected, even though it really wasn’t Robert’s fault. He sat up on the bed and hugged his knees, staring into nothingness as he waited for Robert to wake up. He turned towards the other a little when he finally heard him stirring.

“Morning, little love... why are you sitting there like that?” Robert asked, blinking at him sleepily. “Why is your hair wet?”

Jimmy didn’t answer, he just shrugged and sighed. He suddenly didn’t even feel like talking anymore, he felt like every single word would be too much of an effort, so he just stayed silent. It comforted him a little. Robert frowned and sat up, looking at him worriedly.

“What’s wrong, baby? Did something happen?” He asked, wide awake by now, scared by how strange his husband was acting. Jimmy shook his head and rested his head on his arms that he had wrapped around his knees. “Come on, talk to me.” Robert prompted again and reached out to touch his shoulder, but the glare Jimmy shot him stopped him. He didn’t want to talk and Robert wasn’t going to make him. 

“Alright. I’ll leave you alone for a bit, ok?” Robert said carefully and Jimmy nodded, maybe it was for the better. The blonde got out of bed and went to the bathroom, knowing there was no getting through to Jimmy right now and he couldn’t make him talk either when he didn’t want to. The brunette reached for his phone on the nightstand and started looking for some music to listen to, thinking it might help, but the more he scrolled through the long list of songs, the more he realized that he just hated everything right now and that he didn’t want anything. He sighed and tossed his phone on the bed. 

His mood was changing again, he was starting to feel incredibly restless and like he needed something to happen, something big and exciting, but he had no idea what that was supposed to be, so he got up and got dressed. He started looking around the hotel room for something interesting, but nothing caught his eye.

“Do you feel up for breakfast?” Robert asked as he emerged from the bathroom, towel around his hips. 

“Yeah...” Jimmy finally said and the blonde breathed a little sigh of relief.

“You’d tell me if it was something I did, right?” He asked insecurely and Jimmy nodded.

“Yes. I would. But it’s not.” He snapped. “I don’t know what it is, I just feel... off. Wrong.”

“Ok... hmm... well, I’ll try and distract you from it, then. Let me just get dressed and we’ll have breakfast. I thought we’d just explore the city a little today, you know, just some sightseeing, I didn’t really plan anything.” He said and Jimmy couldn’t help but feel that that sounded incredibly boring. He wanted, no, he needed something exciting right now.

“Ok.” He said flatly and sat back down on the bed while Robert got dressed. When they sat down in the restaurant to have breakfast, he didn’t really feel like eating anything, but he had a cup of black coffee and listlessly nibbled on some toast anyways. 

He tried to pick a fight with Robert over breakfast, just to feel *something*, but of course the blonde caught on to what he was trying to do and didn’t let him. They went back to their room so Robert could quickly check his work mail before leaving for the day and Jimmy tried to busy himself by brushing his hair and making sure he didn’t look as awful as he felt, but then he got bored again and started wandering around the room once more.

He found the mini bar of the hotel room and opened it, picking up a small bottle of whiskey. He shrugged to himself, thinking ‘fuck it, might as well...’, and opened it, raising it and taking a few sips.

“Jimmy. Put that down *right now*.” He jumped a little at the tone of Robert’s voice and put the bottle down. He turned around to face the blonde and gave him a defiant look, then raised the bottle to his lips again and emptied it, making sure to keep eye contact until he’d downed the last drop. It was only a small bottle, but on an almost empty stomach, he still felt the light buzz right away. 

He also felt a small sense of triumph and a little thrill for having managed to piss Robert off, finally. The older man sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose as he took a deep breath. He walked a few steps, back and forth, pacing in front of the bed as if he was thinking about what to do next. Then he slowly sat down on the bed.

“Alright. Come here.” Robert said gently. He almost sounded tired. “Come here.” He repeated a little more firmly when Jimmy didn’t respond. The sound of his voice made the younger man comply and he slowly went to the bed, towards his husband.

“Across my knees.” The blonde then said and Jimmy’s eyes widened. He had not expected that. Another crazy thrill of excitement went through him as he looked down at the other man, who was waiting patiently for him to do as he was told. He could barely believe this was happening and he felt frozen to the spot, unable to move.

Robert sighed when he lost his patience and gently grabbed Jimmy by the hips, tossing him across his lap. The younger man made a surprised sound as he found himself face down on the bed, then another one when Robert rather roughly yanked down his jeans, without even bothering to unbutton them, to expose his butt. Before he knew it, Robert’s hand came down on it and Jimmy yelped. He was a lot more forceful that he had been the first time, and this time, it actually hurt, just a little. 

The mixture of embarrassment, excitement, happiness and arousal he suddenly felt took his breath away and he pushed his face into the sheets underneath his head and released the breath he’d been holding into it when Robert spanked him again. 

The older man continued and Jimmy felt like he was flying, soaring, everything felt wonderfully intense and he soon found himself laughing with pure joy again, it felt simply amazing. Robert carried on for a little longer, until the younger man felt pleasantly warm, sore and much, much calmer. When he noticed the change, Robert stopped and started caressing him lovingly instead, rubbing his sore cheeks and the small of his back.

“There. Do you feel better now, sweet baby?” He asked softly after a while. Jimmy nodded, still not quite lifting his head from the sheet.

“Yeah... so... *so* much better. Thank you.” He breathed once he sorted his thoughts a little. “How... how did you know to do this?” He asked, struggling to comprehend how Robert had known how to make him feel better almost instantly.

“Hmm... it’s just a few of the things Jenny said yesterday.” He said thoughtfully, still caressing Jimmy’s butt absentmindedly. “You know, about catharsis and you sometimes needing a strong emotional release? I hoped this would be it and it might help you out of whatever mess you were in earlier.” 

“It did... it really did.” Jimmy said, smiling to himself. “I feel... balanced. I’m ok. I felt so awful earlier, everything was too much and not enough at the same time, I was both numb and bored and at the same time I hated everything felt so restless and now everything is just... calm. In a good way.”

“That’s good. That’s very good.” Robert cooed, pleased that it had worked and allowed Jimmy to sit up and straddle him to give him a tight hug. “I don’t like that you were trying to pick a fight with me again.”

“I know... I’m so sorry.” Jimmy sighed and nuzzled Robert’s neck. “I’ll try not to do it again... I’m not that bad very often... I haven’t done that in a few weeks.”

“No, you don’t do it very often... and when you do, I know exactly what you’re doing, so I can avoid it.” Robert said and caressed his back soothingly. Hearing that was a huge relief, of course Jimmy didn’t actually want to fight with his husband.

“I’m so, so sorry... you know, sometimes... it just feels like... there’s an itch that I can’t scratch and I kinda... need you to scratch it for me, I suppose?” He said slowly. 

“I can do that.” Robert smiled at him and pecked his cheek. Jimmy beamed at him happily and kissed him.

“Thank you... I love you so, so much, Daddy.” He breathed and the older man chuckled, holding him close.

“I love you, too, kitten... it’s alright.” He said, then glanced down at the rather obvious bulge in Jimmy’s boxers. “You really liked this, hm? Do you wanna do something about that?” He asked. 

“Oh. Oh, uhm, actually... no...” Jimmy stammered. For some reason, despite being so turned on, he didn’t actually want to do anything about it, he’d rather enjoy the feeling for a while longer. Then he got an idea. “Wait, maybe we could... you know, make those dick clone thingies?” He asked shyly, blushing. “Might as well use it and not let it go to waste, right?” He then added with a slightly cheeky grin. Robert threw his head back and laughed.

“Alright, yeah, let’s do that.” He said, amused. Jimmy could tell that he was just as relieved that he was back to normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clone-A-Willy shenanigans in the next one! :D


	19. 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys finally get around to making their Clone-A-Willy dick replicas! Of course, it leads to more and afterwards, they explore beautiful Québec, deciding to stay for a while longer. Jimmy gets curious about the vibrators, more shenanigans ensue, drugs are had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you read this, if you have the time, please watch this video by Watts The Safeword on youtube about the Clone-A-Willy kits, it's SFW and super funny and you'll understand what I'm talking about:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1eVcujDauCA
> 
> Also, Amp and Kristopher are a super cute couple and deserve every single view :)

Jimmy still felt a little buzzed from the whisky he’d just downed a few minutes ago and slightly sluggish, so he let Robert take the lead, afraid he’d mess it up if he did it. He got off of the blonde’s lap and lay down on the bed, while the other man went to get one of the kits, reading the instructions on the back again.

“Ok... you should definitely go first since you’re, well, ready...” He said thoughtfully. “Ah, I see... so we’ll make the molds now, they have to sit for about 4 hours before we can pour the silicone, which then has to sit for another day.” He explained. 

“Oh wow... I didn’t realize it would take so long.” Jimmy said. He raised his hips to take off his pants and boxers all the way, tossing them on the floor. He kept his shirt on and started to lazily stroke himself to get hard all the way as he watched Robert read some more instructions that he found inside the box. The blonde briefly looked up to watch him and smiled.

“So... you’ve been turning me down for sex more often recently... well, since my little drunk slip-up, really.” He commented. Jimmy stopped stroking himself and frowned.

“Oh... have I?” He asked, slightly confused. “Not consciously, not on purpose...” He added. He really hadn’t noticed, but now that Robert mentioned it he realized it was true. He’d turned him down more often than not, actually. “Sorry...” He whispered. 

“It’s ok... I was just wondering if it had anything to do with that, if you still feel... I don’t know, self-conscious or something.” Robert wondered. 

“Maybe a little...” Jimmy admitted. “I don’t wanna be slutty...” He said and the older man sighed.

“You’re not. At all. That was just me being drunk and stupid. And jealous.” He said. “Have you talked to Jenny about this?” 

“No.” Jimmy shook his head. “I wanted to, but then I changed my mind because I didn’t want to paint you as the bad guy or something.” He pouted. 

“But I was. I was kind of an ass. It’s ok, you can tell her what I said, I think you should.” Robert advised and Jimmy nodded.

“Alright.” He said. “I really didn’t turn you down more often on purpose, I didn’t realize I was doing that. Sorry if I made you feel rejected.” 

“You didn’t, you have a right to say no, you have a right not to be in the mood all the time. It’s fine. I just wanted to make sure you’re alright.” Robert said gently and gave him a little smile. 

“I am.” Jimmy said and smiled back at him. He resumed touching himself, lightly trailing his fingers just along the underside of his cock. He didn’t miss the glances Robert kept throwing him while he was trying to focus on the instructions and grinned to himself. Now he was definitely getting into the mood, more than anything he loved teasing his husband and making him want him. His buttcheeks were still pleasantly warm and tingly from the spanking he’d just received and he enjoyed that immensely.

“Now, we have to measure, first.” Robert said and Jimmy frowned again.

“Measure?” He asked.

“Yes, we have to trim the tube to fit your length. Are you ready? Get up.” He instructed and Jimmy did so, coming to stand next to the blonde. 

“D’you think my dick is small?” He asked, then. He’d never measured it, he’d never cared about that before. Robert looked up at him in surprise.

“What? No! Why would you ask that? What makes you think that?” He asked. 

“I don’t know...” Jimmy mumbled and shrugged. 

“You do realize it’s above average, right?” Robert said and the brunette shook his head.

“Is it? I had no idea.” He said, looking down at it. It didn’t look particularly big to him. 

“It is.” Robert confirmed and reached out to gently stroke him a few times as well. “You’ve seen your fair share of dicks in your life, you must have realized that yours is bigger than most of them...” He said, amused. 

“Uh... no. I never paid any attention to them, really, to be honest. The only cock I care about is yours.” He said, turning a little more towards the other man, enjoying the gentle caress. 

“See, that’s your problem. Don’t compare it to mine.” The older man advised with a smile and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. Then he leaned in to whisper into his ear. “You have made me come just with your cock, not even touching me... remember?” He purred and yes, now Jimmy definitely was hard enough. He grinned and turned his head to kiss his husband briefly.

“How could I forget?” He said and nuzzled his neck, sighing happily when Robert stroked him a little more firmly.

“Let’s do this, hm?” The blonde said and Jimmy pouted a little when he moved away from him again to pick up a clear plastic tube. He held it next to Jimmy’s cock. “Ok, it says to trim it so it’s about an inch longer than your cock... how much is an inch again?” He frowned. 

“Uh, I think about 2,5 cm, so... like, two fingers width or something?” Jimmy said. “I wished the world could just agree on a system... and it should be metric.” He grinned cheekily. 

“We used to use the imperial system in the UK at some point...” Robert mused as he picked up the little scissors that were also included in the set to trim the tube. “Ok, now it says to mix that grey powder with warm water... 90°.”

“90°???” Jimmy yelped and Robert laughed.

“Fahrenheit, baby... not Celsius.” He soothed him and Jimmy couldn’t help but laugh as well.

“Fuck... I feared you were going to boil my poor cock.” He pouted. 

“Never, love...” Robert chuckled as he went to the little kitchenette of their hotel room to get some warm water. He used the little thermometer that was included to make sure it was the right temperature.

“Hurry a little or I’m gonna lose this hard on...” Jimmy said, going back to touching himself. Robert shot him a cheeky grin. 

“Why don’t you think about what you’re going to do to get *me* hard for when we make my mold?” He suggested as he poured the powder into the little mixing bowl along with the water. That definitely helped, Jimmy thought.

“Hmmm... you did like watching me finger myself the other day, that got you hard so quickly...” He said, grinning to himself as he remembered the way Robert had looked at him. 

“Shh. You’re going to get me hard *now* if you talk like that. Keep it to yourself.” The older man shushed him and Jimmy bit his lip. “Come on, let’s move this to the shower, we’re probably going to make a mess.” He then added and Jimmy followed him to the bathroom. He stood in the shower as Robert poured the grey mixture into the clear tube they had just measured and trimmed. 

“So I just... stick it in there?” He asked. The blonde nodded.

“Yeah... make sure not to let it touch the sides. Spread your legs a little, just like that...” Robert said and gave him the tube. “Keep it in for a few minutes and you should be good to go.”

Jimmy looked at the tube suspiciously like it was about to bite his cock off or something, but then he shrugged and went for it. 

“Oh... it’s firmer than I thought it would be.” He said, actually have to put some effort into getting it in. It didn’t feel too bad, it was pleasantly warm, but he grimaced when the excess mixture splattered on the floor of the shower and down his legs. He slowly put it all the way in, surprised that he’d managed not to mess up and put it in crooked or touch the sides. 

“Good thing we went into the shower for this.” Robert grinned.

“Yeah... that did not feel good.” Jimmy pouted. 

“We’ll clean it up, don’t you worry.” Robert soothed him. “Is it hardening?” 

“I think so...” Jimmy mused. He couldn’t really feel it changing in any way, but it was cooling down. 

“OK... well, keep it in there for a few more minutes. I’ll get the other kit ready.” Robert said and left the bathroom briefly. Jimmy amused himself by trying to come up with creative ways to turn his husband on until he returned. By the time he was back, his own mold was ready and he carefully pulled out. He looked at it and raised an eyebrow.

“So it just has to sit for 4 hours, right?” He asked. It didn’t look like much, just grey mud with a hole in the middle, he couldn’t tell if it had worked or not. 

“Yep.” Robert confirmed and Jimmy put the tube on the little ledge underneath the bathroom mirror. “Wanna mix the stuff while I get myself ready?” He asked, but Jimmy shook his head.

“Nope.” He said with a cheeky grin. “You do it while *I* get you ready.” He said and quickly dropped to his knees in front of his husband. Robert looked slightly surprised, but then he grinned back.

“Just don’t get it too wet.” He said before starting to work on the second kit. Jimmy opened his jeans and pulled them down along with his underwear, letting him step out of them. He looked funny still wearing his button down shirt, so he reached up and unbuttoned it as well, caressing his chest and abs gently. 

“Ok, Daddy...” He’d been planning to just suck it, but now that he’d been told not to get it wet, he wondered how to do this, but he got an idea pretty quickly, he’d just use his mouth everywhere but his cock, using his hands on it instead. He couldn’t help but notice it twitch in excitement when he called him that. It made him happy to know that Robert was into this as much as he was. 

He stopped paying attention to what the other man was doing in the sink and focused on his task instead. He gently kissed around the base of Robert’s cock as he worked the length with his hands, then scooted a little lower to he could kiss and lick his balls, taking each side into his mouth and sucking carefully, gently.

“Ah, fuck, that feels so good, baby darling...” Robert moaned, encouraging him. Jimmy chuckled and scooted even lower so he had to tilt his head up. He made the other man spread his legs further and started licking lower, sliding his tongue between his buttcheeks. He knew Robert liked that a lot and the quiet gasp he heard confirmed that.

“When we’re done...” Jimmy breathed in between some licks, “... I’m gonna fuck you in the shower...” He actually felt a little sorry for having rejected his husband so often recently, that wasn’t like him at all and he really wanted to make up for it now. 

“Fuck, yes.” Robert said immediately and Jimmy could feel that he was definitely ready now. “Ok, let me measure that tube, baby...” He said. The younger man really didn’t want to stop right now, but he knew he had to, so he pressed a few more gentle kisses to the inside of Robert’s thighs before getting up. He continued caressing and stroking his cock, then took a step back while Robert measured. He used the time to take off his t-shirt that, for some reason, he was still wearing. 

He waited while Robert trimmed his tube, slightly envious that he had to trim it a bit less than Jimmy had, then as he poured the mixture and stepped into the shower. He giggled at the sound of the excess splattering down once again and Robert grinned at him.

“This reminds me of when I used to work in road construction. The concrete used to sound just like this when it came out of the mixer.” Robert said in amusement.

“You used to work in road construction?” Jimmy asked, raising an eyebrow. He hadn’t known that.

“Yeah, back when I lived in Birmingham, when I was your age.” He answered. “I laid quite a few of the roads back there in the two years I worked there before I went to London.” 

“I had no idea. You must have been so hot, young, ripped, tanned and sweaty...” Jimmy grinned at him. 

“Hmm, hey, are you saying I’m not hot anymore?” Robert teased him. 

“No, I’m saying you’re even hotter now.” Jimmy winked. He couldn’t wait for the mold to be done so he could have his way with his husband. When the few minutes they had to wait started to feel like an eternity, he went to the other room to quickly grab some lube. They could have done without it, but since he literally had nothing else to do might as well make it more comfortable for both of them. When he came back, Robert was just done with the mold and put it next to Jimmy’s to dry. 

Jimmy immediately took Robert’s shirt off and pulled him into the shower once he started the water. They quickly washed away the traces they left in the shower and on their legs before starting to make out heatedly. It didn’t take him long to lose his patience, though and he tried to spin Robert around, but the blonde stopped him. 

“Uh, are you sure...? I didn’t... clean myself out.” He said and Jimmy laughed. Of course, spontaneity hadn’t been his strong suit until now, quickies hadn’t been a thing because they always had to plan stuff like this because of how squeamish Jimmy was when it came to hygiene, but he was relaxing more and more the more comfortable he became with his husband. 

“I just had my mouth there. I just *licked* it. I *really* don’t care. Also, we’re in the shower. It’s fine.” He reassured the other man. He was far too horny to care at this point and Robert seemed happy about him relaxing a little more as well. He let him spin him around and pin him against the tiles, briefly grinding against his butt before pulling his hips back, away from the spray of water so it wouldn’t immediately wash away any lube he tried to apply. 

Robert let him and arched his back as he rested his arms as well as his forehead against the cool tiles. Jimmy appreciatively ran his hand down his muscular back, along the curve of his spine, all the way down, kneading his firm buttcheeks briefly before taking the bottle of lube and just squirting some right between them and putting it back down. 

“Yeah, come on, fuck me.” Robert said heatedly and arched his back even more, spreading his legs even farther apart. Jimmy grinned and took hold of his own dick, starting to tease the other man with the tip of it, spreading the little glob of lube around generously. “Tease... come on!”

“Say ‘please’, Daddy...” He said softly and Robert paused momentarily, glancing at him over his shoulder in disbelief, before he lowered his head again. Jimmy continued to rub teasing circles around his hole, waiting, occasionally slapping it against Robert’s ass. 

“I... baby, please. Please fuck me.” He finally said and Jimmy gave in, slowly pushing in. The moan Robert let out was so hot and Jimmy started thrusting fast and hard right away, he wasn’t in the mood for slow and gentle at all and luckily, neither was his husband. The sound of wet skin slapping against wet skin filled the bathroom as well as the blonde’s moans that soon followed. 

“Do you like that, Daddy?” Jimmy asked breathlessly and Robert nodded eagerly.

“Yes... you feel so good, baby... so good.” He answered and Jimmy reached down to grab a fistfull of his hair. He pulled and tugged until Robert followed, straightening up again from where he’d been bent over and leaned against Jimmy’s chest. The younger man let go of his hair and wrapped an arm around him, caressing his abs, then his chest, letting it travel higher until he reached his throat. He wrapped his hand around it briefly before grabbing his jaw and turning his head to kiss him sloppily. 

He realized he was being quite rough, but judging by the sounds Robert was making and how he was moving back against him, he was enjoying it a lot. He let his hand trail back down now that he’d gotten Robert to kiss him and wrapped it around his hard cock instead, making the other man cry out again. He grinned as Robert lowered his head again, panting.

“Yeah, let the whole hotel hear how much you like it when your little boy is fucking you...” He said, almost shocked at the words that came out of his mouth, he’d never talked this dirtily before. 

“I do... fuck, I do... don’t stop...” Robert moaned, reaching down to touch himself along with Jimmy, guiding his hand. “Harder... fuck me harder.” He demanded and Jimmy briefly wondered if he could, he was already going pretty hard and fast, but he doubled his efforts and managed, just so. “Ow... fuck, yes... don’t you dare stop...”

That little ‘ow’ almost threw him off, but then he kept going at Robert’s encouragement. The blonde threw his head back, resting it on Jimmy’s shoulder. That gave the younger man an opportunity to slow it down for a moment to catch his breath. He nuzzled the other’s neck and sucked a little mark on it before carrying on with hard thrusts that made the blonde gasp. He went slowly at first, slow but hard, letting Robert feel every thrust deep inside of him before he sped up again, gradually.

When Robert whined and moaned his name as he came, Jimmy couldn’t hold back anymore at all, he pushed the older man against the tiles and bit down on his shoulder as he came as well. 

“That was fucking amazing...” Robert breathed and Jimmy grinned against his shoulder, nodding slowly. He felt utterly spent and exhausted. 

“Yeah... I love you so much...” He whispered. “Did I hurt you?”

“No baby... you felt so, so good.” Robert cooed, covering Jimmy’s hand that was resting on his belly with his own. “And I love you, too, more than anything and anyone in the world.”

“You said ‘ow’...” Jimmy reminded him. “I’m sorry.” Robert chuckled.

“Don’t apologize... I loved it. I need it like that, sometimes.” He admitted. He slowly disentangled himself from Jimmy and turned around, wrapping his arms around the younger man. “You were so amazing... sex with you is honestly the best I’ve ever had.” That actually made Jimmy smile widely, it felt good to hear that. He leaned into the other’s embrace and sighed.

“I’d say ‘same’, but it’s kinda obvious since I haven’t been with anyone else.” He said lazily and laughed. “Will you show me what it feels like, one day? This roughly, I mean.”

“I... could. If you want me to. If you’re sure.” Robert said hesitantly. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Well... start slowly? Build up to it.” Jimmy suggested. “I can take it, Daddy, I promise.” 

“Alright, baby...” The blonde agreed and pressed a gentle kiss to his brow. Jimmy closed his eyes for a moment, just enjoying being in Robert’s arms and the warm water cascading down their bodies until the other man moved, taking the bottle of shower gel and starting to wash his body. 

“What are we going to do until those molds are done and we can pour the silicone?” Jimmy then asked. 

“Well, we still haven’t seen any of the city, so I suggest we go out there and have a look around?” Robert said.

“Hmmmhm. Half of me wants to just take a nap and then fuck again, but I guess I can’t pass up the opportunity to see Québec... who knows if I’ll ever get to be here again.” He grinned.

“You’re so lazy sometimes...” Robert chuckled and playfully slapped Jimmy’s butt. “We’ll have plenty of time for activities of *that* particular sort, don’t you worry.” 

“It is our honeymoon, after all.” Jimmy said and blinked up at Robert innocently. 

“You don’t get to fuck me like that and then look like such an innocent little angel, it’s not fair.” The blonde laughed and kissed him briefly.

“I could try and grow horns... or a tail.” Jimmy offered and wiggled his eyebrows, making his husband laugh again.

“I’m sure we could have picked both of that up at the sex shop the other day.” He said and this time it was Jimmy who laughed. 

“Speaking of which... do you realize, with those over there...” He nodded towards the little ledge underneath the bathroom mirror, “... you could fuck me with my own cock?”

“Hmmhm. Or I could fuck you with mine while you fuck me. Or the other way ‘round.” Robert said and Jimmy groaned, then sighed when Robert, after being done with his own hair, used some shampoo and started washing his hair. He would have purred if he had the ability, he loved it so much when the older man took care of him like that.

“That’s an even better idea.” He grinned. “I can’t wait!” He then added excitedly.

“But you’ll have to, you insatiable little minx.” Robert said, kissed the tip of Jimmy’s nose, rinsed his hair and turned off the water. “Let’s go and get ready.” He added and left the shower, tossing Jimmy his towel on the way out. The younger man caught it and toweled his hair dry a little before wrapping it around his hips.

“I need to find somewhere to buy a new sketchbook, I’ve filled the ones I brought up already.” He told his husband. 

“Oh wow... well, this whole trip was already worth it, then.” Robert smiled. “I’m so proud of you, baby.” He added and Jimmy beamed at him happily before reaching for the blowdryer to dry his hair. 

They made themselves presentable once more and hit the town.

Jimmy instantly fell in love with Québec, it was an absolutely gorgeous city and what he loved the most was that there was so much to discover and that there were so many unique buildings to draw. He felt blessed that Robert had the patience of a saint and didn’t mind stopping all the time to let him draw, on the contrary, he seemed to enjoy watching him and seeing him so inspired. 

They spent all day walking around, stopped to have some good food when they got hungry, simply having a good time. 

“I love it here so much, Daddy...” Jimmy sighed as they slowly made their way back to their hotel after dinner. “I wished we had more time, we haven’t even seen half of it!” He pouted. Robert smiled at him and gave his hand, that he was holding, a gentle squeeze.

“We can stay a little longer, if you want to. We’re free to do whatever we want, I’ll just have to make a call or two and it’s all done. Would you like that, kitten?” Robert asked and Jimmy nodded eagerly.

“Oh, yes, please, Daddy!” He said happily, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet in excitement. A passer-by gave them a weird, downright disgusted look, they hadn’t been particularly quiet with their endearments, and Jimmy stuck his tongue out at him and flipped him off, causing the guy to look even more offended, but the brunette just laughed. He was just too happy right now to care, he felt himself spiraling quickly into a manic episode and it occurred to him that he should probably warn his husband. “Hey... if I start acting weird that may be because I’m a little manic right now.” He said softly, lowering his voice. 

“Ah... ok? I’ve read about that, but what exactly does that mean in your case?” Robert asked, tightening his hold on his hand a little. Of course he’d read up on Jimmy’s disorder, but that didn’t mean he knew exactly what to expect all the time.

“Well... I’m feeling exactly the opposite of how I was feeling this morning, basically. Too happy and excited, too loose.” He explained. It was definitely getting easier talking about this the more he accepted it. Just being honest about it was a lot easier than trying to pretend he was feeling completely normal.

“Too happy? Is that a thing?” Robert asked, amused. 

“Well, it can be. It can be a problem, I mean. Remember how I tend to get a little reckless at times? That’s that.” He said. “Don’t let me do stupid things.” 

“I see... Thank you for telling me, baby.” Robert said gently and stopped to give him a quick little kiss. “I’ll watch out for you. I’ll keep you on a slightly shorter leash.” He then said with a wink and Jimmy found himself blushing at the way that sounded. He bit his lip and gave the older man a flirty look.

“Kittens don’t walk on leashes...” He said slowly and batted his eyelashes. Robert grinned at him and leaned in a little.

“They do if Daddy says so.” He said in a low voice and Jimmy found himself unable to answer, suddenly too turned on to even think straight. He found himself looking around to find out how far away from their hotel they were and breathed a sigh of relief when he noticed that they were fairly close. Robert smirked, pleased with how he managed to shut him up and continued to walk.

“Oh, hey, do we get to pour our dildos now?” Jimmy asked excitedly as they entered their hotel room and Robert nodded.

“We do indeed. Do you want yours to be flesh coloured or purple?” He asked. They had two different colors of silicone to choose from. 

“Uhm. Right now I want it to be purple, but I know I’ll regret that when I feel normal again, I’ll want it to be as close to the real thing as possible, so...” He explained.

“Alright, I’ll take the purple one, then.” Robert said. “Go get the molds, would you? I’ll prepare the silicone.” Jimmy did as he was told and got the molds they made that morning and when he got back, Robert had unpacked all the stuff and spread it out on the bed, including the two vibrators that were supposed to into the replicas. 

He got incredibly curious and sat on the bed, took one and quickly popped in the batteries it came with. He pressed the little button at the bottom once and it started rumbling low in his hand. He pressed it again and it got stronger and Jimmy giggled. He switched it off again and put it on the bed briefly and quickly pulled off his pants and underwear.

“What are you doing?” Robert asked, stopping what he was doing to stare at him. 

“What does it look like? I’m too curious as to what this feels like to wait for them to be done!” Jimmy said and poked his tongue out again. He decided to take his shirt off as well, leaving him in nothing but his cute little socks. “You’re welcome to stay and watch, Daddy...” He added and Robert made no move to stop him. Jimmy didn’t miss the way he was licking his lips at the sight of him. 

He started caressing himself to get hard, but the way Robert was looking at him was enough to do the job quickly, he didn’t even have to touch himself. He loved how much his husband wanted him and loved to watch him as well. 

He picked the vibrator up again and switched it on, then changed the setting to a more buzzy one. He looked up at the blonde as he slowly held the very tip of it to one of his nipples and gasped at the way it felt. Robert smiled knowingly as if he’d expected him to do just that. He did it again and grinned at the way the sensation actually made his cock twitch.

“You’re so beautiful... does that feel good, kitten?” Robert asked and Jimmy nodded, chewing his lower lip a little.

“Yes, Daddy.” He breathed and smiled as the older man seemed to wiggle uncomfortably where he was sitting, adjusting his pants slightly. He sprawled out a little more on the bed to give him a little more of a show as he took the vibrator again and slowly ran it up the underside of his cock. He inhaled sharply as he reached the tip and stopped. He didn’t like the buzzing vibe there at all, it was making him too sensitive and numb at the same time, so he quickly switched the setting back to the low, rumbly one, but amped up the intensity quite a bit. 

He ran it up his length once more and sighed, that felt a lot better. He slowly circled the head of his cock with it, then lined it up with the length of it and wrapped his hand around both, letting out a pleased little sound as he pressed it against the sensitive flesh.

“You know that that’s supposed to go inside you, right?” Robert said teasingly and Jimmy grinned at him.

“It’s supposed to make me feel good and right now, this is what makes me feel good. This is how I want to use it.” He said firmly, not even his husband was allowed to tell him how he was ‘supposed’ to get himself off. “I want to wait until the whole thing is done before I use it for *that*.” He added.

“Fair enough. Now I’m curious, too, mind if I join you?” Robert asked. Jimmy shook his head.

“Have at it.” He said casually and smiled at his husband as he came to lie down next to him. He leaned in to peck his lips briefly, then lay back again. Unlike Jimmy, he didn’t undress, he just unbuttoned his pants, that was enough for him. Jimmy watched him as he picked up the second vibrator and inserted the batteries, then cycled through the settings once before settling on the same one Jimmy was using. 

“You’re right, that does feel pretty good.” He commented. Jimmy moved a little closer to him, resting his head on his husband’s shoulder as he watched his hand move on his cock. 

“This is kinda hot, you know.” He admitted and tilted his head up to ask for a kiss. Robert happily complied and kissed him slowly, moaning as their tongues slid against each other. They hadn’t done this before, they’d never masturbated together and Jimmy thought it was very exciting.

“It is.” He said and kissed him again. “I want you to make yourself come for me, my kitten.” He whispered and this time it was Jimmy who made a little sound, that was more than just ‘kinda’ hot. 

“Yes, Daddy...” He breathed and cranked up the intensity of the vibration a little more. He wondered if he could come just from that, without moving his hand, so he dialed it up as far as it would go. It was really strong and intense now and he nuzzled Robert’s neck, inhaling his scent and moving even closer to the other man. “Ah... oh... I’m gonna... I’m gonna come...” He gasped after a little while.

“Yeah, good boy...” Robert purred and Jimmy lost it, he squeezed his eyes shut and moaned as he came hard. He immediately removed the vibrator because it started to feel awful as soon as he’d come, using his hand to stroke himself through the aftershocks instead. He opened his eyes again and looked up at his husband who was still watching him, then pulled him down into another kiss. He quickly switched off his vibrator and let his hand join Roberts, stroking the part of the other’s cock that he wasn’t currently working.

“I want you to come, too, Daddy.” He whispered and cheekily pressed the button that would crank up the vibration, keeping it pressed until it was just as intense as Jimmy’s had been just moments ago. Robert cursed and his head fell back on the pillow, allowing Jimmy easy access to his neck, to kiss, lick and nibble. 

“Fuck, yes...” Robert gasped and Jimmy loved how he felt his cock twitch and throb as he came as well. Just like him, he tossed the vibrator aside right away and Jimmy kept stroking him for a moment before letting go as well. He picked it up and switched it off before it managed to vibrate itself off of the bed. 

“See, that’s why I took off my clothes, look at that mess.” Jimmy said, terribly amused at the state of Robert’s shirt, he’d come all over it. The blonde chuckled.

“Whatever. We have to find a laundromat to do some laundry anyways...” He said with a little shrug, then took the soiled shirt off and tossed it aside. Jimmy snuggled close to him and sighed happily.

“We keep coming up with new stuff to try, this is so exciting.” He said with a pleased smile. 

“And I still have so many ideas, so many things I wanna do with you, my love.” Robert said. Jimmy looked up at him and kissed him gently. “But for now... let’s wash those vibrators and finish the dick clones, finally, without getting distracted again!” The blonde said in amusement and Jimmy couldn’t help but agree. He picked up his vibrator again and followed Robert to the bathroom to wash it, then they quickly poured the silicone mixture into the molds and added them, pushing them in on top. 

“Good thing you got another little jar of silicone, the one they provided wouldn’t have been enough for yours.” Jimmy grinned and Robert self-consciously scratched the back of his head as he laughed. “Ok, so 24 hours, right? So tomorrow we’ll get to see these in all their glory?” He asked.

“Yes... although, I was thinking... since we decided to stay here for a little longer... I was wondering if you’d like to do it tomorrow, you know, roleplaying that little fantasy of yours?” Robert asked and Jimmy bit his lip. He hadn’t really expected Robert to bring that up again since he’d been almost a little uncomfortable with it at first, but now that he did, it made him nervous, but he nodded.

“I... I would, yes.” He whispered. “God... I’m nervous as hell, even though I’m the one who suggested it.” He admitted.

“We don’t have to do it if you don’t want to and we can always stop whenever you want if we do decide to do it.” Robert said soothingly and took his hand gently. 

“I know... I trust you.” Jimmy said with a smile. “Ok, yes, let’s do it. I want to.”

“Alright... so you’ll find yourself a nice little café sometime tomorrow to hang out in and I’ll just... text you, as a... client?” Robert asked. “Are you ok with actually, really, roleplaying this? I mean, coming up with a whole story and everything?” 

“Sure, yes... might as well do it properly, although I’m just not sure if I’m *that* good of an actor, but I’ll do my best.” Jimmy admitted, almost shyly. “Just don’t tell me in advance, finding stuff out about your client is part of the fun, I think.” He grinned. 

“Deal.” Robert agreed, pulling him into his arms. “So, what did you wanna do for the rest of the evening?” He asked. It wasn’t that late yet and Jimmy still felt kinda manic, he wanted to do something fun and exciting. He gasped when he had an idea. 

“Hold on.” He said and got out of Robert’s embrace again. He got his phone and pulled up a playlist of psychedelic 70s rock, much to the blonde’s surprise. The sound quality of his phone wasn’t too horrible, so he didn’t mind. It would do. “Let’s have a good time.” Jimmy grinned and went to his suitcase. He rummaged around a little until he found what he was looking for, a hidden little sachet that contained two colorful little ‘stamps’. He held them up for Robert to see and his eyes widened almost comically as he gasped.

“Jimmy! What the fuck! You *traveled* with that in your suitcase??? Are you mental??” He hissed. “You could have gotten arrested!!” Jimmy just laughed and shrugged.

“I didn’t, though. Daddy, it’s LSD, dog’s can’t smell that, it’s synthetic, unlike *your* favorite drug. Come on, don’t be mad at me...” He said and pouted cutely. Robert sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“You... you are... really something else. You’re a fucking wildcard.” He breathed and pulled Jimmy into his lap again. “Have you done this before?” He asked. 

“Of course.” Jimmy answered. 

“And you were ok? No bad trip?” The blonde asked and Jimmy shook his head. “What other drugs have you done?” 

“All of them.” Jimmy shrugged. “Well, everything except for H, I stayed the fuck away from that... seen too many of us killed by it.” He said. 

“That’s good... that you stayed away from that, I mean.” Robert clarified and pulled him even closer. “I’ve never done this.” He then admitted. Jimmy chuckled.

“You’re not a real hippy then, if you’ve never done acid.” He said teasingly, running his hands through Robert’s hair. “You just look like one.” He added and kissed the tip of his nose. “Come on, let’s have some fun. Come on a journey with me.” He whispered. 

“Well, you certainly set the right mood with that music.” Robert chuckled. “What if it goes wrong, though?”

“I’ll let you take yours first and once I’m sure you’re ok, I’ll follow. It’s a small dose anyways, it’s fine, I promise.” He reassured the blonde. 

“How come I don’t quite trust you right now, hm?” Robert asked, looking at him suspiciously but with some amusement in his eyes.

“Because I’m manic and I shouldn’t be trusted, probably.” Jimmy grinned and Robert shook his head in disbelief. “But I’m also a lot of fun when I’m like this, so make of that what you will...” He trailed off. He took one of the little pieces of paper out of the bag. “Say ah, Daddy...” He cooed and held it up. The older man looked him in the eyes for a moment longer before sighing.

“I’m probably going to regret this.” He whispered, then he opened his mouth. Jimmy smiled, pleased that he’d gotten his way, and quickly stuck the piece of ‘paper’ under Robert’s tongue. He almost felt bad about convincing Robert to do this. He wasn’t too worried about the blonde, but he knew for a fact that he, himself, definitely shouldn’t be taking drugs, especially not psychedelics, with his condition, especially not after a psychotic episode, but right now, he couldn’t help himself, his mania basically demanded it.

“Keep it there, don’t swallow it, yet, it’s gonna kick in much quicker that way.” He advised, then pulled his husband into his arms again, letting him rest his head on his chest as they listened to the music and waited for it to kick in. 

“We’re gonna have sex again, aren’t we?” Robert asked. Jimmy laughed.

“I’m not gonna lie, we probably, most likely will, yes.” He said, amused. They had a hard time keeping their hands off of each other when they were sober, high it would be almost impossible. “It’s probably gonna be quite different, though.” He added as he caressed Robert’s hair soothingly. He didn’t want to be entirely irresponsible, he wanted to actually make sure Robert wasn’t having a bad trip, so he did his best to make him feel as comfortable and safe as possible.

“I’m ok... you can take yours.” Robert said after a while. A few more songs had passed, it had been about half an hour. He still had his eyes closed, his head resting on Jimmy’s chest as the younger man sat in his lap. 

“Are you sure?” Jimmy asked. “Look at me.” He really didn’t want to risk anything and make sure his husband was fine before he also got high. Robert slowly raised his head and opened his eyes, looking up. It actually took him a moment before his big pupils focused on Jimmy’s face. He was most definitely tripping. “Hey... ok?” Jimmy asked again and Robert nodded slowly.

“Yes.” He said and smiled. “You’re so goddamn beautiful, do you know that? Absolutely... ethereal.” He whispered and reached up to touch Jimmy’s face. The brunette laughed and leaned into the caress. He then opened the small plastic bag once more and put the last remaining piece into his mouth, keeping it there. 

“Well, thank you.” He said with a smile and gently, slowly kissed the tip of Robert’s nose again. The blonde laughed as if that tickled, then nuzzled Jimmy’s neck, then his shoulder. “Are you sniffing me?” He asked in amusement when he realized what his husband was doing. 

“Yes... I love the way you smell... you smell amazing...” Robert cooed. Jimmy was well aware that the drug enhanced your senses and made you pick up on stuff you wouldn’t usually notice.

“What do I smell like, Daddy?” He asked, continuing to play with the other’s thick curls gently.

“Hmmm... clean and sweet... a bit like... vanilla.” Robert said thoughtfully. Jimmy giggled, he never used any vanilla scented products, so that must be what he naturally smelled like. It was nice, he supposed, and if Robert enjoyed it he definitely wasn’t going to complain. He couldn’t wait for the acid to kick in for him as well, he desperately wanted to join his husband in that magical realm. 

Robert soon fell back onto the bed and pulled Jimmy along to lie on top of him. The brunette followed easily and snuggled up to him, just enjoying his closeness and the music. 

“Do you wanna take off your pants? They’ve got to be uncomfortable.” He asked after a while and Robert nodded, but made no move to do it himself, so Jimmy chuckled and pulled them off of him, leaving him in his boxers.

Robert pulled him back into his arms again quickly and sighed happily as he tangled his limbs with him once more. He seemed more than content just looking at Jimmy and caressing him gently as they listened to the music, occasionally sharing a strange thought that popped into his head and made him laugh.

When Jimmy felt the drug kick in for him as well, he snuggled a little closer to his husband, wanting to experience the same things Robert already had. He sighed happily at the other’s gentle caresses and he felt how he slowly got lost in the enhanced sensations. After a while, he finally swallowed what was in his mouth.

His mind went blank and he completely lost track of space and time when they started kissing. They seemingly melted into one being rather than two separate entities and he’d never felt closer to his husband before, it was an almost spiritual experience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was a lot of sex, I hope their dicks aren't gonna fall off! Well, if they do, they're gonna have silicone ones to replace them, anyways. :P


	20. 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jimmy spends the day preparing for their roleplay date, shopping and making sure he looks his very best.

When Jimmy woke up the next day, he still felt all happy and warm. He stretched and sighed, but then he realized that he was alone in bed. He opened his eyes and looked around the room, confused.

When his eyes landed on Robert, who was sitting at the little table in their room, at his laptop, going through is work mail, his heart felt like it was swelling to the point of bursting with love for his husband all of a sudden and he squeed, stretching out on the bed happily. He was aware that it was probably because of the last few traces of the LSD in his system that still enhanced his emotions and everything he felt, but he didn’t care, it felt so good. The older man was already dressed in dark slacks and a white button down shirt, he looked like a professional, yet insanely hot business man and Jimmy loved it. He made another happy little sound, stretched again and cooed. He pouted a little when Robert still didn’t react to the adorable little sounds he was making.

“Morning, Daddy.” He said softly to get his attention and Robert finally looked up at him. He smiled, but somehow it struck Jimmy as a little... sad?

“Morning, kitten. Did you sleep well? How do you feel?” He asked. He seemed a little worried, as well. The brunette slowly sat up in bed, letting the blanket pool around his hips.

“I feel great...” He sighed, then he cocked his head and gave his husband a puzzled look. “Are you sad?” He asked. Robert managed another little smile and shrugged.

“A little.” He admitted and sighed. “I feel like I’m a poor excuse for a Daddy, at least I’m doing a piss poor job.” Jimmy’s eyes widened when Robert said that and how defeated he sounded. He had no idea what was going on, what had happened, but now he was worried. 

He quickly got out of bed and went over to his husband, climbed into his lap and hugged him tightly, then started showering his face in many little pecks.

“You are... the best... the most bestest... Daddy... a boy... could ever... ask for!” He said cutely in between kisses and Robert actually laughed and held him tight, nuzzling his neck. “What made you say that?” Jimmy then asked. The blonde sighed heavily.

“I should be taking care of you... I should be protecting you... and I didn’t.” He said. When Jimmy gave him another puzzled look, he nodded towards the screen of his laptop. “Did you know this?” He asked. 

Jimmy turned around to glance at the screen and his heart sank. Robert was reading an article about the effects of drugs on people with mental illnesses and the article made it sound like the absolute worst thing that could possibly happen, like Jimmy was about to become totally psychotic and start seeing monsters everywhere. Of course that wasn’t entirely true, the article was meant to shock people and keep them from doing drugs, but it wasn’t entirely wrong either. He bit his lip and nodded slowly.

“I did. I’m sorry.” He admitted. 

“Don’t be. I know you couldn’t help it.” Robert said and caressed his cheek gently. Once again, Jimmy was surprised by how understanding he was.

“I really couldn’t... I have no sense of self preservation when I’m like that... I don’t see the dangers... or if I do, I just don’t care. The only thing that matters is... having fun.” He sighed.

“I know. You even told me. You asked me to look out for you and to not let you do stupid things and I still let myself be tempted.” Robert huffed. “I should have known. I stupidly put you in danger. I’m sorry, kitten.” Jimmy was absolutely baffled, he had no idea Robert was taking this so seriously, to the point of him feeling bad about something that had been entirely Jimmy’s fault.

"Ok... We need to talk, Robert." He sighed, hoping that using his husband’s name would show him how serious he was about this. "As much as I'm enjoying this... as much as I love this, it both excites me and gives me such a sense of peace and security... I don't want any of it if it makes you feel bad in any way, shape or form." He said and gently caressed the older man's worried face.

"What do you mean?" Robert asked.

"You are, first of all, my husband. You're not my actual parent or guardian or even my therapist. You should never feel responsible for me on that level. You should never feel bad about this or like it's a chore and you should never feel like you failed me." Jimmy explained. "If you do, we need to stop. I want this, badly, but not at the cost of your health and sanity."

Robert looked at him for a moment before he smiled and pulled him into a tight hug. He held him tight and caressed his back lovingly for a while before he spoke.

"Thank you for saying that. You're probably right, it's not really healthy for me to feel that way... But I can't help it. You asked me to look out for you and I thought it would be so easy, I'd keep you close, make sure you don't run off and get yourself in trouble... the thought that you could be in danger even while you're with me never even crossed my mind until this morning." He admitted. 

"I'm sorry I asked you to look out for me. I shouldn't have put that burden on your shoulders." Jimmy sighed. "It's not fair to you."

"The thing is... I would have done it myself if you hadn't. I'm getting pretty good at picking up on your moods and I definitely would have noticed. You telling me upfront and being honest like that just made it easier." Robert said. "I feel incredibly protective about you, there's nothing I can do about that, I felt like that from the beginning. It's not your fault. You're my little one and I need to protect you, and right now I feel like I failed."

"Hmm... you know... I've most likely had this since before I met you. Borderline, I mean. Being raped probably only added PTSD on top of it all. What I mean is...” He took a deep breath. This was one of the few times he’d actually managed to say it out loud. “Back then, you weren’t there to keep me out of trouble. You weren’t there to keep me from doing stupid things, or from doing drugs. You weren’t there to protect me from predatory clients. I still managed. Sure, I got into a few bad situations, I was reckless more often than not, but I always, somehow, managed to get myself out of whatever shit I got myself in in the first place.” He said. Robert smiled at him sadly and nodded.

“You can take care of yourself, hm?” He said in a quiet voice. 

“I can. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t need you. I do. More than anything or anyone... but I also need you not to worry too much. I need you to be happy, too.” He said. “I need you to not blame yourself. It’s not healthy.” 

“You’re right. Damn. You’re so much smarter than me.” Robert chuckled and rested his head on his shoulder again. Jimmy laughed.

“I’m really not... but I can act like an adult if I have to.” He said and kissed the top of the blonde’s head. “I really am fine, by the way. You don’t have to worry, I’m not seeing any monsters and I don’t have any weird ideas either.”

“That’s good... I’m glad.” Robert said and kissed his shoulder gently. “I still want you to stay away from that stuff, ok?” 

“We had such a good time, though... didn’t we?” Jimmy sighed. Robert nodded.

“We did... it was wonderful. At times... it felt like we were one. It was mind blowing. I’ve never felt like that before, but... it’s just not worth it, baby. The risk is just too big.” Robert said. 

“I know that you’re right, but I don’t like it.” Jimmy pouted. 

“I understand, baby... but... I can deal with a lot of things... but if you got worse... if you started thinking I’m just using you again or something like that... I couldn’t take that.” Robert said, shaking his head. 

“I know.” Jimmy sighed. “You shouldn’t have to deal with that, so yeah, I agree, I should stay away from drugs. The good news is that it didn’t go horribly wrong this time, I’m fine, I’m not getting worse, on the contrary, I’m getting better and better. Well, I’m definitely getting better at dealing with my issues, at least.” He chuckled. 

“That’s true, I can tell.” Robert smiled at him. “I’m very proud of you.”

“Even though I fucked up badly yesterday?” Jimmy pouted. “Twice?” Robert just shrugged.

“You were honest about it, you told me from the start what I was dealing with. That’s a big step.” He said. “And we did have a wonderful time after all and just as much sex as we had on our wedding night.” He grinned. 

“True.” Jimmy giggled. “It was sooo good!”

“It was... I still can’t get over how you made me beg for your cock, in the shower...” Robert shook his head and Jimmy felt his face heat up as he blushed. 

“Oh fuck, I did that... I can’t believe I did that, I was so... I don’t know, caught up in the moment... I’m sorry. Did you mind?” He asked, embarrassed as he remembered how he’d talked to Robert. The older man laughed and shook his head.

“Did it sounds like I minded? Did it *feel* like I minded? I loved it. You know I’m vers, I don’t mind being on the receiving end.” He explained. Jimmy breathed a little sigh of relief.

“I’m so embarrassed I said those things to you, it feels so wrong now, you know, calling you Daddy but doing those things to you... talking to you like that.” He mumbled.

“Even if I like it?” Robert asked. “I’d hate it if we were locked into only doing it one way just because of this new dynamic. It doesn’t have to be that way.”

“Well... that does make it better. You’re right.” Jimmy smiled. “Are we still on for our... uh... roleplaying date, today?” He then asked and Robert nodded.

“Of course, if you’re still up for it. If you wanna do it, I’m all for it.” He said. 

“I’m very nervous... but I do want to, yes.” Jimmy admitted.

“Well, then I suggest you put on some clothes, as much as I love having you in my lap like this, so we can go get some breakfast.” Robert suggested, but Jimmy shook his head.

“No, I... I’d rather pack some stuff and leave already... I have some stuff to take care of.” He said, making Robert look up at him in surprise. “I think it might be a good idea to spend some time apart, too... we’ve really been sitting on top of each other the past week, 24/7... it’s gonna be hard enough as it is to go back to our normal life, after this.” He added.

“Ok... you’re right.” The older man agreed. “I’d like to talk about this a little before we go for it, though. Is there anything I should do or definitely shouldn't do? Any rules?” He asked. Jimmy thought about it for a moment.

“Well... the usual rules apply, you know. Definitely don’t touch my throat, ever. Don’t hurt me. Don’t be mean or condescending. That’s pretty much it.” Jimmy said. “Stop if I go mute or dissociate.” Robert nodded.

“Alright. You have to promise me to tell me if you’re uncomfortable or if you want to stop.” He said. 

“I promise. You, too, though.” Jimmy said and kissed the tip of his nose. Robert smiled and nodded again. 

“So, what is it that you need so much time for? I mean, I suppose we’re going to do this in the evening...?” He then asked. Jimmy just smirked at him.

“I’m not going to tell you!” He quipped. “It’s a surprise, you’ll see, or whoever you’re going to be later will see.” He said with a wink. He was very curious to see what kind of character Robert would chose to play, he knew that his husband had a thing for acting and was quite good at it. He just hoped he’d be able to keep up. 

“I’m intrigued.” The older man grinned. Jimmy kissed him again, then snuggled into his arms a little, he wanted to enjoy being close to his lover for a little longer before he left. Robert wrapped his arms around him and held him tight. “You’re so sweet... I love that you’re not self-conscious at all, even though you’re all naked... it feels so natural.” He cooed and kissed Jimmy’s forehead gently.

“I’m just very comfortable with you.” The brunette said and nuzzled Robert’s neck. They stayed like that for a while, holding each other, until Jimmy sat up again. “Well... I’m gonna get ready to go, then.”

“Are you ok to be out there all by yourself?” Robert asked worriedly.

“I’m fine. I promise. I feel a lot less out of whack than I did yesterday. I won’t get myself in trouble.” He said solemnly. 

“Ok. If anything comes up, just call me, I’ll come and get you, alright?” Robert said. He obviously didn’t like the thought of Jimmy out there all alone very much, but he also didn’t try to stop him.

“Ok. Thank you, Daddy.” Jimmy said with a small smile. He kissed his husband one more time before getting off of his lap and going to the bathroom to get ready for the day. He spent quite a while in there, grooming and making sure he looked his best. He then took his little backpack out of his suitcase and stuffed it with everything he thought he was going to need before turning back to Robert who was still at his laptop.

“See you tomorrow, then.” He winked. Of course they were going to meet later, but not as ‘themselves’, they’d be different people, so he said it like that. Robert chuckled.

“See you tomorrow. Be safe.” He said. Jimmy waved at him before closing the door and leaving the hotel. He’d decided to spent some time alone because he wanted to see how he’d cope with that after spending so very much time with the other man recently. He didn’t want to get too dependant on him. He spent some time wandering around, looking at everything that caught his attention, until he found an adorable little café to have breakfast at. 

He still had to call Jenny for his appointment today, so he sat in the far corner, away from any other guests and ordered a simple breakfast before calling his therapist. They talked while he had breakfast, he told her what they were going to do today, he told her about everything that happened the day before and he even told her about Robert calling him a slut in his drunken, jealous fit and how awful it had made him feel. She was surprised that someone like Robert could slip up so badly, but she once again was able to offer him valuable advice on how to deal with it. She, just like Robert, wasn’t very happy about the LSD either, she also told him to stay away from it and Jimmy found himself agreeing, even though he’d really enjoyed the night before.

Once they were done, he paid for his breakfast and started wandering the city once more. As soon as he found one of the main shopping streets, he started to look for a drugstore and it didn’t take him very long to find one. He took one of the small baskets they offered and started looking around. The basket soon filled up with all sorts of things he wanted, he got some hairspray, a new comb and a brush, a sweet, flowery perfume he liked, a pair of tweezers and a facemask and then he spotted the make up.

He’d never used any before and he wouldn’t usually, he didn’t want to be any more feminine than his long hair and his slight frame already made him, but today, that was very different. Since he was pretty sure that he wasn’t a very good actor, he at least wanted to change his appearance quite a bit, so going a little more feminine was what he wanted, at least this once. He didn’t know whether Robert would like that at all, but he was willing to risk it.

He picked up some mascara and a black khol eyeliner as well as a light, sparkly champagne eyeshadow. He knew he didn’t need to buy blush, Robert would make him blush plenty as it was, he thought with a little grin. He did pick up a lip balm that would turn slightly pink-ish as soon as it touched it his lips, though. He stayed away from foundation and concealer since he had no idea how to use that, nor did he think he needed it in the first place.

He ended up paying quite a bit of money for all that and leaving the store with a big bag full of goodies that made him very happy for some reason. 

The next store he went to had clothes and he was very tempted to buy half the store, but managed to pick up only a few items. He didn’t want to look too cheap, but he did want to look sexy, so he bought a new pair of tight, black jeans and some new boots that were so big and chunky that they made his legs look even slimmer by comparison. 

He also bought a huge sweater that would slip off his shoulder easily, he knew he’d look really cute that way, it’d make him look even smaller. He still remembered the way Robert had looked at him the first time he’d seen him wearing his oversized hoodie and how he’d licked his lips when it slid off his shoulder. 

Just when he was about to find the cash register to pay, his gaze fell on the lingerie section of the store and he found himself drawn to it. At first, he went for the pretty, elegant lace stuff he usually liked, but then he spotted a pair of panties that didn’t have any lace, but he still loved it. It was light pink and had lots of little cartoonish raspberries printed all over it, it was absolutely adorable, so he bought that one as well. 

He really needed a break after all that shopping, it was just past noon, so he found somewhere to have lunch at. Just when he was done with his food, his phone buzzed on the table next to him. He bit his lip and giggled nervously when he saw that it was a text from Robert.

// Are you free? // 

He grinned like a lunatic and wiggled in his chair excitedly, so it had finally started. He waited for a few minutes before texting back, going for a cheeky reply.

// No, I’m very expensive, actually. //

It didn’t take long for Robert to reply, he started with a laughing emoji, then he was typing again.

// Oh, I like you already. I apologize. Let me try again. Are you available this evening? // 

Jimmy bit his lip again, this was already so very exciting. The way Robert was writing was completely different to the way he’d usually text him, he’d never use proper punctuation or spelling, he’d also use a lot more emojis. He sounded a lot more... sophisticated, older. Jimmy liked it. 

// I could probably make some room in my busy schedule. What are you interested in? //

// I couldn’t find it on your website, I’m sorry. Do you do overnight outcalls? //

Jimmy’s jaw dropped, he was stunned, Robert had obviously decided to play someone with a lot of experience with sex workers and he’d obviously done quite a bit of research for this, using those terms. It just got him even more excited.

// Depends. I’ll need you to send me a picture of you holding your ID. Make sure it’s legible. // 

It didn’t take long for Robert to text him a selfie with his ID and Jimmy actually went through the trouble of googling his name and running it through a screening website he’d learned from Charlie. Of course he didn’t find anything negative on his husband, just some pictures of younger Robert that he actually hadn’t known yet, they made him smile. He was so cute. 

// Alright, everything checks out. Overnight is going to be quite expensive and I do require some sleep, I hope you realize that. // 

He wouldn’t want a client to pay all that money just for him to sleep through half of it, but he also wouldn’t be able to keep going all night, so he’d make sure they were aware of that.

// No problem. I do know your rates, 250 per hour for an outcall, so let’s say from 7 this evening until 9 tomorrow, that’d make it 3500, right? // 

Those numbers sent his head reeling, he was amazed that some people would pay so much money for one night, but he knew it was true, some people did indeed, Charlie had confirmed that much.

// Yes. That’s right, if that’s ok for you. It doesn’t have to be till 9, either, I need you to know we won’t be doing it for 14 hours straight, though, so lay off the blue pills, yeah? // 

He decided to be a little cheeky and got another laughing emoji in turn. 

// No blue pills needed, no worries. I’d love to treat you to breakfast in bed tomorrow, so 9 would be lovely. I’m also a big fan of morning sex, so... //

He ended the message with another emoji, a winking one, and Jimmy laughed. He was the one who loved morning sex, Robert enjoyed it, too, but Jimmy was the one who was absolutely crazy about it and he appreciated that Robert incorporated that in their little roleplay as well. 

// Fair enough. So, where do you want me to show up at 7 tonight? //

Robert texted him the address of the hotel they were staying at as well as the room number.

// Oh, fancy. I like. // Jimmy replied with an emoji that was sticking its tongue out. // Anything else you’d like to do? Any kinks? I might charge extra if it’s very... out there. // 

// No, not really. I do like cute lingerie, so if you could wear something cute and pretty, that’d be nice, but it’s not a must. // 

Jimmy squeed to himself and bit his lip. Robert really went out of his way to make this as enjoyable for Jimmy as possible, ticking off most of his kinks and likes. 

// You got it. See you this evening, then. //

// Looking forward to it... // 

Jimmy stuffed his phone back into his pocket. At this point, he couldn’t keep the grin off of his face anymore, he was so excited about this and so happy about how well it had gone so far. Even their little conversation via text had been exciting already. He still had some more preparations to take care of, though, so he quickly paid for his lunch. It occurred to him that he’d been using Robert’s credit card all day like it was nothing and he didn’t even mind. 

Next, he went to find a waxing salon. He was terribly nervous, he’d never done that before, but he really did want to look and feel as different as possible for this evening and since he was going for a more feminine look, his body hair just wouldn’t do and he wanted to get rid of it. 

He knew he’d most likely need an appointment, but maybe, if he offered to pay more, they’d still do it. It took him a while to find one and when he went in, he was relieved to find it empty.

He talked to the woman behind the counter, telling her what he wanted and he was lucky, someone had canceled their appointment so they had time for him. They led him to the back into another room.

“So, you really want the full body treatment, everything? That’s gonna take a while. You’ve ever done this before?” She asked him and Jimmy shook his head.

“Never. It’s just for... a special occasion.” He said and blushed. She laughed and gave him a knowing smile. “Is it gonna hurt a lot?” He then asked, chewing his lip. 

“It’s not too bad, no. I’ll be quick, you’ll barely feel it.” She reassured him. “Let’s just start with your arms so you can feel what it’s like.” She added and started getting everything ready. She smeared some of the warm wax on his arm and covered it with a strip of paper, or fabric, Jimmy couldn’t quite tell. After a while, she pulled it off so quickly that Jimmy didn’t even feel it, it just didn’t hurt at all and the skin underneath was as smooth as a babies butt.

More than an hour later, Jimmy’s whole body was entirely hairless. He was actually impressed with himself for having gone through with this, he hated anyone but Robert touching him, usually, and the woman had to touch him a lot, in some very private places at that and of course he’d hated that, but he’d managed. He couldn’t stop running his hands across his smooth legs and arms and if he’d been alone, he’d touched the rest of himself as well, but for now, he refrained. 

Once he paid for that as well, he went to find a cheap little bed and breakfast place to rent a room so he could get ready. He was almost giddy when he found one that had a bathroom with a tub and the first thing he did was chuck off all of his clothes and twist and turn in front of the full length mirror. He couldn’t believe how different his body looked just because he got rid of all the hair. It wasn’t that he was particularly hairy, but it was quite dark so it did show. Robert had called him ethereal just yesterday and now Jimmy thought he looked more ethereal than ever. He hoped his husband would like it. 

He ran a bath and added some of the shower gel the hotel offered to make some bubbles before getting in, soaking for a while as he listened to music from his phone, singing along. He treated himself to a little bottle of sparkling wine from the mini bar as he enjoyed his bath, just to calm his nerves a little, he was getting more and more nervous the closer it got to 7 o’clock.

He couldn’t help but run his hands along his smooth skin, especially his crotch, it just felt so new and different, the last time he’d looked like this had been before he’d hit puberty.

When he was done with his bath, he got out, wrapped his towel around his hips and started blow drying his hair. He used his new comb and come of the hairspray he’d bought to tease it and make it puffier and bigger than usually. He also put his parting on the other side, just to make himself look even more different to Robert. 

When he was pleased with that, he got himself another miniature bottle of sparkling wine and started doing his makeup. He didn’t really know what he was doing, but he smudged some of the black eyeliner around his eyes and faded it out with his finger, then used another finger to put some of the sparkly eyeshadow in the inner corner of his eyes, then put on the mascara. It made his eyes look impossibly bigger and he actually liked it. 

He used the tweezers to pluck some of the more unruly eyebrow hairs and make them just a little tidier. He then used some of the pink lip balm just on the inside of his lips, getting them to look a bit more inviting and smiled at his reflexion. He giggled and downed the rest of his wine, then put on his new clothes. 

The panties looked adorable on him, almost a little childish, but he didn’t mind, on the contrary, it was exactly what he was going for.

When he stood in front of the full length mirror once more, he barely recognized himself. He still looked like himself, but so very different. The outfit did exactly what he wanted it do, it made him look smaller than he actually was with the big boots and the oversized sweater, the big, teased hair only added to that, as well. He didn’t look cheap, it was quite a casual outfit actually. He could barely believe the person he was looking at was him.

He pulled the perfume he bought that morning from the bag and sprayed some right behind his ears and into his hair, not too much, just a little. It was quite sweet, flowery and rather feminine, he thought it fit his current look very well. 

He took a deep breath and checked his outfit and his hair once more before going back to his phone to get himself a cab, he didn’t have time to walk back to the other hotel nor did he feel like it. He got even more nervous on the ride there, despite being a little tipsy, and when he walked up to the door with their room number on it, his heart was pounding wildly already. He adjusted his shirt to bare his shoulder, then he raised his hand and softly knocked on the door.


	21. 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Jimmy get into their little roleplay, but it turns out way deeper and more emotional than Jimmy bargained for.

He almost squeaked and took a step back in surprise when Robert opened the door. He looked so different, if almost threw Jimmy off completely. He managed to compose himself at the last moment.

The blonde was wearing an expensive, full three piece suit, which was unusual in itself (and so damn sexy), but he was also wearing nerdy, Clark Kent style glasses and... he seemed to have straightened his hair and it was pulled back into a tiny bun, hiding almost all of it. He hadn’t bothered to shave that day either, so he had a bit of a stubbly shadow going on that he didn’t usually have. He looked like a different person and it scared Jimmy a little how he managed to change his appearance so much within half a day. Even his posture seemed slightly different, he’d really put a lot of effort into creating an actual character and Jimmy almost felt a little inadequate.

“Oh, hello darling... it’s so lovely to finally meet you in person.” He said with a dazzling smile and Jimmy’s brain almost short circuited right there. Robert somehow even managed to change his accent to a much more posh, London-sounding one rather than his usual, softer black country accent. It sounded incredibly sexy coming from him. 

Then he took Jimmy’s hand and brought it to his lips and the younger man silently cursed himself for not answering right away, too taken aback, shocked by everything that was going on right then. He so desperately wanted to appear confident, almost cocky, but there was nothing he could do, Robert had completely swept him off his feet. 

Of course he hadn’t missed the slight look of surprise on the older man’s face when he’d looked at him, especially his face and his hair that looked quite different, but it was nothing compared to Jimmy’s reaction. 

“I... uh... hello. N-nice to meet you, too.” Jimmy found himself stammering like a fool, cursing himself yet again. So much for confident and cocky. He sighed inwardly as Robert smirked. 

“Come on in. No need to look so spooked, I’m not going to eat you.” He said, winked and took a step back so Jimmy could come in. He entered the room and looked around. It looked different than it had this morning, the curtains were drawn, the bed looked untouched, there was no trace of his things in the room at all, it might as well be a completely new room. There was soft, quiet music and it was pleasantly warm. Jimmy also noticed that the big mirror that had been on the other side of the room that morning had been moved next to the bed. The thought of watching them at it made him blush already.

“I’m sorry... I don’t always get to meet such gorgeous men.” Jimmy finally managed to say, turning back around to smile at Robert. He looked him up and down appreciatively, the suit looked really good on him, all sharp edges and lines. The other man laughed.

“Oh, thank you... well, you are even more beautiful than your pictures suggest.” He said and Jimmy found himself blushing yet again. The way he was talking, with the different accent and everything, he was very charming. Jimmy wasn’t sure he liked the straightened hair (he loved Robert’s curls after all), but he thought the glasses were very sexy, too. 

“Thank you...” Jimmy mumbled and laughed nervously. He fiddled with the hem of his sweater and the strap of his backpack, it was all he had, he’d left everything else in his other hotel room except for his little backpack that was now almost empty, it only had his phone and wallet in it. He put it down next to the door to the bathroom.

“Please, have a seat. Would you like a glass of champagne?” Robert offered, having picked up on the younger man’s nervousness and Jimmy nodded, trying not to look too eager or relieved at the offer.

“Yes, please, that would be nice.” He said and gingerly sat on the edge of the sofa while Robert opened the bottle and poured each of them a glass. When he realized how stiffly he was holding himself, he willed himself to relax a little and sit more naturally.

“Ah... before I forget...” Robert then said, putting the champagne down on the little table. He went to the dresser and took out a little envelope that was attached to a box of chocolates, handing it to Jimmy. “A little gift for you.” He said and it took the brunette a moment to register what it was. He remembered having read some websites of sex workers that asked clients to refer to their payment as a gift, but he hadn’t expected Robert to go this far and actually do this. He took it and smiled shyly, putting it down on the armrest of the sofa.

“Thank you, how sweet...” He said and reached for his glass of champagne. “Come sit with me?” He offered, patting the sofa next to him. Robert did so and reached for his glass as well. “So... what brings you to Québec?” 

“Business...” Robert sighed heavily. “We’re building up a Canadian branch over here and I’ve been in meetings with the new managers all day... so far, it’s been going smoothly, though, so I’m confident that my presence here won’t be required too much longer.” He explained and Jimmy smiled at him. 

“Sounds like a stressful day, hm? Glad to hear it’s going well, though.” He answered. 

They spent a while talking, occasionally sipping from their glasses. Jimmy tried to find out more about what Robert had come up with for his character while the other man tried to get to know Jimmy’s, but the younger man didn’t reveal much, just like he wouldn’t with an actual client, just bits and pieces here and there, little white lies without revealing anything about himself but making the client feel like he got to know him a little. 

“Would you excuse me for just a second?” He asked after a while and Robert nodded, gesturing for him to go ahead. Jimmy picked up his ‘gift’ as well as his backpack and disappeared in the bathroom. With a real client, of course he’d check the amount before they got down to business, so to make it feel more real for himself, he opened the envelope to do so and almost fell over backwards. 

Inside, there was actual, real money. Canadian money, at that, and when he counted it, it was indeed 3800 canadian dollars, more than they’d agreed on, probably a tip. He briefly wondered if it was real, he’d never seen canadian dollars before, but he was pretty sure they were. He couldn’t believe Robert had actually done that, going out of his way to get the money just to make it feel al real as possible. 

There was also a beautiful little card in there that read “Thank you for your time and your lovely company. Robert”.

He felt like he was going to cry, Robert knew how important this was to Jimmy so he’d made sure to make it as perfect as possible. He wanted to go right back and hug the other man, cuddle him, kiss him and tell him how much he loved him, but he couldn’t, not yet. He took a moment to compose himself, marveling at how pretty the bills were, much prettier than british pounds, at least. He put them back into the envelope and put it in his backpack along with the chocolates. 

Part of him couldn’t wait to give them back as quickly as possible, he felt sort of uncomfortable about it, but another part of him felt really good about it, like he’d actually worked and made money.

He spent some time making sure he was looking as good as possible, making sure his hair was just perfect, he applied some more of the lip balm to make his lips soft and pink again, making sure he was as pretty and clean as possible before going back to the other room. He sat back down on the sofa next to the other man, much closer than before, leaning into him a little, smiling up at him.

“So, I take it you get lonely a lot when you travel?” He asked, batting his eyelashes. Robert smiled at him and nodded.

“I do indeed.” He said and put his arms around Jimmy’s shoulders, pulling him just a little closer again. The younger man felt his nervousness increasing again, but he tried not to let it show. “I have to deal with people all day long and yet, it still gets lonely, especially at night, after a long, hard day.”

“Is that why you invited me over?” He asked, leaning into Robert just a little more. He was again taken aback when he noticed that his husband even *smelled* different, he’s used a different cologne or something. It felt almost too much like he was with a different person.

“Hmmhm and I do already enjoy your company a lot.” He said with another dazzling, charming smile. “It’s good to have someone to have some fun with, just to relax and unwind.” 

“You do seem rather tense...” Jimmy cooed as he slid his hand over Robert’s shoulder, towards his neck. He was indeed a little tense and Jimmy wondered why, he hadn’t seemed nervous about this so far. “Let me give you a massage, relax those tense muscles a little, hm?” He offered.

“That would be lovely, darling.” Robert agreed. He never called him darling, usually, and it almost sounded condescending, but somehow he made it sweet. Jimmy was slowly feeling more confident with this, so he smiled up at the blonde. 

“Let’s get you out of all those layers...” He said and slid his hands underneath Robert’s suit jacket, letting them glide across his shoulders to push it off. When he also took off the other man’s waistcoat, leaving him in the thin, white shirt, he smiled and let his hands rest on his muscular chest for a moment, feeling his muscles through the shirt. “Somebody works out, hm? I like that.” He said appreciatively. 

“I do what I can, yes.” Robert laughed, amused. Jimmy made quick work of the buttons of his shirt, letting it fall down on the sofa behind the blonde as well. “Would you like to move this to the bed? I’ve got some nice, scented massage oil, too...” He offered. 

“Have you planned this, getting me to give you a massage?” Jimmy asked with a cheeky little grin. “I would love that.” He added and Robert got up to get the oil. The younger man couldn’t quite keep his eyes from lingering on his body as he moved, but then he snapped out of it and followed him to the bed. “Lie down, let me take care of you.” He cooed. He was a little sad to see the glasses go when Robert took them off and put them on the nightstand.

Once Robert was lying down, he quickly took off his boots so he could get on the bed as well and straddled the other man. He started to gently massage his shoulders for a while before reaching for the oil they’d bought in the sex shop a few days ago. It smelled lovely, intense and very relaxing, Jimmy liked it a lot, so he poured a generous amount on his palms and continued the massage. Robert sighed.

“God, that feels wonderful...” He said, practically melting into the mattress under Jimmy’s hands. The younger man continued for a while before the blonde spoke up again. “I know this may be an unusual request, but would you allow me to return the favor?” 

“I... it is not at all unusual.” He said softly, just so keeping himself from pointing out that it wasn’t exactly a favor, he was being paid to do this. “Wouldn’t you rather have me take care of you, though?” He asked, kneading the other’s shoulders firmly. 

“I would like to touch you.” He said and Jimmy felt a shiver going down his spine that with any regular client would have been disgust at hearing that, with Robert all he felt was excitement. 

“Well, if that’s what you want to do...” He cooed and got off of Robert. It felt strange to him how easy it was to fall back into that role, he noticed that he was using his ‘service voice’ once again, the same one he’d tried to use on Robert that very first night. It hadn’t worked, if anything, it had put him off slightly, back then. Robert slowly turned around on the bed and carefully pulled him into his arms. He made a surprised sound when he wrapped his arms around Jimmy’s waist. 

“Oh no, you’re so small... there’s a lot less of you underneath all that fabric than I expected.” He said gently and Jimmy couldn’t have loved him more, he knew exactly how much he wanted to feel small and cute and it was true, the huge sweater could have easily accommodated two, maybe even three Jimmys. He laughed nervously and put a hand on Robert’s naked chest. 

“Not *that* small...” He said with a crooked little smile. Robert chuckled and slid his hands up and down his sides.

“Yes, you are, you’re tiny.” He insisted. “May I kiss you? Would that be ok?” He then asked, his eyes flicking down to glance at Jimmy’s lips. 

“Yes... that would be ok.” He found himself saying. Of course, Robert remembered him telling him that he never kissed his clients, but they were a completely different kind of client back then, most of them had been absolutely repulsive and he would have been afraid to catch something. With someone like Robert, even if he was a real client, he wouldn’t feel like that, so it was ok. He was getting very nervous again, having just relaxed a little while he was massaging the other man, because the focus hadn’t been on him.

Robert leaned in and kissed him, gently and carefully, but for some reason that kind of intimacy with someone he almost perceived as a stranger right now still scared him and he stiffened in the other’s arms. Robert pulled back and looked at him almost worriedly.

“Aww, it’s ok, darling, I’m not going to hurt you.” He said gently and searched Jimmy’s face for a moment. “Oh no, you’re trembling. Shh, it’s ok. You haven’t always been treated kindly, hm?” 

Jimmy was actually surprised Robert didn’t stop and call it all off right there and then, that he carried on nevertheless and tried to work through it within the roleplay. He took a shaky breath and shook his head. He felt his eyes filling with tears as he remembered how awfully he’d been treated sometimes and he briefly hated himself for getting so emotional before he remembered that this was what it was all about, a way for him to get over this and have closure, so he allowed it to happen. He would have never done that with an actual client, he never would have allowed himself that kind of vulnerability, but he was with his husband, it was ok. With a real client, he would have probably excused himself for a moment to regain his composure before carrying on as if nothing had happened.

“Shh, it’s alright. I’ll be gentle, I will treat you well, I promise.” Robert cooed and held him close. Jimmy closed his eyes and enjoyed the warm embrace for a while before raising his head again and looking up at the blonde.

“Thank you. I’m so sorry about this, that wasn’t very professional.” He sighed. Robert smiled and caressed his cheek.

“It’s alright. You’re a human being, it’s only normal.” He said. Jimmy wanted to jump him and make sweet love to him right there and then for being so wonderful and caring, but then he also wanted to finish this properly, so he refrained and did his best to stay in character. He took a deep breath to compose himself, then gave the other man a big, honest smile before kissing him again. It didn’t feel wrong this time and he was able to relax into it just fine.

They kissed for a while, slowly and sensually, but Jimmy dearly missed being able to tangle his fingers in his husband’s curls. Robert’s hands started wandering again, slipping underneath his oversized sweater.

“May I take this off?” He asked. Jimmy nodded and bit his lip, he couldn’t wait to see Robert’s reaction to his smooth, hairless body, he couldn’t wait to see if he’d break character and let it show. He raised his arms to let him take the sweater off and looked at him curiously to see, but the surprised gasp he heard before he got to see his face was enough already. Robert was staring at him wide eyed in actual shock for a second before he caught himself and Jimmy loved having caused that reaction.

“Is something wrong? Do you not find me beautiful anymore?” He asked and pouted a little. Robert quickly shook his head and cleared his throat, getting back into character.

“You are the most beautiful boy I’ve ever laid eyes on.” He said. Jimmy knew he meant every single word. It made him smile and lower his eyes bashfully. He almost jumped when Robert started touching him, just running his hands along his hairless forearms, up to his shoulders, then across his chest. “God, your skin is so incredibly soft.” Jimmy loved hearing that and wrapped his arms around Robert’s neck.

“Yeah? Why don’t you touch me some more, then?” He offered and the other man wasted no time and did so, caressing him wherever he could reach as they kissed once again. 

“Let me give you that massage, hm? You’re a little tense, too.” Robert then offered. Jimmy smiled at him and slowly lay down on the bed, making sure to look as enticing as possible, moving as gracefully as possible as he did so, throwing a seductive look across his shoulder. He watched Robert as he put some of the massage oil on his palms as well before he finally lay down all the way and closed his eyes, simply enjoying the massage, the lovely scent of the oil and the music. He soon started to feel a lot more relaxed, he was actually having a really good time so far. It surprised him until he remembered that he wasn’t actually with a client. He bit his lip when he realized just how far he’d allowed himself to get lost in the roleplay. 

“May I take off your pants?” Robert then asked and Jimmy nodded immediately.

“Yes... there might just be something you’ll like very much, underneath.” He grinned cheekily and lifted his hips off of the mattress to unbutton his tight jeans. Robert started pulling them off and both of them burst out laughing when he ended up pulling Jimmy down the bed instead of taking off the jeans. They were just too tight to come off that easily.

“Damn, these are tight.” Robert laughed and Jimmy hid his face in the pillow, giggling into it. Robert slowly peeled the tight jeans off of him and sighed. “Oh I do like this... this is absolutely adorable.” He commented, gently touching Jimmy’s backside currently covered by the raspberry panties. 

“I’m glad you like them. I picked my cutest pair just for you.” He said and wiggled his butt a little. 

“I can see that... they’re lovely. Nowhere near as lovely as you, though.” Robert cooed and caressed him some more, sliding his hands across the fabric, then underneath, squeezing his ass briefly. Jimmy closed his eyes and raised his hips off of the bed again, pushing into the other man’s touch as he arched his back. “Is it ok to kiss your body?” He then asked as he caressed his smooth thighs. 

“Yes.” Jimmy agreed. He appreciated that he’d asked instead of just going for it, but he still jumped a little at the first, sweet kiss between his shoulder blades. The blonde trailed soft kisses all along his spine, then up his thighs, his butt and back up his spine before Jimmy turned around underneath him to capture his lips in a kiss. 

He felt a tad too vulnerable on his back underneath Robert, so he quickly sat up, pushed him back a little and climbed into the other man’s lap instead. They kissed some more, Jimmy let him touch him all over before he started touching him in turn. He faked a surprised gasp when he palmed him through his trousers.

“Oh my... you’re packing.” He said, doing his best to sound impressed by what he felt there. “Now I’m curious.” He said and unbuckled Robert’s belt. The older man chuckled and leaned back a little to let him undo the button and access the zipper more easily. He slid off of his lap to allow him to take the trousers off. 

Jimmy usually couldn’t care less about what was ‘hiding’ in a client’s pants (other than the usual thought of ‘the smaller, the better’), but of course he’d feign interest either way, so he eagerly pulled down his boxers as well. He pretended to be very happy by what he found, grinning and licking his lips graphically, when in reality he’d be both terrified and very annoyed to find such a massive cock in a client’s pants, it’d just mean more preparation, more pain, it’d just mean he’d have to work harder in general. 

“Oh wow... that is huge... I don’t know if I can take that...” He said and wrapped his hand around it, giving it a few nice, firm strokes. 

“Uh... you don’t... have to. It’s alright, I don’t want to hurt you.” Robert said, looking up at him worriedly, but Jimmy laughed it off.

“But that’s what I’m here for. Don’t worry about it, it’s perfectly fine.” He said. “Sooo... have you got a rubber?” He then asked and Robert raised an eyebrow. 

“I... do.” He said slowly. “You’re going a little too fast right now, darling... let me have some fun with you first...” He added.

“I was going to let you have fun, you know.” Jimmy quipped cheekily, but sat back and waited for Robert to make a move instead. “Well, I’m all yours.” Robert pulled him closer again and started kissing and caressing him once more, before hooking a thumb into the side of his panties.

“I wanna take these off.” He said. Jimmy gave him a quick nod and Robert pulled them down. 

He briefly worried because he wasn’t hard, nowhere near actually. If they weren’t roleplaying, of course he would be at this point, but with a real client, he probably wouldn’t be, so maybe it was ok. He was still glad to see Robert’s genuine reaction to seeing him so hairless for the first time, he looked actually surprised once again before he caught himself, then he just looked awed, if slightly disappointed to find him soft. 

He kicked off the panties and Robert went back to touching him again right away. He made him lie back down on the bed and started kissing his chest, then his belly, then he went lower. Jimmy quickly wiggled away from his mouth.

“Uh, hey, no. That’s... don’t do that.” He said uncomfortably. He couldn’t and wouldn’t let a client go down on him, at least not without protection. Robert stopped but held him firmly by the hips so he couldn’t move away further, looking up at him.

“Just a little kiss? Just one lick. Please.” He said and kissed his hipbone gently. Jimmy huffed. Of course he’d argue because why wouldn’t he. He was playing the role almost too perfectly so far, even the most sweet and gentle clients always had a catch. Apparently this one, as nice as he was, was a little pushy when it came to boundaries. He was gentle and nice, not interested in humiliating or hurting Jimmy, but he did feel entitled to more than Jimmy was able to or willing to give.

“I said no.” Jimmy said firmly and frowned at him. Robert actually had the audacity to roll his eyes and sigh.

“Fine. You’re missing out, though, I’m really good at that and you look like you could use some help.” He said smugly, glancing at Jimmy’s flaccid cock. 

“I’m good, thanks.” Jimmy said coolly, then forced a smile on his face. He’d always hated clients like that, but it could be a lot worse, he prefered the arrogant, cocky ones who believed they were a gift to every sex worker over the downright violent or nasty ones any day. He knew he couldn’t just give the other man a piece of his mind and walk out on him, he’d lose all the money he’d just made, so he had to find a gracious way out of this uncomfortable situation.

Robert pawed at him a little more to try and get him hard, but to no avail, it just wasn’t happening, so Jimmy knew he had to flip everything around or his client would get annoyed with him, so he pushed him on his back and straddled him again, relieved when Robert let him. 

“Rubber?” Jimmy prompted again and Robert reached over to the bedside table. He opened the drawer and pulled one out along with some lube. He handed the condom to Jimmy and crossed his arms behind his head, waiting. 

Glad that he was finally allowed to just do his job, Jimmy opened the condom and tossed the wrapper aside. He put the condom on and gave the other man a cheeky grin before rolling it down his length using his mouth, that move always got them and apparently, Robert was no different judging by his reaction. He sighed and closed his eyes briefly before continuing to watch Jimmy.

The taste of the condom in his mouth took Jimmy right back to a time in his life he’d rather forget, most of it at least, but he simply pushed through and carried on sucking Robert’s cock to the best of his ability. He then reached for a the lube with his free hand and briefly stopped what he was doing to squirt some on his fingers. He went right back to sucking Robert’s cock and reached back to prepare himself.

“Fuck, that’s hot.” Robert breathed and Jimmy noticed that he was looking at the mirror next to the bed to get a slightly better view of him fingering himself. In any other situation, Jimmy would have thought so, too, but right now he was in ‘work’-mode. When he thought he was ready, he sat up, letting Robert’s cock pop out of his mouth with a wet sound. He straddled the older man again and gave him a seductive look.

“D’you wanna fuck me now?” He asked, rubbing his butt against the other’s cock. Robert nodded eagerly.

“Yes...god, yes. I want you so badly.” He said, grabbing him by the hips and grinding up against him. Jimmy actually liked hearing that, so he grinned again and quickly grabbed the tube of lube to put some more on Robert’s cock, he really didn’t want to end up hurting himself. 

He sat up and grasped his hard length, positioning himself before slowly sinking down on it. It did hurt, despite everything and he stopped briefly and took a deep breath before trying again. 

“Hey, easy... take it easy, slowly.” Robert said when he noticed that it wasn’t going so well, even though Jimmy had been careful not to let his discomfort show. “Don’t hurt yourself.”

“Sorry... you’re really big.” He breathed and tried once more. This time, it worked and he managed to take it all. “Give me a moment.” He said, taking a moment to adjust.

“You feel wonderful, darling, so hot and tight.” Robert cooed. Jimmy shuddered, he’d heard that before. He managed not to let his disgust show and instead smiled at the other man.

“Yeah? I’m gonna make you feel so good, I promise.” He cooed before starting to move his hips, resting his hands on Robert’s chest. He took it slow for now and just moved the tiniest little bit, wanting to slowly work his way up. After a while, he turned his head to look at the mirror and bit his lip. 

Seeing himself like that, riding Robert, especially with the way he looked right now, he couldn’t help but think about how much money he could make if he actually did this again. He knew there were plenty of men who would pay good money to do this to him and he had no idea whether that thought made him sad or feel strangely accomplished. 

He looked at his own body, from his legs up to his face and it occurred to him just how young and boyish he looked now, Robert looked even manlier and stronger in comparison and he liked it. 

“Hmm, keep watching if you like that, darling...” Robert said in a husky voice and Jimmy glanced at him, distracted, then back at the mirror. He just couldn’t really get into it, no matter how hot he thought they looked, but he definitely filed that information away for future reference. He looked back into Robert’s eyes and leaned in to kiss him before he started to ride him faster. 

The sight of them in the mirror had finally gotten him a little hard, and Robert seemed delighted by that fact and tried to touch him again, starting to move with him as well, thrusting up into him. Jimmy tossed his hair back and let out some loud, fake moans.

“Oh yeah, that’s good...” He moaned. “Don’t stop!” He added when Robert’s hips stopped moving for a moment. He knew he’d somehow have to make himself come, a client like this would expect that, no matter what, and there wasn’t really a way for him to fake that, so he started stroking himself as well, but it wasn’t doing too much for him right now. 

“You’re so beautiful...” Robert cooed and Jimmy looked back at the mirror and he started imagining what it would be like when they were done here and they were themselves again, he imagined Robert fucking him and telling him how beautiful he thought he was, he thought about Robert calling him ‘baby’ and ‘kitten’ instead of ‘darling’, he thought about whispering ‘Daddy’ instead of loudly moaning those fake sounds he was making right then.

Those thoughts had finally gotten him fully hard and he was relieved that he’d managed, so he leaned back a little to let Robert look at him and watch him move on top of him for a while.

“Come on, harder... fuck me harder.” He then prompted the blonde and started jerking himself off almost furiously, that would be the only way for him to get off at this point. Robert complied, grabbing him by the hips for leverage and thrusting up into him harder. When the other man came inside him, Jimmy was almost disappointed that he couldn’t even feel it because of the condom and he stopped his efforts of making himself come, he gave up, knowing it wasn’t going to happen.

He jerked himself a few more times, covered the head of his cock with his hand and let out a few more fake moans as he rocked his hips, then took his hand away and pretended to wipe it on the sheet, giving Robert a brilliant smile. He couldn't believe he’d actually faked it. He quickly got off of Robert and lay down next to him while the other man took off the condom, tied it and tossed it in the bin. 

He felt relieved that it was over, but he also felt amazingly accomplished for actually having gone through with it. He was a little sad that he hadn’t managed to really get into it, but he was sure that with a client like this, he would eventually manage to let go and get turned on despite it being work, maybe the second or third time, when he felt a little more comfortable with him. But not this time. 

“Are you alright? You didn’t actually hurt yourself, did you, darling?” Robert asked and Jimmy quickly shook his head.

“No, I’m fine. You’re big, but you felt so good.” He purred and trailed a hand down Robert’s chest. Flattery sometimes got you another tip, he knew that.

“So did you... damn, the way you rode me... fucking perfect.” The blonde said and Jimmy smiled, it felt good to know he’d pleased him. He snuggled a little closer and suddenly realized that he needed this to end, he needed his husband back, he couldn’t possibly wait till the morning. He nuzzled Robert’s neck.

“I miss my Daddy.” He whispered into the other’s ear after a while and he almost felt the change in the way Robert held himself as soon as he stopped acting. He smiled and pecked his cheek.

“I’m right here, baby boy...” He said and Jimmy squeed with joy when he heard the familiar endearment in Robert’s usual accent. He laughed happily and hugged him tightly, then started kissing him wildly. Robert laughed in turn and pulled back to look at him. 

“Hey... are you alright, kitten? You hated it, didn’t you?” He asked worriedly and Jimmy shook his head.

“No. No, you were perfect. Almost... too perfect, you were so different, it was almost scary.” He admitted and then pouted. “I didn’t expect you to be such a good actor. It felt... almost too real at times.” Robert gently caressed his face.

“I noticed... you really felt like you were working, didn’t you? Not like you were just roleplaying with your husband.” He asked. Jimmy nodded.

“Yeah... I... I’m sorry.” He whispered. 

“I know you faked it, too, by the way.” Robert said. “You didn’t have to.” 

“What...? Oh. How did you know?” He pouted. Robert chuckled.

“I know you. I know your body so well. I know exactly when you’re close and I can feel when you’re coming even if I can’t see it. Some fake moans and you wiping your hand doesn’t fool me.” He said. “Those moans almost threw me off at first, by the way... I was like... that’s not what my boy sounds like when he’s having a good time.” 

“Oh god... I know. I’m sorry! It’s just... I don’t know. Some clients really expect us to enjoy it, too, so we kinda have to do that... even if we don’t. Especially clients like the one you played, the entitled, arrogant ones that think they’re god’s gift to sex workers, born to make us come and fulfil all our sexual desires when in reality, all we really ‘desire’ is their money!” He shook his head. 

“I know... I talked to Charlie.” Robert admitted and Jimmy’s eyes widened.

“So that’s how you knew!” He gasped. “That’s how you knew to ask for an overnight outcall, that’s how you knew how to act, the thing with the money, that’s how you knew how to be an ok, yet not perfect client!” He said. Robert nodded.

“Yes. I called him this morning and asked for some advice, since I’ve literally never done this. He told me everything I needed to know, including some of his pet peeves with clients. That’s how I built my character. I wanted him to treat you well, but I didn’t want him to be too perfect either, so it could still be realistic for you.” He explained.

“You have no idea how close to the real thing that was. Bloody hell. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had guys try to get just a little extra out of me... ‘Hey, just let me’... ‘can’t I just...’, ‘just once, please’... ‘I came too fast, can I go again?’...” He babbled and huffed. 

“What? Really? They do that?” Robert asked in disbelief. Jimmy laughed and nodded.

“Yes. Remember, I used to be paid for a certain service, not for the amount of time, right? So if someone paid to fuck me and he blew his load as soon as he put it in, that was his problem, not mine. But they always begged me to wait a bit and let them go again. It was incredibly annoying and I always ran the risk of them getting violent if I didn’t let them.” He pouted. 

“Wow... that is awful. I had no idea.” Robert said and shook his head. 

“Yeah... you know, the ones that came quickly were always my favorite, because... easy money, right? The ones that came to me for a quick blowjob or something. Occasionally, I had some guys with a little more money come to me... that didn’t happen often because those usually go for guys like Charlie, the ‘high end’ ones, not for what I was back then... but when they did and they asked me to come to a cheap, filthy hotel with them... I knew it was going to be hard work because they had higher expectations than the others.” Jimmy said.

He had no idea why he was suddenly so talkative, he never talked to Robert about this before, but now it was just pouring out of him like verbal diarrhea and he had no idea how to stop himself. Robert didn’t seem to mind, though, he seemed interested, curious even. 

“Higher expectations?” He asked.

“Well, yes. Those were always the ones who wanted to make me come, too, and I was just like... dude... not gonna happen.” Jimmy laughed. “But they didn’t care. They thought they were special because they got me off the street for a few hours and into an actual bed, they thought they were my saviour and I’d come all over them for it.” He shook his head. “I once had a guy fuck me and he kept going on and on about how hard he was going to make me come... while I was lying there, thinking ‘right...’ and planning what I was going to buy with his money as soon as he was done.”

“Fucking hell...” Robert shook his head again. “What are those guys thinking? They were paying you, it’s not like you wanted to have sex with them.”

“Exactly. Somehow... some clients think they’re... different. Like they’re... ‘the one’ that’s gonna show us a good time.” Jimmy mused. “It’s really strange... they wouldn’t ask their waiter if he actually enjoyed bringing them their food, or the cashier whether she liked scanning their items.” 

“Huh, I never thought about it like that. You’re right, though. It’s a service, it doesn’t matter if the one providing it enjoyed doing so, as horrible as that sounds.” Robert said thoughtfully. 

“Exactly, as long as the money’s good.” Jimmy added. “I’m sorry, it’s like I can’t stop talking right now, I don’t know what’s up.” He then admitted shyly. Robert chuckled.

“I think you’re relieved. Do you feel better about the whole thing now?” He asked. 

“Yeah... I feel free now, somehow... like I can move on and like you really understand me now. It’s weird.” He sighed. “It also felt so fucking real that I feel like I know what it’s like now, this way I mean, as opposed to what I used to do on the street, that it can be a good job. And now I also know that Charlie is fine, that this isn’t only horrible.”

“I’m glad it worked, then. That’s why we did it after all.” Robert said. “I do have to admit... it was fucking bizarre having sex with you without you actually enjoying it. I felt awful about that at times, when you couldn’t even get hard. That was just... bad.” He admitted. “But then again, I’m glad you asked me for this rather than a rape fantasy.” 

“What? Bloody hell... why would I ask for that??” Jimmy asked, appalled at the very thought.

“I read that that’s how some rape survivors cope.” Robert shrugged. “But I couldn’t do that... I wouldn’t even be able to get it up for that, no matter what. I was struggling as it is, earlier.”

“Understandable.” Jimmy said. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get hard... or finish. I was too caught up in how real it felt, it really felt like work.” He sighed. “What kept you hard? You said you struggled. I didn’t notice.”

“Well... looking at you... thinking of you. I mean, I was still with you and I love you and you turn me on, always.” Robert admitted and Jimmy smiled widely at that. “I loved what you were wearing, I loved the way you looked... and then when I took off your clothes, I was just... blown away. I did not expect that.” He admitted and pulled Jimmy a little closer to caress his legs. 

“Do you like it?” Jimmy asked. Robert bit his lips, he looked like he felt guilty.

“I... don’t know. A part of me definitely does, yes. But... I also really want you to grow it back.” He admitted, absentmindedly running his hands up and down the younger man’s thighs.. Jimmy frowned.

“Why?” He asked, slightly confused as to why he’d want that if he liked it.

“Well. Because I actually really, really like your body hair. It’s fucking adorable.” Robert admitted. Jimmy couldn’t help but laugh.

“You find my *body hair* adorable?? Bloody hell, you must really, really love me!” He said, amused. Robert laughed as well and shook his head.

“No! I mean, I do, but that’s not why!” He quickly corrected himself. “It’s just... it’s so cute. It’s not a lot, but what is there is cute and soft and straight. Not curly and wiry like mine.” He pouted and Jimmy melted.

“But I like yours, too! It’s very manly and sexy.” He said, caressing Robert’s chest. “Well, I will grow it back, but that’s going to take a few weeks, so... you can enjoy this while it lasts.” He grinned. 

“Hmm... I feel guilty for liking it so much... it just... makes you look even younger.” Robert sighed. Now Jimmy understood.

“There’s no need to feel guilty.” He cooed. “I’m a grown ass adult man who knows exactly what he’s doing and what he wants. There’s nothing wrong with it. I’m not a child. Far from it.”

“And yet I like it when you act like one and when you look like one.” Robert huffed. “It’s creepy. I’m creepy.” 

“Would you like it if I actually was a kid?” Jimmy asked. Robert gave him a bewildered look.

“What the fuck, Jimmy? No! Of course I wouldn’t!” He snapped and Jimmy grinned.

“See? Exactly. You like it because it’s not real. The only reason you like it is because it’s just an illusion, it’s just an act, it’s just a game. It’s alright, I like it, too.” He said. “There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“Yeah... maybe you’re right. As long as you’re enjoying it, too, I guess it’s ok.” Robert sighed. “You are exceptionally beautiful, I just can’t stop looking at you and touching you...” He said, caressing Jimmy’s hips, then running his fingertips towards the front, curiously feeling up his crotch. “It’s so smooth. *So* smooth and soft...” He sighed and Jimmy lay down on his back to allow him easier access. He didn’t mind being touched like that at all, on the contrary. He watched Robert explore his body with a smile on his face.

“You really do like it...” He teased as he spread his legs a little. 

“I do...” Robert admitted and kissed him briefly. “Hey... you didn’t get off... d’you want me to...?” He trailed off and looked up at Jimmy questioningly. The brunette smiled, but shook his head.

“I seem to remember that I was promised morning sex, though.” He grinned. Robert frowned.

“Hm, no. I believe that boy who was in this room with that other guy a while ago was promised morning sex, and breakfast in bed.” He corrected and Jimmy laughed. 

“Daddy! Stop horsing around, I want my morning sex! AND breakfast in bed!” He demanded bratily. “And I want you to hold me close all night and cuddle me lots.” He pouted.

“My, you’re awfully demanding today, kitten, I don’t know if I can do ALL that!” Robert said with an amused twinkle in his eyes and pulled him close. Jimmy snuggled up to him and pulled the blanket up and around them. He couldn’t help but notice that despite how much he’d hated the condom, he loved that he didn’t have to go and clean up, he could just stay in Robert’s arms and fall asleep.

“I love you, Daddy... thank you so much for making this possible... you’re the best.” He cooed sleepily. He did feel a lot better about the whole thing now, he no longer felt dirty because of what he used to do. He’d been doing a job and he’d made a lot of guys that often didn’t have any other choice very happy. He felt like it was ok, now. 

“I love you, too... you’re welcome. I’m glad it actually helped.” Robert sighed and kissed the top of his head lovingly as he held him close. “Sleep well, my little love.”

“Sleep well.” Jimmy answered and close his eyes as Robert switched off the lights.


	22. 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another lovely day in Québec, a walk in the park, movie night with snacks and some naughtiness... of course Jimmy has to fuck up again, sending a naughty picture to his friend instead of Robert by mistake, because why wouldn't he?? But it's not so bad this time and they end up getting a laugh out of it.

Jimmy did not get his promised morning sex because, to their surprise, neither of them actually felt like it the next day. On top of that, Jimmy had discovered so many things in the city the day before when he’d been out on his own that he needed to show Robert, that he practically chased the older man out of bed in his excitement to drag him out there. He did however want breakfast in bed and lots of cuddling before that, which he got. He also needed Robert to wash his horrible, straightened hair so it’d go back to its natural, wild and curly state.

Robert lovingly called him his little panda because he’d neglected to remove his makeup the night before and woke up with it smudged all around his eyes. Jimmy laughed and rushed to the bathroom to wash his face, grinning at his own reflection in amusement before doing so. He was glad he didn’t wear makeup every day, because he was sure he’d forget about that all the time.

After picking up Jimmy’s belongings from his other hotel room and taking them back to their regular one, they spent the entire day just like their first day in Québec, walking hand in hand, exploring and enjoying each other’s company. Jimmy felt lighter and more free than ever before, more in love with his husband than ever as well. At some point during the day, he remembered the envelope in his backpack and he stopped walking immediately, pulling at Robert’s arm to stop him as well.

“I still have all that money on me, let me give it back to you...” He mumbled, embarrassed for having forgotten until now. He pulled his backpack to the front and started to open it when Robert gently covered his hand with his own to stop him.

“I want you to keep it.” He said softly. Jimmy paused, then stared up at his husband in bewilderment and utter disbelief.

“Are... are you serious?” He whispered. Robert just smiled at him.

“Yes. Keep it. It’s yours. Treat yourself to something nice.” He said.

“B-but... t-that’s... that is... that’s so much money, Robert! You can’t possibly mean that!” Jimmy gasped. His head was spinning, it was difficult wrapping his mind around it. The blonde pulled him into his arms and kissed the tip of his nose gently.

“I do mean it, kitten. It’s a gift, as I said.” He said. Jimmy just stared at him for a while before hiding his face in the lapels of his jacket. 

“Now it feels like you actually paid me for... you know.” He mumbled. Robert laughed.

“I didn’t, though.” He said firmly. “You’d sleep with me anyways, why would I pay you for it?”

“Right.” Jimmy sighed. “Fucking hell, Robert. You can’t just do these things to me, you made my head spin. So much money!” He gasped. “You really do love spoiling me, huh?” 

“Yes. I told you that I do. It makes me happy, it brings me joy.” He said. “I’ve even been thinking about giving you something like a weekly allowance or something, but then I realized how stupid that would be because I’d buy you whatever you wanted either way, I’d give you however much you needed anyways.” He shrugged. Jimmy’s eyes widened and he laughed.

“You know what? Do it! If it makes you happy, I won’t stop you from sticking a bill in my pocket every once in a while.” He shrugged. “I mean, there’s literally no downside for me, is there?” 

“Well... I feared you’d feel... somehow in debt to me if I did that...” Robert said. Jimmy shrugged again. 

“It’s your money and you can do with it as you please. If you want to give it to me without asking for anything in return, I’m ok with that.” He said. “Look. When we got married and I asked for a contract that stated we’d have separate property... your money stays yours and mine stays mine... I did that because I didn’t want you to feel like I was just getting married to you for your money. Well, because I really do like being independant and all that, too, I guess, but... yeah, that was the main reason. But what you’re doing with your money beyond that is your business.” 

Robert eyed him suspiciously for a moment, then he smiled and picked him up, spinning him around for a second before putting him back down. Jimmy laughed and clung to him, surprised by how happy it made Robert. 

“You have no idea how glad I am that you’re finally relaxing about this issue...” He sighed. “I hated seeing you struggle to afford something with your small income... I hate seeing you look at stuff you wanted online and then you’d sigh and close the page because you couldn’t afford it. It killed me, I always wanted to get you whatever it was that you wanted, but you would have hated me!” 

“Aww, I’m sorry, you’re probably right, I would have. Things are a little different now, though... well, you have my permission to buy me whatever you see me looking at longingly.” Jimmy said in amusement and pecked Robert’s cheek. “I could make a wishlist on Amazon and you can just... you know, order something and surprise me with it.” He shrugged and grinned. 

“Yes! That sounds awesome!” Robert said enthusiastically and Jimmy laughed.

“Ok, now you’re making me think you’re getting off on it!” He said, trying hard to stop laughing. Robert pouted.

“I don’t! Well... maybe a little...” He admitted, shuffling his feet. 

“Aha! I knew it!” Jimmy grinned. “Is that why you had absolutely no problem staying hard yesterday even though you were ‘struggling’, as you said?” He said teasingly. Robert actually avoided looking him in the eyes, keeping his head lowered. Jimmy hated that he felt so guilty about something he couldn’t help.

“Maybe...” He mumbled, ashamed. Jimmy sighed and made him look up, smiling at him gently.

“It’s ok. You can’t help what turns you on. We can play with that if you like, in the future.” He said softly. When he noticed that Robert was still uncomfortable, he chuckled. “You know what turned me on? I’m a little embarrassed about it, too.” He said, thinking that maybe if he offered something embarrassing about himself, Robert would feel more comfortable.

“Hm? What?” Robert asked. 

“The mirror.” Jimmy admitted. “I got excited looking at *myself*, now if that isn’t weird...” He shrugged.

“It’s not. If I looked like you I’d be standing in front of a mirror all day!” Robert said quickly and they both laughed. 

“It’s not that, I liked seeing the contrast between us...” Jimmy said. 

“I liked that, too.” Robert agreed. Jimmy would have loved to continue that conversation, but they were in public, in a beautiful park with other people all around them, so he decided to change the subject quickly before they got too carried away, he tended to get a little excited talking to his husband like that and he’d prefer not to pop a boner in public.

“Well... since apparently I have 3800 canadian dollars now... I was thinking... when we get back home, I think I’d like to get my driver’s licence.” He said. Robert gave him a surprised look. “What? I can’t have you or Jonesy drive me around all the time.” He said.

“Well, true... do you even have the time for that, though, between work and school?” He asked. 

“Not really. But then again, I don’t technically *have* to work, right?” Jimmy said and batted his eyelashes. Now that he knew about another little kink of Robert’s, he was most definitely going to use it to his advantage. Of course he would never give up his independence completely, but his boss had had no problem letting him go for his honeymoon trip, she could wait a little longer for him until he had his licence. 

“No... no, you don’t have to work.” Robert said, looking at him with wide eyes, clearly still surprised. Jimmy understood why, he’d been fighting this for more than a year and now he was suddenly fine with it, of course it came as a bit of a surprise to Robert (and himself, if he was completely honest, but he decided not to question it too much to avoid freaking himself out again). 

“See? It all works out.” He grinned happily.

“Speaking of driving, though... I was thinking, we should start our road trip from here. Canada is so beautiful, I’d rather see more of it than just going to the States by plane.” Robert said. Jimmy couldn’t agree more.

“I would absolutely love that.” He said passionately and threw his arms around Robert’s neck. “That would be wonderful, Daddy...” He cooed. Now that the serious part of the conversation was over, he fell back into their usual habits.

“I was also thinking about how to do this... because... I could rent a car, of course... but getting it back here and all that would be a lot of trouble... so I thought I’d just buy one and sell it by the end of it. How do you feel about that?” He asked. Jimmy thought about it for a moment.

“That sounds like a good idea. It might actually be cheaper than renting one, too, considering we’ll be needed it for a few weeks.” He said. Robert nodded.

“Exactly. So you agree? Shall we try and find one, then? A car we like, I mean.” He said, obviously relieved that Jimmy liked his idea.

“Yep! Let’s!” Jimmy quipped cutely and took the older man’s hand again. “Can it be something cooler than a Prius?” He asked, then, making Robert laugh again. 

“Of course... I’d really, really like an old Chevy Impala, you know, cruising the states Supernatural-style? But I’d feel so bad driving such an old guzzler.” He sighed. Jimmy got very excited hearing that even though he’d never watched a single episode of Supernatural, he had seen pictures of that particular car online and he’d always liked it a lot.

“That would be SO fucking cool, though! Apparently, they’re pretty comfortable to sit in and... uhm... sleep in... too.” He said and wiggled his eyebrows. Robert rolled his eyes and shook his head. 

“They are, yes.” He said. “Think about the environment, though...” 

“Oh come on. Global warming isn’t going to get worse just because we decide to drive an old car for a few weeks. The real problem are the big corporations and their factories as well as big, old power plants and you know that.” Jimmy argued. “If you don’t buy and drive it, someone else is going to.” 

“You’re right... I still don’t really like it.” Robert sighed. 

“How about this: Check online if there’s one for sale around here in the first place, chances are there isn’t and we’re worrying in vain.” Jimmy suggested. Robert nodded in agreement and they went to sit on one of the benches in the park before he pulled out his phone. 

It took them a while to find and download the app they needed and even longer to look for the car they wanted, but there were indeed two Chevrolet Impalas for sale in Québec. One was cute, but not the exact model they were looking for, although they would have probably settled for it if it wasn’t for the other ad. That one was what they were actually looking for.

“This one looks just like the one in the series!” Jimmy said excitedly, pointing to the ad. 

“Well, it is. It’s a black ‘67 Impala, sedan, 4 doors, big block V8 engine... exactly what we were looking for, apparently in good condition as well.” Robert mused. Jimmy blinked at him.

“I don’t know what half of the words you just said mean, but... buy it?” He said cheekily and Robert laughed at him. 

“Ok, no, look, this is not how this works. You wanna get your licence, but you know nothing about cars?” He said. “We can’t have that, come on, let Daddy teach you.” He said with a grin and wrapped an arm around Jimmy’s shoulder. The younger man laughed at how paternal he was acting, but accepted the offer and leaned against his husband.

He started explaining everything he’d just talked about starting with the difference between a sedan and a coupé, he explained engines, batteries, gear boxes and tires to him. Jimmy initially didn’t care much, but he absolutely loved listening to Robert explaining it to him, leaning against him and letting him show him pictures on his phone to go with whatever he was currently talking about. By the time Robert was done, he did feel like he knew a lot more and he was grateful for that. 

“I love it when you explain things to me, Daddy...” He cooed and pecked Robert’s cheek once he was done. “Nobody’s ever taken the time to explain the world to me before.” He pouted.

“You’re welcome, love...” Robert said and kissed his forehead in turn. “You know you can always ask me if you wanna know something, right?” Jimmy nodded. Of course he could just google stuff and find information on his own, but talking it through with Robert always helped him see things from another perspective, too, and he loved that. 

“I know. Thank you.” He said and smiled up at the other man. “So... are you gonna buy that car?” He then prompted again, afraid someone else could find it and buy it before they got their chance. Robert chuckled and nodded.

“Yes, let me contact the seller.” He said and shot him a message on the app. A while later, he received a call from the seller and they talked for a while, Robert asked a bunch of questions about the car that Jimmy wouldn’t have known to ask, things he wouldn’t have known were important, before he hung up and smiled at Jimmy again.

“So?” The brunette asked curiously. He was once again impressed with how much Robert knew and how easily these things came to him.

“It’s still available and it sounds really good, the previous owner had a bunch of stuff fixed, a lot of the parts are actually brand new despite the car being 50 years old. We can go look at it tomorrow and if we like it, we can sign the contract and take it with us right away.” He said and Jimmy squeed.

“Yay! That sounds good, doesn’t it?” He asked excitedly. 

“It does, but I do want to see it in person before making a decision.” Robert said.

“That’s smart, yeah.” Jimmy agreed. “What do you wanna do with the rest of the day?” He then asked. 

“Hmm... you know, we haven’t had a lazy day just lounging and watching TV in ages. How do you feel about buying a bunch of junk food and snacks, some bottles of coke or whatever you want and spending the rest of the day in our room, watching a movie or something?” He suggested. Jimmy grinned at him widely, he was lazy at heart and loved staying in, cuddling and watching TV with his husband more than anything else they could do.

“I think that’s the best idea you’ve had in a while!” He said enthusiastically. 

They got off their bench and went to find a supermarket to buy some snacks and soda, then made their way back to their hotel, stopping by a nearby McDonalds and getting a some burgers and fries. They got into some more comfortable clothes and snuggled up on their bed, switching on the TV. They settled on some action movie starring Jason Statham, that actually ended up being pretty damn good, as they ate their food. Once the movie was over, Jimmy glanced at Robert with a cheeky twinkle in his eyes.

“You know... I really wanted to have some fun with that mirror...” He said. He could immediately tell that he’d piqued Robert’s interest with that with the way his head snapped around from where he’d still been watching the TV and he bit his lip.

“Yeah? What did you have in mind?” He asked, leaning in closer. Jimmy grinned again and took a sip of his coke. 

“I want to get naked... then I want to watch you touch me.” He said, lowering his voice to a seductive whisper. “You know how I love your hands... seeing them on my body would be so fucking hot.” He added. Robert nodded and stared at him for a moment, already lost in imagining what they were going to do before he snapped out of it again when Jimmy sat up to take off his shirt.

“Hey... I never get the pleasure of undressing you, you always take off all of your clothes right away.” He complained. Jimmy laughed.

“Well, I’m sorry, I seem to have a strange aversion to clothes, at least when I’m around you.” He winked. “You did get to peel me out of those unspeakably tight jeans yesterday.” He reminded his husband.

“That doesn’t count!” Robert argued and grabbed him by the ankled to start pulling down his sweatpants. Jimmy giggled happily and let him, then laughed even more when Robert pulled him towards him by the ankles and tickled him lightly before taking off his socks as well. Jimmy was wearing a pair of cute panties again, and Robert did not take them off. Jimmy took that to mean that he liked them. This time, the soft cotton had lemons on it, they came in a set with the raspberry ones he wore the day before and since they were soft and amazingly comfortable, he’d chosen to wear them as a regular thing, not just for sex.

“Do you like these, too?” He asked with a bashful little smile, twisting and turning his hips for Robert to admire him. The blonde smile and slid his hands up his legs towards his hips and nodded.

“They are adorable... but then again, you could make a trash bag look sexy.” He chuckled. Jimmy threw his head back and laughed, then tackled his husband to throw him on the bed to kiss him wildly. Robert made a surprised sound as he caught him and fell back into the bed.

“You come up with the most amazing compliments!” Jimmy squeed happily. “I’m totally gonna try to seduce you, wearing nothing but an old trash bag.” He grinned. 

“You’d manage. I’d just rip it right off of you.” Robert retorted. 

“Oh, kinky. I like.” Jimmy winked and kissed him again. “Mirror?” He then asked, pulling back to blink at Robert as innocently as he possibly could, lying on top of him almost entirely naked. 

“Yes... lie down, get comfortable, let me adjust the mirror.” Robert said and once Jimmy got off of him, he left to do just that. Jimmy lay down and told him how to angle it so he had the best view of the bed and his own body. When Robert was done and started unbuttoning his shirt, Jimmy stopped him.

“Would you keep it on? Just for now?” He asked shyly. 

“Everything?” Robert asked and Jimmy nodded. “If you want me to...” He said slightly insecurely. Jimmy smiled at him as he noticed that.

“It’s not that I don’t want to see you... you’re gorgeous. It’s just... I like it when you’re dressed and I’m not. It’s hot and I don’t know why.” He admitted.

“Hmm... maybe because you look even smaller in comparison when I’m wearing clothes?” Robert offered as he went to get a box of wipes. Jimmy was grateful, that way he wouldn’t have to complain about the mess again afterwards. “Maybe it’s the vulnerability. You don’t seem to have a problem with that anymore, recently.” He came back, lay down next to Jimmy and looked down at him as he leaned in closer.

“Maybe it is that, yes.” Jimmy agreed and leaned in to kiss him again. Robert indulged him for a moment, then broke the kiss and nudged his head aside so that he’d look into the mirror again.

“Watch.” He whispered into Jimmy’s ear and began to gently kiss his neck as his hands started to caress the younger man’s body lovingly. Jimmy followed his lips and hands with his eyes in the mirror, biting his lip. Of course he’d watched Robert’s hands sliding down his body before, but it was a way different angle, he could see it much better this way and it was a huge turn on.

“Fuck, this is so hot...” He whispered. “Your hands are so big.” He added as Robert splayed one of them across his belly and slowly dragged it down towards his still lemon-clad crotch. 

“Hmm, is that why you like it, you like seeing my big hands on your beautiful little body?” The blonde asked with a grin. Jimmy whimpered and nodded eagerly, oh how he loved being called small like that, despite the fact that he was just as tall as Robert. He let his own, much more slender hand join his husband’s and tried to push it down, closer to his crotch. 

“Yes... yes, please, please touch me.” He said huskily, but Robert chuckled and resisted.

“Not yet, kitten. I’m nowhere near done with you.” He said teasingly and Jimmy stopped trying to get him to touch him and just let him do what he wanted, surrendering and letting his hands drop to the bed. 

“What are you gonna do to me, Daddy?” He whispered and Robert just smirked at him and resumed kissing his body teasingly, kissing his shoulders, then his chest and finally licking and sucking one of his nipples, the one closer to him. His hand started moving again when Jimmy sighed happily, but it still didn’t touch him where Jimmy wanted it, he just tugged down his panties a little to reveal the tip of his dick.

“Oh, I’m already enjoying this a lot more than yesterday... seeing you so hard, enjoying yourself... wow.” Robert said, more than just a little pleased to find him very hard already. “I love how you always line yourself up straight up when you’re wearing panties.” He commented. Jimmy laughed.

“Well, it’s much more comfortable... and random boners don’t show through my jeans if I do that.” He explained. Robert chuckled.

“That makes sense... does that happen often?” He grinned teasingly. Jimmy blushed.

“Yes. All the time. You just have to look at me or talk to me a certain way.” He admitted. He shouldn’t be embarrassed by that, he was rather young after all and it was only natural, but Robert teasing him about it made him blush nevertheless.

“That is so adorable.” Robert cooed and kissed him briefly. “Too bad I can’t always tell because you’re hiding it.” He then chuckled slowly dragged his hand down Jimmy’s belly again and lightly teased the head of his cock with the very tip of his finger, circling it lightly, then rubbed it just above the ridge of the head. Jimmy whined and wiggled on the bed as he watched the movement of Robert’s hand as well as his own reaction in the mirror.

“Don’t touch it like that, Daddy, you know it’s too sensitive!” He pouted but Robert only grinned at him. “It’s ticklish.”

“But I love watching you squirm...” He purred against his ear, sending even more tingles down Jimmy’s body. “I love it so much...” Jimmy tried to look as cute as possible and batted his eyelashes at him again, still pouting ever so slightly.

“Look how hard it is... it wants to be touched nicely... please, Daddy...” He whispered, looking at his hard, swollen and straining cock in the mirror and how Robert was barely touching it. It was frustrating and exciting at the same time to be teased like that and he absolutely loved it. The look on Robert’s face and how much he was enjoying it only made it even better.

“Poor darling... it is very hard, indeed. What are we going to do about it?” Robert teased and stopped touching him altogether and sat up. “Sit up, I wanna get behind you so you can be in my arms. Lean back against my chest.” He instructed as he sat behind Jimmy and leaned against the headboard of their bed. Jimmy did as he was told and Robert wrapped his arms around him tightly. In this position, Jimmy could feel that the other man was just as aroused as he was, he could feel it clearly through the thin pyjama bottoms Robert was wearing.

“Please just touch it? I wanna come so badly, please.” He whispered. He loved the way Robert’s muscular arms looked around his chest and belly and how small he felt. 

“Hmm... I don’t know, I like you where I have you right now...” Robert grinned. “I could just... touch you just a little... just the tiniest little bit... until you come anyways because you just can’t take it anymore.” He added in a low voice. Jimmy knew that that was exactly what was going to happen. Robert really enjoyed teasing him and having him all hard and aching.

“Don’t be mean to me, Daddy... I love you...” He whispered in a small voice. He was mostly acting, of course, he was enjoying this immensely.

“I love you, too, kitten... I’m not being mean. I’m gonna make you feel good, just wait.” Robert answered and tugged Jimmy’s panties down all the way, wedging the waistband underneath his balls to expose him entirely, then he resumed the teasing touches again until Jimmy was, once more, reduced to little whines and whimpers. He looked at his own reflection, the way his body was reacting to all of this, and bit his lip.

“Do I always get that flushed?” He asked, looking at his own, reddened face and how it had even spread down towards his chest. He’d never seen himself like this before, he didn’t even recognize that completely wrecked look in his own eyes either. Robert chuckled.

“Yes. That’s how I can tell whether you’re enjoying yourself or not.” He answered. “I think it’s absolutely lovely and adorable.” 

“You just like seeing what you’re doing to me.” Jimmy accused with a little smile. 

“True. You like seeing it, too, though, don’t you?” Robert answered and finally, finally he reached down and actually wrapped his hand around Jimmy’s cock. He was so hard by now from all the teasing, the head was so swollen it had almost turned purple and was leaking quite a bit, which was unusual for him. He couldn’t believe Robert had pushed him so far. 

“Fuck, yes.” He whispered, more out of relief that he was finally being touched properly rather than in answer to the blonde’s question. He melted against his husband and sighed happily, allowing his head to fall back on his shoulder and his eyes to close, now focusing only on how damn fucking good it felt after all that time. 

“Like that, baby boy?” Robert asked. Jimmy nodded eagerly and turned his head for a quick kiss before focusing back on the mirror and the way they looked together, like that.

“Do you think people would like watching us?” He asked. “I mean, if we made... like... videos for pornhub or something.” He specified, his brain wasn’t working too well right now and he wasn’t the most eloquent with Robert teasing, touching and stroking him. The older man paused for a moment.

“Is that something you’d like to do?” He asked carefully after a second or two. Jimmy laughed.

“No! I don’t actually want to do that, I mean. It’s just something I like to think about.” He admitted. “I like to imagine what it would be like... to record... to post it online... the comments people might leave...” He said, getting slightly more breathy by the second. He watched Robert’s face as he talked and the older man flashed him a grin in the mirror.

“Ah. I get it.” He answered, understanding that it was just a little fantasy, not something Jimmy actually wanted to do in reality. “You’d love to read all those comments complimenting you, saying how pretty you are and how hot those little, desperate sounds you make are, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes, and the ones that talk about how huge your cock is and how nicely you fill me up...” He answered. “There’s this couple... that I’ve been watching... they’re actually engaged...” He whispered in between little gasps as Robert’s hand sped up on his cock. “They have such amazing chemistry, they are so hot even though neither of them is my type at all, looks-wise... but you can see that they love each other and how good it feels to them...” 

Robert paused again and Jimmy took a moment to catch his breath. The older man looked genuinely surprised as Jimmy caught his gaze in the mirror.

“You’ve been looking at porn?” He asked. He sounded delighted by that fact. “That’s awesome. Show me.” He said and nodded towards Jimmy’s phone that was on the bed next to them. The brunette was a little taken aback at Robert just stopping what he’d been doing to him, just like that, and telling him to do that, but he reached for his phone nevertheless and searched for a video of the two guys he’d been watching on and off. 

“Their names are Zilv and Rourke... look, you can see Rourke’s rings, it’s a promise ring and his engagement ring.” He said. Part of the reason he liked them was because it was actually real, they weren’t actors, just a couple that enjoyed doing this from time to time. He let the video play and Robert watched for a moment.

“Bloody hell... that blonde boy looks... 13 or something.” He gasped, but Jimmy could tell he liked them, too. He giggled and nodded.

“He does, doesn’t he? I think he’s cute. He’s 19, though. Zilv is only 25, so they don’t even have as big of an age gap as we do.” He explained. “Wait, let me show you something.” He then added.

He skipped to the end of the video, after a round of rather rough sex, the bigger guy was lying on top of the smaller boy, both of them had pleased smiles on their faces and the bigger, bulkier guy was pecking the boy’s face gently, telling him how much he loved him and asking him what he’d like him to cook for dinner. Robert laughed.

“He’s gonna cook the little one dinner? He was so dominant and forceful with him just a second ago...” He asked in amusement. “And they’re putting moments like that in their porn videos?” 

“Yes! That’s why so many people like them so much, they’re so real and so in love!” Jimmy said excitedly. “I like them because they’re a lot like us. Not looks-wise, but... you know what I mean.” He then admitted with a whisper and put his phone down. 

“I understand. We’re nowhere near that rough, though.” Robert said.

“No, true. I’d like to explore that, though... slowly.” He admitted. “Well, everything except the choking.” 

“Of course. We can do that, if you want.” Robert nodded. “Hm, why don’t you pick another video of theirs for us to watch?” He then asked with a teasing smile. Jimmy grinned and picked up his phone again, pulling up another video. He propped his phone up against a pillow so he’d have his hands free again. In the video, the blonde boy was wearing white, thigh-high stockings with lace and cute panties.

“I could wear stockings like that now, too.” He said softly, raising a leg to run a hand along a smooth, hairless, milky white thigh. “Would you like that?” 

“Fuck yes, you’d look so pretty like that... much prettier than him, for sure.” Robert murmured into his ear and resumed touching Jimmy again as they watched the video. Jimmy grinned widely, unbelievably happy to hear that, he loved that to Robert, he was the prettiest boy in the world. “I’m gonna buy you some as soon as we find a store...”

“Thank you, Daddy...” He sighed and arched a little, thrusting up into Robert’s hand, he was so close and so desperate to come, the video as well as the way his husband was talking to him only brought him closer. “Fuck... I’m so close...”

“Yeah? Good boy... you’re so beautiful, look at yourself.” The older man answered. Jimmy looked back at the mirror and caught the exact moment when he came, shooting strings of thick, white liquid all over his belly, almost up to his chest with a little moan. Seeing that only seemed to make it last longer, it seemed to make it more intense and he closed his eyes briefly to savour the feeling for a little bit. 

Once he caught his breath, he reached for his phone and paused the video. He opened the camera app and snapped a quick picture of them, Jimmy lying in Robert’s arms, all flushed and pleased, come on his belly, smiling at the camera while Robert was kissing his neck. He loved the picture right away, there was something sweet and intimate but also dirty and sexy about it. He pulled up the menu to send it to his husband.

Just when he was about to touch the little icon that would send it to Robert, the menu shifted, Svenja’s little contact bubble popped up right underneath his finger and Jimmy gasped.

“Fuck! No! Oh my god, no, no, no, no... Shit!” He cursed and tried to stop it, but it was too late. The blonde couldn’t help but start laughing. Jimmy frantically texted Svenja.

// DO NOT OPEN THAT!!!! // 

Of course, even if she didn’t open it and deleted it right away, the little preview picture would have been enough. Jimmy was absolutely mortified while Robert was still laughing his ass off at his ‘little’ mistake. He quickly shot his friend another message.

// I didn’t mean to send that to you, I am SO sorry, please just delete that!! DO NOT OPEN IT!! //

// Too late... oh my god, Jimmy! I was just using my phone and it popped up on me! // 

When her reply came, along with a bunch of blushing emojis, an eggplant one and one with small water droplets, Jimmy wanted the earth to open up beneath him and swallow him for all eternity. 

// Noooo... I am so sorry, I meant to send that to Robert, but then the stupid menu shifted and... SORRY! // 

He had no idea how to make that up to her, he didn’t know if he could ever face her again. She’d never let him live that down. 

// It’s ok... it was a mistake. I’m sure you’re more embarrassed than I am. I deleted it. //

// Thank you... again, I’m terribly sorry... //

// Jimmy. It’s ok. //

He sighed and made to put his phone down, but then another message popped up.

// I have to admit, you look gorgeous. //

He stared at it for a moment, wide eyed, and Robert chuckled. He didn’t even know what to say, so he just sent her a little ‘thx’. 

“I thought she had a bit of a crush on you...” He said. Jimmy pouted and glared at his husband.

“She does not! She’s just being nice.” He argued and Robert shrugged. “Whatever. I’m so embarrassed!” 

“Don’t be. It happens. I’m sorry I laughed, but your face, when it happened... that was hilarious.” He admitted and Jimmy pouted even more. “If it’s any consolation... when I had my first girlfriend... that one time, my Mom walked in on us. She had the audacity to give us tips!” He said and this time, Jimmy was in stitches. “Yeah... I think that was the only time in my life I ever hated my Mom... I was SO embarrassed!”

“Oh shit, I can totally see her doing that!!” He howled. “That is amazing!” He grinned, grateful that Robert had told him that, just to make him feel better. “Thank you for telling me that.” He said. He carefully turned around in his arms and kissed the older man gently. “Hey... shall we finally get you out of these clothes?” He asked.

“You wanna go on?” Robert asked in surprise.

“What? Of course! I’m not gonna leave you hanging just because I messed up!” Jimmy laughed and sat up to help him take off his shirt, then he tugged off his pants impatiently. 

“It’s ok, though... I kinda owed you one, for yesterday.” Robert said. Jimmy raised an eyebrow at him.

“We’re not keeping count, are we? Because if we were, you’d owe me like... 50, or something.” He said in amusement, remembering that time when his meds had made it almost impossible for him to finish.

“Right...” Robert said with a little grimace and lay back again. Jimmy smirked at him and licked his lips.

“I wanna suck you off.” He said. He quickly grabbed one of the wipes Robert had gotten earlier and cleaned his belly, tucked himself away inside his panties again and got in between Robert’s legs to do just that. The blonde sighed and closed his eyes in bliss as soon as Jimmy started. 

“God, you’re so fucking good at that, kitten... that feels... so good.” He gasped after a while. Jimmy was more than pleased with his reaction, even more so when Robert didn’t last long at all, coming in Jimmy’s mouth within a few minutes. 

The brunette rested his head on the other’s thigh, up against his hip, keeping his cock in his mouth as he looked up at him, blinking at him slowly, lovingly. Robert chuckled.

“Don’t you wanna let go, baby?” He asked. Jimmy shook his head as much as his position and the cock in his mouth allowed him. “Aww... is it yours? You wanna keep it?” A quick little nod, this time. “You’re so adorable. It is all yours, indeed.” Jimmy gently suckled it, just briefly, lightly and Robert groaned. “Fuck, don’t...” He sighed, so Jimmy cheekily did it again, but then he stopped, just keeping it in his mouth until it had finally softened and slipped out. Jimmy thought it was a very loving, intimate moment and he definitely wanted to do that again. 

He slowly crawled up on the bed and snuggled into his husbands arms. With the exception of his little fuck up with Svenja, that day had been absolutely perfect and he couldn’t wait for the next one, he’d loved showing Robert what he’d discovered in the city, he loved their walk in the park and their movie night. It may not have been as exciting as other days, but it was a wonderful day nevertheless. Now he was excited for them to buy their ‘new’ car and discover more beautiful places, but another part of his mind was already busy coming up with ways on how to get back at his husband for teasing him so much earlier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The couple I'm talking about is Zilv Gudel and his fiancé Rourke, you can find them on Pornhub, Twitter and Instagram, they are incredibly adorable (and, uh, hot). 
> 
> By the way! I still appreciate comments on this story! I haven't gotten many the past few chapters which, in a way, I understand, since this story has been going on for so long, I suppose people just ran out of things to say... but if you do have something to say, please do! <3 I'd love you for it, it keeps me going! Thank you!


	23. 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a romantic morning in Québec, our boys go to buy their new car for their road trip, but things end up a little different, in the best way possible. They leave Québec to start their road trip along the US border in Canada.

Jimmy woke up to a vision of beauty. He blinked a few times because he thought he was still dreaming. It was still rather early and the sun was rising, bathing the whole room in a warm, golden glow and at the window, he saw his husband, standing there in a black bathrobe, watching the sun rise over the city. His hair and the exposed skin of his chest caught the light of the sun and Jimmy was once again stunned that he was actually married to this gorgeous man. He giggled to himself happily and squeed, causing the older man to look over at him.

“You are so fucking gorgeous, my beautiful golden god!” Jimmy said and smiled at his husband widely. He knew he was being cheesy, but he also couldn’t care less. Robert threw his head back and laughed. It only made him look even more handsome.

“Good morning to you, too.” He said in amusement, smiling over at Jimmy in the bed.

“You look like a rockstar.” Jimmy cooed and stretched languidly. Robert raised an eyebrow at him.

“Really? In my robe, with my bed head?” He asked, still very amused at Jimmy’s adorable antics.

“Yes. You just... have that aura about you... a certain presence... powerful... strong... you just... draw all the attention when you walk into a room. It’s amazing, really.” Jimmy sighed and this time, Robert actually looked flattered. Jimmy knew how important it was for Robert to hear stuff like that, ever since he’d found out that even this absolutely perfect man got insecure and self-conscious at times. The older man smiled at him gratefully once more before changing the subject, gesturing for Jimmy to come over.

“Wanna come watch the sunrise with me?” He asked.

“I’m naked.” Jimmy pouted, he didn’t want to stand right in front of the large window of their hotel room all naked and expose himself to the entirety of Québec and he was too lazy to go get a robe, too. Robert grinned at him and turned towards him, opening his robe. Jimmy was almost disappointed that he’d put on underwear.

“Come here, we both fit in this thing.” He said. Jimmy squeed again, happy that he’d get cuddles and he was getting to watch the sunrise with his husband. He quickly got out of bed and into Robert’s arms, who closed the robe around him, then turned back towards the window. Jimmy gasped at the sight.

“Woah! This is amazing!” He said. They had a great view of the city from their hotel and in this light, it just seemed even more beautiful to Jimmy. Being in Robert’s arms just made it even more perfect. “I love this city so much. Can we come back here one day?”

“Of course, kitten. We can come back soon, even, if you want.” Robert said. “I want to travel as much as work and school allows, I want to take you to so many more places...”

Jimmy turned his head to beam at him and kissed him gently before turning his attention back to the glowing, golden city stretching out in front of them. After a while, he gasped when he remembered something he’d forgotten in all the excitement of the past two days.

“Daddy! We forgot about our dick clones!” He said excitedly and started to bounce up and down in Robert’s arms, almost headbutting him in his excitement. “Please, can we check them out??”

“Oh, we really forgot about those, huh?” Robert said with a little chuckle. “Yes, let’s see how they turned out.” He added and turned around, away from the window, so Jimmy could get out of his robe and rush to the bathroom. There, the brunette quickly slipped into his own robe (two silicone dicks to look at were plenty, didn’t need to display his own, he figured) and grabbed the two tubes with the clones.

“Can I take them both out?” Jimmy asked and batted his eyelashes at the blonde cutely. Robert smiled and ruffled his hair lovingly.

“Of course, little one.” He said gently and they both sat on the bed. It took Jimmy quite a bit of fiddling around and gently prying the hardened mold away from the clone, but then he got the first one out. It was quite obviously Robert’s and Jimmy actually squeed in delight.

“Oh wow, it’s so detailed, look, it’s even got the veins and everything!! That is so cool, it looks just like the real thing!” He said excitedly. The silicone was now opaque and flesh coloured and indeed, it had all the same details the real thing had, every little ridge and vein, even the light little curve to the right Robert had. Jimmy then pouted.

“What are you pouting for, don’t you like it?” The older man asked and Jimmy sighed.

“Honestly? I’d hoped it would *feel* more like the real thing, not just look like it.” He said. “This is way too hard, it’s all rigid and cold.”

“Well. To be completely honest. I’m glad.” Robert chuckled. “If it was warm and felt all skinlike, what would you need me for?” He asked and Jimmy nudged him playfully.

“Oh shut up. It’s not gonna talk sweetly and a little dirtily to me, now, is it?” He said with a wink. “It’s not gonna kiss and caress me either and it definitely won’t suck my dick.” Robert tossed his head back and laughed.

“Right. I guess I *am* more than just a cock.” He grinned.

“To be fair, you haven’t sucked my dick in a while, either.” Jimmy pouted. Robert stared at him for a moment, then he looked like he was trying very hard to remember the last time he did that and failing miserably. He started to look guilty.

“Shit. I really haven’t. Not even on our wedding night.” He said, sounding like he truly felt sorry about that. “I’m so sorry I’ve neglected you like that, kitten...” He sighed and pulled Jimmy into his arms.

“It’s ok... I keep going on and on about how much I love your hands, so it’s my own fault, really...” Jimmy shrugged. “I should start gushing about your mouth, maybe that’ll work.” He winked. Robert gave him a sheepish grin.

“I’m sorry, honestly... it’s not that I don’t enjoy doing it... I just... we’ve been doing other stuff you’ve enjoyed so I guess...” He trailed off and shrugged. “I always thought I wasn’t very good at it, anyways.” He sighed and Jimmy frowned.

“That’s not true! You’re amazing!” He said right away, not liking Robert’s insecurity one bit. “I love feeling your mouth on me... anywhere, really. You made me come just licking my nipples, remember?” Of course he remembered, how could he forget, it had turned him on like crazy. Jimmy knew that, but he loved teasing his husband.

“Keep talking like that and we’re not going anywhere today.” The older man growled and nuzzled his neck. Jimmy giggled.

“I wouldn’t mind...” He said playfully and kissed Robert, but the blonde stopped him.

“We’re getting a new car today. We have an appointment and we won’t be late.” He said sternly and Jimmy pouted again. Robert smirked at him, apparently the teasing worked both ways. “Open the other one? I’m curious about yours.” He then prompted and Jimmy did so. Unpacking his own clone felt a little weird, he’d never seen his own cock from that angle and he was quite curious as well.

It was clear and bright purple, of course, unlike Robert’s, so it was a lot less realistic, but Jimmy liked it anyways.

“It looks bigger seeing it from this angle.” He admitted, lifting it up to eye-level and grinning.

“Do you believe me now, that you’re not small?” Robert chuckled and took it from his hands, inspecting it curiously. “This is nice. It even has that cute little curve at the tip!” He said and showed it to Jimmy. Indeed, the tip was pointing up ever so slightly. The brunette grimaced.

“Now that is weird.” He complained.

“No, it isn’t! I love that, it’s one of my favorite things!! It always looks like it’s happy to see me, all perky!” He argued and Jimmy burst out laughing.

“Well, that’s because it is, Daddy!” He said cutely once he caught his breath and grinned at the blonde. He then looked down at the two clones and sighed. “On the one hand, I can’t wait to play with these, on the other hand, I’m so... I don’t know, intimidated by them... I can’t quite explain it.”

“It’s ok, little love. We don’t have to use them. Making them was fun enough already. We can use them if you feel like it, but we don’t have to.” He said reassuringly and Jimmy hugged him tightly. “If you do feel up for it, ready for it, just tell me.”

“I will. Promise.” Jimmy smiled at him, once again grateful for having such a sweet, understanding husband.

“I will make up for neglecting you like that, by the way, I promise. I’m so sorry about that, I really didn’t realize-” Robert started rambling and Jimmy shut him up with a kiss.

“It’s ok! I was just joking. You did not neglect me!” He laughed. “I would have said something if I wanted you to suck me off, you know I’m not ashamed to tell you what I want.”

“Right.” Robert said and eyed him for a moment, then he smiled. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to get that insecure, I just... sometimes... it’s hard to believe you actually want me, love me... that you’re actually satisfied with me.” He sighed.

“Damn, you really have issues.” Jimmy said with a crooked little smile to show that he wasn’t serious. “You need to spend more time in front of the mirror. You’re fucking gorgeous. You’re also incredible in bed, I am more than just ‘satisfied’, trust me.” He grinned. He couldn’t believe Robert didn’t know that just by how Jimmy was all over him all the time.

“I should really be more confident, huh?” Robert chuckled and shook his head. “I’ll try. For now, let’s hide those things in our suitcases and get ready to go? I wanna grab some breakfast on the way there, if that’s ok with you.” He added.

“Sure. Why don’t we leave these out on the bed?” Jimmy said cheekily and wiggled his eyebrows. Robert rolled his eyes.

“No, kitten, we’re not gonna traumatize the cleaning personnel, they did nothing to deserve that.” He said. “Naughty boy.” He added and slapped his backside lightly. Jimmy felt a rush of heat at that. He bit his lip to keep himself from grinning even more. Once again he had a hard time being responsible and stopping himself from jumping the other man right there and then, but he knew he had to be, for now, so he gave him a sweet smile instead.

“OK, I’ll be good, then.” He said and took the two vibrators and went to hide them in his suitcase, between some shirts of his. He made sure they were well hidden and safe, then took out some clothes he wanted to wear that day and went into the bathroom to get ready to leave. Robert joined him soon and they got ready quickly so they wouldn’t get distracted again and miss their appointment.

It took them a while to get to the dealership and they had a quick, simple breakfast on the way there. Jimmy was incredibly excited about them buying a car and starting their road trip, even though he wasn’t going to get to drive the car, he just couldn’t help it. When they got there, the owner greeted them and showed them the car. It seemed to be in pristine condition and Jimmy absolutely loved it, he thought it looked so badass.

Just when they went inside to sign the contract, Robert stopped dead in his tracks, staring at something, before gently taking a hold of Jimmy’s arm to direct his attention at something else.

“Jimmy... love... I know you really like that car but... I need this.” He said slowly, still staring. Jimmy followed his gaze and groaned when it fell on an old, 60s Volkswagen bus. It was incredibly colorful, the paint had flowers all over, it was a hippie dream. He slowly turned towards his husband, raising an eyebrow.

“Are you serious?” He asked, glancing back at the little bus. He’d been looking forward to cruising the States in the cool Impala, he didn’t really want to get the lame VW bus. Robert nodded, though.

“I’ve always wanted one of those, this one is... perfect!” The blonde gasped as they slowly walked over to it. Jimmy sighed, as much as he wanted the Impala, he couldn’t help but melt at the look on Robert’s face. It was beyond clear that his husband really, really wanted the hippie bus.

“I mean... it’s your choice, you’re gonna be the one driving it.” He said slowly. Robert glanced at him and cringed.

“If you really hate it, we can still get the other one...” He said, but Jimmy could tell that his heart was breaking at the thought, so he smiled and shook his head.

“This one is much more... you.” He said gently. It was true, this was the perfect car for Robert. The owner of the dealership walked around the bus to show them everything and the more Jimmy saw of it, the less he minded. The bus was in pristine condition, just like the Impala, but unlike that one, it had... a bed in the back. Instead of seats, there was a large mattress in the back as well as a lot of room underneath for them to put their suitcases. It would be perfect for a road trip.

Jimmy turned to his husband again and gave him another smile, reaching out to put his hand on his shoulder.

“I mean it, Robert, get this one if you like this one better. This isn’t just about me, it’s about us and I want you to be happy, too. Besides, I do see a huge advantage this one has over the Impala.” He said with a little grin and a cheeky wink, glancing at the bed in the back of the bus. Robert blinked at him, then laughed.

“You’re being a naughty boy again.” He said, surprised, shaking his head. “Alright, if you’re sure? You won’t be sad?” He asked again. Jimmy shook his head.

“I promise I won’t be. You can always buy me an Impala back home, as soon as I have my licence, right?” He batted his eyelashes. Robert blinked in surprise again and bit his lip, then he nodded.

“Yeah...” He said slowly, distracted, and Jimmy knew he’d managed to turn him on. It was almost amusing how much buying him expensive stuff seemed to arouse him, but Jimmy most definitely wasn’t going to complain. When the owner of the dealership cleared his throat, Robert snapped out of it and turned back towards him, starting to ask questions about the bus before deciding to buy it.

“You won’t want to sell this once we’ve ended our roadtrip.” Jimmy said when the guy was gone to get the contract ready. Robert sighed.

“You’re right. I’ll have it shipped back home.” He said. “This has been one of my dreams ever since I was a child.” He admitted and Jimmy smiled at him, turning to him to wrap his arms around his neck.

“I’m so happy we found this one, then. This is going to be great, we won’t have to worry about finding a motel all the time!” He said. He really didn’t mind this anymore and he was more than glad to see his husband so happy.

“So... shall we go back to the hotel and pack our stuff once we signed the contract?” Robert asked. “We could just drive off and see where life takes us. No destination, just... freedom.” He seemed incredibly excited about that and it sounded awesome to Jimmy, as well.

“Yes. Let’s do it!” He said and grinned happily. “Well. We do need to stop by a store and buy some sheets and pillows for the bed... some food and drinks for the road...” He then mused.

“Of course. We’ll take care of it, don’t you worry.” Robert said and kissed the tip of his nose. Jimmy tilted his head to give him a real, proper kiss, but the man chose that moment to come back with the contract, so he had to refrain, for now. It took the blonde a while to read the entire contract to make sure it was alright, but then he signed it and got the keys for the car. Jimmy had no idea how much the car cost and how his husband was going to pay, but he also didn’t really care, he knew the older man would take care of it.

They got into their new car and Robert had a big, happy smile on his face as he turned the key and started the engine. They drove off and Jimmy relaxed into the seat, he liked that it was actually a bench and he could just reach over and touch Robert, or lie down and nap next to him if he wanted to. It was super comfortable and he started to really like the old little bus.

They drove back to their hotel and gathered their belongings, then stopped by several stores to stock up for their roadtrip. Jimmy bought several blankets and pillows for the back of the car while Robert stocked up on snacks and some drinks. Jimmy noticed he’d gotten water, coke and beer.

“Is beer really a smart thing for a road trip?” He grinned.

“Why not? I’m not gonna drink any when I’m driving, but in the evening, when we’re just chilling in the back, why not?” He shrugged.

“Right.” Jimmy said. “Sooo, where are we going first, Daddy??” He then asked excitedly.

“Well, Montreal isn’t too far from here... then there’s Ottawa... and finally Toronto, then we could cross the border to the US.” He suggested.

“Sounds good to me.” Jimmy smiled, pleased. It was still rather early in the day and they’d have quite some time.

“Then just sit back and enjoy the landscape.” Robert suggested and Jimmy did just that. Canada was gorgeous and he really loved looking out the window, watching the beautiful landscape pass by, but after a while, he got a little bored, so he picked up Robert’s phone that was lying on the seat between them to play a game. They always used each other’s phones deliberately, they didn’t really keep secrets from each other, and his own was in his backpack in the back of the bus, so he just used Robert’s.

When he unlocked the phone, though, the reddit app was open and showed him a post Robert had recently made in the r/sex subreddit. He quickly scanned it with his eyes and glanced at his husband, who was focused on the road. The title had caught his attention, so he decided to read it, feeling a little guilty for doing so without asking.

‘Rough sex with a rape survivor?’

He read the title of the post once more, surprised that Robert had gone to reddit with this. He needed to know what exactly his husband wanted to know, so he scrolled down and started to read the post.

> _‘So I (M32) have only been married to my husband (M20) for a few weeks... but it’s absolutely amazing and I couldn’t be happier. We’ve been together for a little more than a year and we’ve had our ups and down, I won’t go into any details, but... recently, it’s been great, especially the sex, we’ve been trying a lot of new things, we’ve found a lot of new things we’re really into and it’s awesome. Up until now, we’ve been a little careful, I suppose, taking it slowly, I’ve been bottoming exclusively because, well, let’s just say he’s been through some shit. He was raped just a few weeks after we met._
> 
> _For our wedding night, he asked me to top for the first time. We did it and he actually, to my surprise, ended up liking it, so we’ve been doing that more often. Every time I’ve been as slow and gentle as I possibly could and it’s worked out fine. But recently he told me that he’d like me to be rougher with him in bed._
> 
> _I really enjoy rougher, harder sex, both ways, really, so I’m totally up for it, but... I’m scared._
> 
> _I love this boy to the moon and back, he means everything to me and the last thing I want is to hurt him or cause him additional trauma. As I said, we’ve had our ups and downs. He’s doing really well, considering what happened to him, he doesn’t really have flashbacks, but he has dissociated during sex before and I’m terrified that’s going to happen again. I’m also terrified of causing flashbacks._
> 
> _We’ve done a *few* things, he really enjoyed some spanking, but that is the ‘worst’ I’ve done so far..._
> 
> _I really want to do this because I want to fulfill his wishes, all of them, I want him to experience everything he wants to, but I’m really scared of fucking up. I know his triggers, I know what not to do, what not to say, but... I’m still scared. He really trusts me, I’m sort of his safe haven and I don’t want to ruin that._
> 
> _So... if any of you have an idea how to do this safely, please let me know. If you’re a survivor too and you’ve done this, please tell me about your experience.’_

Jimmy bit his lip and glanced at his husband, he wanted to hug and kiss him and tell him he’s the best husband in the world, but he couldn’t, not right then at least. The way Robert had written his post melted him, he really, really loved him and wanted to keep him safe and happy, but Jimmy also thought he was worrying way too much.

Apparently, reddit seemed to think so as well. Most of the post were telling him that he was worrying too much, that if Jimmy had asked for it, he must really want it, so Robert should just go for it. Some people chimed in with suggestions on how to make it enjoyable for both of them, some Jimmy agreed with, some he didn’t. Some people were downright rude and horrible, but it didn’t bother him much. It was reddit after all. Some tried to shame Robert for their age difference.

He closed the app and quickly started playing some game, just to make sure Robert hadn’t noticed that he was reading his post. On one hand, he was so happy that he cared so much, on the other hand, he was worried that he was just... worrying too much, to the point where he wouldn’t enjoy it anymore, himself. He decided to get his own phone from the back of the bus and make his own reddit account to write an answer to the post as well. He picked a generic nickname just so Robert wouldn’t trace it back to him.

> _‘He let you to top. He let you spank him! He asked you to be rough with him._
> 
> _Don’t you see how much he trusts you? Trust him a little, too. He probably knows what he’s asking for, he knows that he can deal with it. He wouldn’t be asking for it if he was still unsure about it._
> 
> _Don’t forget about your own needs, either. If you worry that much, you’re going to end up not enjoying it at all because all you can think about is how terrified you are. Just... relax a little and trust him to tell you if something is wrong._
> 
> _Just... go with the flow, do what feels right. You sound like a decent guy, you’re not gonna hurt him._
> 
> _Also, ignore the haters, they’re just jealous! ;) I bet you’re an awesome husband!’_

He quickly sent the post before he could change his mind, then put his phone away again. If Robert didn’t stop getting more and more insecure and worried, Jimmy would have to have a serious conversation with him, he didn’t like where this was going.

Later that day, they were lying in the back of their bus at the shore of a lake, enjoying the sunset with a beer each. They had decided to spend the night right there and Jimmy was actually looking forward to it, he hadn’t spent a night outside since Robert had picked him up from the street. Robert had just put his phone down and sighed heavily.

“What’s on your mind?” Jimmy asked him and took a sip of his beer. Robert didn’t answer right away, he looked out at the lake for a while, before he spoke.

“I just.. I’ve been thinking about... remember how you asked me to be rough with you in bed?” He asked and Jimmy turned on his side to look at him, glad that he’d brought the subject up again, he could tell it was bothering the other man. He nodded eagerly.

“Yes. I really want that.” He said with a cheekily little smile.

“I know... it’s just... fuck, I’m probably overthinking this but... I’m scared, baby.” Robert admitted. Jimmy inched closer and snuggled up to him.

“What are you scared of?” He asked.

“Hurting you. Scaring you. I... I’m fucking terrified I’ll end up raping you.” He said and Jimmy actually gasped. He hadn’t expected that.

“R-raping me? But... you could never... why would you say that??” He asked, bewildered. He couldn’t understand how Robert could think he was capable of that.

“Think about it. If I do this... and you zone out on me... if I carry on, especially being rougher, I’ll essentially be raping you!” Robert explained. Jimmy breathed a sigh of relief, finally understanding what he was on about.

“No. No, you wouldn’t be. You wouldn’t do it on purpose. I still consented, even if I dissociate. It wouldn’t be your fault.” He said quickly.

“Still. It may not be my fault, but it would still end badly.” Robert sighed.

“When’s the last time I dissociated? That was months and months ago, before the trials.” Jimmy huffed. “I’m in a much better state now, after the trials. It’s not gonna happen again.” He said. He was actually pretty sure it wouldn’t, he was enjoying what they were doing so much, every time, there was virtually no risk.

“I should trust you, I know that.” Robert sighed and pulled him a little closer.

“You should. I told you I’m not broken. You’re the one making this an issue.” Jimmy said gently. “I’m worried about you. You keep getting more and more insecure about everything.” He sighed.

He was starting to feel like Robert wasn’t quite the man he’d fallen in love with anymore, the strong, confident man who took no shit from anyone and didn’t let anything throw him off. He didn’t want to say it like that, though, so he tried a more careful approach.

“I know! I don’t even know why! Things are going so well, finally, and now I’m starting to freak out! For no reason!” Robert huffed. He sounded like he was frustrated with himself. Jimmy reached up to caress his cheek soothingly.

“Maybe you should have talked to your therapist as well, after all that happened.” Jimmy suggested.

“What? Why? Nothing happened to *me*.” Robert said and Jimmy raised an eyebrow at him.

“No? You weren’t blackmailed and abducted, whacked across the head with an iron rod, almost forced to watch that guy rape me...?” He said slowly. “You don’t just walk away from stuff like that without any scars.” He meant it symbolically, mentally, of course, but Robert did indeed have physical scars as well, a small one on his forehead and the large one on his leg from when he’d climbed out the window.

“You’re right.” Robert sighed. “It just seems to pale in comparison to what happened to you. I feel like I shouldn’t complain.”

“It’s not a competition.” Jimmy said and pecked Robert’s cheek. “I just want my strong, confident Daddy back. I want you to relax so you can actually enjoy our honeymoon.”

“Fuck, you’re so right. I can’t keep doing this to myself... and to you. It’s not fair. It’s not fun!” Robert said and smiled at him. “I’ll just enjoy myself and do whatever feels right, I suppose.”

“See, now that sounds a whole lot better.” Jimmy grinned, pleased. “By the way... I saw your post on reddit. On your phone, earlier.” He admitted.

He had sworn not to lie to Robert and keeping this from him would feel like lying, so he came clean about it. He felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders and he knew Robert wouldn’t be mad at him.

“Ah. Did I forget to close the app? I should have known you would see it, you use my phone more than yours.” He chuckled.

“Yeah... sorry I read it, I couldn’t help myself. I got curious.” Jimmy said, then looked up at Robert. “Why didn’t you come and talked to me, you silly man?” He said lovingly. Robert smiled and shook his head.

“I wanted to hear some other people’s opinions on this. Other rape survivors, to be specific.” He said.

“Hm... don’t you trust me to know what I want?” The brunette asked with a little frown.

“I do trust you to know what you *want*, baby... but I also think that sometimes, you like to get yourself into situations you find exciting... just for the thrill of it. Even if it might be harmful to you.” The blonde explained. Jimmy thought about it for a moment. “Remember the LSD?” Robert prompted.

“Right. I do that.” Jimmy said and bit his lip when he realized that his husband had a point. “You’re really just looking out for me, aren’t you?”

“I’m trying to.” Robert said and smiled at him. “So... did you find anything worthwhile in the comments?”

“A lot of them had some good points... some assholes here and there...” Jimmy shrugged. “Don’t treat me like I’m broken. Don’t worry so much. Enjoy yourself and do what feels right. You’re a good man and you love me and I feel safe with you.” He summarized the most important points and smiled back at the other man.

He sensed that Robert would still need some more encouragement to actually go through with it (some seduction, maybe?), but he seemed a lot more at ease now that they’d talked it through once more. He let his gaze wander across the horizon, the sunset and the lake once more and sighed happily.

“Do you like it here?” Robert asked and kissed his forehead lovingly.

“I do. It’s lovely.” Jimmy answered, resting his head on Robert’s chest. The bed in their new little bus was surprisingly comfortable, he was warm, he had a beautiful view, he was with his husband and things were looking up once more. “Thank you for making all of this possible.” He said and kissed the center of the older man’s chest.

“You’re welcome, little one. I love it here, too. This is everything I ever wanted.” Robert said and Jimmy felt that he felt free and that he was truly happy.

The next day, however, had Jimmy in an entirely different mood, he felt cheeky and playful as well as terribly horny, so he set himself the goal to drive his husband crazy with teasing him all day long. As they drove off, he started coming up with a plan on how to achieve just that.


	24. 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jimmy is feeling particularly playful and cheeky, teasing his poor husband until he can't take it anymore. He gets exactly what he's asking for, of course. (slightly) Rough smut (with feels, as usually) ahead!

He’d already teased his husband a little the other day and he’d really enjoyed it, so he thought to himself, why not do it some more, see how far he could go, see what reaction he could get out of his husband? 

They had been driving for a while and it had gotten warm in the car, so he took off his sweater, revealing a thin t-shirt underneath, one of Roberts. It was big on him, as usual, so he tugged it off of his shoulder a little and noticed the quick little glance Robert threw him immediately. He pretended not to, though, and lounged back into the seat, pleased that it had already worked. Of course he knew Robert had a thing for that, ever since they’d first met. 

After a while, he reached into the ice box they got and pulled out a bottle of water. He opened it and drank some, but ‘accidentally’ spilled some down his shirt, on his chest. He gasped at the ice cold water and his nipples immediately hardened, showing through the thin fabric, which was of course exactly what he wanted. 

“Damn it, I’m so clumsy...” He said innocently and shook his head before putting the bottle back. Of course Robert had noticed and he looked like his thoughts were definitely straying in a different direction by now as he kept stealing glances at the younger man, but he didn’t seem to have any clue that Jimmy was doing all of this on purpose. 

When they stopped to take a little break, Jimmy made a point of brushing against Robert every so often as they walked around a little to stretch their legs, dropping even more innuendos than usually and by now, he was sure that his husband had caught on to what he was doing. 

When he ‘accidentally’ dropped something and bent down to pick it up, presenting his butt in his super tight new jeans to Robert, he saw the older man pinch the bridge of his nose, something he only ever did when he was about to lose his patience. He managed to pull himself together, though, and carry on as if nothing had happened. 

Jimmy pouted a little, he really had to up his game if he wanted to drive Robert crazy. When they stopped to grab a bite to eat, he took some time in the bathroom to prepare himself for whatever was going to happen later. He hated having to do this in a public restroom, but he was most definitely not going to skip it and risk anything.

Once they’d eaten, he started to cuddle up to his husband and tried to suck a hickey on his neck, making both of them laugh and giggle like teenagers as the blonde tried to fight him off. On the way back to the car, he tried it again and Robert grabbed him around the waist.

“Get off me, you little leech!” He laughed and tickled Jimmy, who squealed and tried to twist away from Robert’s fingers. He managed to free himself and jumped on the blonde’s back, attacking his neck once more as he wrapped his legs around the other’s hips. Robert growled at that and quickly ran to their bus with Jimmy clinging to his back, opened the door, grabbed the younger man and tossed him into the car. He closed the door and walked around the car to get in as well. Jimmy grinned at him widely.

“That was fun.” He said cheekily and Robert shook his head.

“You’re really asking for it, aren’t you?” He asked and Jimmy tried to look as innocent as possible.

“Asking for what, Daddy?” He cooed and batted his eyelashes. The older man just huffed and shook his head, but he couldn’t quite hide a grin. They drove off again and Jimmy carried on doing what he’d been doing, all sorts of little things to drive Robert crazy, lounging in the seat next to him, touching himself casually a little too much, twirling his hair, fiddling with his clothes.

When they stopped to refuel, he followed Robert into the little store of the gas station. In the narrow aisles, he managed to squeeze past his husband and rub his butt against his crotch not only once, but twice. The look Robert gave him was absolutely worth it and he thought Robert had been a little hard the second time he did it. 

At the cash register, Jimmy’s gaze fell upon a little display with lollipops, so while the older lady behind the counter was ringing up the items they got, he quickly snatched a raspberry flavoured one from the display, unwrapped it and popped it in his mouth. He put the wrapper on the counter so the lady could scan it as well and blinked at Robert innocently as he sucked on the lolli. The woman chuckled and smiled at the older man.

“They really are a handful at that age, aren’t they?” She asked. Jimmy almost laughed, he really enjoyed passing for much younger than he actually was, but he managed to catch himself, continuing to suck on his lolli as he waited for Robert to answer.

“They sure are, but they bring so much... joy.” The older man said slowly, his gaze fixed on Jimmy’s now wet and sticky lips. Jimmy couldn’t believe he’d actually said that, he knew of course exactly what kind of ‘joy’ Robert meant. He swirled his tongue around the lolli before popping it back in his mouth. 

When Robert pulled out his wallet to pay, Jimmy inched closer to him, leaned against his side, blinked up at him cutely and snatched a small bill from the wallet with a cheekily little smile.

“Thank you, Daddy.” He whispered and pocketed the bill quickly before sauntering off towards the car, swaying his hips. When he glanced behind himself once more, he saw Robert staring at him in disbelief for a while before turning back to the woman behind the counter and finishing the transaction. Jimmy giggled to himself and sat back down in the car as he waited for his husband who soon joined him, sitting behind the wheel and driving off without another word. 

Jimmy glanced at him and continued to lick and suck at his lolli, making sure to add a few more unnecessary slurping and popping noises as he did, watching Robert’s jaw tense more and more as he tried to keep his composure. 

It didn’t take Robert long to find another place to stop at. He found a beautiful little motel at yet another lake and motioned for Jimmy to get his suitcase and follow him with a curt nod of his head. A wide grin threatened to spread itself across Jimmy’s face, he knew he’d achieved exactly what he’d wanted all along, he’d gotten Robert so riled up and horny that he’d stopped earlier than they had planned. They quickly got a room, Jimmy couldn’t help but notice Robert impatiently drumming his fingers on the counter as he waited for the key.

In their room, Jimmy had just put his suitcase into a corner, still acting all innocent, and made to sit on the bed when Robert grabbed him by the wrist, pulled him closer and pushed him up against the wall hard enough to knock the breath out of him. He was kissed heatedly right away as Robert took both of his wrists and pinned them up against the wall tightly, then pulled back to grin at Jimmy who just looked up at him with wide eyes.

“Have I got you trapped, kitten?” He asked and Jimmy bit his lip. He loved it so much when Robert did this, holding him down, trapping him with his body like that. He tightened his hold on Jimmy’s wrists even more and pressed his entire body up against him as he kissed his neck. The brunette felt like he was in heaven, this was exactly what he’d wanted.

“Do you know what happens to insufferable little brats who tease Daddy all day long?” Robert then growled dangerously. His lips touched Jimmy’s ear as he spoke and the younger man shivered, he almost couldn’t answer because his brain had short-circuited yet again with how hot he thought this was. 

“I... N-no... do they get a spanking, maybe?” He asked with a hint of hope in his voice. Robert chuckled and nipped his neck lightly, then kissed it again.

“Now that wouldn’t be a punishment for you, would it?” He whispered. “I should make you write an essay on how what you were doing today is very, very bad for Daddy’s blood pressure.” 

“Oh no...” Jimmy gasped. “Hmm, I’m sure there’s a remedy for that?” He added. He still couldn’t move with how Robert was holding his wrists and pinning him to the wall.

“Hmmhm. I’m sure there is. How about you put that sweet, sticky, raspberry mouth of yours to good use, hm?” The older man whispered into his ear, then let go of his wrists and took a step back. He unbuckled his belt and unzipped his jeans. It took Jimmy’s slightly lust-fogged brain a moment to understand, but then he quickly got on his knees in front of his husband, licking his lips eagerly.

“Yes, Daddy.” He said and opened Robert’s jeans the rest of the way, tugging down his underwear a little and taking his hard cock out. He was already leaking precum ever so slightly and Jimmy was very proud of himself for having done that to him. He licked his lips again and went to work.

He was way too eager and swallowed most of it down right away, much too quickly. He ended up choking and his eyes teared up. That hadn’t happened to him in a while, he’d learned to manage Robert’s cock pretty well, but he was just too eager and excited this time. 

The older man grabbed him by the hair and pulled him off of his cock. With the other hand, he lightly slapped Jimmy’s cheek. The younger man made a surprised little sound and his eyes widened in utter shock that he’d actually do that, while Robert shook his head at him in disapproval. 

“Don’t be so greedy. You don’t have to make yourself choke on it.” He said. Jimmy’s head was spinning, he couldn’t believe Robert had actually gone that far, slapping him, but more than that, he couldn’t believe how much it had turned him on, he was so hard it was almost painful. He quickly wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and nodded.

“Sorry Daddy... I’ll do better, I promise. I wanna make you feel good.” He babbled eagerly and took him back into his mouth, a lot slower this time. He didn’t choke anymore and Robert gave him a pleased little smile before closing his eyes and letting his head fall back as Jimmy started sucking him. He was so eager to please all of a sudden, he did the best he could, pulling all the tricks he knew, licking, sucking and bobbing his head.

It didn’t take very long for Robert to come with a little groan and Jimmy dutifully and eagerly swallowed it all before letting go and sitting back on his heels, blinking up at his husband. He sincerely hoped that a blowjob wouldn’t be all he’d get for his efforts, but he had an inkling that it most definitely wasn’t, there was more to come.

“Do you feel better now, Daddy?” He asked cutely as he licked his lips. Robert looked down at him and smiled.

“I do, kitten. You did very well.” He answered. Jimmy felt a weird sense of pride like a little flutter in his belly and he smiled back up at the other man. Robert reached down to caress his cheek gently. “Now... since you’ve been such a good boy, I think you deserve a little reward. Up.” He prompted and Jimmy quickly got up.

“Really?” He asked eagerly and Robert nodded. He gave him a quick, gentle kiss, then started slowly taking Jimmy’s clothes off, starting with the shirt, then he crouched down to untie his shoelaces and take them off, along with his socks and finally his jeans. Jimmy loved that this time, Robert got to undress him, he remembered the other man complaining that he almost never got to.

“I’ve got something for you.” Robert then said, slowly steering him towards the bed. He gently nudged Jimmy to sit on it, then took off his panties as well (ever since Jimmy had discovered the set of cute, soft, comfy cotton panties with the cute prints, he’d only been wearing those). 

Robert left him there on the bed and went to his suitcase, tucking himself back into his jeans on the way there. He took out some wipes, some lube and something Jimmy didn’t recognize. The wipes and the lube went on the bed, next to the pillow, discarded for now, then Robert came back to him. He gave him a little grin and showed him what he was holding. It was a set of thigh-high stockings and Jimmy gasped, then grinned happily as well.

“They’re just the cheap ones from the supermarket... but I thought you might still like to try them. I’ll buy you really pretty, fancy ones as soon as we get to the next city.” Robert said. “I also got you these.” He showed him a pack of four panties like the ones he’d been wearing and Jimmy noticed they were from the children’s section, they had several DC comic characters and logos on them. That very fact made him blush like mad and he bit his lip.

“Oh, thank you, Daddy! I love them! May I try them on?” He asked and reached out to take them, but Robert held them up, out of his reach. 

“Let me put them on you.” He said gently. Jimmy looked at him with big eyes, surprised at that, then he nodded. He quickly looked around the room to see if there was a mirror because he *really* wanted to see that from every possible angle instead of just looking down as Robert put them on him, but there was no mirror. Robert noticed what he was doing and smiled. “No mirror, huh? Would you like...” He hesitated for a second, “Would you like me to use my phone to make a little video so you can watch it later?” 

Jimmy’s eyes widened even more, he couldn’t believe Robert would agree to that, even offer it, he really was getting a lot of his little fantasies fulfilled today! He nodded quickly, then paused.

“If you promise not to accidentally send it to your best friend.” He said bashfully and lowered his eyes, chewing his lip. Robert threw his head back and laughed at Jimmy’s self-deprecating joke. 

“I promise.” He said warmly and put the things he was holding down briefly to get his phone. Jimmy was incredibly excited as he watched him set it up, he’d dreamed of somehow being able to watch them at it for quite a while now, the thing with the mirror had already been incredibly hot, but this would be crazy, he had no idea how he’d survive actually seeing that. 

Robert put the phone on the little dresser that was facing the bed, leaning it against an ugly old lamp that was standing on top of it, then came back to kneel in front of Jimmy, on the floor next to the bed. Jimmy smiled at him, he was more nervous than he cared to admit, being recorded. Robert took the pack of panties and opened it, taking them out.

“Hmm, Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman or Aquaman?” He asked, laying them all out for Jimmy to see. They may have been from the children’s section, but Jimmy could tell that they’d be big enough to fit his narrow hips. He looked at them for a moment, then pointed at the ones with the Superman logo.

“Superman, please, Daddy.” He said in a small voice and Robert picked them up. Usually, the germaphobe in Jimmy would have washed them before wearing them, but they’d been sealed in plastic and he probably wasn’t going to be wearing them for long, so he was fine with this. Robert let him put first one, then the other leg through the holes, then carefully pulled them up and Jimmy lifted his butt off the mattress to let him pull them up all the way. He smiled when Robert even arranged his cock the way he liked it, caressing him briefly. 

The blonde then took the stockings out of their packaging and gently took Jimmy’s left leg, caressing it lovingly before slowly rolling the thin stocking up all the way to his thigh. 

“You’re my little doll, aren’t you?” He cooed. Jimmy bit his lip as that only made him even harder in his Superman panties.

“Yes, Daddy.” He whispered, slightly embarrassed by how breathily his voice came out. He absolutely loved being treated like this, it made him feel so loved and cherished and so beautiful. 

“My beautiful, lovely little porcelain doll.” Robert sighed as he gently put the other stocking on Jimmy’s right leg. He then smiled and chuckled. “Aww, you’re already ruining your new panties, kitten.” He said. Jimmy gasped and looked down and indeed, there was a little wet spot. He couldn’t believe Robert had gotten him that far yet again, that wasn’t like him at all. 

“I’m sorry... it’s just, I’m so excited.” He said.

“That’s ok, sweety. I love it, it’s adorable.” Robert said and gently rubbed him through the soft fabric, spreading the bit of wetness a little. He stopped doing that right away, though, and started caressing Jimmy’s legs again. “These look amazing on you, baby.” He said, feeling the smoothness of the stockings. He leaned in to kiss along Jimmy’s leg, all the way up to the seam of his leg, then down the other side, all the way down to his foot. 

The blonde pulled him a little closer towards the edge of the bed and began kissing the inside of his thighs again, up and up, until he pulled the panties aside to have better access. Jimmy tensed up a little and gasped when he realized what Robert was about to do. His husband looked up at him and gave him a questioning look, like he was asking for permission, and Jimmy found himself nodding. He’d never allowed this before, but he thought he was ready now. He’d done it to Robert plenty of times and the older man had really enjoyed it, so maybe he could, too. 

He lay back on the bed and closed his eyes. He jumped a little and tensed up at the first touch of Robert’s tongue between his legs, just behind his balls, so the blonde stopped again and pulled the panties aside a little further, exposing his hard cock. He slowly licked up his length, then took it in his mouth and Jimmy couldn’t keep the pleased little sound from escaping his lips. 

“Feels so good...” He whispered and reached down to tangle his hands in Robert’s hair to guide his head a little, surprised to find a little more resistance than usually from the other man. He realized that today, Robert wanted to have his way with him, he was in charge this time, not Jimmy, as usually. When he opened his eyes and looked down, Robert was looking up at him with a certain sparkle in his eyes, an intensity Jimmy hadn’t seen before and he felt himself melting back into the mattress, just letting Robert do whatever he wanted. 

Robert just pleasured him for a while, sucking him slowly, just the way Jimmy liked it, then let go of him again. He kissed his thighs again, sucking on the inside for a moment to leave the tiniest hint of a mark right there. It actually made Jimmy smile, he was being so gentle and yet so possessive, he loved it. The other man then went right back to business, kissing and licking at his balls, then just behind, then lower.

Jimmy closed his eyes against he hint of shame he felt right then and pushed the feeling away, trying his best to focus on how good it felt, because it did, it really did. Robert started very slowly, just teasing him, occasionally giving a playful nip to a buttcheek before going back with his tongue. He teasingly licked his opening, then wiggled the tip of his tongue against it before pressing it flat against him. It tickled a little and felt strange, but at the same time, it felt really good. Jimmy instinctively drew his legs up a little further, propping his feet up on the edge of the bed to give him better access, simply enjoying the attention.

“Give me the lube, little one, would you?” Robert asked after a while. Jimmy opened his eyes and blinked at him, he’d gotten so lost in just enjoying what the other man was doing to him, he’d almost forgotten where he was. He gave him a little sheepish smile, then stretched to reach the bottle of lube next to the pillow, handing it to his husband. Looking down, he saw Robert holding his Superman panties aside to be able to reach him.

“Don’t you want to take those off?” He asked him. It wasn’t uncomfortable, he barely noticed them, but he didn’t want Robert to have to pull them aside the whole time. The older man smirked at him and shook his head.

“No. Maybe later, but for now, I really like them.” He said and nuzzled him gently. “Are you enjoying yourself, kitten?” 

“Yes... you’re making me feel so good.” Jimmy whispered and ran a hand through Robert’s hair, playing with a few curls gently. He was still hoping that he’d get rougher with him again and just have his way with him, but he also didn’t want to ask for it, he wanted to see what Robert had in mind for him. 

The blonde scooted a little closer and opened the tube of lube. Jimmy spread his legs a little further and pulled his knees up against his chest. He’d never felt so exposed in his entire life, but this time, he didn’t mind at all, on the contrary, he liked it. Robert didn’t immediately start preparing him with his fingers, he went in with his tongue again, licking and teasing him for a moment before gently and carefully pressing inside a little. Jimmy gasped, a little moan escaped his lips and he grabbed onto the sheet, he’d never felt anything like that before. Of course Robert noticed that he liked that and did it again, slowly working him open with his tongue. 

After a while, he got too impatient, though, or so Jimmy thought, and carefully worked a single finger inside him, then kissed along the inside of his thigh, across his hip bone, and finally took his cock into his mouth again. Jimmy whined and arched on the bed. 

“Daddy... fuck...” He gasped. “No, it’s too much! It feels too good, I’m gonna come...” He warned, he couldn’t take the heat of Roberts mouth on his cock and his fingers inside him, it was utter bliss and he was going to spend himself before Robert had gotten him ready. The older man stopped sucking him and smirked at him.

“Oh no, we wouldn’t want that, would we?” He grinned and shook his head. “Don’t you worry, I’m not gonna let you come... yet.” He added. Fuck, that was hot, Jimmy thought and bit his lip, he was just going to have to trust Robert. He let him carry on and Robert kept him right up there at the edge the whole time, making him feel like he was just about to come only to ease up on him a little. He fingered him slowly, carefully stretching him a little while paying some attention to his cock as well, licking and sucking here and there, but always making sure not to let him tumble over the edge.

By the time he was done, Jimmy was a whimpering little mess, he’d completely forgotten about the phone recording them, so when he did remember, it came crashing down on him like a huge wave that only turned him on even more. Robert got up from where he’d been crouched in front of the bed and took off his shirt, then his jeans and the rest of his clothes. Jimmy crawled back on the bed a little, away from the edge, and the older man joined him, crawling on top of him. He moved like a big predator, reminding Jimmy of a strong lion as he slowly covered his body with his own. 

When he leaned in to kiss him, Jimmy almost pulled back, remembering where his mouth had just been, but he was so fucking aroused, he really couldn’t care about that right then, so he reached up to cup Robert’s face in his hands and pulled him in for a heated kiss, starting to touch him all over, letting his hands wander over his body.

“I want you so fucking much, Daddy, please.” He whispered against his lips before kissing him again, still grabbing at him excitedly. Robert smirked again and quickly pulled down his panties, tossing them aside. Finally, Jimmy thought.

“Do you?” He asked and quickly took Jimmy’s wrists, stopping his uncoordinated groping and pinning them to the mattress. He nudged his legs apart and when Jimmy eagerly spread them, got in between. “Let’s see if we can do something about that.”

He moved Jimmy’s arms above his head so he could hold both of them with one hand, then used the other to raise one of his legs on his shoulder. The brunette absolutely loved being manhandled like that, Robert was just moving him around like it was the easiest thing in the world, he felt like a little doll all over again. Not even being held down like that scared him, either, he felt perfectly at ease.

Robert briefly glanced down and used his free hand to guide himself in, then looked back up, making eye contact just as he slowly slid inside. Jimmy gasped and wrapped the leg that wasn’t resting on Robert’s shoulder around his hips to get him to go deeper. The other man got the message and thrust against him, sheathing himself fully inside him, then let Jimmy’s leg fall back down so he could lean down and kiss his neck, up towards his ear.

“Mine... you’re all mine.” He whispered, slowly letting go of his wrists as well. Jimmy moved his arms next to his head just as Robert put his hands down to prop himself up, so they’d ended up with Robert’s hands on Jimmy’s and they intertwined their fingers. The younger man couldn’t help but smile at how that had just happened, just fallen into place like they’d planned it. 

“Yes, all yours, Daddy.” He whispered and wiggled his hips impatiently, he wanted to feel him move. “Please fuck me!” 

“Impatient little brat... don’t you worry, I’m gonna have my way with you.” Robert growled and let go of one of his hands briefly to slide it down his side to his hip, slapping him lightly, then moving it back to his hand. Jimmy gasped again, then grinned impishly and tried to move against him once more, causing Robert to growl dangerously and nip his neck sharply, but then he did what Jimmy wanted him to and started moving his hips, finally. 

“Oh fuck yes, you’re so big, you feel so good...” Jimmy babbled and held on to Robert’s hands more tightly, the blonde hat set a fast, hard pace immediately so all he could do was lock his ankles behind Robert’s back and take it. After a while, he pulled back and out. 

Jimmy was too surprised to say anything when Robert let go of his hands and grabbed him by the hips, easily flipping him over onto his belly, drawing a surprised sound from the younger man. He felt his legs being spread again and hid his face in the pillow as Robert entered him once more, groaning softly at being filled up like that. Feeling Robert’s weight on him like that was amazing, too.

Robert slowed down a little and kissed along his shoulder, then nuzzled his neck, fucking him with long, slow strokes that felt incredibly good as each one pushed him into the mattress slightly. 

“I love you so, so much, my sweet little boy...” Robert cooed as he nuzzled his neck and Jimmy turned his head a little to be able to kiss him. 

“Love you, too.” He whispered quickly in between little gasps, Robert hadn’t stopped moving his hips, but was moving them faster with shorter strokes now and in this position, he was hitting Jimmy’s sweet spot perfectly with every little thrust as well as rubbing his cock against the mattress. “Fuck, I’m so close already...” 

He heard Robert chuckle before the weight on him was being lifted and he pulled out yet again, causing Jimmy to whine at the loss. 

“No, Daddy... put it back in, please, put it back...” He found himself begging, wiggling his butt a little, but Robert just took him by the hips again and pulled him up on all fours. That was yet another position they’d never done and it briefly made him a little nervous. Jimmy looked back at him as Robert gently slid his hand along his spine, caressing him lovingly and he felt the tension leaving his body again as he relaxed into it, allowing his spine to drop so Robert could enter him more easily.

“Yes, good boy...” Robert praised him and caressed his butt briefly, rubbing and grabbing it before slapping it once more, causing the younger man to gasp yet again. 

“Please...” He whispered and arched his back even more, he felt empty and he desperately wanted to feel his husband’s cock again. Robert took the lube and let a another dollop drop right down between Jimmy’s buttcheeks before finally entering him again and grabbing his hips to pull him back against him. “Oh fuck!” Jimmy cursed because that felt incredibly good.

The blonde set an almost brutal pace right away, holding on to Jimmy’s hips with an iron grip. When he let go with one hand, he slid it up Jimmy’s back, all the way to his neck and further, up into his hair, grabbing it and pulling at it lightly, then harder, causing Jimmy to get up from his hands and lean back against Robert’s chest. 

His head was turned roughly, the other’s hand still tangled in his hair as they kissed while his other hand came up around him, resting on his belly first, then sliding up to pinch a nipple. Jimmy couldn’t help but whine and moan at every thrust, he was so fucking close and Robert hadn’t even touched his cock. 

Robert grabbed him by the back of the neck then and pushed him down roughly so he was face down, ass up. Jimmy braced himself against the pillow when Robert propped one leg up on the mattress and began fucking him so hard the bed started creaking loudly and the headboard was banging against the wall. 

Robert’s fingers were digging into his neck as well as his hip as he pounded him hard and Jimmy couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think, he felt like he was seeing stars and the next thing he knew, he made a strangled little sound as he suddenly came from a particularly hard thrust. Robert groaned and grabbed him even harder until his hips stuttered and he, too, came. He rode it out for a bit, catching his breath, before carefully pulling out. 

Jimmy let himself fall to the bed and stayed like that for a moment while Robert lay down next to him. He desperately wanted, needed to be held after all that, so he gingerly moved into his husband’s arms and curled up as emotions threatened to overwhelm him. He couldn’t even explain why, but tears welled up in his eyes and he sobbed softly. 

When Robert realized that he was crying, he quickly got out of bed and grabbed his phone, stopping it from filming any more of what was happening. He tossed it aside and went back to hold Jimmy close, rubbing his back soothingly. 

“What’s wrong, my love? Did I hurt you?” He asked and Jimmy could tell by his voice that he was more than just a little worried. He quickly shook his head. “Why are you crying, baby?” 

“I don’t know... it was just so fucking intense...” He said and angrily wiped his eyes. He didn’t understand why he was so emotional and he didn’t want Robert to worry. “It was so fucking good.” Robert blinked at him in surprise and a crooked little smile appeared on his face.

“You’re crying because it was so good?” He asked. Jimmy thought he heard relief and amusement in his voice at the same time. He shrugged.

“I dunno.” He mumbled and hid his face against Robert’s chest. It took him a moment to calm down again, then he sighed. “I can’t explain it, it just made me feel... so much. All at once. It had to come out somehow, I suppose.”

“I hope it only made you feel *good* things...?” Robert asked worriedly.

“Yeah... that was fucking insane... I never felt like that before. The way you handled me like I didn’t weigh a thing, how you just moved me around like a doll turned me on so much and then you did *that* and I was just coming and you hadn’t even touched me... wow.” Jimmy babbled. “Coming hands free always feels so much more intense, doesn’t it?” 

Robert smiled at him and nodded, caressing his face lovingly as he wiped away a stray tear. Then he took the pack of wipes and started cleaning them both up, wiping the excess lube off of Jimmy’s butt and from between his thighs, then from his own body. That only made Jimmy feel even more loved and taken care of as he snuggled into the older man’s embrace and let him clean him up.

“It does. It feels completely different, way more intense to me, too.” He agreed. It occurred to Jimmy that he’d only made Robert come like that once, it wasn’t that easy after all.

“I’ll try and give that to you more often, too, then.” He said, smiling up at him. 

“Don’t worry about it... if it happens, it happens and if it doesn’t, that’s ok, too.” Robert said and kissed his forehead. Jimmy closed his eyes and rubbed his cheek against the other’s chest happily, but then he felt him tense up and gasp. “Oh shit. I fucking bruised you! Fuck, I’m so sorry!” He sounded utterly mortified.

Jimmy opened his eyes again and followed Robert’s gaze. He couldn’t help but laugh. There, about an inch from his right hip bone, was the smallest, lightest little bruise he’d ever seen, but Robert looked like he thought he’d beaten Jimmy black and blue. 

“Oh Robert... that’s nothing. It’s ok, I promise. It doesn’t even hurt. It didn’t even hurt when you did it. I swear.” He said, amused. He covered the blonde’s hand with his own, covering the little bruise so he wouldn’t see it anymore. “It’s fine. I’m fine.” Robert breathed a sigh of relief and pulled him close again. 

“So... you enjoyed this?” He asked carefully.

“Did I just come like never before?” Jimmy asked cheekily. “I did. It was amazing. I’m sorry I got so emotional and made you worry, it was just... a lot of emotions all at once, but all of them good, I promise.” He smiled. “Did you enjoy it?”

“Yes. A lot. Would you like to do that again some time?” He asked. 

“Uh-huh.” Jimmy nodded. “Maybe not all the time, I’d get sore, but occasionally...” He grinned.

“Was grabbing you by the back of the neck ok? I know that was a little...” He trailed off and shrugged. Jimmy pecked his cheek gently.

“It was ok. It didn’t scare me. You didn’t touch my throat after all. It’s not the same.” He said. He slowly turned around in Robert’s arms so that they were spooning, Robert nuzzled his neck and sighed happily as he held him close. After a while, Jimmy took Robert’s hand that was resting on his chest and slowly moved it upwards.

“What are you doing?” Robert asked, resisting.

“I want to try something. Let me?” Jimmy asked and moved his husband’s hand towards his throat again. Panic seized him as soon as he felt it there and Robert quickly lowered his hand. 

“Jimmy... I would *never* choke you. Never. I would never ever do that to you. You know that.” He said gravely and Jimmy nodded. 

“I do. I just... want to see if I can take it. Feeling your hand there, I mean.” He said. He took Robert’s wrist and put his hand back and this time, Robert allowed him. He immediately panicked again, he felt like he couldn’t breathe even though Robert was barely even touching him. He felt like he was actually being choked, he even felt like he could smell the dirty old cellar he had been in when it had happened and it took him a second to actually draw a breath. 

“Why are you doing this to yourself? I can feel how terrified you are.” Robert said sadly as he felt the rapid thrumming of Jimmy’s pulse against his fingertips. He moved his hand to caress Jimmy’s throat gently instead, trying to soothe him without removing his hand entirely. 

“To get over it.” Jimmy managed to say and took another deep breath. This one came a little more easily than the first one and he relaxed back against his husband’s chest a bit. “I don’t want to be scared when you touch me, ever. No matter where, no matter how.”

“Hmm... I get that.” Robert said and pressed a soft kiss to his shoulder as he wrapped his hand around his throat again. 

Jimmy closed his eyes and just focused on feeling Robert behind him, his arm around him, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on his own arm as he held him. After a while, breathing got easier and his panic began to wane off and he relaxed a little more. He didn’t even notice himself slowly dozing off.

When he woke up again, he was snuggled against Robert’s chest, they were no longer spooning and the blanket was wrapped around both of them. The other man was holding him close while looking down at him in wonder. 

“Hey.” Jimmy said sleepily and smiled up at him. 

“Hey.” Robert answered and reached up to caress his cheek. He still looked like he was holding the most precious thing in the world in his arms and Jimmy blinked at him in confusion. 

“You fell asleep. With my hand around your throat.” Robert explained and Jimmy smiled.

“I did. See how much I trust you, how safe you make me feel?” He said. The blonde nodded mutely, still dumbfounded and overwhelmed that that had actually happened. Jimmy just kept smiling up at him and snuggled even closer to him, he was incredibly happy right now.


	25. 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Jimmy take a little walk around the lake and have a good time and a talk, but something interrupts them. They happen upon a display of animal cruelty that leaves them no choice but to intervene. They end up having to make quite the decision.

It was only early afternoon after Jimmy’s little nap in his husband’s arms, but they decided to stay in the cute little motel for the night and carry on the next day. There wasn’t really anything for them to do, there was just a village with a few houses as well as a large lake with paths all around it, perfect for hiking. Jimmy wasn’t quite sure if that was a good idea, but he agreed to a little walk nevertheless. They got dressed and started walking on a path that went all around the beautiful lake and Jimmy couldn’t help but grin.

“I actually am a little sore.” He admitted. Robert gave him a worried look. 

“Would you like to go back to the motel?” He asked. “I’m so sorry, baby...” He added.

“No! No, it’s fine, it’s really not that bad at all, it’s just... I kinda like it because it almost feels like I can still feel... you.” Jimmy admitted. Robert gave him another look and Jimmy couldn’t quite place it, he couldn’t figure out whether he liked that or not. 

“Ok, that’s... that’s kinda hot.” He said after a moment, looking down at his feet. “I don’t like that I hurt you.” He sighed. Jimmy took his hand and smiled at him.

“It doesn’t exactly *hurt*, but I can feel it. I’m fine, I promise.” He said and squeezed the other’s hand gently. In all honesty, he almost felt a little queasy, but he wasn’t going to mention it now that Robert was already worried. “You did really rearrange my guts, earlier!” He grinned. Robert laughed out loud, then shook his head.

“You know, you’re such an innocent looking little angel... usually... and then you go and say stuff like that and the whole illusion just comes crashing down.” He said, amused. Jimmy shot him a bit grin.

“It’s not my fault you have such a warped perception of me.” He said and stuck his tongue out. 

“Right. You’re no innocent little angel. You’ve been quite devilish today.” Robert grinned right back at him. Jimmy laughed happily, he was really enjoying their little walk around the lake, the sun was still shining, the leaves of the trees were all kinds of gorgeous autumn colours and he was having a good time with his husband.

“I was, huh? I didn’t *actually* give you blood pressure problems, did I?” He asked. 

“No! I’m 32, not 72. However, you did almost give me blue balls. Watching you suck on that lolli for half an hour was torture.” Robert complained. “I did enjoy watching you go out of your way to make me horny, it was very amusing.” He then said with a smug little smile. Jimmy pretended to be offended.

“So you knew what I was doing!” He said. Of course he’d known that Robert was well aware of what he was trying to achieve, but he still pretended to be oblivious.

“You weren’t very subtle, love, prancing around like that.” Robert shook his head. 

“This was such a fun day...” Jimmy sighed happily. “I got to see beautiful landscapes, I got candy, I had fun with my Daddy...” He grinned and twirled around his own axis, kicking up some pretty autumn leaves and watching then fall again. Robert smiled at him widely.

“It’s so good to see you so happy.” He said and pulled him into his arms, then pecked his lips gently. Jimmy beamed up at him and wrapped his arms around his neck.

“Can we watch our video when we get back to the motel?” He asked. He was a little nervous about seeing it, but he was also very, very curious as to what they looked like on camera.

“Of course, if you want to.” Robert agreed and gently touched the tip of his nose to Jimmy’s. 

The younger man smiled at the sweet moment, then both of them jumped as someone right behind Robert started cursing and yelling loudly. They both turned towards the source of the noise.

“Come on you stupid fucking mutt!” An older, scruffy, dirty looking man with greasy, long grey hair yelled at what looked like a very young dog on a leash that had apparently dared to stop to sniff a nearby tree, like dogs do. When he didn’t listen, the man yanked him away from the tree with the leash, continued yelling at him and finally kicked the poor little puppy. It cowered on the floor, scared, and made the most pitiful little noise Jimmy had ever heard. He cursed under his breath as Robert immediately balled his hands into fists in anger. There was no holding him back as he made his way over to the older man.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He shouted angrily. “That’s a *puppy*, you moron, he was just sniffing the tree!” 

“Are you trying to tell me how to treat my dog, you stupid faggot??” The guy sneered at Robert, then looked at Jimmy with barely concealed disdain. Of course he’d seen them kiss and of course he was a homophobe, too. “Fuck off back to your little fairy.” He spat and Jimmy saw the vein on Robert’s temple pulse as he clenched his teeth and balled his fists even more tightly. He knew he had to act quickly or Robert would beat this asshole up right there and then. He gently put his hand on his husband’s shoulder.

“He’s not worth it, Robert.” He said softly at which the dog’s owner scoffed and gave him a pitying look, but the blonde turned around and stared at him.

“Did you see what he did?? Did you hear what he said??” He asked in disbelief, like he didn’t understand how Jimmy could stay so calm.

“I saw. I heard. I still don’t want you to end up in jail over him.” He said. He couldn’t help but feel a little proud of himself for keeping his composure like that and being the voice of reason for a change. “We’re going to call animal protective services and let them handle it. We both saw what he did, we can testify.” 

“Shut up, you little pansy!” The scraggly old man yelled and advanced on Jimmy, but Robert quickly stepped between them.

“Do not touch my husband. I swear you’ll regret it, old man. He won’t be able to hold me back again.” He growled. The man stopped dead in his tracks, staring up at Robert who was towering above him. He seemed to shrink into himself under Robert’s glare, his already hunched posture getting worse. Jimmy couldn’t help but grin to himself, Robert was so incredibly hot like that, he thought. He watched an array of emotions flicker across the man’s face before he finally took a step back and huffed. Then he did something Jimmy hadn’t anticipated.

“Fine. You know what? Take the bloody dog! He’s more trouble than he’s good anyway! I didn’t want him in the first place!” He said and threw the leash down at their feet, turned around and stomped off. “Fucking retards, stupid fucking cocksuckers.” He muttered under his breath. Jimmy didn’t even have time to feel hurt by his words, he stared down at the leash in front of them. Robert bent down to pick it up.

“I... guess we have a dog now?” He said. Jimmy didn’t miss the hint of hope in his voice. He looked up at his husband briefly, then down at the poor little puppy who was still cowering on the floor, away from them, making pitiful little sounds. He used to be scared of dogs, still was if he was entirely honest, but there was nothing to be scared of right now, the poor animal was the one who was scared.

“I... Robert... we should still call animal protective services.” He said slowly. “Or at least a vet. That was quite a blow.” He wasn’t ready to commit to this, to them just keeping this animal. 

“You’re right.” Robert said, sobering up a little. He took out his phone and typed away, then sighed and put it back down. “I have no reception out here. Let’s go back to the motel.” He said. 

“Yeah, let’s...” Jimmy agreed. He felt drained now and the old man’s vile comments and slurs started to get to him. “How are we gonna get him to come with us?” He asked, nodding towards the puppy who was still too scared to even raise his little head. 

“Let’s see.” Robert said and crouched down. 

Jimmy watched him curiously, interested to see how he’d get that dog to trust him. He didn’t get any closer to him, he didn’t even face him directly, but he started talking to him in a soft, calm voice, so very different to how he’d sounded just a few minutes ago, yelling at the old man. He just kept talking to the scared animal, reassuring him. It took him quite a while of just talking nonsense and soft, gentle words until the puppy finally lifted his head and looked up at Robert. 

Jimmy thought he was amazing, he was so patient and sweet. It occurred to him that he’d been like that in the very beginning when they first met, with him. He would never be pushy, he always gave Jimmy space and let him come to him instead of the other way around. 

After a while, Robert slowly extended his hand towards the puppy who immediately made a scared little noise, so Robert pulled back again, but kept his hand ever so slightly extended. When the puppy noticed that the blonde meant no harm, curiosity won over and he slowly looked up and stretched to sniff the proffered hand. He didn’t want to get up yet, so he made a long neck to reach it and Jimmy thought it was incredibly cute. Robert smiled, pleased with his progress.

“Aww... I’m not gonna hurt you, little buddy... I promise.” He cooed and carefully pet the dog’s head. His smile widened when the little one didn’t pull back. He kept carefully petting the puppy until he finally got up and slowly wobbled over to Robert. When the blonde started scratching him behind the ears, he even started wagging his little tail tentatively. 

“Bloody hell, you’re a dog whisperer!” Jimmy said, impressed. He hadn’t expected Robert to manage, if he was being honest, that little guy had all the reasons in the world not to trust humans, but maybe not all was lost. His eyes widened when Robert managed to slowly pick up the puppy and get up with him in his arms. “You really are.” 

“He knows he doesn’t have to be scared of us.” Robert smiled, obviously pleased. The poor little dog looked a tad bit worried and like he’d rather be on his own four paws, but the blonde wasn’t going to let him walk on his own, too proud of his achievement. 

Now that Jimmy got a good look at him, he noticed what a pretty dog he was. He was mostly white (and quite dirty, he saw), but he had black and ginger spots and his eyes where the most striking blue he’d ever seen. He didn’t know a lot about dogs or what breed this was, but judging by its current size, it’d grow to be quite a big dog. 

“Let’s go, then.” He prompted and started walking back towards the motel. 

“Don’t you wanna say hi?” Robert asked.

“Uhm... I don’t... uh... wanna scare him again.” Jimmy stammered.

“Aww, it’s ok, you won’t, just go slowly.” Robert prompted and the brunette glanced at him with a sigh. 

“I... I’m scared of dogs.” He mumbled and looked down. 

“Wha-... scared, of this poor little puppy?” Robert asked. “He’s not gonna bite you!” 

“How do you know?” Jimmy pouted. “Look, the only experience with dogs I’ve had is... them chasing me for some food when I was homeless. It was terrifying.” He explained. 

“Oh.” Robert said, finally realizing what this was about. “I understand. Sorry. I didn’t mean to be pushy.” He said and continued walking.

“It’s ok... it’s just something I need some time to get over, I suppose.” Jimmy said. “Let’s get him to a vet, just to make sure he’s ok, I wouldn’t want him to be in pain, poor little one.” Robert nodded in agreement and quickened his pace to match Jimmy’s. They made it back to the motel quickly and Robert found a vet not too far from there and called the office. When they told him to come in right away, they wasted no time and drove there quickly, Jimmy even held on to the leash in the car as they drove. The puppy was still too scared to do much, he just sat there and waited for what was to come, so it was ok and Jimmy wasn’t too worried about it.

The vet was appalled as they told her the story and she thanked then profusely for coming to the little guy’s rescue. She checked him for any injuries and took some blood, then got him up to date on his vaccines and everything before calling them back into the room.

“He’ll be fine, he’s just a little bruised, but nothing too bad. Now, what are you going to do, would you like to keep him or shall we try and find him a new home?” She asked. Robert glanced at Jimmy and the brunette found himself smiling.

“You wanna keep him, hm?” He asked his husband.

“I’ve always wanted a dog of my own, I grew up with dogs. Now that we have the farm... it’d be perfect, there’s so much room for him to run and play, places to go for walks with him... he’d be very happy with us.” He said. “But I want you to be happy, too, it’s not just about me, so... if you don’t want him, I’d understand.” Jimmy nodded and thought about it for a while. He’d probably get used to the dog, having him around all the time, at some point he probably wouldn’t be scared anymore, right? Then he smiled sadly.

“You know... I suppose I can relate to him, in a way.” He said softly. “I know what it feels like to be yelled at and kicked by those who are supposed to love and protect you.” He said. Robert blinked at him and briefly looked like his heart was breaking before pulling him into a tight hug. 

“I didn’t even think of that...” He said. “I’m sorry.” The vet was watching them curiously, she had no idea what they were talking about, what had happened to the young man in front of her, of course. Jimmy smiled at both her and Robert, then squeezed his husband’s hand. 

“I do want him. He deserves someone who loves him and treats him right and I know you’d be perfect for that. And I? Well, I’ll have to learn, I know nothing about dogs whatsoever, but you can teach me, right?” He asked. 

“Of course! I’ll take care of him and you can just pick things up along the way, it’s really not that hard. We’ll take him to puppy school so we can learn to take care of him properly.” Robert said and Jimmy laughed.

“Isn’t puppy school supposed to teach him to behave?” He asked. Robert shook his head.

“No, it’s supposed to teach the humans how to properly take care of the dog, to know what he needs. That’s always the human’s responsibility.” He explained. 

“Your husband is right. With dogs that don’t listen, the problem always is at the other end of the leash, it’s never the dog.” She agreed and Jimmy shrugged.

“I suppose that makes sense. I don’t know if I wanna take on that much responsibility, but if you promise me that you’ll be the one taking care of him mostly, I’m fine with it.” He said. He really just didn’t want to mess up. 

“I promise.” Robert said solemnly and Jimmy could tell how happy he was. 

“Now, I suppose you two are not from around here, judging by your accent? If you want to take him abroad, I’ll have to get quite a few papers ready for you, it’s not that easy.” She said. 

“Well... we’re from London. We’ve been planning a roadtrip across the States, so we will have to get him across the border to the States... from there we wanted to go to...” He trailed off and glanced at Jimmy. “Well, that’s supposed to be a surprise for my husband, so...” He shrugged.

“Honeymoon, huh?” She asked with a smile, both of them nodded. “To be honest, I don’t think it’d be good for him to be hauled around all that much. A roadtrip sounds fine, but too many trips by plane would be very stressful for him.” She explained. 

“Robert? Could we go back home after our roadtrip?” Jimmy asked. “We’ve been traveling for a few weeks already... I have to admit, I miss home a little... can we postpone whatever other destinations you’ve planned?” He asked. He didn’t want to seem ungrateful, but it was getting a little much. 

“Maybe you’re right... I can’t wait to show you our new farm, either.” Robert admitted. 

“I can’t wait to see it.” Jimmy smiled. “Wherever you wanted to take me... it’s still going to be there in a few weeks or months. I’d rather spend some more time looking forward to another vacation with you.”

“So, it’s a deal, then? We’ll enjoy our roadtrip with our new friend, then we go back home and get everything settled for the move, then... well, we’ll start part two of our honeymoon, I suppose?” Robert summarized. Jimmy nodded.

“Sounds good to me.” He said. He was still a little worried about them suddenly having a dog, but he knew that in the end, it’d work out just fine.

“I’ll get the papers ready that you’ll need to cross the borders with him, both to the US and the UK, then.” The vet said. “Since it’s getting late and the stores out here close pretty early, I’ll give you a small supply of dog food and tomorrow you can go out to buy some more. You can have some spare bowls for food and water for him, too.”

“That would be great, thank you.” Robert said gratefully.

“The little one might be a little sleepy from his vaccines, but he’ll bounce back. I gave him a small dose of painkillers for his bruise as well, I’ll give you some of the pills just in case he needs them, if you notice him being apathetic and quiet, you’ll know he’s in pain, give him one quarter of a pill.” She explained and Robert nodded dutifully.

It took a while for her to get all the papers ready. Robert and Jimmy sat in the waiting room, the puppy was actually asleep in the blonde’s lap, snoring ever so slightly. Jimmy thought it was adorable and he found himself leaning in closer to look at the sleeping puppy. 

“He’s so cute. How could someone just kick him like that?” He wondered and reached out to pet a small paw. Robert watched him with a big smile.

“You heard what a giant asshole that guy was. He doesn’t care.” He said.

“True. Fuck, I’ve never had so many slurs hauled at me in such a short time.” Jimmy huffed.

“Me neither. What a horrible, awful human being.” Robert sighed. “Thank you for being so responsible, by the way. If you hadn’t calmed me down... this would have ended differently.”

“I know. I saw how mad you were, rightfully so.” Jimmy said and rested his head on the older man’s shoulder. 

“I just... saw red. I so wanted to punch that guy, I was furious, especially once he came after you.” He said, shaking his head. “But you were absolutely right, he wasn’t worth getting in trouble for.”

“Thanks for stepping up and protecting me, though.” Jimmy smiled at him. “You were awesome, I thought that was so hot.” He admitted with a little giggle. Robert just chuckled and turned his head to kiss the top of his head. The vet chose that moment to come back with their papers and smiled at the display of affection.

“You are now the rightful owners of this little puppy.” She said happily. “He doesn’t have a name yet, what would you like me to put down?” She asked. Jimmy glanced at Robert, nodding at him to name the dog. The blonde seemed to think about it for a moment, glancing down at the sleeping puppy in his lap, then he looked up at the vet with an almost bashful smile.

“Strider. His name shall be Strider.” He said.


	26. 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff! Pure and utter fluff. ALL of the fluff, all of the feels!

It took them a while longer to settle everything and get the bills paid, Robert purchased a small bottle of dog shampoo and a brush (the poor little guy was really filthy, he hadn’t been taken care of at all with the old man) from the vet as well before they were off, back to their motel room. 

The first thing he did was give Strider a bath, knowing how uncomfortable Jimmy would be with such a dirty dog around. It took him a while to convince the puppy to let him wash him, but in the end, it worked out fine and the puppy was clean. The little guy already trusted him a lot more, only flinching when Robert moved too quickly around him. Once he was clean, dry and fed, Strider curled up on a blanket Robert had put next to their bed for him. 

Jimmy had been watching Robert interacting with the dog while pretending to look at his phone and he just couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy in his chest. He couldn’t believe he was actually jealous of a little puppy, but he was taking up a lot of Robert’s time and affection and Jimmy absolutely wasn’t used to that. He was used to being the most important thing in Robert’s life. He sighed to himself and l looked back down at his phone as he lounged on the bed. 

“Hey.” Robert said softly as he sat down on the bed next to Jimmy once he was done taking care of Strider. 

“Hey.” Jimmy answered and looked up at him, forcing himself to smile. He didn’t want to be unfair to his husband and blame him or get mad at him. When he saw Robert’s face and how happy he looked, his smile turned into a genuine one, though. “You look so happy.” He commented and reached up to caress Robert’s cheek lovingly. 

“I am.” The blonde said as he leaned into the caress. “I know it sounds really stupid but... I feel like I have a little family.” He admitted. Jimmy couldn’t help but melt. 

“It doesn’t sound stupid at all. This is what you always wanted, isn’t it? Get married, get a dog and a stupidly colourful old VW bus, move to the countryside... you have all that, now.” He said. He couldn’t be mad at Robert when he was so very happy, it was absolutely endearing. 

“Yes. I do. What about you, though?” Robert asked worriedly. “How do you feel? Are you happy?” 

“I’m ok, Robert. I’ll need some time to get used to this. I didn’t expect this to happen so quickly, I would have liked more time to warm up to the idea, but... he’s here now and there’s nothing I can do. He makes you so happy, so I’m actually glad this happened.” He smiled. “I like seeing you happy.” 

Robert turned his head to kiss his palm gently, then moved a little closer to pull him into his arms. Jimmy gratefully accepted and snuggled up to him.

“Is there anything you want? Anything I can do for you or get for you?” He asked. “I feel like I’ve been getting everything I wished for recently... you should get your wishes fulfilled, too.” Jimmy thought about it for a moment and shot Robert a cheeky grin.

“Did you order those jacuzzis for me?” He asked impishly.

“I did. The one at home should be installed already, the one at the farm will be installed next month after they’re done with some of the renovations.” Robert answered, running his hands through Jimmy’s hair lovingly. 

“Sounds good.” Jimmy nodded. “You have been fulfilling my wishes, too, you know. You’ve been there for me, loved me, held me... You bought me everything I asked for, you agreed to that roleplay thing even though you were a little uncomfortable with it at first...”

“Well, yes, but... that’s such a little thing. Is there nothing you’ve always dreamed of, since you were a child?” Robert asked. “I want to fulfill one of *those* wishes, the really big ones.” 

“Hm... I don’t know. Not really. I never thought I’d get to have any of this. I was always taught that I have to marry a girl, have kids and do a boring corporate job for the rest of my life. I wasn’t allowed to dream big, I was never told I can do whatever I want. Happiness was never in the equation, you know?” Jimmy explained. 

On the one hand, he was incredibly grateful that Robert cared so much and wanted to make him happy, too, on the other hand it just made him realize how shitty his life had been before he met Robert, even his childhood which, up until now, he’d considered to be ‘alright’. Now he realized how sad it had really been. 

“That... I... I’m sorry, baby.” The blonde whispered and kissed the top of his head. “Ok, just be spontaneous. Right now, if you could have anything you wanted, what would it be?” He then asked. Jimmy thought about it again, then he smiled.

“This.” He answered. Robert pulled back a little to be able to look at his face.

“Really?” He asked softly and Jimmy nodded.

“Yes. I’m happy. All I need is you, to be with you, for you to love me and be there for me. When I’m in your arms, I’m at home, no matter where I am. I always feel at home in your arms, whether it’s a gentle hug like this or whether it’s you roughly pushing me up against a wall. It’s home.” He explained. 

He watched Robert’s face, how his eyes widened before actually tearing up. He took a shaky breath and hugged Jimmy even more tightly. The brunette hadn’t expected that and wrapped his arm around him in turn. 

“That... that was the most lovely thing anybody has ever said to me.” Robert whispered once he found his voice again. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too...” Jimmy said, smiling widely.

“Fuck, you made me all emotional!” Robert complained and laughed as he tilted his head back to keep the tears from spilling.

“That’s ok.” Jimmy said and kissed him gently. “Trust me, you do make me happy. One of my biggest wishes was to no longer be homeless, to no longer have to be a sex worker and I just couldn’t do it on my own, but you made it possible for me. I couldn’t have done it without you, at least not yet. So don’t worry so much, you *do* make me happy.” 

“Ok. If there is anything I can do, though, tell me and I will. Anything you want, I’ll do it.” Robert said.

“Well... the more I think about it... there’s little things, just not that one big thing that you can give me right now. I really want my license so I can be more flexible and independent. Would you help me with that?” He asked. Robert nodded immediately.

“Of course, little love.” He said.

“I’ll need help with that charity we wanted to get going... I’ll need so much help with that.” He sighed. “I also meant to ask... if I wanted to write a book... where would I start? I suppose you’d be the perfect person to ask about that, right?” He wondered.

“Oh. Well... yes!” Robert said. “What kind of book? We specialize in fiction, of course, but I have a feeling that isn’t what you want to write...?” He asked.

“Uhm, no.” Jimmy sighed. “I’d like to try and tell my story. All of it, not just the facts, but my thoughts and feelings and everything around it. A big part of me would like to forget about it all but I know that it’s much healthier to actually deal with it, so... I was thinking, a book would be great for that, right? I just have no idea where to start, there’s so much, so many thoughts and it’s all so chaotic and confusing...” He sighed. Robert had listened to him intently and caressed his back soothingly as he spoke and now he smiled at him.

“I might just have some advice for you.” He said, glad that there was actually something he could help with, something he knew about and was good at. “I’ve talked to a lot of authors since I’ve been doing this and there are a lot of different ways people write. There are different ways to start, too.” He started to explain.

“Tell me about them?” He prompted, grateful that Robert knew how to help. 

“Some of them just start writing as soon as they get the idea. They just sit down at their computer and type away, without thinking too much about where they want to go with the story, if the plot matched up, if it all makes sense or not, they don’t think about their style either, they just type everything down that pops into their heads, no matter how chaotic it may seem at that point. Later, they sit down and read it all and edit as they go, stringing it together.” Robert said. 

“That sounds just as chaotic as my brain feels right now.” Jimmy pouted, making the older man laugh softly.

“There are a handful of authors that I’ve met that just have the whole thing planned out in their heads in its entirety. They know exactly what they want to write, how the plot is going to advance, what kind of feel, atmosphere, the book is supposed to have. They spend years and years just thinking about it all before they write a single word.” He continued.

“I’ve already spent years and years thinking about this and I still don’t know where or how to start.” Jimmy shook his head. 

“Well, there’s another type of author I know of. It’s... kind of a hybrid, I suppose. They have a lot of ideas in their head already, but don’t know exactly where they want to go with it and they don’t wanna just type it out, either, so they start taking notes. They write down a list, bullet points if you will. That could be a list for every character with their traits, personality and all that, or a list with specific things happening within the story, or just random ideas and then they go from there, sorting it all out.” He said. “They usually use a notebook and actually write it down physically.”

“That sounds like something I could do.” Jimmy quipped immediately. “I kind of already did that... I have this sketchbook that is full of random things that just popped into my head that I just started jutting down and doodling... would you like to see?” He asked. It was incredibly personal, but he felt like sharing it with his husband. Robert nodded.

“If you’d like to show me, of course. I’d be honored.” The blonde answered. Jimmy smiled and pecked his cheek briefly before getting up to get it from his suitcase. He’d almost forgotten about the dog and jumped slightly when he saw him sleeping next to the bed, but composed himself quickly. He got the sketchbook and sat back down on the bed, handing it to Robert. Before he let him open it, he put his hand on Robert’s to stop him briefly.

“I... this is very personal. It’s like letting you... take a peek inside my soul. I’ve always been very honest with you, but there are things in my head that I haven’t shared, that I’ve never talked about, some of which you’ll see in there. Some of them are... scary, they may be shocking to you, but... I just want you to know that I’m ok, you don’t have to worry about me.” He said before removing his hand so the older man could open the book.

“Uhm... ok?” Robert stammered. “Now I’m scared.” He admitted, but slowly opened the book. 

The first page wasn’t too bad, just random intrusive thoughts that had popped into Jimmy’s head and he’d decided to write them down. He knew Robert would recognize some of them as things his parents used to say to him when he was a kid or after they’d found out that he was gay. Some of them were of his own making, some triggered by his PTSD. 

The next page was filled with doodles of Robert, mainly his hands, his chest and his dick. Jimmy cleared his throat and felt his cheeks heat up.

“I was horny that day, ok?” He said and Robert grinned at him before turning the page. The next page was full of little drawings of various spots in Robert’s house. The entire space in between the doodles was filled with the word ‘home’. 

“This is beautiful, baby.” Robert gasped when he noticed. “When did you start this book?” He asked.

“Hmm... about 2 or 3 months after moving in with you?” Jimmy guessed. Robert turned another page. The next few pages consisted of random thoughts Jimmy had written down accompanied by several little drawings to illustrate them. He watched Robert’s face as he read them, the way his expression changed whenever he recognized something, a thought or a situation that had happened back then. Another page was filled with more intrusive thoughts, more of the BPD kind this time, Jimmy worrying about whether or not Robert actually really loved him and wanted to be with him or not. 

The next page actually made Jimmy’s stomach turn and he had to look away briefly. He hadn’t seen it since he’d drawn it.

“What is this?” Robert asked. It was a very detailed, almost photorealistic drawing of an old, dirty cellar with old tools and rusty pipes, a dirty old mattress in the middle of the room with what looked like blood stains all over it. It was dark, there was barely any light coming in from the tiny windows and it seemed to be mostly empty. Robert gasped when he realized what exactly it was. “Is this... is this...” He stammered and Jimmy nodded.

“That’s the cellar they took me to.” He whispered. “I couldn’t forget about it... it just... burnt itself into my memory, every little detail. Every single old tool lying around, the texture of the floor and the walls, the way the light from the street lamps outside made those patterns on the wall. Everything.” He remembered the day he’d drawn this, it had been a particularly bad and difficult one. “It’s still in here. I can’t get rid of it.” He pointed at his head.  

“Bloody hell...” Robert gasped, staring at it for a while. He looked like he wanted to cry and beat someone up at the same time. When Jimmy noticed that his hands were trembling, he reached out to take one of them into his own. Robert looked up at him in shock. “Are... *you* comforting *me*?” He asked.

“Well... yes?” Jimmy said. “You’re trembling.”

“I shouldn’t be... I should be the strong one, I should be there for you... you went through all of this, not me!” Robert said angrily. Jimmy knew he was angry at himself, so he wasn’t scared. He scooted a little closer on the bed and wrapped his arms around Robert. 

“Yes, but I’ve been dealing with this for a year, I know how to live with it. You’re seeing this for the first time.” He explained. 

“Still, you shouldn’t have to comfort me, baby.” Robert said and held him close. “You know you can always come to me when stuff like this haunts you? Whether you wanna talk about it or just need me to distract you from it, I’m there for you. Always.” He said. Jimmy smiled at him gratefully.

“I know. Sometimes, I need to deal with it on my own, though.” He said and Robert nodded. 

When he turned another page, he hissed and almost dropped the book off of his lap.

“Fuck! Jimmy! Is this blood??” He exclaimed, staring at the pages with wide, panicked eyes. One page was full of religious symbols that seemed to be painted in blood and soot, the other page obviously had marks where the ‘blood’ had transferred to it when he’d closed the book. Jimmy had manipulated it to look like dirty, crusty, bleeding wounds. 

“No! No, don’t worry. I know it looks extremely realistic, but it’s just paint. I wanted it to look just like blood, it took me a while to get the colour and consistency right..” Jimmy quickly reassured him. “Sniff it, you’ll know it’s just paint.” He said. 

“I... I believe you.” Robert said softly, but he still raised the book and briefly sniffed the page. “Fuck, it looks so real, it’s terrifying. I thought you’d... you’d gone and...” He shuddered and shook his head.

“I promised I wouldn’t, right? I promised I’d come to you and tell you if I felt like hurting myself. I fully intend to keep that promise.” Jimmy explained. Robert breathed a sigh of relief and held him even closer. “Please don’t worry about me? I used this book mainly when I felt really, really bad, that’s why most of the content looks like this... that doesn’t mean I’ve always felt like that. When I was happy, I usually drew other things, not in this book.” He explained. 

“I see. It’s just... it is shocking to actually see all of this.” Robert said, absentmindedly tracing one of the bloody crosses. “This is actually really, really good, brilliant idea. It really shows how much harm religious fanaticism can do.” 

“It’s more than that, really. It destroys lives, every single day.” Jimmy sighed. “I should have added more than just christian symbols, since it’s not just about christianity, but... I didn’t really think about that when I made this, I was way too emotional. I might pick up on this technique for a bigger piece, though.”

“You should.” Robert agreed. He still looked a little shocked, but also impressed and Jimmy felt a tad bit proud. “It would be the centerpiece for an exhibition.” He added and the brunette huffed.

“No. I already have an idea for that.” He said bitterly. Robert looked up at him in surprise.

“Really?” He asked curiously.

“Yes. I’ve thought about this a lot. If I ever get to that point, having my own exhibition... I want to split it in two parts, basically. One side of the room would have all the dark, horrible stuff, the bloody stuff, the works about what happened to me. The other part would be filled with all the happy stuff, drawings of you, my fantasy landscapes... there would be some darker drawings there too, just to show that... that it’s left it’s marks, that it’s never going to go away completely.” He explained.

“That sounds like a good idea, yeah...” Robert agreed. “What about the centerpiece?” Jimmy smiled sadly.

“There would be a simple glass box with nothing but that note that I left you after they started blackmailing you and I thought I had to leave to keep you safe.” He whispered. Robert gasped again and closed his eyes briefly as he remembered the note. Jimmy still knew exactly what it looked like, he remembered every single word as well as his scrawly handwriting because of how much he’d been trembling, even though he hadn’t seen it since.  He knew Robert kept it, too.

_ Robert _

_ I’m sorry _

_ I love you _

_ don’t forget me _

_ Jimmy _

“Fuck, Jimmy.” Robert whispered. “I’ve never felt so lost, hopeless and helpless as I did when I found that note. I felt so empty, like they’d taken everything from me. But do you know what was the worst part about it?” He asked.

  
“No. What?” Jimmy prompted. 

“Actually, it’s two things. That note... was the first time you ‘said’ “I love you”.” Robert said. “You also wrote ‘don’t forget me’... as if I could! I had only known you for a few months, you had only been living with me for a few weeks by then but you were already the most important person in my life, I couldn’t imagine it without you anymore! I couldn’t understand how you could think I could forget you!” 

“I just... I was so determined to get away from you to keep you safe... I hoped that you would just move on, get a girlfriend, get married, have a bunch of kids and lead a normal, happy life! I did fear that you’d forget me completely... me and everything we had between us.” Jimmy whispered sadly. He still recalled exactly how he’d felt in those hours before leaving, when he’d made the decision to leave Robert behind to protect him from those monsters. He recalled both the determination as well as the utter despair and sadness he’d felt.

“I could never forget you. Ever. Not in a million years. You... you are... you’re *everything*.” Robert said and hugged him so tightly it almost hurt. Jimmy hugged him back, clinging to him tightly. 

“As are you, to me.” He whispered. He knew things would get extremely emotional if he showed Robert this particular notebook, but this was more than he bargained for. They held each other close for a while until they were a little calmer again before Robert started looking at the notebook once more. Some of the pages made him smile, most of them made him shiver with how dark, gloomy, haunting or downright terrifying they were.

“I did underestimate just how much this still affects you. You seem to be just fine most of the time, it’s easy to forget that all of this is literally in your head all the time.” Robert admitted. 

“I know... but now *you* know.” Jimmy said with a little smile. “So if you see me with a lost look on my face, just zoned out, this is probably what is going on in here.” He said, tapping the side of his head again. “It’s a terrifying place in there, but there’s also some good places.” He said. 

“You’re an incredibly strong person... if this helps you deal with it, that’s a good thing.” Robert said and nuzzled his neck before turning some more pages. When he reached one of the most recent ones, he gasped in horror. It was a whole page filled with the word ‘SLUT’, all in capital letters, in many different styles. Jimmy quickly took the book from him and closed it. 

“I’m sorry. I forgot I did that.” He whispered. He hadn’t actually wanted Robert to see that.

“I... I did that to you.” Robert stammered, horrified. Jimmy nodded.

“It’s ok, now. I got over it.” He said. “But the day after, I just couldn’t get it out of my head, I just kept hearing your voice, calling me that... slut, slut, slut! So I got my book and started writing it down until it stopped.” He admitted. 

“Fucking hell, why am I such a moron?? I’m so sorry, baby... I promise I will never hurt you like that again.” Robert whispered and held him close. Jimmy could tell just how sorry he was and he knew he never meant it. 

“I know. It’s ok. I forgave you, remember?” He said and held the other man close as well. Robert didn’t answer, he just nodded a little and Jimmy knew he felt like he didn’t deserve it. They cuddled for a while before a soft little nose made them both stop.

Both of them started laughing softly when they realized that Strider was snoring softly next to them on the floor. 

“I’m baffled he trusts us so much already.” Jimmy admitted.

“We’ve been good to him, he has no reason not to trust us.” Robert smiled. “We gave him food and shelter, we petted him, we were nice to him.” 

“That’s true.” Jimmy mused, peeking over the edge of the bed to look at the puppy.

“How do you feel about him now, still scared?” Robert asked.

“Yeah... I mean, not right now, he’s sleeping, but... what if he wants to play with me and bites me by mistake?” He pouted.

“We’ll teach him not to do that, I promise.” Robert said. 

“He’s small now... but what if he grows into a huge dog that’ll bite my butt??” Jimmy sighed. Robert laughed.

“He won’t! I won’t let him, I promise!” He tried to reassure Jimmy. “You know, I think this is a blue eyed merle. We’ll never know for sure, since we have no idea where he came from and we have no papers from a breeder or something, but I’m pretty sure. Did you know that that breed is considered one of the smartest dog breeds?” 

“Uh, no. I told you I know next to nothing about dogs.” He said, glancing down at the puppy once more. “So he’ll know not to bite my butt?” 

“He will. I’ll be the only one getting to bite your butt.” Robert grinned cheekily and Jimmy found himself laughing.

“I guess you’re right. I’ll get used to him, I promise. Him and any other animals you’ll get, but I probably will be scared of them at first. Just a heads up.” He warned.

“Understood. I’ll give you time, I won’t fill the farm with big scary animals right away.” Robert agreed with a little smile.

“I have some rules, concerning the dog.” Jimmy then said.

“Yes? I’m listening.” Robert said. 

“He’s *your* dog. You’ll take care of him. I’m not trying to be mean, but I’m lazy and forgetful and I’ll probably forget to walk him or feed him and he doesn’t deserve that. So... your responsibility.” He said. Robert nodded. “He won’t sleep in our bed. I’m sorry, but I just can’t deal with that. He can be on the sofa after you bathed him.” Robert nodded again. 

“Fair enough. Sounds reasonable.” He said. Jimmy was relieved that he wasn’t mad. 

“There’s something else. This may sound weird but... don’t call him a good boy. That’s only for me.” Jimmy said in a small voice. He felt utterly ridiculous asking for this, but he knew he’d get insanely jealous as well as really uncomfortable if he heard Robert calling the dog a good boy. The older man looked at him in surprise, then he nodded once more.

“I understand.” He said. “Don’t be embarrassed, I really do understand. I’ve been calling you that for a while, it wouldn’t be fair and it would make you feel really awkward if I called him that. I promise I won’t.” Robert agreed. Jimmy breathed a sigh of relief.

“Thank you.” He whispered and snuggled into his husband’s arms. “I’m glad you’re not mad... or think I’m being weird.” 

“You’re not. I mean... I usually called you that in a sexual context, right? So it became a sexual thing for you... for us. It would be weird if I used it on the dog.” Robert said. 

“Yes. Just like when you called me your doll, earlier today.” Jimmy whispered. He was almost ashamed about how much he enjoyed that.

“You liked that, hm?” Robert said with a mysterious smile. “So did I. You are my good boy, my little doll, for me to dress up in pretty things.” He sighed and nuzzled Jimmy’s neck. “Hey, do you still feel up for watching that video?” He asked. Jimmy cringed. He felt bad for rejecting Robert once again, but he really didn’t feel like it now.

“Sorry... I’m really drained and tired, it’s super late, I just... maybe tomorrow?” He said and glanced at his phone. “Uhm, later today, I guess. It’s 2 am.” 

“Fuck. I hadn’t realized how late it is... we talked for a long time, huh?” Robert chuckled.

“We did... we also got home really late, from the vet.” Jimmy said and yawned. He *was* really tired. Robert pecked his cheek sweetly before letting him go to get ready for bed. By the time they were ready, it was almost 3 am. They fell asleep quickly, but Jimmy woke up at some point during the night and he needed to use the bathroom.

When he got out of bed, Strider woke up and Jimmy froze, but he really had to pee, so he tiptoed to the bathroom. Of course, the curious little puppy followed him eagerly and Jimmy groaned silently as he closed the bathroom door after the little dog. Those blue eyes looked up at him and he started wagging his tail ever so slightly. Jimmy didn’t know what to do, so he just proceeded to stand in front of the loo, but nothing was happening. He sighed.

“I can’t pee when you’re looking at me like that.” He complained. Strider gave a tiny little bark and wagged his tail more, excited that Jimmy was actually talking to him, but then he started exploring the bathroom and Jimmy finally managed to pee. He washed his hands when he was done and watched the puppy excitedly sniffing every corner of the bathroom before he went back to bed, snuggling up to his husband again.

When he woke up again, he opened his eyes to find a pair of blue ones staring right back at him- and he almost screamed and jumped out of bed. They were most definitely NOT Robert’s blue eyes, the blonde was nowhere to be seen. Strider was lying in bed with him, right in front of him, his nose almost touching Jimmy’s. 

The brunette managed not to scream, too afraid of scaring the dog, so he just froze and stared at the animal in front of him for a moment. When nothing bad happened, he relaxed a little. 

“Good Morning.” He finally said and the dog made a sleepy little sound and turned on his back, showing his belly and stretching. “Oh no. You’re adorable.” Jimmy admitted with a little smile and the puppy turned back towards him. 

Jimmy sighed and tentatively reached out. He’d never really touched a dog before, he’d only once touched his paw when he’d been asleep, but now he was just incredibly cute and he actually really wanted to pet him. He carefully put his hand on the little head, right between the ears and petted him slowly. The puppy put his head down on the bed and wagged his tail excitedly, happy about the attention. 

“I really want to be your friend... I just need some time.” Jimmy said softly, starting to scratch him behind the ear just like he’d seen Robert do it. 

“This is the most adorable thing I’ve seen in my entire life.” Robert said from the doorway to the bathroom and Jimmy raised his head. The look of utter adoration and happiness on the blonde’s face made him smile.

“Morning, Daddy.” He cooed. “Did you see, I’m petting the dog!”

“I can see that, yes.” Robert grinned and came over to sit on the bed with them. “Aren’t you mad that he’s in bed with you?” 

“Well... we haven’t told him that he’s not allowed, yet.” Jimmy said, amused. “He doesn’t know better. Also, you bathed him last night, he’s clean.” He almost jumped out of his skin when Strider got up and walked across his head to get to Robert. He froze and squeezed his eyes shut, but again, nothing bad happened, the puppy didn’t even step on him by mistake, so he relaxed again as he watched the older man pet the puppy and play with him a little. 

“Are you hungry? Yes? Let’s get you some food.” Robert cooed and picked him up to put him on the floor. He opened a can of dog food they’d bought at the vet’s and fed the dog, then he turned back to Jimmy. “How about you, what would you like for breakfast? The motel doesn’t offer any, we’d have to find somewhere to get something or make do with the snacks we have.” He said. 

Jimmy stretched and yawned, then reached out to get his phone. He quickly pulled up a map and searched around for a bit, then showed it to Robert.

“There’s a small town nearby and it looks like they have a few options. I really like that place.” He pointed at something on the screen. “Looks like they have interesting, healthy stuff.” He was getting a little tired of junk food, as much as he usually loved it, he wanted some fresh vegetables and fruit for a change. 

“Sounds good to me. Let’s pack up our stuff and go?” Robert suggested. Jimmy nodded and reluctantly got out of bed, he was still sleepy, neither of them had gotten too much sleep, but he was also hungry and in desperate need of several cups of coffee. 

They packed up and went to pay for their room, getting a few glares by the owner of the motel for being to noisy the previous afternoon. Jimmy couldn’t help but grin at that. He was holding on to Strider’s leash as Robert paid he felt surprisingly comfortable with that. In the car, he let the puppy sit in the front of the bus with them and he melted when the little guy put his head on his thigh and looked up at him in adoration.

“I think he likes me, for some reason.” Jimmy mused and began to pet the little head. 

“He definitely does. I think you’re his favorite, between the two of us. He keeps trying to get your attention.” Robert grinned.

“But why? I don’t get it. You’re the one who’s excited about him and does everything for him.” Jimmy frowned.

“Sure, but he’s not stupid, he can tell you’re a little apprehensive and he doesn’t want you to feel that way about him. He wants you to like him.” He explained.

“I think I do.” Jimmy said, looking back down at the little puppy. He was most definitely warming up to him, slowly. Robert just smiled to himself happily as he drove off.


	27. 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The road trip continues. Jimmy struggled with his jealousy regarding Strider and has a huge meltdown. They finally get around to watching their video once that meltdown has been dealt with.

The next few days were spent on the road towards the border to the US and Jimmy grew more and more used to the puppy as well as to life on the road. The bus was incredibly comfortable to sleep in, actually, the only thing he minded was the lack of a bathroom for the most part. Robert made sure to stop at motels frequently enough so they could shower and Jimmy wouldn’t feel super dirty and that was the only thing that made it ok for the younger man. 

The only problem that seemed to keep growing was Jimmy’s jealousy. As much as Jimmy had grown to love the little puppy, every time Robert walked the dog or fed him, played with him or cuddled with him, he felt it boiling inside him and there was nothing he could do against it, he couldn’t stop it from getting worse and worse. 

He didn’t want to be unfair, he loved that Robert was so happy and he was glad that the little guy had someone to love him, someone who took good care of him, but he was so very jealous. It started to feel like Robert didn’t have nearly enough time for him anymore and while the blonde made sure to pay just as much, if not more, attention to his husband, to Jimmy it felt like everything was only ever about the dog and Robert didn’t even love him anymore. Rationally, he knew that that wasn’t true, far from it, but he couldn’t keep the thought from nagging him every single time.

By the third day, he was feeling so awful, he couldn’t take it anymore. They had just stopped at another hotel, a fancier one this time, Robert thought Jimmy deserved some luxury after a few days on the road. Jimmy had been holding it in and keeping up a happy facade for the blonde’s benefit, but now that he was sitting in the bed in the lovely hotel room and Robert was busy playing with the puppy, he couldn’t do it anymore.

He simply burst into tears, opened all the floodgates and started bawling his eyes out. Robert’s head snapped around as soon as he heard Jimmy and for a moment he only stared at him, unable to comprehend what had just happened. Then he quickly got up and hurried to Jimmy’s side, pulling him into his arms. Jimmy hid his face and cried into Robert’s shirt, sobbing. 

“What... what happened? Fuck, please talk to me, baby. What is wrong?” Robert stammered in bewilderment. He seemed to be completely and utterly shocked and Jimmy understood why. He wasn’t one to cry a lot, neither of them were, actually. Robert had only seen him cry a few times and he’d had a damn good reason for it every time. It took Jimmy a moment to tone down his sobbing enough to form words.

“I’m an awful person! I’m the worst!!” He wailed before hiding his face once more. He didn’t even know why he was having such a breakdown, why he was that emotional, but he couldn’t stop himself. Having swallowed it down instead of talking about it, being honest about it, probably made it worse.

“Jimmy, no... no, you’re not! Why would you say that?” Robert asked as he started to rub his back soothingly. 

“Because I’m so fucking... jealous... of that poor little puppy! And it’s not even his fault!” He cried out in between sobs. “I feel like you don’t even love me anymore, like it’s all about the dog, like you don’t spend ANY time with me even though that’s not true!” He was well aware that he was being irrational and it annoyed him to no end. 

“But baby, of course I love you, I love you more than anything. Oh god, please stop crying.” Robert said helplessly. He didn’t know what to do or how to help and Jimmy felt even worse for making Robert feel bad. “What can I do to make it better?” He asked. Jimmy sobbed again and sniffled, then looked up at his husband through teary eyes.

“I don’t know.” He whispered and hiccupped. “You do spend time with me. I know you love me. But I feel horrible every time you do something with Strider. I’m just being stupid and mean and self-centered.” He pouted. He hated that he needed so much attention. 

“Would you like me to give him away...?” Robert asked after a moment. It was apparent that he had great difficulties even asking that and Jimmy gasped. On the one hand it felt good that Robert loved him enough to even suggest that, on the other hand it hurt that he thought Jimmy was that cold-hearted.

“What? No! He doesn’t deserve that... neither do you.” Jimmy said. “I just need to get over this. I wanted our honeymoon to be just about us... just about the two of us and now it’s not, anymore, and I hate that. I’m sorry.” He said, looking down. 

“Don’t be. I understand.” Robert said and made him raise his head again. He gently wiped away a few tears. “You weren’t ready for this, it all happened way too quickly, you wanted me all to yourself before we have to go back to our regular lives. I get that. I’m not mad at you.” He said. “You’re not a horrible person.” 

“Am I not too needy?” Jimmy hiccupped again. Robert smiled at him.

“No. It’s alright. I’d be mad, too, if I suddenly had to share you with someone else.” He said. 

“I just got so upset because we’ve just been driving, walking the dog, sleeping, feeding the dog, driving some more, playing with the dog...” He sighed. “It feels like that’s all we do now. I want to experience other things, exciting things... I feel so bad about it, too, because it’s really not his fault and I do love him, too... I don’t wanna give him away... but I want my Daddy back, too.” He sniffled. “We don’t even make love anymore, we haven’t done it in three days. Three days!!” He said and burst into tears yet again. The thought actually hurt because it had been going so incredibly well, they hadn’t had any of the problems they used to have and now they just... stopped.

“Fuck, you’re right.” Robert gasped. “I was just so busy and then I was tired from driving and... I don’t know.” He sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok... it’s just not how I expected my honeymoon to go.” Jimmy admitted and wiped away a few more stray tears. He was slowly calming down now, letting it all out had actually helped a lot. 

“Me neither.” Robert said thoughtfully, then looked at the puppy who was chewing on one of the toys they’d bought for him. “We could have him sent back home, I can have someone take care of him.” Jimmy shook his head.

“No... he’d be terrified if we suddenly sent him off to a new place, without you. You heard the vet, she said flying would be very stressful for him. He needs you, he only really trusts you.” He said. “I don’t want the poor little thing to suffer just because I’m being selfish and needy.” 

“Hmm... then maybe... I could include you more. You should play with us, too, come for walks with us. We’ll also do more other stuff together again and I promise I’ll make love to you whenever you want me to.” Robert said with a little smile.

“Can we...? I mean, with the dog around?” Jimmy asked carefully. Robert frowned.

“Why wouldn’t we?” He asked, then he chuckled in amusement. “Do you really think couples with dogs don’t do that anymore?” He winked. 

“Well, no, I just thought... what if he thinks we’re playing and wants to join in?” He pouted. Robert threw his head back and laughed.

“We’ll have to teach him that it’s human only playtime, then.” He said with a mirthful sparkle in his eyes. Jimmy managed to smile at him and hugged him tightly, nuzzling his neck.

“I am so sorry I freaked out so badly... I haven’t had such a meltdown in a while.” He huffed. 

“It’s ok... you scared the living hell out of me.” Robert sighed and kissed the top of his head lovingly. Jimmy felt awful for scaring him like that, he probably thought something horrible had happened.

“I’m so sorry, Daddy...” He cooed and pecked the corner of Robert’s mouth. “Is this going to get worse when we live on the farm? If you get more animals, I mean... you’ll have to take care of all of them and you won’t have any time for me anymore between work and the animals.” Jimmy then asked with a pout. Robert shook his head.

“No, I want to have most of my time for my little kitten.” He cooed, rubbing Jimmy’s back again. “I’ll hire staff to help take care of the farm and the animals.” Jimmy looked up at him with big eyes.

“Staff? Oh crap... now it’s really starting to feel like I married a rich guy. We’re gonna have staff...” He shook his head in disbelief.

“Well, it’s a big farm, there’s a lot of stuff to take care of, too much for the two of us if we want to keep working.” He explained. “Besides, if I can offer some people a good job, pay them well and all... why wouldn’t I?” He smiled.

“You’re right.” Jimmy agreed. He was relieved that Robert would still have time for him. “Staff can take care of the animals and you’ll take care of your kitten.” He smiled up at him, then tilted his head a little to ask for a kiss which Robert was more than happy to give. 

“I’ll take such good care of you, baby boy, I promise.” He cooed, kissing Jimmy again. He seemed to have completely forgotten about the puppy for now, much to the younger man’s delight. He loved having his husband’s attention on him, completely, for a change, and thought that maybe he could take it a little further, Robert tended to have a one track mind once it dropped in the gutter. 

“Yeah? What would you do, Daddy?” He murmured against the blonde’s lips before pulling back and smiling at him innocently.

“Hm, I’d make sure my little kitten gets all the tender love and care he needs... I’d wash and brush your hair, dress you in the prettiest clothes, I’d make you your favorite food, ... then I’d make sure you get all the cuddles and caresses you need, all the kisses in the world... even all the spankings you could ever want.” He said with a smug little grin. Jimmy giggled.

“Really? All of them?” He asked cutely. Robert nodded and slowly lowered him to the bed so he was lying on his back with the older man hovering above him, propped up on his elbows.

“Yes. I’d put you across my lap and spank you until you’re all warm and tingly. Then I’d caress your butt for a while until you’d ask me to finger you, and I would do just that. I’d really take my time with you.” Robert whispered. “I’d do that until you couldn’t take it anymore and then I’d make love to you.” He had slowly lowered his body down on Jimmy’s and the younger man sighed when he felt that he wasn’t the only one who was hard. Robert’s weight on top of him felt so good, exciting and comforting at the same time and he didn’t want this moment to ever end. 

“You would? Slowly and gently... or would you be rough with me and take me hard?” He asked, chewing his lip as he watched another little smirk turn the corner of Robert’s mouth up. 

“Hmm, that would depend on the mood we’re in, wouldn’t it?” He suggested. “Or I could start all slowly and gently, just loving you and letting you feel every inch of me... and when I’ve had enough of that, I could just pound you until you make those adorable little mewls, until you make a mess of the sheets.” He purred. Jimmy sighed and pulled the older man down into a kiss.

“I want that. So much. So badly.” He whispered then. 

“Yeah? We don’t have to wait until we’re back home for that, you know... I can spoil you rotten right now, my sweet little baby boy...” Robert said in a husky voice, but Jimmy grinned up at him impishly.

“We could do that, yeah... or you could finally watch that video with me.” He said cheekily. Robert groaned.

“Oh, you little tease...” Robert growled and began kissing his neck, then nipping at it lightly. “No. I want you now.” He added and Jimmy first laughed, then pouted.

“But Daddy, I want to watch the video!” He said and playfully tried to push the blonde off of him. 

Robert wasn’t budging and kept biting him lightly, holding him down and growling at him every time he tried to push him off. Jimmy was giggling more and more with every teasing kiss to his neck, the play-wrestling was tons of fun. When Robert paused for a moment to look at him, checking to see if he was enjoying himself and everything was alright, Jimmy gave him a genuine smile at first, then pouted at him dramatically.

“Daddy, I just cried, you have to humor me to comfort me!” He said. Robert laughed.

“Oh poor little kitten... isn’t this comforting?” Jimmy shook his head.

“No. I want the video. Now.” He said brattily. He loved that he got to play with Robert this way, that the other man understood that he was just playing and that he played along. The blonde slowly sat up, sitting on Jimmy’s thighs and crossed his arms in front of his chest, shaking his head.

“I shouldn’t let you get away with being so bratty, but then I don’t ever wanna see you sad ever again.” He mused. Jimmy looked up at him with wide eyes and willed them to tear up again, he was going to get his way, no matter what. Robert sighed. “Alright, fine. We’ll watch the video, but then I get to love you and show you that I really do still love you and haven’t forgotten about you. Deal?” He asked. 

“Ok.” Jimmy said in a small voice and nodded. Robert grinned at him, then.

“You are in luck, by the way, I copied the video to my laptop, so you get to see it on a slightly bigger screen.” He winked, then got off of Jimmy to get said laptop. The younger man felt his own excitement grow as he watched the older man set up the laptop on the bed, he was also getting a little nervous about actually seeing the video. 

The blonde set everything up, then sat on the bed, against the headboard, and pulled Jimmy into his arms again. 

“Are you ready?” He asked before opening the video. “You’re so quiet now.”

“I’m a little nervous, what if I look horrible and I’ll never be able to do this again? What if I get super self-conscious?” He asked. Robert smiled at him warmly.

“You are absolutely gorgeous, baby, I promise. You’re the most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen.” He said. “I’m pretty sure you’ll be able to see that... I mean, you liked watching us in the mirror, didn’t you?” 

“Yeah... I did, I really did... I just thought, maybe I look different on camera.” He sighed. “Whatever... go for it, I’ll be fine.” He said finally and Robert gave him another probing look before finally clicking on the file.

The video began with Robert walking away from his phone which he’d just placed on the dresser, then Jimmy saw himself on the bed, completely naked. He couldn’t help but laugh at the look on his face as Robert came back to him.

“Oh shit, I look like a deer in the headlights. A deer in the headlights with a boner, but...” He shrugged as Robert started laughing. “No, seriously, why do I look so fucking spooked??” His video-self was staring at Robert with wide eyes, his lips slightly parted.

“I guess you were a little nervous about actually filming that... but you forgot about it quickly enough.” Robert said. Jimmy didn’t miss that he seemed to be a little smug about that and pinched his side lightly. 

Robert knelt in front of the bed, then, in the video, lightly caressed his legs, just briefly, before making the younger man pick a pair of panties from the set he’d bought. Jimmy cursed.

“Fuck, I had no idea my voice sounded like that!” He gasped when he heard himself breathe ‘Superman, please, Daddy’ in the video. “Is my voice really that high pitched??” It never sounded like that to himself, in his own head. 

“Your voice is absolutely adorable.” Robert said as they watched him put the panties on the brunette, then the stockings. 

Jimmy tilted his head in curiosity, he noticed that the look on his face had already changed from the wide-eyed, almost scared look to one of utter want and need as soon as Robert had started touching him. He also couldn’t help but think he looked really cute and pretty like that, with the stockings. The look of arousal on his face only got ‘worse’ when Robert started calling him his little doll and yet worse when he started teasing him about ‘ruining’ the panties.

“That turned me on so much.” He admitted and shifted uncomfortably in Robert’s arms. He was getting very turned on *right now*, too, he couldn’t hide it. “When you teased me about that, I mean.”

“I know.” Robert said confidently. “Me too.” He then added. They watched Robert starting to kiss and caress Jimmy and the younger man couldn’t help but feel a little self-conscious about his own reactions, he almost felt ashamed about how easy it was for the older man to make him lose it, but Robert seemed to like that a lot, so he decided to put his worries about that aside.

He saw the exact moment when he’d felt ashamed when Robert had started rimming him but he also saw the moment when he stopped caring because it had felt so very good. They both laughed at the look on his face when Robert took him out of his moment of bliss by asking for the lube.

“Fuck, sorry... I should have let you enjoy that a little longer, huh?” The older man asked and Jimmy grinned. 

“I had just managed to relax and enjoy it, yeah... a little longer would have been nice.” He winked teasingly. Robert laughed and nuzzled his neck, tickling him a little, making him wiggle in his arms and squeal. They continued watching and Jimmy groaned as he watched Robert prepare him.

“You really drove me crazy, do you know that? You kept me right on the edge for so long, I thought I was gonna die.” He complained as he watched his own body contort in pleasure, head thrown back, one fist holding on to the sheet, the other in his own mouth to keep himself from being too vocal. 

“I know. You have no idea how much fun that was. I loved it when you told me that it feels ‘too good’!” Robert grinned. “Look at you... you’re magnificent.” To his own surprise, Jimmy couldn’t help but think that he looked quite sexy like that, but then, his jaw dropped. Robert was done preparing him and had gotten up and started taking off his clothes, then crawled on the bed. 

“Fucking hell, *you* are magnificent. Look at your body, holy shit.” He gasped. While he’d already been hard just from watching this, seeing that only made him harder, Robert was so gorgeous. He rarely got to see his husband from that angle, with him underneath he couldn’t see much at all, with Robert’s big, wild hair obscuring most of his vision. “I love seeing your muscles shift under your skin, fuck, you’re so hot.” He said. The older man had an amazing body, all strong and lean, but yet so elegant and cat-like. Robert had the decency to look a little flattered.

“Well, thank you, I guess.” He said bashfully. 

“Hmm, you look so big and strong... fuck, I love it when you pin my arms down like that.” Jimmy whispered. He was really getting into it now, all the feelings of shame and insecurity flying right out the window as he watched the blonde cover his smaller body with his own. 

As they continued watching and Robert started manhandling him in the video, turning him around, moving him around like a little ragdoll, Jimmy was getting more and more uncomfortable in his pants and he started wiggling and sighing. Robert glanced at him, then smiled warmly.

“It’s ok to touch yourself, you know.” He said gently. Jimmy looked at him in surprise, it hadn’t occurred to him so far, he feared it’d be rude if he just went for it, but he really, really wanted to.

“What about you?” He asked, glancing at the other man briefly before looking back at the screen of the laptop that now showed him on all fours, Robert behind him. The older man didn’t answer, he just shot him a grin and unbuttoned his jeans. Jimmy couldn’t help but laugh at that and follow suit, but he took off his pants completely, he wanted to be comfortable. 

He started stroking himself but had to slow down immediately, for some reason it felt really intense right away, so he held back for a moment. When Robert grabbed him by the back of the neck in the video and shoved him down, face first into the pillows, Jimmy couldn’t help himself, he moved his hand just a little and made a surprised sound when he suddenly came all over his hand.

“Oh for fucks sake... this is getting out of hand.” He cursed, starting down at himself. Robert couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Literally.” He said with a wink and Jimmy pouted at him. “Aww, I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to make fun of you. I’m just... really happy you have such an easy time getting off now.” He said with a gentle smile. 

“I guess it is preferable to what it used to be like.” Jimmy sighed. “That didn’t feel good, though, it was just a blip.” 

“A what?” Robert asked, confused.

“A blip! Have you never had a blip?” He asked and the blonde shook his head, looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

“I can’t say that I have, I have no idea what that is.” He said and it occurred to Jimmy that that was what he called it in his head and the older man had no idea what he was on about. 

“Well... you know, sometimes when you’re jerking off and you’re coming and it’s just a really short, weak little orgasm? That only lasts for a fraction of a second and doesn’t feel satisfying at all, really disappointing? I’ve always called those ‘blips’ because they feel just like that old phone notification sound. Blip and it’s gone.” He explained. Robert blinked at him, then he laughed.

“God, you’re so adorable!” He said. “Yes, in that case, I’ve had those, I know what that feels like. Very frustrating. I’ve always thought of those as ruined orgasms.” He agreed. Jimmy smiled, relieved that he’d managed to explain himself. The video had ended by now and Robert hadn’t gotten off, taken by surprise by Jimmy finishing so quickly and the younger man was embarrassed.

“Sorry about this, by the way.” He mumbled. Robert sighed and stopped what he was doing. He pulled the brunette into his arms and held him close.

“Stop apologizing. You have no idea how fucking happy I am that you’re actually enjoying yourself nowadays. Don’t you remember what a struggle this used to be, how frustrating it was? This is so, SO much better.” He said and kissed Jimmy’s temple. 

“You’re right.” Jimmy sighed and snuggled closer to his husband. Then he chuckled. “And since it wasn’t even a real, satisfying one, I can definitely go again in a few minutes.” He said impishly. Robert chuckled.

“Yeah? So I’ll get to make love to you after all?” He asked and nuzzled his neck.

“Yes, please. I want that.” Jimmy cooed and pulled back to look up at his husband.

“So... we’re good? You’re no longer sad, or mad at me for neglecting you?” He asked and Jimmy shook his head.

“I’m not. We’re good.” He said and kissed him. “This was so hot... I... I’d like to do that again. Record, I mean.” Jimmy then admitted. “I want to watch us doing different things.”

“I’m definitely up for that, yes.” Robert agreed.

“I can see that you’re ‘up’ for it...” Jimmy said teasingly, glancing at his crotch. “Let’s get you out of these clothes.” He added and began to take off Robert’s remaining clothes, then quickly got out of his own as well. 

He was so happy that this had worked out just fine, that Robert hadn’t been mad at him for his ‘little’ outburst, his meltdown, and most of all he was happy that he had his husband’s full attention. The dog was sleeping, not paying any attention to them, and they took their time enjoying each other’s closeness. By the time they finally went to sleep, Jimmy was a melted puddle of utter bliss.

The next day, Jimmy couldn’t help but look at the video again, alone this time, while Robert was walking the dog. His hand was down his pants before he could help himself.

During the day, he kept sneaking off with Robert’s phone that still had a copy of the file as well, he looked at it in the car while the other man paid for gas, he snuck off to the toilet later to look at it again and another two times, once before and once after his shower that evening. When he joined his husband in bed that evening, he knew he had a problem. 

“Hey... have you seen my phone? I can’t find it.” Robert asked him, rolling over to face him. Jimmy felt his face heat up like crazy and he stammered when he answered.

“I- uh... I think I saw it in the bathroom.” He said quickly and hopped out of bed to retrieve it. He’d been silly enough to forget it there after the last time he’d jerked off to their video. 

“Jimmy... what is going on, you’ve been acting... weird.” Robert asked when he returned with his phone. He’d wiped the screen with disinfecting wipes, even though he hadn’t gotten it dirty, but he still felt awful about using it like that. He didn’t know what to say, he didn’t have any excuse for his behaviour, so he sighed and took a moment to gather his thoughts before answering.

“I think I have a problem.” He admitted. “I can’t stop watching our video. I watched it, or parts of it, five times today! I mean, I didn’t just watch it, I...” He trailed off and shrugged. Robert raised an eyebrow.

“Five times? How are you not sore??” He asked and Jimmy huffed.

“I’m not sore because I finish so quickly, I’m hardly even touching myself!” He complained. “Two or three tugs and it’s over. I came dry the last time. Is that dangerous?” 

“Ah... I don't know, but I don't think it is.” Robert said and chuckled. “I don’t know, I think this might be a little much, but on the other hand it’s awesome that you’re so turned on by... us.” He said. 

“I don’t know what’s going on, I never liked porn that much, but this drives me crazy. Seeing *us*, you and me... it’s insane, it’s fascinating and so, so hot.” He admitted. “I just can’t stop. What if I’m developing some strange addiction or something??”

“Well, for starters, give me back my phone.” Robert chuckled. “I’ll hold on to it and if you wanna stop, I just won’t give it to you. I don’t think you’re gonna get addicted to this, it’s just the novelty of it. You’ll get used to it and you won’t feel the need to do this several times a day. It’s gonna be fine, baby.”

“Sorry I kept sneaking off with your phone, I couldn’t help it.” Jimmy mumbled and moved closer. “I’m so tired now.” He sighed.

“Understandable... I know I would be, you had quite a day.” The younger man heard the grin in his husband’s voice and lightly socked him in chest.

“Don’t make fun of me, this is very, very serious. If I can’t function anymore because I’m addicted to watching us at it, it’s a problem!” He pouted. He wasn’t serious anymore, he could joke about it now that he’d gotten it off his chest, and Robert laughed, pulling him into his arms.

“Stop worrying about it and go to sleep, you little imp.” He said and held him close. Jimmy smiled to himself and closed his eyes. He had an awesome husband, he thought.


	28. 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys arrive in Toronto and decide to stay for a bit. Jimmy finally experiences his first night in a gay club. Their road trip comes to an end in Florida and they finally fly back home.

Of course Robert turned out to be right, Jimmy quickly lost his little obsession with their video, although he really couldn’t wait for an opportunity to make another one. He still thought it was incredibly hot and that they looked amazing together, but he no longer felt the need to watch the video all the time.

Their road trip soon took them to Toronto, which on the one hand, Jimmy liked a lot, it was huge city with all sorts of interesting things to discover. On the other hand, it was almost too big, making him miss the small villages and beautiful landscapes. Lake Ontario was impressive, it seemed just like an ocean to Jimmy. They decided to stay in Toronto for a few days, just to make sure they’d get to see everything.

Robert also made an effort to spend even more time with Jimmy, focus much more on him and pay even more attention to him than before and the brunette couldn’t have been happier about it. They spent quite a bit of time in their hotel room, just the two of them, talking, watching series on Netflix and sharing snacks, or they’d play video games and good off. Jimmy was particularly fond of that night they spent drinking cheap sparkling wine while playing Cards Against Humanity. He couldn’t remember ever having laughed that much before.

Another thing the blonde started doing now that they’d taken up residence in Toronto was taking Jimmy to all sorts of places he thought the younger man might find interesting. Museums, art exhibitions, theatres, he’d even bought concert tickets. Jimmy was almost a little overwhelmed, at first he’d feared the museums would be terribly boring, but he actually found them surprisingly interesting, he learned a lot of things he hadn’t known and he loved how excited Robert was about explaining stuff to him. 

He was particularly excited about the art exhibitions. They inspired him a lot and more than that, here he could show Robert that he was smart, too, that he knew things, too. He explained all sorts of things about different techniques and little hidden meanings in certain paintings to the older man, excitedly babbling away while his husband listened to him with a doting smile on his face, more than happy to hear more about Jimmy’s passion and what inspired him.

He got more and more used to the dog being around and after a few more days, he decided to make an effort to get rid of his fear, asking Robert to let him hold the leash as they went for a walk or to let him toss the ball when they were playing fetch in the park. He couldn’t help but be utterly terrified when Strider came dashing back to him with the ball in his snout, almost crashing into him in his eagerness to return the toy to the young man, but after that, he noticed how much fun it was to play with the dog. He started running with him, throwing the ball for him, he even dared to play-wrestle with him for the other toy Robert had bought, a squeaky rubber bone with a length of rope attached to it. 

When he saw the look on his husband’s face as he watched them play, he grinned at him widely. He almost had tears in his eyes and Jimmy could tell that this was exactly what the other man wanted and needed, to see Jimmy happy and carefree, having a good time and enjoying himself. He knew he felt like he really had a happy little family now. 

Jimmy gasped and squealed when Strider started bouncing in front of him excitedly, wanting him to continue to play with him, but in his excitement, he jumped and tackled Jimmy, causing him to fall on his butt with a little ‘ooof!’. The puppy immediately pounced him again, wagging his tail and starting to lick his face happily. Jimmy laughed and squeezed his eyes shut, ruffling the puppy’s ears. To his own surprise, he wasn’t scared anymore, but Robert still came to his rescue and picked up the dog so Jimmy could breathe. 

“You have no idea how adorable the two of you are.” He said, sitting next to Jimmy in the grass. “You’re making me so, so happy.” He added as he put Strider back down and tossed the ball for him once more. 

“Aww... that’s good, isn’t it? I promised I’d get used to him.” Jimmy said, quickly getting some wipes from his backpack to clean his face. The germaphobe in him still hadn’t died completely, although he was a lot more relaxed these days. 

“You did. Are you happy?” Robert asked and wrapped his arm around the younger man’s shoulder.

“Do I look happy?” Jimmy grinned at him. Strider came back to them and when he saw them cuddling, he plopped himself down right between them, his tail in Robert’s lap, his head on Jimmy’s thigh. “Aww, hey pup... tried?” Jimmy asked and scratched him behind the ears. The answering yawn from the little dog was all the answer they needed. 

“He’s grown quite a bit already, hasn’t he?” Robert asked and Jimmy nodded. 

“Yeah... we’ll, we’ve had him for a while now. It’s been like, what, three weeks?” He asked. He could barely believe they’d been driving around in that old bus for more than three weeks and hadn’t even made it to the US yet. When he voiced that thought to Robert, the older man chuckled.

“Yes, well... we’re taking our time, taking it all in... we don’t want to miss a thing, after all.” He said gently and nuzzled Jimmy’s hair. “There are a few places in the US I wanna see, but most of all I want to take you to California. It’s just... I’ve always wanted to go there, it’s a whole different way of life there, I think... and I really want you to swim in the ocean, at least once. Although we could go to Florida, that’s probably better for swimming...” Robert mused and Jimmy frowned.

“It’s November, Daddy.” He said sceptically, but the blonde just grinned at him.

“So? It’s still warm enough in Florida, trust me.” He said. Jimmy had a hard time wrapping his mind around that as they were wearing winter jackets and his butt was getting really cold, sitting in the grass, but then again Toronto was much further up north. He shrugged.

“I guess. Let’s go to Florida then. You can still take me to California next time. Oh hey. I was thinking, wouldn’t you like to go for your birthday next year?” He asked.

“California in August? Hmm, if you’re up for it. I thought you don’t like the heat.” Robert said worriedly.

“Hmm, I’ll be fine as long as I have a fancy hotel room with air conditioning and a pool.” Jimmy grinned. “Just think about it, just the two of us, celebrating at a beach bar with cocktails, good music, weed...” He wiggled his eyebrows and Robert laughed.

“Alright, you got me. Let’s do that.” He said, amused. “What would you like to do for your birthday? It’s only two months away.” He then asked. Jimmy thought about it for a moment. 

“I... don’t know. I really liked what we did this year, but that was special because I turned 20... I mean, turning 21 is only big in the states... oh. Am I going to be allowed to drink in the states??” He asked then, it had never occurred to him before. Back home, he’d been allowed to buy whatever alcohol he wanted as soon as he turned 18 and before that he’d just sent older friends to buy him whatever he wanted. Robert gave him an amused look. 

“No... no, you won’t. Not even beer.” He answered and Jimmy pouted. He didn’t particularly look forward to being treated like a child again, not even getting his glass of wine with dinner. “You’ll have to wait until we come back for my birthday next year for that.” He chuckled.

“Oh fuck that.” Jimmy cursed and pouted even more. “You’re taking me to Florida and I won’t even get to have a cocktail with you.”

“I’m not taking you there to drink, baby boy.” Robert shook his head. “Hey, how about this: before we cross the border, we’ll go out and have a great night. I saw a gay club not too far from our hotel room the other day.” He suggested. Jimmy’s eyes widened.

“Like... a real gay club?” He asked. They’d never been to one of those, usually sticking to rock bars and smaller clubs when they did go out. Robert nodded.

“Uh-huh.” He confirmed. “Do you feel like it?” Jimmy quickly nodded as well.

“I do! I mean, I know they don’t really play the kind of music we like, but... that’s not really the point, is it?” He asked almost bashfully. “I always wanted to see what those clubs are like. What it’s like to see so many people that are like me, I mean.” He admitted. 

“I thought so.” Robert said and gave him a little squeeze. “I thought it might be good for you.”

“What about Strider?” Jimmy then asked.

“He’s pretty good with staying on his own for a few hours, it shouldn’t be a problem. He’s tired already, he’s just gonna sleep.” Robert answered. “I’m sure we can ask the staff to keep an eye on him, just in case he starts crying or something. I don’t think he will, though.” They’d had some trouble finding dog-friendly hotels, but the ones they did find were wonderful and had no problem accommodating Strider. He found himself agreeing, deciding to just trust his husband and go along with it. 

They continued their walk through the park for a little longer, then went back to the hotel just in time for dinner. They decided to stay in the hotel and have dinner in the restaurant there, taking their time having some glasses of wine and a cocktail after dinner in the hotel bar. When Strider wouldn’t stop yawning underneath their table, they took him back to the room. 

“I don’t know about you, but since we’re going out, I’m gonna make myself look presentable.” Jimmy grinned and went to the bathroom to shower and wash his hair. While he was blow drying it, his gaze fell on the little bag on the corner of the bathroom that contained the make up he’d bought for their little roleplay. He hadn’t used any of the things since then, but for some reason he felt like it today. 

His eyebrows only needed a tiny bit of plucking, not much had actually grown back, so he just grabbed the eyeliner and smudged a generous amount around his eyes, more than he’d worn that other time, then put on some mascara and some of the pink lip balm. He teased his hair a little and used some hairspray before letting Robert take a shower as well. 

“Wow. You look amazing. What are you gonna wear?” Robert asked when the younger man opened the bathroom door. He was only in his panties for now. 

“I don’t know!!” Jimmy sighed. He didn’t really have anything fancy, most of his outfits were rather grungy looking these days, except... except maybe one thing. “I don’t know, I do have something, but it looks slutty.” He pouted. Robert sighed.

“Jimmy, you’re not-” He started, but the brunette cut him off.

“I know, I know! I didn’t mean it like that.” He said. “Look.” He sighed and went to his suitcase, pulling out a white, fishnet tank top with an asymmetrical cut. When Robert raised an eyebrow, he blushed. “I don’t know what got into me when I bought this. I never wore it, until now. I don’t even know why I took it along. I could have worn it for roleplaying, but it would have been... too much.” 

“Well... we *are* going to a club and you’d be wearing a jacket over it until we’re in there.” Robert mused. “I’ll just have to fight off all the guys hitting on you.” He grinned.

“So you think this would be ok?” Jimmy asked insecurely. “What are you gonna be wearing?”

“I think it would be fine. Most guys in clubs like that are shirtless, anyway, from what I remember.” Robert shrugged. “I was thinking just a pair of jeans and a shirt, maybe one of those open ones.” He said. Jimmy knew exactly what kind of shirt Robert meant, he’d seen them on him all summer, those flowery blouses that didn’t even have buttons and bared his chest to drive Jimmy crazy all the time. 

“Then I’ll have to fight off guys hitting on you, too.” He grinned and slipped into one of his countless pairs of black jeans. These particular ones were all ripped along his thighs and knees. 

“They won’t have time to hit on us, we’ll be all over each other.” Robert chuckled. He went to take a quick shower as well and got dressed, then they left. Strider was asleep on his back next to the bed, snoring as usually, so they really didn’t have to worry about him.

Jimmy got more and more nervous the closer they got to club, it was dark, of course, but he’d already spotted a few other guys headed in the same direction and he could tell they were going there as well. He had no idea how exactly he’d react to everything that was going to be happening around him and he was a little afraid they wouldn’t even get into the club in the first place, with them not looking exactly like the usual clientele. To his relief, it wasn’t a problem at all, they got in just fine and as soon as he stepped inside the club, Jimmy relaxed a little. They left their jackets at the coat check and went inside. The music was loud and he felt the beat in his entire body, something he loved, so he just allowed himself to focus on that.

He held on to Robert’s hand as the older man dragged him through the club to get them both a drink. Looking around, he saw all kinds of men dancing in the colorful, flashing lights. To his surprise, there weren’t only young boys there, there were all kinds of men. Of course there were pretty, young men with tight shirts (or shirtless, just like Robert had predicted), but there were also normal looking, kind of nerdy guys, there were the stereotypical older, hairy men in leather outfits, he even thought he spotted a few women. 

Robert passed him his drink and Jimmy gave him a grateful smile, leaning against the bar to watch the guys around them. He looked at the men on the dancefloor, quite a few of them were already making out, kissing and grinding on each other right there in front of them. It made his head spin to actually see all of that happening, in public, when he’d grown up learning how horrible and sinful all of this was and now it just seemed so... normal. Everyone was doing it and it wasn’t even a big deal. For Jimmy, it was. 

He wasn’t surprised to find that watching these guys getting it on didn’t turn him on whatsoever, not even the almost naked dancers dancing in the spotlights, wearing only jockstraps did anything for him, although he didn’t miss Robert glancing at them quite a bit. He smirked and lightly smacked the older man’s shoulder, then pouted at him. Robert gave him an apologetic, sheepish smile and took his hand, trying to pull him on the dancefloor as well. 

The brunette quickly shook his head, he didn’t feel like dancing just yet. Quite frankly, he just wasn’t drunk enough to dance yet, so he turned to the bar and waited for the bartender to turn his attention to him, quickly asking for two shots of vodka. He slid one over to his husband before knocking his own back quickly. Robert shook his head at him with a little smirk, but downed his shot as well. Jimmy didn’t waste much time and ordered another round, nursing his other drink as he waited for another shot.

He could definitely feel eyes on him, he knew a lot of guys were checking him out, which he couldn’t really blame them for, he was wearing quite a daring outfit. He was surprised that it didn’t make him feel uncomfortable in the least, it actually felt quite good. He did make a point out of shuffling closer to his husband and kissing him from time to time, just to make sure none of them got any ideas. 

After a while, he had just finished his drinks, he felt ready to dance and pulled Robert along to the dancefloor. They danced for a bit, it was quite crowded and they had to stay close to each other, so it didn’t take long for things to get heated between them. 

“Since you saw fit to pay for those shots with *my* money... I think you owe me a blowjob.” Robert said into his ear and Jimmy pulled back to raise an eyebrow at his husband. He knew Robert got a little more bold and daring when he’d had a drink or two and he loved it, so he decided to play along. 

“Really, now?” He asked. “Sorry, but I’d take more than that for a blowjob.” He said, leaning in so Robert could hear him over the loud music. Not that he’d ever turn down sucking Robert’s cock, but the older man obviously felt like playing games, so he’d humour him. 

To his surprise, Robert slowly fished another bill out of his pocket and waved it in front of Jimmy’s face. It was one of those pretty 100 CA$ bills and when Jimmy made to snatch it from his husband’s hand, Robert held it up and out of Jimmy’s reach.

“Ah, ah, ah!” Robert tutted and shook his head. “You want this? You work for it.” He said and nodded towards an exit at the back of the club that lead to... oh. A darkroom. Of course. Jimmy had almost forgotten that those were a thing. He was a little shocked at Robert’s attitude and the way he talked to him, but now he was also very horny. The blonde’s playful and slightly dominant behavior turned him on and he didn’t feel bad about being treated this way, at all. He nodded briefly and took the other man’s hand, pulling him along. He didn’t even care about the looks the other guys were giving them for what they’d been doing, with the money and all. 

He opened the big, heavy door to the darkroom with confidence, but he was surprised by what this part of the club actually looked like. He’d expected a dark, seedy, disgusting little room with a bunch of dudes fucking, but it was a surprisingly large area, there was enough light to be able to see, albeit with a strange, blue hue to it, the music from the main club was much quieter in here, there were little coves in the wall with benches and everything. There weren’t too many other couples in there at that point, it was quite early still, after all. He looked around and saw a young man kneeling in front of an older dude, blowing him, in another corner there were two very young looking boys that were making out heatedly. In the middle of the room, a couple was already fucking, doggy-style. Jimmy was a little shocked at actually seeing that, right in front of him, so he quickly pulled Robert into the far corner of the room and grinned at him impishly.

“I take payment up front.” He said in a low, sultry voice, glad that he no longer had to yell, now he could enjoy their little game to the maximum. Robert looked him up and down briefly, then nodded and handed him the bill. Jimmy just grinned, shoved the bill into his pocket and made to dash out of the room again, pretending that he just wanted to scam Robert. 

That wasn’t happening, of course, the blonde was quick to grab him and pull him back. He held his wrists and frowned at him, shaking his head, before grabbing his shoulders and forcing him to his knees. Jimmy gasped and looked up at Robert as he unbuttoned his jeans. The fantasy they were acting out had made him achingly hard and he had to hold back from shoving his hand into his own pants, he suddenly wasn’t even really aware of the other people in the room, even though he knew some were watching them while they were receiving head. He didn’t even mind. 

“Did you really think you could pull something like that on me, you little shit? Get to work!” Robert said, shoving his underwear down with one hand and grabbing Jimmy’s hair with the other. The younger man immediately did as he was told, eagerly and quickly, but then he slowed it down, he wanted to enjoy this for as long as possible and more than that, he wanted Robert to enjoy it, so he took his time, sucking him slowly and sensually rather than quickly and sloppily. 

Suddenly, someone wandered up to them and leaned against the wall next to Robert, a young boy with messy, short blonde hair was smiling at his husband cheekily. He was wearing a shirt that was slightly too big on him and sliding off his shoulder, the very look Robert always enjoyed so much on him. Jimmy felt his blood boil with jealousy right away, but he knew Robert would handle it, so he just carried on with what he was doing, but he did shoot the twink a glare for good measure. 

“You easily have the biggest dick in the entire club tonight.” The boy said, ignoring Jimmy’s glare and leaning in closer to Robert. The older man laughed.

“Have you seen them all, to be able to judge that?” He asked, amused. Jimmy didn’t like that he didn’t just tell him to fuck off, but maybe he just wanted to have some fun teasing him. 

“Well... let’s just say I’m familiar with the usual clientele...” The blonde boy purred and glanced down. Jimmy made a point out of pulling back all the way, swirling his tongue around the head of Robert’s cock before swallowing it down again, all the while glaring at him defiantly. He was pleased to see the twink’s eyes widen slightly at his display of skill. “D’you think you could use a second mouth?” He then asked and made to caress Robert’s chest, but the older man batted his hand away.

“Does it look like I do? As you can see, he’s perfectly capable of taking care of me, thank you very much.” He said dismissively and Jimmy wanted to grin at him, but instead he just sucked him harder, causing Robert to moan softly. The boy just pouted.

“Oh come on, don’t be like that... there’s enough of you for both of us. I’ll let you fuck me, too.” He offered and Robert actually laughed. 

“The only mouth... or ass... I’m interested in... is his. Go find another dick, darling.” He said, and this time the endearment definitely sounded condescending. He tried to shoo him off with a wave of his hand and when the twink still didn’t leave, he rolled his eyes and sighed. “Get lost, I said!” The young pouted even more, obviously disappointed he wasn’t going to get with Robert, but he finally turned away and sauntered off, no doubt trying to find another dick to hop on that night. Robert smiled down at Jimmy and caressed his hair lovingly. 

“Mine. All mine.” Jimmy said after letting go of Robert’s cock for a moment, nuzzling it possessively before taking it back into his mouth. 

“Yeah, it’s all yours, baby, I’m not letting anybody else have it, I promise.” Robert said as the brunette went back to work. Jimmy made sure to tease his husband for a while, pulling back and showing off his cock because he was aware that other guys were watching. He was fine with that as long as they didn’t try to join in, he was very proud having this gorgeous man all to himself and didn’t mind flaunting it a little. 

When he pulled back once again to teasingly tongue at the head of Robert’s cock, he must have done something that felt particularly good, because the blonde gasped and suddenly came. All over Jimmy’s face. The younger man gasped in turn, he hadn’t expected that. He’d never allowed that to happen, for various reasons, none of which he wanted to think about right now, and he didn’t quite know how to deal with it. 

“Oh fuck... I’m so sorry, baby... I didn’t mean to, I just...” Robert stammered and trailed off. Jimmy blinked up at him, glad that none had gotten into his eyes, then he grinned. He thought he’d feel humiliated, that he’d freak out and have another huge meltdown if that ever happened, but it turned out alright. On the contrary, he even thought it was kind of hot, he always loved making Robert lose it like that, it made him feel incredibly powerful. 

“It’s ok, Daddy. You couldn’t help it.” He cooed and licked some off of his lips, still grinning at the older man cheekily. Robert breathed a sigh of relief, then held out his hand for Jimmy to help him up. The younger man took the proffered hand and got up from where he’d been kneeling. He pressed his body up against Robert’s as soon as the blonde had finished tucking himself back into his jeans, just so he’d feel how hard he was. 

“Aww... did that get you all excited, baby boy?” Robert cooed and slid his hands down Jimmy’s back, cupped his butt and pulled him even closer. 

“Yes, Daddy...” Jimmy whispered, suddenly feeling quite shy, but he still couldn't stop himself from slowly rubbing himself against Robert’s thigh. 

“Poor little one. Just let me clean your face, baby.” Robert answered with a little chuckle. “I know you always carry wipes with you.” He added when Jimmy pulled back to look at him in confusion. He couldn’t help a little self-conscious laugh at that, of course he did. He pulled out the tiny sachet with a single wipe from the back pocket of his jeans and handed it to Robert. He always had one on him just in case he ever had to use a public toilet or touch something he didn’t particularly want to touch, like a door handle or something, that way he could at least wipe it before doing so. Letting Robert clean his own come of his face was a whole nother type of kinky and Jimmy decided to just go with it and enjoy being taken care of instead of thinking about it too much.

Robert tossed the wipe aside when he was done and kissed Jimmy, one of his hands came back to grab and massage his butt while the other first cupped his cheek, quite innocently, then it trailed lower, down the side of his neck, along his collar bone, then he gently teased one of his nipples, making him gasp and sigh. 

“I do enjoy this shirt, I might have to ask you to wear it more often.” Robert commented with a grin, lightly tickling him through the large holes in the mesh shirt.

“Fuck... I’m so hard...” Jimmy whispered and blinked at his husband pleadingly. He felt like he was burning up, he needed something, anything, right now, but he didn’t know quite what. When he glanced around, he noticed that while most of the other guys were too busy to take any notice of them, a few were still watching them expectantly and it made him feel terribly uncomfortable. 

“Would you like me to do something about that, kitten?” Robert purred into his ear and slowly rubbed the bulge in his jeans. Jimmy mewled and hid his face in the crook of the older man’s neck, he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to be a killjoy, he didn’t want to make Robert mad or disappoint him, but he didn’t want the other guys to see him like that, either.

“But... but they’re gonna see my panties, Daddy.” He said in a small voice. He decided to play cute, maybe he could convince Robert to take him back to the hotel that way. “They’re only for you to see.” He added. 

“Aww, are you feeling shy now, baby boy?” The blonde said, slightly amused, and pecked his cheek sweetly. Jimmy nodded and batted his eyelashes at him, somehow trying to get even closer to him, like he was trying to hide in his arms. “You’re not drunk enough not to care, hm?”

“No. Nowhere near.” Jimmy admitted, lowering his gaze again.

“I’m actually glad you’re not. Would you like to go back to the hotel?” Jimmy was actually relieved that Robert got the message so quickly.

“Won’t be mad that we’re leaving so early? We’ve barely been here for an hour.” He asked, chewing his lower lip worriedly. 

“How could I be mad at you, love? If you’re not comfortable here, we’re leaving. That’s ok.” Robert said gently. He’d stopped trying to touch him, simply holding him close now. “I’d rather go back to the hotel, make sure you’re comfortable and happy... then I’ll take care of you.” 

“In that case, yes please.” Jimmy agreed and beamed at Robert happily. He took his husband’s hand and started to pull along, out of the darkroom. Just when they made to leave the room, a guy stopped them. 

“Heeey... did you forget lube...? You can have some of mine...” He said slowly, very slowly, with a dopey smile on his face, offering them his bottle of lube like it was the most normal thing in the world. Jimmy had no idea what exactly he was on, but he was high as a kite, that much was obvious. Jimmy couldn’t help but grin at him.

“That’s so sweet, thank you, but we gotta go...” He said. The guy just grinned right back at him, all happy and unfazed.

“Alright, mate, have a good one... have a good one.” He said sluggishly, then turned back to his partner and continued what he’d been doing as if their little interaction hadn’t even happened. As soon as they got to the coat check to get their jackets, they both burst out laughing.

“Holy shit, how high was that guy??” Jimmy asked, still laughing hard. Robert shook his head.

“Very. He was way, way up there, on that ‘I love everyone’ cloud. I bet he thought we were leaving because we didn’t have lube, I saw him watching us earlier... He just wanted us to have a good time.” He grinned. “Did you have a good time?” Robert then asked, looking slightly worried. Jimmy slipped his hand into his husband’s again as they left the club to walk back to the hotel and smiled at him.

“I did. I loved it, actually. It felt... strange, but really good to see so many other guys that are like us. I felt so normal, for a change, I was just like everyone else. It was good.” He sighed. “I’m keeping the 100 bucks, by the way.” He then added cheekily and stuck out his tongue.

“Of course you are. You earned them, fair and square. What are you gonna spend them on?” Robert asked with a little smirk.

“Hmm, I was thinking I should get some more outfits suitable for clubs because I’ll definitely want to do this again.” Jimmy said. 

“I’m glad to hear that. I was kinda worried that it was... a bit much. I mean, we hadn’t talked about it before and I didn’t want to make you feel bad.” Robert said and gave his hand a little squeeze.

“Hey, it’s ok.” Jimmy said and squeezed it right back. “I’m totally game for some impromptu roleplay. We’re married. I know now you don’t actually see me as just a little whore or something. I found it very exciting and strangely liberating, too.” He explained. 

“Like the first time we did it?” Robert asked.

“Hm... yes, it was just as liberating as that, but... this time I was way more excited about it, as you could tell.” Jimmy admitted and laughed softly as he felt himself blushing yet again. 

“Yeah, I noticed.” Robert chuckled. “You really didn’t like those guys looking at you, though, hm?”

“No. I hated that. I only want you to look at me like that.” Jimmy said with a little grimace. “It made me feel awful when I noticed their eyes on me, even though it really isn’t their fault, I mean, we chose to go there and do that in public.” He sighed. 

“It’s still ok not to like it, you know.” Robert said encouragingly. 

“I know. I just meant... it wasn’t their fault, we decided to do that in front of other people, so I shouldn’t be freaking out about them looking at us.” Jimmy explained. “I didn’t mind them watching me sucking you off, though. At all. I felt so proud that you’re all mine and that only I get to do that.” He then said with a shy little smile. 

“I noticed.” Robert grinned. “That boy was a little pushy, but I have to admit it felt kinda good to be wanted like that. He was so disappointed.” 

“Yeah, he was a little annoying, but I really can’t blame him.” Jimmy winked. “I was sooo fucking happy when you told him to get lost, when you said that you’re only interested in me. That made me feel so good.”

“Well, it’s true.” Robert said and let go of his hand to wrap his arm around his waist instead. “I really only want you and I’ll take such good care of you as soon as we get in there.” Their hotel was already in sight and Jimmy couldn’t wait to get there. He leaned into his husband and grinned impishly.

“I can’t wait. I’m still a little hard.” He whispered into his ear and Robert groaned, then quickened his pace, pulling Jimmy along. The younger man laughed as he stumbled, trying to keep up. They started chasing each other to the hotel, laughing while trying not to make too much noise as they made their way back to their room. 

Strider cracked one eye open when they entered the room, then turned around and slept on. Jimmy couldn’t help but laugh at that, he was just glad that this dog wasn’t too needy and had no problems staying on his own for a while. He took off his jacket and Robert didn’t give him any time to breathe, he immediately pulled him into his arms and kissed him again. Jimmy melted against him happily and wrapped his arms around his neck. 

The older man didn’t waste much time and started peeling Jimmy’s tight clothes off of his body, then slowly walked him backwards towards the bed. The younger man allowed himself to fall back on the soft, fluffy blanket, but Robert didn’t follow immediately, he turned around and closed the curtains of their hotel room, then turned back to smile at the brunette.

“Now you’re all mine again.” He said and quickly took off his shoes before joining Jimmy on the bed. “Only for me to admire... my little beauty.” He whispered as he began caressing the younger man’s body. Jimmy felt like he was on fire once again, it really didn’t take much for Robert to do this to him, he was so lovingly and gentle, it made him feel perfectly relaxed and at ease. He loved how thoughtful Robert was, doing his best to make him feel as comfortable as possible.

“This is perfect.” Jimmy cooed and reached up to caress Robert’s face before pulling him down to kiss him. “You make me so happy.” The older man just smiled at him briefly before going back to kissing and caressing him, eliciting all sorts of pleasant tingles in the younger man’s body. He scooted a little lower to kiss Jimmy’s chest while his hand strayed lower, teasingly running the tip of a finger from just below his belly button to his crotch. He paused and did it again, causing Jimmy to twitch and giggle. That tickled. 

The hair he’d had waxed had finally started to grow back, it wasn’t more than just a bit of very soft peach fuzz at this point, and Jimmy finally understood why Robert thought it was ‘cute’. He noticed that the older man kept going back to those places, caressing him right there, along the little treasure trail, his arms, his legs and his crotch and he couldn’t help but smile.

“Are you happy it’s back?” He asked, running his hands through Robert’s hair so he could actually see his face. The blonde chuckled and nodded, nuzzling the center of his chest gently.

“Yes... everything about you is so delicate and pretty.” He answered, then let his tongue dart out to lick across a nipple, making Jimmy shiver and sigh. “I did like you all smooth, too, though.”

“It plays into your kinks more, doesn’t it?” Jimmy teased and Robert groaned.

“Shut up.” He said and bit the nipple he’d just licked in punishment, making Jimmy squeak. 

“Ok, here’s a thing: I’ll get waxed again in a bit. I mean, it always has to grow back a bit before I can have it done again, anyways, so you get to enjoy me both ways.” He offered. 

“I think I’d like that... if you want to.” Robert said, slid his hand up his thigh again, then palmed his hard cock gently before finally wrapping his hand around it. 

“I do. Under one... well, two conditions.” Jimmy gasped. Robert looked up at him curiously. “First of all, you’ll be paying for it, because that shit is expensive. Second, you’ll come with me and hold my hand, because it’s also fucking painful.” He pouted. The older man cringed.

“I don’t want you to be in pain just because I’m weird.” He said. 

“You’re not weird. Well, not any weirder than me, at any rate, I love it, too.” Jimmy reassured him quickly. “It’s not like I’ll have to do it all the time. The lady said it gets less painful the more you do it, too.” 

“Alright, then... it’s your body, though, so it’s your decision. You don’t have to do it just because I like it and if you want to stop doing it, that’s ok, too.” Robert said and kissed him gently. “For now, I think you’re fucking perfect.” He added before going back to what he’d been doing so far. Jimmy sighed and closed his eyes.

“I love you, Daddy. So much.” He cooed. 

“I love you, too, kitten. With all my heart.” Robert answered and Jimmy found himself giggling.

“With your dick, too?” He asked. When Robert looked up at him with a confused frown, Jimmy laughed even harder. “What? Your dick is bigger than your heart.” He said and the older man groaned and rested his forehead on Jimmy’s chest, shaking his head. 

“I want a divorce.” He said in a defeated voice. Usually, hearing those words would have scared the hell out of Jimmy, but he knew Robert was just joking, so he laughed again. “No, I’m serious. I should just walk out on you and leave you here, like this, for that one. That was *bad*.” He groaned again and when Jimmy still didn’t stop laughing, Robert started to tickle him, making him squeal and wiggle in his arms, trying to fight him off. 

They wrestled and tickled each other for a little while before Jimmy sank back into the pillows once more and let Robert touch and caress him again. The brunette closed his eyes and just gave himself to whatever pleasures his husband had in mind for him, relaxing and simply enjoying.

They continued their road trip the next day and finally crossed the border to the US. It took them almost two more weeks to make it to Florida and Jimmy actually liked it there. It was still warm, but it wasn’t hot, so he didn’t mind. The ocean was beautiful down here, so very different than the rough, stormy sea he was used to from Iceland and Greenland or their time on the cruise ship. Here it was blue and mostly calm, occasionally there were beautiful waves. Robert immediately went for a swim, it took Jimmy and Strider a little longer to actually join him, but when they did, Jimmy was hooked, he loved it. He could have spent hours just floating on the gentle waves or sitting on the beach, letting the bigger ones crash into his body. 

They spent a lot of time just walking along the beach with their feet in the water and Jimmy got his first tan (although he made sure not to spend too much time in the sun, he didn’t want to ruin his skin). While the blonde seemed to glow even more golden, Jimmy’s skin turned a little more olive. When he got a little envious and self-conscious about it (he wanted to be beautiful and golden, too) Robert kept complimenting him on how good it looked with his black hair and his dark green eyes and Jimmy felt flattered. 

They spent most of their time at the beach or wandering around town, shopping, having drinks and food, just hanging out and enjoying each other’s company, but after a while, Jimmy felt more and more homesick. He was starting to miss their place and his friends, hell, he even missed school and his job. They’d been away from home for almost two months at this point and as much as he enjoyed almost every single day, he wanted to go back home. 

When he told Robert, his husband agreed, he missed his friends and his parents as well and he was very eager to show Jimmy their farm, so he started to arrange for their VW bus to sent back home. It took him a while to get all that done, but then he booked their flight back to London. Jimmy wasn’t exactly looking forward to the incredibly long flight, but since it meant that it’d take him back home, he’d take it. 

It was weird to be back home at first, he’d gotten so used to sleeping in hotels, motels or even the car that it was almost strange to have his own room again, to have all of his belongings again, it felt surreal that he was actually living here, but he was glad to be back nevertheless. It took him a few days to get used to it, but then it was like he’d never been gone. 

A lot of the work at the farm was already done, Robert told him, and he couldn’t wait to see it. The older man promised to take him there the following weekend. He’d been incredibly busy at work that first week since they’d been back and while Jimmy understood why, he missed his husband terribly, all day. He’d gotten so used to being around him 24/7 during their trip that it was hard to get used to only seeing him in the evenings.


	29. 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first week back home, after their honeymoon, doesn't quite turn out the way Jimmy hoped it would. Robert is way too busy at work and Jimmy can tell that something is wrong. When he confronts his husband, Robert loses his temper and throws a tantrum, but they manage to make up.

Robert was so busy at work that at times, Jimmy felt lonely, he’d even forgotten to take him to the farm that weekend. Sometimes, he left for work at half past 5 in the morning and only got back late at night. Of course Jimmy understood that he had a lot of catching up to do, having been gone for so long, it was his company after all and he was very much needed, but it was starting to take a toll on his health and Jimmy noticed. Something was wrong and Robert wasn’t telling him, at first Jimmy didn’t mention it, but when he did ask, Robert would wave it off as just a bit of stress at work. It was obvious that it was more than that, though. He had trouble sleeping even though he was exhausted after those long days, he barely talked, he was too tired to do anything, he didn’t eat much and he was in a horrible mood when got home. 

One morning, when the blonde was just about to leave for work again and Jimmy confronted him and told him how worried he was and that he needed him to finally talk to him, Robert got mad. He started yelling at the younger man, accusing him of all sort of weird stuff and when he was done yelling, his coffee mug went flying into the wall before he stormed off and got into his car. 

Jimmy was completely frozen, he’d never seen Robert like that. He’d seen him angry, of course, he’d even been the source of said anger a few times in the past, but he’d never seen him lose control like that, being so violent. It had been a long time since he’d been scared of Robert, he hadn’t actually been scared of him since the second time they’d met, but that day, he’d been downright terrifying. Jimmy wasn’t even scared that he’d physically hurt him, he knew for a fact that Robert would never ever do that (and he had thrown the cup in the opposite direction, not at Jimmy, after all), but seeing him like that, yelling and throwing things, was still scary. The thought that something was so wrong, that something so bad had happened at work to make this usually so calm, gentle man lose his temper like that scared Jimmy even more.

It didn’t take long for Jimmy’s phone to buzz. When he picked it up, he saw that Robert had texted him as soon as he’d stopped at a red light. 

// im so sorry jinny  
i souldnt have yelled at you its not your fauult  
i kno you neant well  
sorry  
lets tallk wen i get home //

The messages were horribly messy, his spelling was all over the place (not that it really mattered to Jimmy), it was obvious that he’d rushed to send them as quickly as possible. It was actually a little frightening, seeing just how upset Robert was about this. He stared at the jumbled letters for a moment and sighed to himself, it took him a moment until he figured out what to text back.

// It’s ok. I’m just so worried about you, this is really taking a toll on you and I need you to stop running yourself into the ground. //

He put his phone down after sending the message and went to carefully pick up the shards of the mug Robert had thrown. He threw them away and quickly cleaned up the stains the coffee that had been left in the mug had left on the wall. It’d probably need painting, but he didn’t feel like worrying about that at that point. When he checked his phone, Robert had answered again. 

// I know you were just worried about me. I’m so sorry I was such an asshole about it. //

He’d obviously calmed down, maybe he’d even made it to the office already, it was early after all and there wasn’t that much traffic yet. His spelling was as impeccable as usually and Jimmy breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe it’d be fine, maybe they could actually talk about it.

// As you said, let’s talk when you get back home. Please don’t stay at work all night, ok? //

// I won’t. Promise. Love you // 

// Love you too //

Jimmy put his phone down and flopped down on the sofa, covering his face with his hands and groaning. He’d been looking forward to being back home, going back to art school, seeing his friends again, but this was awful. He hoped the issue would resolve itself and Robert would be back to normal soon. He actually missed his husband even though he was right there next to him every night (well, at least for a little while before he rushed back to work). He also hoped he’d find out what on earth happened at work to cause his husband such stress. 

He rubbed his eyes briefly before removing his hands from his face and lowering them again. Staring at the ceiling for a second, he decided to take a moment to rest on the sofa and close his eyes. He jumped a little when a wet nose suddenly made contact with his palm. He chuckled and raised his head to look at the puppy who looked at him pleadingly. Usually, Robert would have taken him along to the office, but in his rage he’d even forgotten about Strider. 

“Hey cutie pie.” Jimmy cooed and petted the dog’s head. “You need to pee, huh?” He chuckled when he noticed that the little puppy was nervously jumping from one paw to the other. Robert obviously hadn’t walked him that morning, either. He sighed and got off the sofa, quickly dashed up the stairs to get dressed in record time, grabbed the dog’s leash and was out the door. Strider found the nearest tree as quickly as possible and relieved himself. Jimmy couldn’t help but chuckle again and consider himself lucky to have such a good dog who really didn’t want to pee on the carpet. 

“I guess I’m taking you to school with me... and to work.” He sighed. Strider barked at him happily and started wagging his tail, making Jimmy smile. “You like that? You wanna come to school with me?” He asked and the puppy barked again, looking up at him excitedly. He took out his phone, took a quick picture of the dog and sent it to Robert with a short message.

// You forgot Strider, too. //

// fuck I know! I’m so sorry. i can send someone to come get him //

// Too late, I already promised him I’d take him to school with me! :P // 

// really? If that’s ok with you... thank you. I’m sorry I’m such a mess. //

// It’s ok. Just promise me you’ll explain to me what the hell is going on this evening? //

// I will <3 //

He pocketed his phone again and continued his walk a little, stopping by a bakery to get a cup of coffee and a sandwich for breakfast before making his way back home to get ready for school. After school, he’d have to man the cash register had the record store for a few hours, then he was free. He hoped his boss wouldn’t mind the dog, but he was pretty sure she wouldn’t. 

Strider was the star at school, everybody wanted to pet him and play with him. The puppy was very happy about all the attention, if a little overwhelmed at times. Jimmy took him for another little walk to give him a little break before going to work. Monique didn’t mind the puppy at all, she was just as smitten with him as everybody else. Strider was well behaved and rested on the floor behind the cash register, occasionally going to greet a customer. Jimmy was relieved with how well everything played out. 

Before going home, he stopped to buy some groceries, mainly fresh fruit and vegetables, to prepare a healthy meal for his husband when he got home. He was terribly worried because Robert hadn’t been eating properly since they got back from their honeymoon and he wanted to make sure he got some much needed nutrients. 

He let Strider roam the backyard while he cooked and he was surprised when he heard the front door opening. It wasn’t even 7 and Robert was already home? He quickly put down the wooden spoon he was using to stir the thick stew he was making and poked his head out of the kitchen in disbelief.

Indeed, Robert had actually made an effort to come home early, not only that, but he was holding a bouquet of flowers and a bag of Jimmy’s favorite snacks. The younger man couldn’t help but giggle at that, Robert knew very well that Jimmy didn’t like chocolate that much, so instead of a box of chocolates, he’d gotten him that. It was adorable and thoughtful and he most definitely wasn’t mad at his husband anymore. The blonde then turned around and spotted him in the doorway to the kitchen. 

“Jimmy. Baby. I am so, so fucking sorry!” He said immediately and put down his giant leather briefcase that he always took with him when he went to work. “I was such an asshole this morning and you didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry.” He continued and offered the flowers and the bag of chips to the brunette. Jimmy smiled and took both of them.

“I shall accept your peace offering.” He said playfully, smiling up at his husband. Watching the older man’s face, he could practically see the relief flooding him, he looked like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He still looked incredibly stressed, tired and exhausted, but he was obviously glad that Jimmy forgave him so easily. “I do expect an explanation, though.”

“Of course. I’ll tell you everything, I promise.” Robert said quickly. Jimmy moved closer and wrapped his arms around the other man’s neck, holding the flowers in one hand, the bag of chips in the other. He looked at him for a moment, then gently pecked his lips. He sighed when Robert’s belly growled.

“You haven’t eaten today, have you? Again.” He said, slightly exasperated. Robert had the decency to look guilty as he shook his head. “Well, you’re lucky you have me. I made a stew with tons of fresh veggies, I made salad to go with it, there’s fresh bread and lastly a fruit salad for dessert. All fresh and nice.” Robert groaned and hid his face in the crook of Jimmy’s neck.

“I do not deserve you. I treat you like crap and still you take care of me like this. You’re wonderful.” He sighed, holding the younger man close. Jimmy thought he could actually feel that Robert had lost some weight already and it scared him. While he’d always been lean, he must have barely eaten at all that week to lose weight so quickly.

“Of course I’m taking care of you. You’re my husband and you’re obviously going through something, so... I’m here if you need me.” He said gently. 

“Thank you. You’re the best.” Robert sighed. “Where’s Strider? I guess I owe him an apology as well.” He cringed. 

“He’s in the backyard, playing, roaming or sleeping on the porch. You can apologize to him later, let’s eat first. I assure you, he’s taken care of as well.” Jimmy said, pulling back to smile at the blonde. He let go of him and returned to the kitchen, quickly put the flowers into a vase while Robert set the table. He took Robert’s plate and put a very generous amount of stew in it, making the older man raise an eyebrow at him, even more so when Jimmy also plopped down a big bowl of salad with all sorts of greens, as well as tomatoes, cucumber, beans, roasted seeds and croutons next to his plate. A big chunk of fresh bread was also added and now Robert was smiling a little.

“Hey, I’m not starving, you know... I’m ok.” He said, staring at the huge portion of thick stew and salad in front of him. 

“You absolutely are not. I can feel your bones!” Jimmy said sternly. “Eat!” Robert pouted but did as he was told and started to eat. Jimmy filled his plate as well and began to eat, too. 

“Fuck, this is good. This is amazing. When did you learn to cook like this?” Robert moaned. Jimmy shrugged.

“I actually improvised. I just threw stuff that goes well together in a pot with spices and hoped it’d turn out yummy. It did.” He grinned, pleased. “I actually enjoy cooking.” He admitted. He felt a little like a 50’s housewife right now, catering to her husband’s every need once he came back from work, and he didn’t even mind. 

He was aware that Robert was making smalltalk to avoid addressing the actual issue, but he let it go for now, wanting the other man to relax for a bit before getting into it. He got back up and poured each of them some water, he suspected if Robert hadn’t been eating, he also hadn’t had any water, either. He had half a mind to refill the other man’s plate once he was done, but Robert assured him that he couldn’t eat any more right now, so he moved on to dessert. 

“Alright. Are you going to tell me what happened, then?” Jimmy asked, clasping his hands together and resting his chin on them as he looked at his husband expectantly. Robert took a deep breath and sighed.

“Of course.” He sighed. “I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want you to worry, but I guess I only made it worse. I’m sorry.” He admitted. Jimmy blinked at him, it must be really bad if he’d tried to keep this from him to protect him. 

“Go on.” He prompted when Robert went silent and toyed with his used cutlery. 

“So, basically, the gist of it is...” He started and sighed again. “My partner and me, we had a deal that if one of us got married and went for an extended honeymoon, vacation, or whatever... that the other would take over and take care of business, right? Well, Richard fucked up and we almost lost everything.” Jimmy’s eyes widened and he cursed under his breath. He’d expected it to be bad, but for Robert to lose his business, everything he’d built up over the past years... that was terrible. 

“Wha-... how??” He asked. He couldn’t come up with anything that would be bad enough to cause all that. 

“It’s complicated. Apparently it’s been going on for a long time, at least for a year, maybe two, already, and I had no idea. It just all came crashing down when I wasn’t there.” He sighed. “Usually, we keep our finances separated, strictly, right. When we went away, I let him take care of it all, I trusted him. I had no idea that apparently, earlier this year when he filed his taxes for last year, he commited tax evasion and since the company belongs to both of us, that would reflect on me, as well. While we were gone, he tried to take my money and my part of the company. He forged my signature on a document that would, basically, throw me out of my own firm and give it all to him.” 

“Fuck.” Jimmy cursed again, staring at his husband. Now he definitely understood why Robert had been so stressed, why he hadn’t been eating, why he’d completely lost his temper. “I had no idea that something like this would be so easy, I thought it’d require a notary, at least!” He said. Robert nodded.

“You’d think so, right? It would make sense! But no, because of the company structure we chose when we first got into this, it apparently is just that easy. We never changed it when we grew, we never made anything official because... well, because it was working and I trusted him.” Robert explained. Jimmy’s heart went out to him and he reached across the table to squeeze his hand gently.

“I’m so sorry this happened to you. Are you going to be ok??” He asked.

“At this point... I think so, yes.” Robert said slowly. “I’ve spent the past week going through everything he’s done the past two years and I dug up a ton of bullshit. I’ve been going through it all with several lawyers and I think I’ll be fine. Mostly. Financially and legally, I mean. I didn’t know about this, after all.” He said and shook his head. “But... he was my friend. He’s been my partner for almost 10 years. He completely betrayed my trust and apparently, getting rid of a business partner the proper way isn’t that easy, even after everything he’s done. It requires a crap ton of paperwork, it’s not like firing an employee or something.” 

“Wait, what? He still has rights to the company even after everything he’s done?” Jimmy gasped. Robert nodded again, looking down at the table in defeat.

“That’s what the lawyers say, at least.” He huffed. 

“You won’t be in trouble because of the tax stuff, will you?” Jimmy asked. He had no idea what that entailed, he knew next to nothing about taxes, especially when it included a firm and several people, he just didn’t know how it all worked, but he knew that it could be bad. Robert slowly shook his head.

“I don’t think so. I can prove that I didn’t know, that I didn’t have anything to do with it. We have separate accounts and all that. I should be fine, but I won’t know for sure until the lawsuit is over.” He said and pinched the bridge of his nose. “On top of all of that... he almost lost us one of our best authors. And this isn’t even about money, it’s just that... I absolutely love her books and I am so proud to have them published under our name and he was awfully rude to her... she’s pretty well known by now, she wouldn’t have any trouble finding a new publisher.” Robert sighed. 

“Oh no.” Jimmy bit his lip. He was astonished that Robert had the nerve to care about that when he could have lost the whole firm, but then again, that was exactly what Robert was like, he cared about the little things, the details, the people. “Did you talk to her?” 

“I did. I apologized profusely and promised her she would never have to deal with him again. She said she had to think about it... but I hope she’ll stay with us.” He said slowly. “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you any of this... I didn’t want you to worry!” 

“Robert. It’s ok. I understand.” Jimmy said and squeezed his hand again, holding it tightly in his own. “I mean, of course I worry. How could I not? I don’t understand any of this, I know nothing about taxes, I don’t know what it means to run a firm. Now I’m just worried you’ll go to jail!” Robert looked up at him and gave him a crooked little smile.

“I won’t. The worst that could happen to me would be a fine. A huge fine, but hey... better than jail, right?” He said. 

“But that’s not fair, you didn’t do anything bad... you always paid taxes correctly, didn’t you?” Jimmy asked, but Robert shook his head.

“No. Not knowingly, of course, but because Richard fiddled with the numbers, my numbers were off, too. So I probably paid too little.” He explained. 

“How much are we talking...?” Jimmy asked slowly. He knew it was really any of his business, but he was curious. Robert didn’t answer right away.

“I don’t know how high the fine will be, but I’ll most likely have to pay about 250.000 £ in taxes for the past 2 years. Additionally to what I already paid, of course.” He answered in a small voice and Jimmy cringed. He couldn’t even grasp how much that was, he didn’t really know how much Robert, or the firm, made in a month or a year, but it sounded like *a lot*. He didn’t know what to say, so he got up from his chair and went over to where Robert was sitting. He carefully climbed into his lap and hugged him tightly.

“I don’t care, you know. If all else fails, we’ll sell the house and the farm and we’ll live in our silly, old VW bus, just you and me and Strider. We’ll sleep in the bus, wash in the river and grow our own food. I don’t care as long as I’m with you.” He cooed as he held his husband close. Robert chuckled and shook his head.

“Oh Jimmy. My sweet baby.” He said and hugged the brunette in turn. He looked up and pressed a gentle kiss to his brow. “Thank you for saying that, that sounds awfully romantic, but you really don’t have to worry. Money is not an issue, at all. I don’t know if you know this, but I make most of my money with shares and I own quite a bit of real estate. Most of it doesn’t even come from the publishing house. Even if I have to pay all that money it’s not going to matter much, I’ll have it back in a few months. We won’t have to sell anything, we won’t have to become nomads, don’t you worry.” He chuckled. 

Jimmy pulled back to blink at him. He studied his face for a moment, looking into those tired blue eyes. He saw the lines on his face that seemed even more deeply etched into it now that he was so stressed and exhausted, he looked older than he had just a week ago. It occurred to him that the money didn’t even matter to Robert, at all. What had really gotten to him was the betrayal by someone he trusted so much, someone he’d been friends with and worked with for such a long time. When Robert tilted his head inquiringly, he gave him a little crooked smile and sighed.

“I was just thinking... I don’t even know business-you. I feel like I know you so well, but I really only know your private side. I know everything about what you like, what gets you all excited and happy, I know about all of your favorite things, food, music, whatever... but that’s just a part of you, isn’t it? I know nothing about you as a businessman and it’s a little frightening. I mean, I knew about your job and what you do, but I thought that that was what you made money with.” He explained. 

“Trust me, you don’t really want to know, baby.” Robert sighed. “It’s just a bunch of boring numbers and charts, it’s a pain in the ass, really, but unfortunately, it’s necessary. Publishing books is... very hit or miss, you know. If you manage to publish an international bestseller, yeah, you’re good. That’s what happened to me a few years ago, purely by chance. But I had to take what I made back then and somehow use it to make more money, by investing, right? Because not every book we publish really makes us that much money.” Robert explained. 

“That makes sense.” Jimmy said, nodding. “That sounds horrible, though, it doesn’t sound like something you enjoy at all. How do you deal with that every day?” He knew he’d probably have to do that as well at some point, since as an artist he wasn’t going to have a reliable, monthly income either, but he really didn’t want to think about it. Robert smiled at him widely, then. 

“Well, I get to come home to you and share my life with you. I’m flexible, I can work whenever I want to and from wherever I want to, I’m not confined to a 9 - 5 job or something. Once I’m done for the day, I can just forget about it and just enjoy my time with you, talking about interesting or fun things. You make it all interesting and exciting.” He said. 

“Oh Robert.” Jimmy sighed and hugged him again, holding his head close to his chest. He felt like he couldn’t possibly love him more than he did right then, he was just so sweet. The blonde sighed and closed his eyes, resting his head there and holding the younger man close in turn.

“Besides, I do still get to read and edit novels and I do love doing that.” He said. “I still get to look at artwork and talk to the artists, too. It’s a wonderful job and I’m very proud of what I do.” 

“True. Well, as long as you’re happy...” Jimmy cooed and caressed Robert’s hair. “I just wish you’d talked to me sooner. You know you can tell me, I’m your husband. We’re in this together, if something is affecting you so much, you need to tell me.”

“I know. God, I know. I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to bother or burden you with it.” He sighed. “I didn’t want to tell you before I knew exactly what it all entails, either, so I didn’t say anything right away.”

“I just want you to know that I’m there for you if you need me. Even if it’s just, I don’t know, when you need to vent. I’ll listen.” Jimmy offered. “If you’re having a hard time, if you’re going through something, I’ll be there to take care of you. I love taking care of you.” 

“Aww, baby. I thought you like it when I’m taking care of you?” Robert asked, raising his head to look up at the younger man. Jimmy smiled at him and leaned in to kiss the tip of his nose.

“Maybe I just like being in a healthy relationship where we support each other? If I need you, you’re always right there, but if you need me, I’m there, too.” He said gently. Robert chuckled.

“You’re right. That sounds good.” He said, then let his head fall back against the backrest of the chair and groaned. “I’m so goddamn tired. Physically and mentally. I wish I had it all sorted out already just so I could move on and forget about it. I feel so fucking used and betrayed.” 

Jimmy studied him for a second before snuggling up against him, holding him close again. He didn’t quite know what exactly to say. Robert was a very trusting person, almost naive at times, he always saw the good in everyone, while Jimmy was much more suspicious (for good reason, if you asked him). He couldn’t fathom how Robert felt right now because besides Robert himself, he’d never trusted anyone that much and he just couldn’t imagine his own husband ever betraying his trust like that. Jimmy didn’t want to tell him that he shouldn’t have trusted Richard with all that, but he didn’t want to sound condescending or like he thought he knew better. He didn’t. He had no idea, really.

The blonde wrapped his arms around the brunette tightly and held him in turn. He didn’t seem to be upset that Jimmy didn’t know what to say, he seemed to be content to just be held. The more he thought about it, the angrier Jimmy got at that twat for using and abusing Robert’s gentle, trusting nature like that. He pulled back again to look at the other’s face once more.

“I’d beat him up for you if you want me to, you know?” He said, stretching a little to make himself look taller, squaring his shoulders. He wasn’t serious, of course, he didn’t want to beat anyone up, but he wanted to make his husband laugh. Robert blinked at him in surprise, then smiled. 

“In a way, I’d love to see that, but you really shouldn’t get your hands dirty with that asshole.” He said. “However, if you do run into him, do give him a piece of your mind. You’re so good at finding people’s weaknesses and making them feel like insignificant little ants, using nothing but your words. I doubt he’d bounce back from that.” Robert grinned. Jimmy returned the grin.

“Oh, I’d make sure he wouldn’t. I’d make him feel like the worst piece of shit to ever walk the face of the earth, I’d make him regret the day he was born.” Jimmy growled dangerously and Robert threw his head back and laughed. 

“I’d love to see that. I so would.” He said. He looked a lot less stressed and tired already, there was life in his eyes again and Jimmy was glad to see it. “Too bad that you probably won’t run into him, because he, unlike me, is most definitely going to jail thanks to all the shit I dug up.”

“That’s good.” Jimmy sighed. He leaned in again and gave Robert a little kiss. “Will you let me take care of you some more? Would you like a massage? You should take a nice, long shower or a bath even, then I’ll give you a massage and you can fall asleep like that.” Robert glanced at him and cringed.

“I don’t feel like I deserve that. I threw things at you, for fucks sake.” He sighed. “I’m so sorry.”

“You didn’t throw that mug *at me*, you threw it in the opposite direction.” Jimmy corrected him. “I would be a lot more upset if you had actually thrown it at me, trust me. You’re definitely painting that wall, though, I’m not doing it.” He said playfully and stuck out his tongue. 

“Of course.” Robert said quickly. He looked ashamed of how he’d acted that morning, despite how lighthearted and playful Jimmy was about it.

“Robert, it’s ok.” Jimmy said firmly. “Daddy... it’s ok, really.” He said a little more softly, then, when the other man still looked full of doubt and shame. “You’re forgiven, I understand. You had a little relapse due to all that stress, it’s alright. I’ve relapsed, right? It happens. No harm done. I love you. Let me pamper you a little. Or a lot.” Robert still didn’t look entirely convinced, but then he smiled and nodded.

“Alright. Thank you so much. You’re the best. I love you, too.” He sighed and rested his forehead on Jimmy’s shoulder. “Uhm... can I have another portion of stew?” He then asked and Jimmy was more than happy to hear that. It felt so good to know that he’d actually enjoyed it. 

He grinned at his husband and got off his lap to refill his plate, then sat at the table again and opened the bag of chips Robert had brought him, starting to snack on that while the other man ate. They started talking about other things, Jimmy told him about his day with Strider, how well behaved he’d been at school and the record store and how much fun they’d had. Jimmy watched Robert relax more and more and it filled him with relief. 

When he was done eating, Jimmy sent Robert to the bathroom for his shower, or a bath, whatever he prefered, and while the blonde was gone, he cleaned the kitchen. Well, in his own way, at least. He was too lazy to actually do the dishes, so he just let the big pot sit in the sink (it had to soak, he told himself) and crammed the rest into the dishwasher before switching it on. He wiped the mess he made while cooking off the counters, then poured himself a small glass of wine and sat in the living room, wondering what else he could do to make Robert feel better.

Jimmy had a few ways to make himself feel better if he didn’t feel right, if he was sad or felt numb like he often did. He’d either lock himself in his room, put on his headphones and blast music loudly until he didn’t feel all that bad anymore or he’d draw to get whatever upset him out of his system. Sometimes he needed to be alone so he went for a long walk all by himself, just to clear his head. Other times, he’d just immerse himself in some video game until it stopped. When it was bad enough to warrant calling Jenny, his therapist, he’d even do that.

Most of the time, though, he needed Robert. Sometimes he just needed a distraction, so he’d just strike up a conversation or asked if he wanted to watch something on TV or Netflix. Sometimes he wanted him to come along for a walk. 

Despite Jenny warning him about it not being very healthy, he often used sex to make himself feel better, too. It was his cure-all, his panacea, that worked for almost anything. When he felt depressed, sometimes Robert’s touch was all it took to make him happier or at least distract him from it. During their honeymoon they’d found out that it was quite effective when he was feeling restless and numb, too and that it helped him calm down and balanced him out when he had a manic episode. 

It excited him when he felt numb, it relaxed him when he felt manic, it made him happier when he was sad so despite the cautioning words of his therapist, Jimmy wasn’t going to stop doing that as long as it didn’t affect his relationship with Robert. So far, it most definitely hadn’t, if anything, it had made them closer, strengthened their bond. Jimmy had figured out quickly that the more emotional sex was, the better it was, to him. The more he was feeling, the more the air seemed to be sizzling between them, there seemed to be more of a spark between them, everything was just so much more intense and Jimmy wasn’t ready to give that up, despite knowing that it wasn’t exactly healthy. 

Unfortunately, it didn’t work like that for Robert, so sleeping with him to distract him from his current problems was out of the question. Robert just straight up wasn’t interested when he was upset and Jimmy was well aware of that, so he knew he’d have to refrain from trying anything, as hard as that would be. He did, however, really enjoy being held and cuddled when he felt bad, so Jimmy would still get his almost insatiable need for intimacy and closeness met. 

He left his now empty glass on the little table in the living room and checked on Strider, but Robert had already called him inside and closed the door to the backyard, so he went upstairs to take a quick shower as well, then he went to look for the bottle of massage oil they’d brought from that sex shop in Greenland. It took him a while to find it and when he returned to their bedroom, Robert was done with his own shower as well. Jimmy blinked at him in surprise as he almost ran into him in the doorway.

“Oh, hey. What’s wrong?” Robert asked at the brunette’s wide-eyed look. Jimmy shook himself out of it and laughed.

“Nothing, it’s just... every time I see you with your hair wet... I’m shocked by how different you look.” He smiled and reached up to caress Robert’s cheek. “Oh, hey, look what I’ve got!” He then sang and held up the bottle of massage oil. 

“You really meant that, huh?” The older man asked with a bashful smile, he obviously still felt like he didn’t really deserve to be spoiled like that, but Jimmy nodded.

“Of course I did. Lose the towel and lie down, would you?” He asked. Robert looked at him for a little while longer, then he nodded and did so. Jimmy straddled him and started massaging his back with the scented oil.

“I’ll have to go to the office early again, tomorrow.” Robert groaned. “But when I get back, I promise I’ll take you to the farm. Finally.” 

“I’d love that, but only if it’s not too much trouble.” Jimmy said gently. “If you have to get shit done at work, I understand. I won’t be mad, I promise.”

“I know, I know. It’s just that... I do want to spend time with you and I really do want to show you the farm. I need to get away from it all for a little while.” Robert said. 

“Understandable. Would it help if I took Strider again, so you don’t lose time taking him for walks?” Jimmy asked. 

“It... would. But you said he’s my dog and I have to look after him.” Robert said uncomfortably.

“I don’t mind. He’s so sweet and well behaved, I actually loved having him around. It’s alright. You can take him again once you’ve sorted this mess out.” Jimmy said. “Besides, I have my day off tomorrow, we’ll just be staying at home, it’s not a big deal!”

“Thank you. You really are the best.” The older man said with a sigh. Jimmy continued to massage the knots out of his tense muscles until he finally fell asleep. The brunette didn’t stop right away, he didn’t want Robert to wake up again so he kept the slow, hypnotizing movement of his hands going for a while before lying down with his husband. He snuggled up to him and pulled the blanket over them. When Robert turned towards him in his sleep and wrapped his arms around him, Jimmy couldn’t help but smile. They hadn’t slept like this since their honeymoon and he’d already missed it. He tucked his head under the blonde’s chin, snuggled up in his arms, and allowed himself to fall asleep as well.

The next day, Robert was out the door way before dawn yet again, but not before giving Jimmy a sweet little kiss and promising him not to stay at work too long. Jimmy smiled at him, told him how much he loved him, then turned around and went right back to sleep. He wasn’t going to get up at the asscrack of dawn on his day off, no way, he’d sleep until Strider demanded to be fed or taken for a walk. 

That morning, just after he was back from Strider’s first walk that day, someone rang the doorbell. When Jimmy opened the door, he immediately recognized the person in front of him despite never having met them in person before and his face fell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh-oh. Who's there???  
> Hint: Not Richard! Richard was at the wedding! :) He knows him.


	30. 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jimmy meets Maureen, Robert's ex who dropped by for a visit. She ends up being one of the meanest people Jimmy's ever met, triggering him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for this chaper: implied self-harm, read at your own discretion!

Jimmy stared at the woman standing in front of him and he couldn’t quite keep his jaw from dropping ever so slightly. He hadn’t expected to ever actually meet her in person, but there she was. Maureen, and she so beautiful that it took his breath away for a moment, but not in a good way.

She was a tad bit shorter than him, slim but with a beautiful hourglass figure that was emphasized by the expensive, perfectly tailored suit jacket and the pencil skirt she was wearing. He also noticed the expensive looking shoes as well as the delicate jewelry adorning her graceful neck, her wrist and her fingers. Her hair wasn’t quite as long as his own, just as wavy but a slightly lighter shade of brown. She had gorgeous, flawless dark skin and big, deer-like brown eyes she’d accentuated with the most precise eyeliner he’d ever seen. 

All in all, she looked like a million bucks and Jimmy was suddenly acutely aware of his own current state of disarray. He hadn’t bothered to brush his hair before taking the dog for a walk, it was a tangled mess from sleeping on it. He’d put on the same clothes he’d been wearing the day before yesterday when he’d been working on a project for school and both the worn out old sweatshirt as well as his ugly, baggy pants were full of paint splatters, his fingers were still stained with ink from something else he’d been working on. He looked a right mess. He hadn’t even shaved that morning and he was pretty sure he didn’t smell particularly great either. 

He suddenly felt incredibly inadequate, looking at this beautiful woman who looked like she had her shit together, so unlike him. She looked like she should be with Robert, not Jimmy. She actually looked like a millionaire’s wife. When he realized he was gaping at her like a fish, he quickly schooled his features back into the usual, impassive mask he wore when he was interacting with strangers and cleared his throat. 

“Uh, g-good morning.” He stammered. In all honestly he just wanted to run and hide, but since that wasn’t an option, he had to stay and face her. 

“Aww... Robert isn’t home?” She asked immediately, sounding incredibly disappointed. She didn’t even greet Jimmy. He didn’t miss the way she looked him up and down and raised one delicate eyebrow at him. It only served to make him feel even more uneasy. 

“Uhm, no, he... err... already left, for work.” He said, instantly hating himself for being unable to form a regular sentence. He sounded like the biggest oaf in the world, he felt stupid and she’d obviously noticed judging by the smirk curling her full, lipstick-red lips at his stammering. 

“Strange. He never left this early when he was with me. He used to be late quite frequently, actually.” She said with a little sparkle in her eyes that left no doubt as to what exactly she meant. It felt like a punch in the gut to Jimmy.

“Yeah, he had to leave early today...” He said lamely once he found his voice again. “Can I help you?” He then asked, straightening up a little. It was obvious that she’d hoped to see Robert, but in a way, Jimmy was glad that the blonde wasn’t home, he had no idea how he’d react to seeing them together. This was hard enough as it was. 

“You must be Jimmy.” She said and looked him up and down again, very poorly disguised disgust on her pretty features. She made to offer her hand to him for a handshake, but when her eyes fell on the ink stains on his fingers, she quickly changed her mind and gave him an awkward little wave instead. “Maureen.” 

“Hi. Nice to meet you.” Jimmy said mechanically with a nod. He was beginning to feel almost numb, the way she was looking at him made him want to crawl out of his own skin, or claw it off his own flesh, he wasn’t quite sure, he just knew he didn’t want to be in his body right now. She was literally disgusted by him and it made him hate himself.

“Pleasure.” She said, making sure it sounded like she’d rather be anywhere else in the world. Then she peeked into the house behind Jimmy and he could see her expression change to one of curiosity. He raised an eyebrow at her and she forced a smile on her face. “I lost a pair of earrings, I just cannot find it. I was wondering if I left it here. Would you mind if I had a quick look?” She asked. Jimmy wasn’t sure whether that story was true or just a ruse to get into the house and satisfy her curiosity, but he shrugged, then nodded. It sounded rehearsed, like she’d planned this, thought about the possibility of Robert not being home and her needing a back-up story.

“No, of course I wouldn’t mind. Come on in.” He said easily and stepped aside to let her in. He was surprised by how well he was holding up when she’d already managed to make him feel awful with just a sexually charged comment and some looks. She entered, always careful to stay as far away from Jimmy as the doorway would allow her, like she was afraid to catch something from him. 

“Well, the place has changed quite a bit.” She said with another raised eyebrow as she looked around the hall and the adjacent living room. When Jimmy had first moved in, there hadn’t been any decoration, not really, but now the place was filled with all sorts of nerdy stuff, framed posters of their favorite superheros and LOTR characters, there was a large glass display cabinet in the living room with old gaming consoles and controllers as well as action figures and other memorabilia. Jimmy still remembered the joy on Robert’s face when he’d gotten the cabinet and started filling it. 

There was a wall lamp that looked like Captain America had thrown his shield into the wall, Jimmy had gotten it as a birthday present for Robert earlier that year and the older man had been delighted. Next to it, there was another glass display, a wall mounted one this time, that had a replica of Andúril, the sword Aragorn wielded in LOTR, next to it there was a huge map of Middle Earth, hand painted on linen. Robert had been so proud when he’d found these items for sale online and Jimmy had been shocked at their price. 

Jimmy actually smiled at Maureen and nodded. He still vividly remembered how happy Robert had been when he’d learned that Jimmy didn’t mind him filling the house with nerdy stuff, on the contrary, he loved it, too. He’d told him that Maureen had never let him have any of that, she’d called it stupid and childish and rolled her eyes at him, telling him to grow up. 

“It has, hasn’t it? It actually feels like Robert lives here, now.” He said. He didn’t want to be mean, he didn’t want her to have an even worse impression of him, but he just couldn’t keep that comment to himself, it just slipped. It wasn’t like it wasn’t true. Maureen spun around and glared at him, but apparently caught herself just in time from lashing out at him. Jimmy watched her purse her lips before speaking again.

“Well, I’ll have to look in the bedroom and the bathroom, if I left my earrings here, that’s where they’d be.” She said cooly and Jimmy nodded, gesturing towards the stairs. She went upstairs and glanced back at the young man as he followed her. “I’m not going to steal anything, don’t you worry.” She said. “Must be hard, having all of this after coming from... nothing.” Jimmy felt himself getting even more annoyed and angry, but sad at the same time. He just wanted her to leave already, she was insufferable.

“It’s all Robert’s. I still have nothing, really.” He said with a little shrug. He had no idea why he felt the need to tell her that. She entered the bedroom and started looking in the drawers, glancing at him briefly. Jimmy didn’t like her going through their stuff, but then again, they had nothing to hide. The bottle of lube on their nightstand as well as the wipes were on display either way and nothing to be ashamed of, as far as he was concerned, and she most likely wouldn’t stumble upon Jimmy’s lingerie unless she started digging in the drawers for real.

“You’re married, aren’t you?” She asked, lifting up some perfume Robert kept on the dresser to see if her lost earrings were behind them. Jimmy still had the distinct feeling that that story was completely and utterly made up and she just came here to spy on them, to satisfy her curiosity about them, their life. 

“We are, but I insisted on a prenup. I didn’t marry him for his money. Or the house.” Jimmy sighed. Maureen briefly looked like she was actually going to throw up.

“Aww, isn’t that just adorable, so romantic.” She said, her voice heavy with sarcasm. Jimmy crossed his arms in front of his chest and sighed.

“Why are you really here, Maureen? I’m not buying your story about the earrings, it feels like you came here just to mock me.” He said as he leaned against the doorway. She looked up at him in surprise, then glared at him.

“Why would I do that? Don’t you think I have better things to do than to waste my time with *you*?” She asked, shaking her head. She sounded offended. 

“I don’t know, do you?” Jimmy asked, narrowing his eyes at her. She huffed.

“Of course I do! I have a job, I have...” She trailed off and Jimmy raised an eyebrow, but she didn’t continue her thought. “I was hoping to run into Robert.” There. She finally admitted it.

“I gathered as much. Why? What do you want with him?” He asked. An almost evil looking little smile appeared on her pretty face.

“Well, I have recently broken up with my boyfriend and I was hoping to, you know... rekindle the flame, with Robert? See if there’s still a... spark?” She said. Jimmy again felt like she’d punched him in the gut. Was she for real? Why would she even tell him that, if not just to make him feel bad?

“Are you serious? He’s my husband! We’re married! You know that!” He gasped. She laughed and shrugged.

“And you expect me to take that seriously? Why would he marry a little *boy*? He just felt sorry for you. It’s not real, hun.” She said condescendingly, waving her hand through the air in a dismissive gesture. “He’s always had a soft heart, feeling sorry for the poor, dirty puppies in the rain. You’re just another one of those filthy little dogs that wag their tail at him and hump his leg because he tossed them a treat. Just look at you.”

Jimmy couldn’t answer, her words hurt like blades, mostly because they were *exactly* what his BPD was telling him all the time, despite him knowing that it wasn’t true, Robert loved him. He just stared at her, unable to get out a single word, and his hands began to tremble. 

“You have nothing he needs. You’re just a little boy, what do you have to offer? You probably don’t even have a job.” She spat. “He needs a woman. He needs someone like me who makes sure he doesn’t spend all of his money on stupid toys, someone who fulfills all his needs, someone he can be seen in public with without being ashamed. Someone who can give him children. You’re not good enough for him, he deserves so much better.” She finished and Jimmy looked down. He was clutching the doorframe so hard his knuckles had turned white. 

“Leave. Get out.” He said softly, hating himself even more for how pathetically weak he sounded. He needed her to leave, right now, he couldn’t stand to have her around for a second longer. His head was spinning, his chest was hurting and he felt sick to his stomach. 

“Fine. Just know that you’ll never really have Robert, you’ll never be what he needs. He just felt sorry for you, he felt the need to save you, maybe he was after a quick fuck.” She glanced at their nightstand and huffed. “But this won’t last, trust me. He’ll get tired of you very soon. You’re way too broken for him.” She finished and walked right past him, out of the bedroom and down the stairs, her heels clicking. Jimmy didn’t even flinch when the door downstairs fell shut behind her. 

His thoughts were rapidly spinning out of control, repeating her words back to him like a mantra, mixed with his own self deprecating thoughts that he’d had ever since he’d gotten together with Robert. 

not good enough  
pathetic  
broken  
he deserves better  
boy  
it’s not real  
pity  
you’re ugly  
not good enough  
BROKEN  
whore  
he’ll leave  
PATHETIC  
he felt sorry for you  
this won’t last  
not good enough

He couldn’t breathe, it hurt, he couldn’t even cry and he was starting to hyperventilate. He needed it to stop, but it wouldn’t, the thoughts came crashing down on him like huge waves, he was drowning and there was nothing he could do. He tried to push back against those thoughts with happy ones, like Jenny had thought him, fighting them, but it was so difficult.

he loves me  
he married me  
i make him happy  
he makes me happy  
we have a lot in common  
he really does love me  
he wants a future with me  
he loves being with me  
i make him laugh  
he thinks I’m pretty

Maureen’s vile words drowned out his happy thoughts quickly and Jimmy closed his eyes, he didn’t know what to do. He just needed it to stop. He needed something, anything, to make it stop, but what? More and more thoughts about how beautiful she was, how she had her life together, how she would be much better for Robert started to invade his head. She could give him children, something he would never be able to. If he’d been in his right state of mind, he would have remembered the conversation they had back in Iceland, that Robert didn’t even want children, but right now, he just felt like a failure, wholly inadequate, nowhere near good enough for this wonderful man. He wasn’t that pretty, he didn’t have that beautiful hourglass figure, if anything, he looked like a drowned sewer rat dressed in dirty rags and Robert *would* most definitely be ashamed to be seen with him. There was nothing desirable about him. Nothing. 

He was panicking completely by now and he desperately needed something to help him calm down. He staggered down the stairs, clinging to the railing like a lifeline, and started walking through the rooms downstairs, looking for something, anything, to take his mind off of this and help him. He ended up in the kitchen and his gaze fell on the pantry. He knew there were several bottles of wine there, maybe a glass would help him calm down? It probably wasn’t a good idea, but he also really didn’t care.

He opened the door to the pantry and quickly scanned the room until he noticed the half empty bottle of Bacardi in the far corner. It was the one Robert had found in his room, hidden, earlier that year. He’d decided to keep it, for cocktails, and neither of them had touched it ever since. He quickly knelt on the floor of the pantry and grabbed the bottle. He knew it was a terrible idea, but he needed it, he needed it so much. He opened the bottle and took a large swig of rum, relishing the way it burned his throat. He waited for a second, then took another one, then another, before finally stopping himself and putting the bottle down. When he noticed that it was almost empty, there was just another large sip in there, he shrugged to himself and downed that as well. It wasn’t like it mattered, now that he’d already had so much of it.

He sat there for a while, letting it work its magic and when he got up, his head was spinning and he slowly wobbled back into the kitchen. He leaned on the counter heavily, closing his eyes for a moment before opening them again. He felt a lot more numb now and he didn’t know whether that was better or worse. If anything, he hated himself even more now, for doing that, falling back into old habits. It hadn’t done anything to help him stop thinking about Maureen’s words, on the contrary, it’d only made it worse, so much worse. The pain in his chest kept getting stronger and he wanted it to stop so badly.

‘She was right, I’m such a pathetic fucking failure...’ He thought to himself and looked around the kitchen. He had no idea what he was looking for, but apparently, his eyes did. They fell on the display of brand new ceramic knives they had gotten only a few weeks ago. 

“Oh fuck.” Jimmy cursed. The insane urge to hurt himself overwhelmed him so quickly, he didn’t even have the time to brace himself against it. “No, no, no, no...” He whispered frantically, but he felt so drawn to those knives, he wanted to know what it felt like, if it’d help, if he’d feel better, how pretty his blood would look in the pristine, white ceramic blades. He knew how sharp they were, but he wanted to know *exactly* how sharp. 

‘No. I promised I wouldn’t. I promised him. I swore I’d tell him.’ Jimmy thought, but he still found himself wandering over to them, reaching out to take one of them. ‘He said I could call him, no matter when, no matter where he is. I should.’ He thought as he picked up the smallest one of the set. They hadn’t even used it yet. 

He’d never done this, but now the urge was so overwhelming and for some reason he knew it would help him calm down, it’d chase away the pain in his heart so quickly. It would feel so good. He slowly raised the blade and lightly ran it along his forearm, not hard enough to break the skin. It left nothing but tiny little scratch. 

“No.” He said out loud, then, and put it down on the counter. If he did that, Robert would be even more disappointed in him, he’d be even more of a failure. He glanced at the knife once more, his fingers were itching to pick it back up and slide it across his forearm again, much harder this time, but he didn’t. He shook himself out of it and left the kitchen. He went to look for his phone, and when he couldn’t find it right away, it turned into a frantic, panicked search until he finally found it underneath one of the cushions of the sofa. 

He dialed Robert’s number, but it immediately went to voicemail. Jimmy cursed. ‘He must be in a meeting with the lawyers.’ He thought. He was getting more and more desperate, without Robert, he’d most definitely end up doing something he’d regret later. He decided to text him instead. ‘That way, at least he can’t say that I didn’t try...’ He thought to himself. He didn’t quite know what to write.

// Daddy I need help. Something happened and I really want to hurt myself. I promised I’d tell you if I ever felt like that again, so... I haven’t done anything, but I really, *really* want to. I need you. //

He quickly hit the button to send the message before he could change his mind. It felt awful, having to bother Robert at work, especially now that he was having a hard time as it was, Jimmy really didn’t want to add to it, but he’d promised and he intended to keep his promises to his husband. Always. It didn’t take long for his phone to buzz and ring. He picked up right away.

“Jimmy! Baby, what happened? Are you ok? I’m on my way!” Robert’s voice sounded strained, like he was running and Jimmy realized he was probably sprinting to his car that was parked in the underground parking, underneath the office. 

“I’m ok. Well... I’m really not. But I haven’t done anything.” Jimmy said and Robert breathed a sigh of relief. “Well, that’s not entirely true. I’m a little drunk, I found the bottle of rum. I finished it.” He admitted. Robert cursed. 

“Fucking hell. What happened? What made you do that??” Robert asked. Jimmy head him close the car door. 

“Please drive carefully, I’ll be fine, now that I’m talking to you.” Jimmy said quickly. The thought of Robert speeding just to get to him and causing an accident scared him more than anything. If Robert got hurt because of him... he’d never forgive himself.

“Alright. I will. Don’t worry about me. Please tell me what happened, baby?” Robert asked again. The line made a strange little noise when he switched to the hands-free system of the car. At least he wouldn’t be driving holding the phone, Jimmy thought.

“Maureen.” Jimmy said after a second or two. He really didn’t have to say more, he supposed. 

“What?? What did she do? What did she say? Was she there? At our place??” Robert asked in bewilderment. 

“Yes. She was.” Jimmy said and started to give Robert a quick rundown of what his ex had said to him earlier, by the time he was done, he felt even worse than before, he had trouble staying on the sofa, he wanted to pace around the living room but he was afraid that if he got up, his legs would carry him to the kitchen and he’d see the knives again or that he’d go to the pantry and get more alcohol.

“That fucking, nasty, evil hag! How stupid is she? She left me, now she suddenly wants me back?” Robert cursed. “How DARE she say these things to you? You know none of that is true, right?” 

“I don’t know. She had some good points.” Jimmy said bleakly. 

“She did not! Jimmy, that’s bullshit! I love you!” Robert said desperately. 

“I know... but she... she seems so much better for you.” The younger man whispered. “She’s everything I’m not. Beautiful. Successful. Normal. Nothing to be ashamed of. Not broken. And... well, female.” 

“For fucks sake, Jimmy! You know I don’t care about that! What the hell?” Robert breathed, confused. 

“Sorry. I’m not... very rational right now.” Jimmy admitted. “I wanna hurt myself so badly... I saw those knives in the kitchen and they... they fucking called to me. I wanted to do it so badly.” He continued. “I still do.”

“No. No, baby. I’m almost there, stay strong, please.” Robert said frantically. “There’s almost no traffic, I’ll be there in no time, I promise. Hey, distract yourself. Do something. Switch on the TV or... I don’t know... oh! Strider! Is Strider with you? Pet him, cuddle him!” 

“Yeah, he’s right here.” Jimmy said sluggishly. Strider was sleeping in his dog bed in the living room. He hadn’t even bothered getting up to greet Maureen, he’d probably sensed her negative aura, Jimmy guessed. It was actually for the better, Jimmy thought, she seemed like the kind of person who hates animals. She would have found awful things to say about Strider, too. 

“Go ahead, pet him, it’ll help, I promise.” Robert said and Jimmy looked over at the dog. It took him a moment to actually act, but then he patted the sofa next to him.

“Strider. Strider, buddy, come here.” He called. The puppy immediately got up and started wagging his tail madly, happy about the attention. He hopped on the sofa and made to lick Jimmy’s face, but then he refrained. He had learned already that Jimmy didn’t like that much. He patiently waited for the dark haired man to pet him instead and it actually made Jimmy smile. “Good dog...” He said gently and began petting his head.

“I’m almost home, baby, just a few more minutes.” Robert told him.

“OK. I can do this, I’ll be fine... you were right, this does help, or at least it distracts me.” Jimmy admitted and Robert chuckled.

“Told you. Dogs are magical!” He said and the younger man heard the relief in his voice. He patted his legs and Strider happily hopped on his lap. Jimmy kept petting and cuddling him, trying to think about anything except for what he felt like right now or Maureen’s cruel words. He actually buried his face in the soft fur, something he wouldn’t have done a few weeks ago, but now, it helped. He did love Strider and holding him was very comforting. “OK, I’m pulling into the driveway right now, I’m going to hang up, alright?”

Jimmy just nodded before he realized that Robert couldn’t actually see him, so he confirmed with a quick ‘yes, OK’ and put his phone down. It didn’t take long until he heard his husband unlock the front door. He was by his side in the living room in a heartbeat, plopped down on the sofa next to him and pulled him into his arms. 

“I’m here, you’re ok, you’re going to be fine...” He cooed. At first, it felt awkward, Jimmy didn’t feel like being touched, being in Robert’s arms. He didn’t even know why. He hadn’t felt like that in a long, long time, he always welcomed the other’s touch, it always felt good, comforting, but right that moment, he didn’t want it. Robert noticed how stiff Jimmy was and pulled back a little. “Sorry, too much?” He asked. 

“Yeah, sorry.” Jimmy whispered, looking down. He felt like an asshole for calling Robert and asking him to come, and then not feeling like being touched. 

“It’s ok. What do you need?” Robert asked. Strider stretched out across Jimmy’s lap all the way into Robert’s and yawned. The blonde smiled and gave him a quick pat on the head before looking back up at Jimmy. 

“I don’t know.” The younger man mumbled. “I’m just so glad you’re here. This way, I won’t do something stupid.” That made Robert smile again.

“Yeah, I’m here. I’ll look after you, promise. Do you... wanna talk about what she said?” He asked carefully. Their thighs were still touching where he’d sat down right next to Jimmy and the brunette was starting not to mind it anymore. He shrugged.

“I guess, yeah...” He said sluggishly and sighed. 

“Let me go get you a glass of water. How much rum did you drink?” Robert asked with a little frown when he noticed that his husband was quite drunk. Jimmy looked down in shame.

“Almost half a bottle.” He admitted in a small voice. He saw Robert shake his head in the corner of his eye. “Maybe more like a quarter, really. Or a third? Dunno.” He was surprised that he wasn’t completely out of it considering the amount he’d had. He wasn’t even slurring his words.

“Bloody hell.” He sighed. “We should have poured it down the drain. We really should have.” He added before getting up. He went to the kitchen and came back with some water only a few seconds later. Jimmy gratefully took it and sipped from it. 

“I’m sorry.” He whispered. “I’m so ashamed I did that.” He still hadn’t looked up at Robert. 

“Baby... it’s ok. You don’t have to be ashamed. I’m not mad at you. Well, not really. I wished you hadn’t done it, but it’s alright.” He said gently. Strider got up and got off of Jimmy’s lap, lazily curling up in the far corner of the large sofa. Jimmy glanced at Robert shyly.

“I think I could take that hug now.” He said. The blonde immediately spread his arms for Jimmy to snuggle up to him and Jimmy did. Stiffly and awkwardly at first, but then he melted into Robert’s embrace. It didn’t take long for him to climb into his husband’s lap and tuck his head under his chin. He was so glad that it felt good now, being held, and he desperately wanted to feel small in Robert’s arms, small and safe, warm and loved. 

The older man quickly picked up on that and reached for the huge, soft blanket they kept on the sofa for those long movie nights and started wrapping it around Jimmy, effectively swaddling him in the blanket tightly until he could barely move, but he felt so warm and safe, so small, it was wonderful. When Robert wrapped his arms around him as well, it felt even better.

“There you go, I’ve got you.” Robert said and pressed a loving kiss to his brow. “I’m so, so very proud of you, baby boy.” 

Jimmy actually glanced up at his husband in surprise. He’d fucked up and freaked out so badly and Robert... Robert was proud of him? He didn’t understand. He blinked at the older man in confusion, making him chuckle.

“What? Don’t look at me like that! You did exactly what you promised me you’d do if you ever felt this bad again. You called me and asked for help. I’m so proud you managed to do that. It would have been so easy for you to hurt yourself, but you didn’t. You stayed strong and reached out to me, just like you said you would. You’re amazing.” He said. 

It took the brunette a moment to process those words. He’d actually done the right thing and Robert was proud of him. That made him feel good and a lot less ashamed. He still felt guilty about calling him while he was in an important meeting.

“I’m sorry I made you come here when you had more important things to do.” He mumbled, smushing his face against Robert’s chest.

“Oh Jimmy. There’s nothing and no one more important than you, sweet baby.” The blonde sighed and squeezed him even more tightly. “I’m so glad you called me. I... I don’t want to think about what I might have come home to if you hadn’t.” He said, releasing a shaky breath he’d been holding. 

“Me neither.” Jimmy admitted. He rested his head on Robert’s shoulder and nuzzled his neck. “You smell nice. Comforting.” He cooed. He just wanted to be small and forget about everything, but he knew he’d probably have to talk about this. Robert just held him for a while before speaking up again.

“I’m so sorry she was so cruel to you. She’s completely and utterly delusional if she thinks she has any chance of getting back with me.” He sighed. “How did she even get that idea?? Fuck. I can’t believe she said that.” 

“I don’t know. She just... doesn’t take our relationship seriously. She thinks it’s not real.” Jimmy whispered. “She thinks you need a woman.” 

“Homophobic piece of shit.” Robert growled. Jimmy wasn’t proud of the amount of joy he felt hearing him call her that, but he couldn’t help it, either. “Well, I most definitely don’t, especially not a cold, cruel, vile one like her. All I need is you. My sweet, loving little boy.” 

“I don’t feel like I’m a very good husband.” Jimmy sighed.

“Are you kidding me?? I was so fucking ready to lose my shit yesterday. I was so close to a complete meltdown. I was about to throw it all away and start anew, but you were there for me. You made me see it’s worth fighting for. You talked to me, you held me, you made me smile, hell, you even made me a healthy meal because you noticed I haven’t been eating properly. If that isn’t being a perfect fucking husband, I don’t know what is!” Robert said and pecked his cheek. 

“I was actually a little proud of myself for how well I handled that situation.” Jimmy admitted with a little smile. “I guess I’m not all bad.” 

“I was incredibly grateful. Still am. I was having a really hard time dealing with it, but you made it a whole lot easier. You showed me I always have you to come home to. It’s not all work.” Robert said. “You’re doing amazing, love. You’re so strong already and you still find it in you to be strong for me, too.”

“I’m trying...” Jimmy said, slightly flustered by all the praise. Robert was quiet for a bit again.

“You know how much I love you. Why did her words throw you off so much?” He then asked carefully. Jimmy thought about it for a moment. 

“It was like she knew exactly what I was insecure about. It was like she knew me and targeted each and every one of those insecurities.” He sighed. “You know how I always think I’m nowhere near good enough for you. How I fear I’m too broken. How I fear I will never be able to give you what you need and make you happy. That you’ll get bored with me or that I’ll be ‘too much’. I’m just... scared. Always.” 

“Telling you that none of that is true won’t help, will it?” Robert guessed. 

“No.” Jimmy shook his head. “It wasn’t just that, you know. When I opened the door and saw her... I immediately felt horrible and she hadn’t even said a word yet. She was just so utterly perfect, everything about her. She’s so beautiful, well dressed, she obviously has her shit together, has a good job, she looked like a million bucks... and I was standing in front of her in my old, worn clothes full of paint splatters, my hair a mess... I felt like a sewer rat compared to her.” He sighed.

“Oh my god, Jimmy. It’s your day off, you’re at home. Of course you’re not going to be wearing a suit. You were probably going to paint, so you put on the old clothes, right?” Robert asked.

“Uhm. To be honest I was just lazy and didn’t feel like taking out new clothes, so I put on the ones I found on the floor of my room.” He admitted, hiding his face in shame. He hated that he was so lazy sometimes, he didn’t want to be a slob, but sometimes even just getting out of bed was difficult enough. 

“That’s alright, too. It is your day off, you can do and wear whatever you want.” Robert shrugged. “I certainly don’t mind, to me you’re cute as a button either way. Also, with Maureen... you’ve seen that her beauty is only skin deep. She’s incredibly ugly on the inside.” 

“You’re right, I suppose. Her looks won’t do much for her with a personality like that.” Jimmy admitted with a sigh. “She looked so disgusted. She looked me up and down and made a face, it was like she was saying ‘He married *THAT*??’...” Jimmy sighed. “I felt so bad, like I shouldn’t be with you. She should be, she seems to be a much better match. Fancy, pretty people, with good jobs and degrees and all that. I don’t even have a that.”

“You’re literally in art school right now. You’re going to have a degree soon, too.” Robert reminded him. “Not that it actually matters. A person’s worth isn’t defined by their education.” 

“Easy for you to say.” Jimmy sighed. 

“Well, it’s easy now, you know. It wasn’t always that easy for me, either. I dropped out of school when I was 16, too. I hated school, well, mostly, except for literature, really. But I really sucked at things like maths and science and the teachers were all telling me I’m never going to amount to anything. I felt like such a failure that I just quit. I told you I worked in road construction for a while. When I was a little older, I didn’t want to do that anymore, I really wanted to study literature, so I went back to school, graduated and went to uni.” 

“Right.” Jimmy whispered. Of course he’d known that, Robert had told him before, but he’d conveniently forgotten just to feel sorry for himself. “Sorry. I just felt so inadequate. Not good enough. Like you deserve better.” 

“Better? Like her? How is she better? We have nothing in common.” Robert frowned. 

“True. Fuck, this might actually be my fault.” Jimmy gasped. 

“Why would you say that?” Robert raised an eyebrow. 

“Well... at first, she was civil, maybe a little cold, but not horrible. She asked if she could come in and have a look around to see if she left a pair of earrings here. I thought that was a little weird, after almost two years, but I didn’t mind either, so I let her in and she commented on how much the place had changed. The way she looked at the map and the sword on the wall or the consoles in the living room... she looked really disgusted, again. I couldn’t help myself, I said...” He shook his head. “I said that it did change, now it looks like you actually live here. As opposed to when she lived here with you, you know. I probably shouldn’t have said that, she was furious.” Robert raised an eyebrow and whistled.

“Wow. Yeah, you poked the dragon, woke it up and got seared by its fiery breath.” He chuckled. “It’s not like it’s not true, you’re absolutely right. She didn’t let me have anything, I wasn’t even allowed any hobbies, I wasn’t allowed to play video games or watch fun action movies. She let me read fantasy novels, but she always made fun of me for it.” Robert sighed. “She treated me like a child. It’s not the nerdy stuff that’s childish, it’s her.” 

“True. You really wouldn’t want to get back with her, would you?” Jimmy asked.

“Not for a million pounds. I’d be miserable with her.” Robert groaned. “Especially now that I know what it’s like to be with someone that I actually have things in common with. We enjoy the same things, the same music, art, movies, games, books, we get excited about the same stuff... Maureen... isn’t like that. She doesn’t even *like* music, for fucks sake.” Robert shook his head. 

“Holy shit. Why were you even with her in the first place??” Jimmy asked. They often spent hours upon hours in that awesome room Robert had created that was filled with old (and new) records, listening to music and talking about it until they couldn’t stay awake anymore and went to bed. He couldn’t imagine Robert with someone who wasn’t into music. 

“That’s what I’m asking myself, too.” The blonde frowned. “I mean, at first, she made an effort to at least pretend to be into some of the things that I’m into. All of that changed as soon as we moved in together. I guess she thought she’d sealed the deal and could finally show me her true self? I don’t know. She started mocking me for my interests instead of pretending to be into them, too. I suppose I felt too comfortable and lazy to leave her, maybe I was afraid of being alone.” 

“You’re not alone now, you have me.” Jimmy cooed and nuzzled Robert’s neck again. 

“I do... and I’m so glad that I do.” Robert smiled and pecked his cheek again. 

“You know... there’s something else she said.” The brunette sighed. “She seemed surprised that you were already at work. She said when she was with you, you wouldn’t have left that early, you would have been late. She made it very clear that she meant you would have been late because you would have fucked her.” Jimmy pouted. Robert actually laughed.

“Oh dear god, she really IS delusional!” He shook his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe she said that. She tried to brag about our sex life, really??” He was literally in stitches and Jimmy raised an eyebrow at him. “Do you remember, when you felt bad because you thought you were ‘too much’ for me, that I told you that I used to be in a relationship where I never got enough sex, where I was constantly rejected? Yeah. That was with her.” Robert explained. 

“Really?” Jimmy asked in a small voice.

“Really. Granted, in the beginning we did it a lot more often, but yeah... like everything else, that changed when she moved in. I had to ask for it all the time and 90 % of the time she’d say no, which is her right, of course, but that doesn’t mean I liked it.” Robert shrugged. “She always made it feel like it was a chore for her rather than something she enjoyed, even though I did my best.” He actually pouted and Jimmy smiled at him, quickly kissing his pouty lips. 

“I bet you did, I know you’re an amazing lover. What a bitch. So she lied?” He asked.

“Yeah. She lied. She would have kneed me in the balls if I had tried to seduce her or something, especially in the morning.” Robert chuckled. 

“So she really just wanted to make me feel bad. I still don’t understand why.” Jimmy huffed. 

“You said she broke up with her boyfriend?” Robert asked and Jimmy nodded. “I don’t know, maybe she’s getting desperate because she can’t keep someone actually interested in her.” He mused. 

“I’m not surprised.” Jimmy shook his head. “I mean, I know I have a mean streak, too, but... at least I don’t go and harass innocent people with it.”

“That’s another one of the differences between you and her. You can easily crush someone with words if you want to, but you only ever do if someone really fucking deserves it. You’d never say a mean word to anyone just because you feel like it.” Robert said. “You’re a good person.” 

“Well... I try to be, at least.” Jimmy mumbled. “I don’t wanna hurt anyone.” 

“And that’s why I love you. Well, one of the millions of reasons.” Robert smiled and began pecking Jimmy’s entire face, making him giggle. He noticed that he could barely move with how tightly Robert had wrapped the blanket around him.

“You really immobilized me. You cocooned me! Or mummified me. I don’t know.” He pouted. Robert chuckled.

“I swaddled you. It’s what parents do to calm down their babies.” He winked and Jimmy blinked at him. 

“Am I your baby?” He asked cutely and watched Robert’s smile widening.

“Oh yes, you are my baby and I’m going to hold you and cuddle you and kiss you until you feel better.” He said and started doing just that, Jimmy felt like he was in heaven, it was absolutely perfect.

“You know, being restricted like this, I’d freak out so badly if it wasn’t for you holding me.” Jimmy admitted after a while.

“Oh. Shit, is it too tight, love?” Robert asked and made to loosen the blanket around Jimmy that was keeping his legs folded up against his chest and his arms against his sides, but the brunette quickly shook his head.

“No! Please don’t, please leave it like this, it’s not too tight at all. I love it.” He said hurriedly before Robert had a chance to change anything and looked at him curiously instead. “It makes me feel warm and safe. And calmer. Can I stay like this for a little longer?” 

“We can stay like this for as long as you want, baby.” Robert cooed, looking at him curiously, like he was surprised by how much he liked it.

Jimmy shifted a little and tucked his head under Robert’s chin again, snuggling up to his chest and closing his eyes. He basked in the warmth of the embrace, feeling his husband close to him and he started applying his technique of chasing away the bad thoughts with happy ones again. This time, it worked a lot better than before and he slowly felt it all leaving his body and mind, leaving him utterly drained, but all in all feeling a lot better.

“I’m exhausted.” He whispered after a while and sighed. 

“Understandable. Would you like to nap? I could use a nap, too, and later, when you feel better, I could take you to the farm, if you feel up for it.” Robert suggested. Jimmy smiled, his eyes still closed, and nodded.

“I’d love that. Thank you, Daddy.” He whispered, slowly drifting off into a much needed nap. 

Once they were both rested, recovered from the emotional turmoil of the morning, Jimmy felt that he needed a shower before going anywhere.

“Can I leave you alone in the bathroom or do I have to worry?” Robert asked, still holding him close, still all bundled up in the blanket. Jimmy glanced at him briefly before lowering his eyes.

“I think I’ll be fine. But... but maybe you could take your razor and put it somewhere else, just for now?” He asked in a small voice. He didn’t look up, he didn’t want to see Robert’s reaction, but he couldn’t help it, that thing was just too tempting, just like the knives in the kitchen. 

“Of course. Alright, let’s go, then. While you’re showering I’m gonna try and get some lunch ready, I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.” Robert said. Jimmy was grateful that he changed the subject, didn’t dwell on it, and nodded. 

“That’d be great. Look in the fridge, I filled it up with all sorts of nice, fresh stuff yesterday, there should be something you can make with all that.” He suggested. When Robert started taking the blanket away from him, he pouted at the loss of warmth and tightness around him, he would have loved to stay like that forever. Maybe he could ask Robert to do that again, some time soon. 

“Oh, nice. I was ready to just boil some pasta and open a pack of sauce or something, but that sounds better.” Robert grinned and Jimmy gave him a look.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to sound bossy and make you cook for me or something.” He pouted. Robert laughed.

“I didn’t take it like that! I’m actually glad there’s food in the house, I know I haven’t been taking care of groceries this week at all.” He admitted. Jimmy got off of his lap and got up, slowly stretching his limbs.

“Well, you’re lucky you have me, then.” He winked and raised his arms above his head to stretch out even more. Robert smiled at him, then gasped.

“Jimmy... you said you didn’t...!” He said and reached out to take a hold of Jimmy’s left wrist when he lowered his arms again. Confused, Jimmy blinked and looked down when Robert turned his arm and pushed up the sleeve of his sweater. There was a tiny, thin red line when he’d dragged the blade across his arm earlier. It looked like the skin was irritated rather than a cut, it was nothing, really, but apparently, to Robert, it was something. It mattered.

“I... that doesn’t count. I just... I didn’t actually hurt myself! It’s not even a scratch!” He stammered, trying to defend himself. Robert stared at his wrist for a moment longer, then pulled him into his arms and held him close.

“Fuck... don’t ever... *EVER* do that again, do you hear me?” He whispered. He was almost crushing Jimmy with how tightly he was holding him. 

“I... I promise I’ll try not to.” The younger man whispered. He didn’t want to promise he wouldn’t do it again, just in case he failed. But he knew he’d at least try. 

“I’m sorry I’m getting so emotional, it’s just... seeing that reminded me how close you came to actually doing it.” Robert whispered, shaking his head. He still wouldn’t let go of Jimmy. 

“Oh Daddy...” Jimmy sighed and hugged him back just as tightly. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you sad.” He whispered.

“It’s not your fault, baby.” Robert said and kissed his forehead gently. “Come, let’s forget about this, about her, about everything, I’m going to show you our new place. You’ll love it.” He then said, shaking himself out of it and smiling at the younger man. Jimmy nodded and took his hand, pulling him along, up the stairs. He let Robert take take his razor, the one that had tempted him to much the night before their wedding. He didn’t know where he put it and he knew it was for the better. Once Robert was gone, he took of his dirty, old clothes, tossed them in the hamper and got under the shower, taking his time and letting the hot water wash every bad feeling away slowly. 

When he was done, he spent quite some time grooming, making sure he looked his very best. After seeing Robert’s ex and how perfect everything about her was, he wanted to at least look as good as he possibly could for his husband. He picked out a nice outfit and carefully brushed his hair, making it smooth and shiny. Now he felt a lot more confident, he finally didn’t feel like Robert would have to be ashamed to be seen in public with him. When he went downstairs, he stopped before entering the kitchen because he heard Robert’s voice, he was talking to someone. 

“Are you absolutely mental. If I ever see you anywhere near this house again, I will call the police.” He hissed. Was he talking to Maureen? Jimmy leaned against the wall in the hall and waited, he wanted to hear all of this. 

“Shut up. You’re delusional. I hate you, with every fibre of my being. Why would I want you back, you disgusting, hateful hag? I love Jimmy, he is everything I want and need.” Robert said, sounding both annoyed and in disbelief at what Maureen had said at the other end. Jimmy couldn’t help but smile to himself. Robert really did love him. It felt amazing hearing him say that to another person, it possibly felt even better than when he simply told Jimmy that he loved him. 

“Of course I believe him! I know you said those things to him. Jimmy doesn’t lie to me. We don’t lie to each other. Don’t you dare compare my relationship with my husband to *our* completely dysfunctional relationship back then!” Robert said. Jimmy jumped when his hand hit the counter in the kitchen. He didn’t talk for a while, listening to what the woman on the other end of the line had to say, just huffing and grunting from time to time.

“Listen. This isn’t going anywhere. I’m going to hang up now. I mean it. If you ever try to contact me again, I will apply for a restraining order. Leave us alone.” He then said. When Jimmy heard him put his phone on the counter, he carefully peeked around the corner.

“Maureen?” He asked when his husband looked up at him. Robert nodded.

“She called me. She actually fucking called me. Well. You heard what I told her, I suppose.” He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He took a deep breath, then looked at Jimmy again and smiled. “You look amazing. I take it you’re feeling better?” He asked, giving him an appreciative look up and down, then back up to his face.

“Well... hearing you talking to her like that made me feel better.” Jimmy grinned. “A whole lot better. I never heard you go off on someone like that. This... this is just... I wanted to make myself look nice to prove to myself that I’m not a disgusting slob, that I can look good, too.” 

“You do. You’re gorgeous.” Robert confirmed and came over to him, gently wrapping his arms around him. “Hmm, and you smell nice, too.” He said, burying his face in Jimmy’s hair. 

“Whatever it is that you cooked smells nice, too.” The younger man said. He hadn’t even noticed how hungry he was, he hadn’t eaten yet at all. 

“Well, let’s eat, then, so we can leave. I *really* can’t wait any longer to show you the farm!” Robert said, almost pulling him to the table. Jimmy giggled and followed him. They ate and Robert told him a bit more about what had already been done at the farm and what still needed to be done, filling him in on everything, then they were off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost feel bad about making Maureen such an evil bitch in this story, lol. But then again, none of this has anything to do with real life people, so it's fine! :)  
> Next up: Farm happiness!


	31. 31 - Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert shows Jimmy their new home in the country side. Jimmy loves it.

In the car, Jimmy was still struggling not to think about Maureen anymore. He just wanted to be happy and he was getting annoyed at his mind for trying to go back there again and again. He decided to distract himself by talking to Robert, again.

“I feel like I know so little about the new house and what’s been going on there, what you’re having done.” He said. He didn’t mean for it to sound like an accusation, but it kind of came out like that anyway.

“I’m sorry, baby. You’re right, I haven’t been telling you much about it. I thought I’d keep it a surprise, or that you’d be annoyed with it, but... it’s your home, too, you should know what’s happening.” Robert admitted. 

“I want to know.” Jimmy said.

“I promise I’ll tell you everything from now on.” Robert answered. “Hey, how about this: I’ll give you access to my mail account, too, so you can read the emails from the firms that are currently working on the farm as well. That way, you’ll know exactly what is going on.” He suggested and Jimmy looked at him with wide eyes.

“You’d do that? Don’t you mind? Me seeing all of your emails, I mean.” He asked. Robert shrugged.

“Why would I mind? I don’t keep secrets from you, there’s nothing there I wouldn’t want you to know.” He said easily. “That way, you wouldn’t feel so left out and I won’t accidentally forget to tell you something. You could also help me and answer some mails for me when I’m busy.”

“Uhm... I can’t do that.” Jimmy said quickly. “I don’t know anything about this!” 

“If the tiler asks what kind of tiles we’d like in the bathroom, you couldn’t answer?” Robert asked.

“I... could. But I wouldn’t want to make that decision without you.” Jimmy admitted. 

“I wouldn’t mind. I know you wouldn’t pick something I don’t like.” Robert chuckled. 

“I’d rather sit down once you’re at home and decide together.” Jimmy said. “I mean, I suppose I can answer small questions they have. You can give them my number so they can call when you’re in a meeting, too, if you want.” He added. It scared him a little, but he wanted to be a responsible adult, too. He didn’t want Robert to feel like he had to do everything. Sometimes he still felt like a kid who didn’t know anything about real life and what it meant to own a house, but he wanted to learn. He could always go back to feeling small when he was alone with his husband. 

“That sounds good, yes.” Robert agreed with a smile. “I want you to be a part of this.” 

“Thank you. I do appreciate that, as much as it scares me.” Jimmy chuckled. 

“Don’t be scared, you’ll do just fine. You’ve managed everything else so far, haven’t you? You got yourself a job all by yourself, without my help, you got yourself into art school... you’ll manage.” Robert encouraged him. 

“Yeah... I suppose I can be an adult if I have to be.” Jimmy grinned. 

“If it gets too much, we know what to do, we know what helps.” Robert said and gave him a knowing look that made the younger man blush a little. Knowing that his husband would allow, or even encourage him to regress and feel like a kid from time to time was exhilarating. 

“Is that ok? Don’t you mind?” He asked in a small voice. He was a little embarrassed about that, still. 

“Not at all, sweety. I know it helps, it makes you feel good. That’s alright.” Robert answered.

“Don’t you mind that it’s also... that it’s...” Jimmy stammered and wrung his hands nervously. “That it’s also a sexual thing for me?” He finally managed to say and sighed. Robert just chuckled.

“Don’t you think I know that?” He asked. “I don’t mind *at all*, baby. It’s the same for me. That first time you showed me that side of you, back in Iceland, was incredibly exciting and I most definitely want to do it again.” The blonde said. Jimmy couldn’t help but bite his lip to stifle his giggles. He wanted to do that again, too, quite desperately so, he just hadn’t dared to ask for it so far. There was so much he wanted to try and now he felt like he could suggest anything and Robert would be game. He glanced at his husband and grinned widely, Robert just grinned back briefly, then focused on the road again. 

Jimmy lounged back in his seat and switched on the radio. He quickly switched to the music on the usb stick they had in the car when he didn’t like what the radio was spitting at him, then looked out the window to enjoy the landscape. It was December and everything looked quite grey and bleak, but he found that he didn’t mind, it was just a different aesthetic that actually matched the heavy, dark music he’d chosen and he was enjoying that immensely. 

“There it is, that’s ours.” Robert said after a while, raising his hand from the steering wheel to point towards the left. Jimmy sat up a little to see what his husband was pointing at and gasped.

“Oh fuck, that is huge!” He said, staring out the window with wide eyes. He was looking at a large farm with what looked like several buildings (the main house, something that looked like a big shed and something that he thought were stables, but he wasn’t sure). “That’s a big house! How many rooms does it have??”

“There’s eight rooms, three bathrooms, living room, kitchen, utility room, several smaller storage rooms and a pantry.” Robert said. Jimmy stared at him and blinked in disbelief. 

“What... the... hell.” He said slowly. “Why did you buy such a big house? Eight rooms?? We’re just two people, well, three, if we count Strider. What are we supposed to do with all that??” He asked. Robert grinned at him. 

“Well, the biggest room, the one in the attic, we’re going to turn into an art studio for you. The second biggest one will be a gym. Another one will be a room just for gaming and watching movies, another one for music, I do need an office, then there has to be an actual bedroom and the rest will be guestrooms for when my parents or your friends wanna stay over at our place.” He explained. 

Jimmy’s head was spinning again and he bit his lip. He hadn’t expected it to be so incredibly big and he most definitely hadn’t expected to get his own studio. He was so touched that Robert had thought of that and he almost felt like crying. When Robert noticed how quiet he’d gotten, he glanced at him worriedly and Jimmy quickly wiped at his eyes.

“I’m... getting my own studio?” He whispered in a small voice, trying hard not to actually start crying, but his voice betrayed him by cracking ever so slightly. 

“Of course you are. You need lots of room for your projects, it’s perfect for that, it’s huge and well lit. I’m thinking your tablet should be in the gaming room, though, just so it doesn’t accidentally get paint on it when you go crazy in the studio.” Robert chuckled. Jimmy took a deep breath and sighed. He enjoyed creating digital art just as much as actual drawings or paintings and he was grateful that Robert had thought about that. 

“That way... I could actually work from here. I wouldn’t have to rent something in town.” He whispered, still in disbelief. 

“Exactly. I’d have an office here, too, so we could both work from home. The house and the property around it are big enough for us not to get on each other’s nerves either, we’d have enough space even if we spent most of our time at home.” Robert said. 

“This is crazy.” Jimmy said and shook his head as Robert slowly pulled into the driveway. It looked even bigger now from up close and Jimmy saw that there were workers running around, busy with the house and the stables and he got a little nervous. He didn’t really feel like interacting with other people right now, still quite shaken by what happened that morning. Robert parked the car and got out, but Jimmy stayed where he was until the other man came to his side and opened the door.

“Are you alright?” He asked gently, crouching down in front of him. Jimmy nodded slowly.

“Yeah... just a little overwhelmed. I forgot there were going to be workers here.” He admitted. “I don’t know if I feel like talking to anybody but you today.” He didn’t mind saying that, he knew Robert would understand. Jimmy often didn’t feel like talking to other people when he felt bad.

“That’s ok, you don’t have to. Just say hi, that’s all you need to do, I’ll take over the rest.” Robert said, taking his hands into his own for a moment. Jimmy smiled at him gratefully and leaned down to give him a quick little kiss.

“Thank you.” He said softly and Robert got up to let him get out of the car as well. He looked around for a moment, still intimidated by everything that was going on, so he reached out to slide his hand into Robert’s. The blonde smiled at him and held it.

“Come, let me show you around.” He said. “Well, over there’s the shed for all the tools and machines, this right here are the stables.” He began and pulled Jimmy along into the large wooden building. Inside, there were several stalls for horses, cows, goats or whatever animals Robert planned to get. In the back there was a ladder that lead up to another part of it. From down here Jimmy couldn’t see much, but he did see that hay was stored up there. He giggled.

“Hey, we can make love in the hay, all romantic.” He grinned at his husband. Robert laughed and shook his head.

“You do realize that that’s a lot less romantic in real life than it is in movies, right?” He asked. “Hay isn’t soft and comfortable, it’s quite hard and pokey.” He explained and Jimmy pouted. 

“Well, that sucks.” He sighed. “Doesn’t really smell great in here, either.” He said and crinkled his nose. 

“Yeah... if you want romance, I’d rather make love to you in the meadow behind the house, next to the lake, on a nice, soft blanket.” Robert whispered to him. 

“We have a lake?” Jimmy asked with big eyes. 

“Well... more like a pond, but yeah.” Robert said sheepishly and shrugged, making the brunette laugh. 

“That sounds nice, yes. I want that.” He grinned. “Not in December, though.” He added, actually shivering ever so slightly at the very thought. Robert agreed. “Hey, it’s going to be christmas soon.” Jimmy added. 

“Yeah...” Robert said slowly and threw him a cautious look. He was extremely careful mentioning anything religious in Jimmy’s presence and Jimmy thought it was ridiculous. Of course, it was a very touchy subject, but he wasn’t going to freak out about christmas. 

“D’you wanna do something, this year?” He asked, shuffling his feet. 

“Uhm. Why? Neither of us is religious...?” Robert asked, obviously uncomfortable, and Jimmy sighed.

“I know, I just... want... something. I don’t know. We could celebrate winter solstice, yule?” He suggested and Robert’s eyes lit up. 

“Oh! Yeah! That would be nice. That way we could have all those beautiful traditions without you feeling uncomfortable.” He said. The whole pagan theme had worked well for their wedding, why not continue down that lane, Jimmy thought.

“Yes, I mean, that’s what it used to be before christians stole it, after all.” Jimmy shrugged. He was usually careful about bashing religions, even though he had a very good reason for it, but with Robert he didn’t mind, he knew his husband agreed. 

“Right. We can have a tree and all that, have nice festive food, we can give each other presents... it’s going to be lovely!” Robert said excitedly and Jimmy smiled. He hadn’t expected Robert to be that excited about it, but he thought he was adorable. He was glad he’d made him happy with his suggestion. 

“It is!” He agreed and gave Robert another quick little peck. 

“Come on, let me show you the house.” The blonde then said and pulled him along excitedly. Jimmy loved how happy Robert was now, it was absolutely contagious and improved his own mood a lot. “Don’t worry about the current state, I know it’s old and all, but it’s going to change, I promise!” He said. 

He lead Jimmy over to the house, greeting a few workers along the way and exchanging a few words with them. The younger man just nodded at them and said hello, almost hiding behind his husband as he talked to them. Jimmy was relieved that they didn’t talk for very long, they had stuff to do after all. 

The house still looked very old and run down, but he could tell it was being worked on. Old paint and wallpaper was being removed, the old doors had already been removed and were in a pile outside the house. Every single piece of old, dark wood was being taken out and replaced by a much more modern design. Robert showed him every room downstairs, there was the living room, the kitchen with a large pantry, a bathroom and two of the bedrooms, they peeked into the cellar that had storage, the utility room and another little bathroom, then the second floor with yet another bathroom and the rest of the bedrooms. 

Then, he finally took him up the ladder to the attic. Jimmy looked around with wide eyes, the empty room was incredibly big, despite the sloped roof, there were six big windows in said roof, three on each side, making for perfect lighting. 

“This is... mine...?” He asked slowly, he still couldn’t believe it. He’d have so much room for everything, he could do whatever project he wanted. Robert chuckled and wrapped his arms around him from behind, nuzzling his neck.

“All yours. Do you like it?” He asked. 

“I love it. It’s perfect.” He whispered, covering Robert’s hands with his own. He then turned around in the other’s embrace and hid his face in the soft fabric of his shirt. “Thank you so, so, SO much.” He said. He almost felt like crying again. Robert held him close and rubbed his back soothingly.

“You’re welcome, baby... I just want you to be happy.” He murmured softly into his ear and Jimmy couldn’t quite hold back the tears anymore. He didn’t want Robert to see, so he kept his face hidden. 

“I am. I really am. This is beautiful. Well, not yet, it isn’t, but I know it’s going to be when it’s done.” He said and heard Robert chuckle.

“I know it will be, too. We’ll soon have to start thinking about buying furniture, we should do that together.” He said. Jimmy waited for his eyes to stop tearing up before he looked up at his husband. 

“Yeah, we should. Do you already have an idea what you want?” He asked, but Robert shook his head.

“Not really. I’m kind of torn, a part of me wants it all modern, like our current place, another part of me wants it warm, welcoming and rustic. I don’t know.” He shrugged. 

“Maybe we can compromise. I mean, the gaming room and the gym are going to be modern anyways, right? We could make the living room, the kitchen and the bedroom all rustic, like an old farm. As long as it’s not too dark, I don’t want any dark wood, it depresses me.” Jimmy admitted with a little cringe. Robert smiled at him. 

“That sounds perfect, yeah. Best of both worlds, really, and it can be rustic without being dark and depressing. I was thinking, shabby chic, light wood with white varnish?” He suggested.

“That would be wonderful.” Jimmy agreed. “I’m sure we’ll find something we both like.” Robert studied his face for a moment, thoughtful.

“Do you think you’ll be happy here?” He asked. 

“Are you kidding me?? It’s perfect. It’s like... our own little paradise with everything we need. I do have to work on getting my license and a car so I can get into town whenever I feel like this is too... remote.” He shrugged. 

“We’ll work on that, promise.” Robert said and kissed him gently. 

“Will you be happy here?” Jimmy then asked him.

“I’ll be more than happy here, baby. I mean, I’ll be happy wherever you are, but... both of us, here? That sounds like heaven to me.” He said. “I’ll be *so fucking happy*.” He grinned widely and picked Jimmy up, spinning around with him in his arms in the huge, empty attic. Jimmy giggled and held on to him for dear life, wrapping his arms around his neck and his legs around his hips, laughing. 

Jimmy knew he was going to be happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, folks. This is it. The story is officially over!
> 
> But is it really?
> 
> No! There will be another part, much like Kashmir had a smut-spin-off, this one will, as well. I just cannot stop writing about these two, with this set up, and there is a lot of smut I have ideas for that DEMAND to be written, so I will do just that. I will post it as a separate story, though, so keep your eyes peeled for that one! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, thanks to everyone who commented and gave kudos, I'm so grateful for that! <3 I hope you enjoyed it, see you in the next one!


End file.
